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Beyond Boundaries: Learning to Trust Again in Relationships
 
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Beyond Boundaries: Learning to Trust Again in Relationships [Format Kindle]

John Townsend , Dr. Henry Cloud

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Descriptions du produit

Présentation de l'éditeur

How do you know you’re ready to trust again … and what does it take to be ready? Painful relationships violate our trust, causing us to close our hearts. But to experience the freedom and love God designed us for, we eventually have to take another risk. In this breakthrough book, bestselling author Dr. John Townsend takes you beyond the pain of the past to discover how to re-enter a life of intimate relationships. Whether you’re trying to restore a current relationship or begin a new one, Townsend gives practical tools for establishing trust and finding the intimacy you long for. Beyond Boundaries will help you reinstate closeness with someone who broke your trust; discern when true change has occurred; reestablish appropriate connections in strained relationships; create a safe environment that helps you trust; and restore former relationships to a healthy dynamic. You can move past relational pain to trust again. Beyond Boundaries will show you how.


Détails sur le produit

  • Format : Format Kindle
  • Taille du fichier : 1698 KB
  • Nombre de pages de l'édition imprimée : 273 pages
  • Pagination - ISBN de l'édition imprimée de référence : 0310330491
  • Utilisation simultanée de l'appareil : Jusqu'à  appareils simultanés, selon les limites de l'éditeur
  • Editeur : Zondervan (11 octobre 2011)
  • Vendu par : Amazon Media EU S.à r.l.
  • Langue : Anglais
  • ASIN: B004PYDKS6
  • Synthèse vocale : Activée
  • X-Ray :
  • Word Wise: Non activé
  • Classement des meilleures ventes d'Amazon: n°78.489 dans la Boutique Kindle (Voir le Top 100 dans la Boutique Kindle)
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Commentaires en ligne

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Commentaires client les plus utiles sur Amazon.com (beta)
Amazon.com: 4.8 étoiles sur 5  103 commentaires
56 internautes sur 57 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 Highly recommended for anyone who has ever been betrayed 29 octobre 2011
Par Cafe Lily - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Relié
I highly recommend this book for anyone who has ever been (or felt) betrayed in a relationship. Author Dr. John Townsend is also known for his work on the original Boundaries book.

Whenever someone is hurt or betrayed in a relationship, their human nature is to immediately withdraw and avoid the source of pain. In this new book, Dr. Townsend shows readers that they were created by God to connect and relate in meaningful relationships. Although protecting ourselves is "safe", it's not the best way to live and this book stresses the importance of taking the risk to reach out and become close to other people.

However, not everyone we come in contact with may be ready for a relationship with us. Dr. Townsend writes about the importance of the impact that others have on us and how to discern if someone is genuine in their intentions. This book will help you learn the difference between acceptable and unacceptable risks, why a simple change in behavior is not always enough, and how to determine if a relationship is worth going "beyond the boundaries". There is a brief review on what healthy boundaries are and how to set them.

Chapter 8 deals with grief and is a must read for anyone dealing with a loss. This chapter touches on the benefits of healthy grieving and the six components for grieving a lost relationship.

This book also addresses what to do if you find yourself relapsing and falling into old destructive relationship patterns. Teaching yourself to be attracted to health and character is a huge key in having a great relationship.

For those looking to improve their relationship skills or help in dealing with a toxic relationship, this book is a great resource to have.
23 internautes sur 24 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 must read if you're ready for relationships again 13 octobre 2011
Par Joan N. - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Relié
Sometimes you think you have to settle for less in your relationships. "If you don't want to settle in your relational life, this book is for you," says author Dr. John Townsend. You are meant to have deep, meaningful and positive relationships.
Cloud and Townsend wrote Boundaries two decades ago to help people in troubled relationships. Now Townsend wants to help you identify and grow from whatever went wrong in the relationship. He wants to help you determine if someone is worthy of your trust again.
In part 1 of the book we see how trust is broken in the first place, what happens to the person on the receiving end and to the relationship. We see the role of healthy boundaries and what happens when we feel the desire for a new relationship or try again with the present one.
People in healthy relationships live longer and have fewer health issues. We are also made for deep relationships. Trust is essential. It is freeing. Yet we may be vulnerable to deception. When it happens, we lose trust. Hurt, guilt and withdrawal result.
Boundaries and what they accomplish are reviewed. Often a boundary will cause the reemergence of desire. Townsend explains healthy and unhealthy responses to such desires.
Part 2 addresses knowing when your ready to open up again.
Relational wounds need to heal so we can carry on with life again. Friends help. Counseling may be necessary. Townsend helps us review the painful relationship and gain insight from it. He writes, "My goal for you is that you will be enlightened and empowered to choose people who are both good and good for you."
Grieving is essential for moving on. "Grief is what enables you to fully let go. It frees you, it clears your mind, and it helps heal the injuries. You must grieve what was. You must grieve it well and thoroughly before you are ready to go beyond boundaries into new intimacy." He identifies six components for grieving a lost relationship.
Townsend notes that one aspect of growth that is necessary is fulfilling some of your needs yourself. He distinguishes friendships and romantic relationships. He reviews types of boundaries. Defining boundaries identify who we are never to be given up. Protective boundaries should sooner or later be given up. He speaks of risks and determining which should be taken.
He helps you to know when the other person is ready by identifying several characteristics the other must show. These characteristics of the "other" person are really characteristics any healthy person should have. "...[M]oving beyond boundaries requires a commitment from both people." He clarifies the role of passion and how to evaluate a relationship, whether it is healthy or not.
Townsend has a chapter on those who want to give an existing relationship a second chance. "You need to see evidence of authentic transformation in order to move beyond boundaries with someone who has hurt you." Such evidence includes confession, ownership, and remorse. He also goes through various communication techniques, giving tips to make it over the "speed bumps."
Townsend gives several examples of actual people working through the principles he presents.
All of this is based on God as One who restores relationships and Himself experiences the pain of doing so.
Townsend's desire, "May you find the life that God intended for your journey."

If you have been hurt by relationships in the past but are now ready to venture into that world again, this is a book you must read.

I received an egalley of this book from the publisher for the purpose of this review.
16 internautes sur 17 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 A Guide to Leaving the "Walled City" 11 septembre 2012
Par E. White - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Relié
Here is a book for those who have already "set boundaries" for themselves -- who have learned to overcome destructive and codependent behavior at least in part -- and who want to reconnect with others.

You may know how to "stay away" from hurt and pain, how to put up the protective walls when necessary. But what's not so clear, sometimes, is how to let people back in AFTER you've been wounded. That's a whole other process, one that can be even more difficult than learning to set boundaries in the first place. But it's absolutely essential to forming the deep relationships without which we are barely even human. This book charts a path out of the "walled city."

Check out the table of contents -- in itself, it's almost a primer in forging new relationships.

Part 1: Understanding the Problem
1. The Draw to Relationship
2. The Damage Arrives
3. Boundaries and What They Accomplish
4. The Return of Desire

Part 2. Knowing When You're Ready
5. You Admit the Hurt and Receive Support
6. You Understand Your Own Past Choices
7. You Can Connect the Dots
8. You Grieve and Let It Go
9. You Develop Growth Friendships
10. You Trust Your Defining Boundaries
11. You Let Your Values Transform Your Desires
12. You Know Which Risks Are Worth Taking and Which Are Not

Part 3. Knowing When the Other Person Is Ready
13. Does This Person Care About His or Her Impact on You
14. Is This Person (Really) Connect to Good People
15. Can This Person Handle a Relationship with You
16. For Dating and Marriage: Does This Person Go Beyond Passion?
17. Is the Big Problem Being Solved the Right Way/

Part 4. Moving Into the Relationship
18. The Talk You Must Have
19. Take a Risk
20. Deal With Speed Bumps
21. How Far Can You Go?

As you can see, this is substantial stuff. A lot of groundwork is laid in self-understanding and wise living. Eventually, this paves the way for a careful connection with people you are drawn to. Those who follow the book, chapter by chapter, will find themselves gradually growing and transforming from a place of healing to one of deep connectedness and love.

Highly recommended for those who sense that the "walled city" phase of their lives is coming to a close. If deep in your heart you know it's time to start letting new (and old) people back in, you should definitely check the book out. It shows a safe way to begin taking wise risks again.

If you're ready to begin some serious work again with your spouse, you might want to check out The Couple's Survival Workbook: What You Can Do To Reconnect With Your Partner and Make Your Marriage Work. This program can be successful even if your spouse is unwilling to work it with you. If you aren't actually ready for that reconnecting phase, it might be good for you to check out the essential Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life, which the author co-wrote.
12 internautes sur 15 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
4.0 étoiles sur 5 Boundaries 21 novembre 2011
Par Justin Farley - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Relié
I would recommend Dr. John Townsend's "Beyond Boundaries: Learning to Trust Again in Relationships." I was fortunate enough to be provided several copies in a special pre-release directly from the publisher for review purposes (I gave the autographed copies to members of our Network leadership team and pastoral staff). You can pre-order a hardback copy for under $16 at Amazon.com ([...]) or directly from the publisher at [...].

My favorite chapter was titled, "Knowing When You are Ready." Dr. Townsend writes, "Simply put, grief is letting go of what you cannot keep. Grief requires accepting, both mentally and emotionally, that something you loved and valued is no more" (90). This could be due to various factors:
* Breakup, separation, or divorce
* Family conflict or change
* Loss of friendship
* Death
* Career disappointment
* Addiction
* Injury or illness
* Financial difficulty
* Childhood trauma

Dr. Townsend proposes, "Grief converts a wound into memory" (91). Jesus lamented, "O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to it! How often would I have gathered your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you would not! See, your house is left to you desolate. For I tell you, you will not see me again, until you say, 'Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord'" (Matthew 23:37-39, ESV).

There are six components for grieving a lost relationship:
* Acknowledge the attachment: The greater the grief you feel, the greater the love you have for the person you lost. This would explain how a couple who was married for twenty years could treat each other with such contempt following a divorce.
* Accept that you can't control the loss: You don't have permission or power to change the other person's decisions. Some people mistakenly believe that every problem can be solved if only they try enough. Some things are out of our hands.
* Name what you valued: You must say goodbye to the other person, not simply the negative parts of the person (93). A half grief is never a healing grief.
* Surround yourself with people who are comforting: Being present means they don't try to give you advice, cheer you up, or change the topic (96). So many of us are so terrible at this. We want to do something. We want to fix it. We offer solutions. We offer theology. Sometimes, we just need to be there for them when no one else.
* Allow sadness: Get out of the doing mode and into the feeling mode. Welcome sadness at times (97).
* Give yourself the gift of time: Devote time and energy - but don't prolong your grief either.

Official Author Biography: Dr. John Townsend is a psychologist, popular speaker, and cohost of the nationally broadcast New Life Live! radio program, and a cofounder of Cloud-Townsend clinic and Cloud-Townsend Resources. His bestselling books include the Gold Medallion Award-winning Boundaries. Website: [...]

Official Book Description: How do you know you're ready to trust again ... and what does it take to be ready? Painful relationships violate our trust, causing us to close our hearts. But to experience the freedom and love God designed us for, we eventually have to take another risk. In this breakthrough book, bestselling author Dr. John Townsend takes you beyond the pain of the past to discover how to re-enter a life of intimate relationships. Whether you're trying to restore a current relationship or begin a new one, Townsend gives practical tools for establishing trust and finding the intimacy you long for. Beyond Boundaries will help you reinstate closeness with someone who broke your trust; discern when true change has occurred; reestablish appropriate connections in strained relationships; create a safe environment that helps you trust; and restore former relationships to a healthy dynamic. You can move past relational pain to trust again. Beyond Boundaries will show you how.
4 internautes sur 4 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 Must read 5 janvier 2013
Par Vladimir - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Format Kindle|Achat vérifié
This book touches many questions in human relations area. If you've been betrayed, emotionally hurt or came from a dysfunctional family and still have wounds or scars, it's your responsibility to go through healing process and move to a healthier lifestyle. This book can be a great addition to your recovery journey.
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