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Beyond Reason: Using Emotions as You Negotiate (Paperback) - Common Broché – 2006
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Although the advice of the authors was generally helpful, I sometimes questioned practicality of following the guidelines in day-to-day affairs. For example, the authors encouraged the readers to document and discuss each of the negotiations as part of constant learning process, often spending sixty to ninety minutes in follow up discussions. As a manager of a development team with frequent meetings, such analysis would put a significant damper on my productivity. However, I realize that the book is not intended to be followed as a "manual" and each person may have to make practical adjustments.
Overall, the book is a "must read" for everyone, not just frequent negotiators. In the book, I found a lot of advice on how to respect the emotions that govern the meeting in many different settings. Since I learn best from seeing complex concepts in action, the case study that concluded the book put a neat "bow" on a very enjoyable and valuable read.
This book breaks down the five core emothions of feeling appreciated, alone, imposition, put down, trivialized. It covers business negeotion, but perhaps even more important is negeotiating with teens (but not two year olds), the mentally ill (ex-wives included), the drunk in a bar.
The techniques described here are given examples in buying a small item, presenting a case to the Supreme Court, to discussing border disagreements between a couple of nations. In short, we all negeotiate all the time, it works best when both parties feel that they got the best of the deal.
For me, the most interesting part of the book is were the authors explain five core concerns -- appreciation, affiliation, autonomy, status and role -- and their effect on decision making. They provide sensible advice on how to use these concerns as levers to keep negotiations constructive. Here is a quote from the book giving you an example: "Perhaps the most powerful way to soothe someone's emotions is to appreciate their concerns. There are three elements in appreciating someone. You want to UNDERSTAND the other's point of view; FIND MERIT in what they are thinking, feeling, or doing; and COMMUNICATE the merit you see." I think that is a terrific way to put it!
The content of this book is one thing that makes it worthwhile. Another reason why I like it is that it is exceptionally well-structured. I like it when authors do their very best to make it as easy as possible for readers to understand their core messages. Fisher and Shapiro succeed very well in this.
Fans of Getting to Yes have probably run into attorneys and negotiators who didn't want to play ball. These people may have been hostile, manipulative and short-sighted. But it's hard to reason with these parties using the Getting to Yes principles if you do not have your own emotions under control.
Beyond Reason is a much needed and valuable resource for dealing with the emotional context for negotiations.
The process for taking the initiative (express appreciation, build affiliation, respect autonomy, acknowledge status, and choose a fulfilling role) is constructive, common sense methods that anyone will feel comfortable doing. As helpful as that process is, I found the most useful advice coming in chapters 8-10 which describe how to be ready for strong emotions, being prepared for negotiations and the case history of the border dispute resolution between Ecuador and Peru.
The examples in the book are well chosen to illustrate the principles and breathe life into those concepts. Roger Fisher and Daniel Shapiro have a light touch that defuses your apprehension as you address this subject.
I also recommend that you read Crucial Conversations, a good complementary book on how to address strong emotions in others and yourself when they arise unexpectedly and unpleasantly.