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Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up's Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents [Format Kindle]

Nina Brown

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Présentation de l'éditeur

Being a parent is usually all about giving of yourself to foster your child's growth and development. But what happens when this isn't the case? Some parents dismiss the needs of their children, asserting their own instead, demanding attention and reassurance from even very young children. This may especially be the case when a parent has narcissistic tendencies or narcissistic personality disorder. From the author of Working with the Self-Absorbed and Loving the Self-Absorbed, this major revision of a self-help classic offers a step-by-step approach to resolving conflict and building a meaningful relationship with a narcissistic parent.

Children of the Self-Absorbed offers clear definitions of narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder to help you identify the extent of your parent's problem. You'll learn the different types of destructive narcissism and how to recognize their effects on relationships. With the aid of proven techniques, you'll discover that you're not helpless against your parent's behavior and that you needn't consider giving up on the relationship. Instead, realistic strategies and steps are suggested for learning to set mutually agreed upon behaviors that can help you fulfill your needs and expectations.

Book Description

Being a parent is usually all about giving of yourself to foster your child's growth and development. But what happens when this isn't the case? Some parents dismiss the needs of their children, asserting their own instead, demanding attention and reassurance from even very young children. This may especially be the case when a parent has narcissistic tendencies or narcissistic personality disorder. From the author of Working with the Self-Absorbed and Loving the Self-Absorbed, this major revision of a self-help classic offers a step-by-step approach to resolving conflict and building a meaningful relationship with a narcissistic parent.

Children of the Self-Absorbed offers clear definitions of narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder to help you identify the extent of your parent's problem. You'll learn the different types of destructive narcissism and how to recognize their effects on relationships. With the aid of proven techniques, you'll discover that you're not helpless against your parent's behavior and that you needn't consider giving up on the relationship. Instead, realistic strategies and steps are suggested for learning to set mutually agreed upon behaviors that can help you fulfill your needs and expectations.


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Amazon.com: 4.2 étoiles sur 5  194 commentaires
360 internautes sur 362 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 worth a read if you're affected... 12 juin 2004
Par Un client - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Broché
Given the talent that narcissists have for making you feel that (1) it's all your fault or (2) it's your imagination, this is a very nice read that will make you feel that you aren't crazy. It also will help you realize that your needs are legitimate.
The book fleshes out the dimensions of a narcissistic personality, not in a coldly clinical way but in a matter-of-fact way that uses ordinary language. As for the typos that another reviewer commented on, I didn't notice them. I'm a journalist, and I thought the author succeeded in using concise and easily understood words. She also succeeded in giving some very useful tips for dealing with a narcissist. Most of us have been taught that it's best to be truthful, to say so if we've been hurt by someone else; we've learned that this is the healthy and responsible way to behave. Not so, if you're around a narcissist, as this book will explain; it's better if you DON'T let on that the narcissist has affected you, because you'll likely be criticized for being too sensitive. If you KNOW a narcissist, you ALREADY know that it's best not to let your feelings show, and you already know that the standard advice that well-meaning friends might give, won't work. This book will give you some advice that DOES work, and it will also validate your perceptions of what it's like to be around a narcissist. At 180 pages, this book is not the be-all and end-all, but it's quite helpful, and I wouldn't miss it. If your parent is a narcissist, you might also benefit by looking at the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells," a book that deals with those who have borderline personality disorder. Not all narcissists have the disorder, but a good number do, and it's worth checking out if you're in a relationship that's "all about them," and where you are discounted. Particularly check out this additional title if the narcissist in your life is emotionally volatile, given to rages and emotional abuse, and has their own view of reality that doesn't match how you recall things. Both titles will help you treat the narcissist in your life as decently as possible, while also helping you preserve your own mental health, too.
616 internautes sur 637 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
4.0 étoiles sur 5 Don't let your perfectionism keep you from reading it! 18 novembre 2002
Par Un client - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Broché
Some of the other reviewers have pointed out that this book has grammatical errors. While this is true, please don't let the perfectionism that is an inherant part of growing up with a narcissistic parent prevent you from reading and benfitting from this book.
This book goes through a relatively quick but thorough diagnostic process to help you determine whether your parent was a narcissist, and then makes its single most important point:
THEY ARE NOT GOING TO CHANGE. Nothing you can do, or could have done, would make a difference.
The remaining 2/3rds of the book is about coping, protecting yourself, and recovering from narcissistic abuse. This is what you CAN DO to make the rest of your life happier and healthier. Get the book, silence the critic inside your head, and get going on getting better!
516 internautes sur 533 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 Unique Ways of Dealing with the Its-All-About-Me Parent 18 décembre 2004
Par Sister Renee Pittelli - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Broché|Achat vérifié
I have found this book to be useful in my ministry for adult children of abusive or controlling parents, Luke 17:3 Ministries. It begins by describing Destructive Narcissistic Parents (DNPs),teaches how being raised by them affected you, and gives very unique techniques for diffusing their ability to hurt you. It subscribes to the theory that confrontation will not work because a narcissist will never change and does not believe he is doing anything wrong, but rather thinks that everyone else exists for his use and benefit; therefore other techniques for dealing with him are suggested, including avoidance, humor, or body language designed to subconsciously confuse the narcissist.
Does your parent have attention needs, admiration needs, the need to be considered unique and special, lack of empathy, feel others are extensions of herself, grandiosity, shallow emotions, a sense of entitlement, emotionally abusive traits, or does she exploit others? These characteristics identify a DNP, and specific examples of each trait are given.
As an adult, you can have two possible responses to being raised by a DNP. You may have a Siege Response- some traits of which include becoming defiant when given orders or demands, rebelling against restrictions or rules, being wary or fearful of intimacy, feeling anxious or panicky when others want to be nurtured, guilty feelings, personalizing others' behavior, being easily offended, etc. You may also exhibit the Compliant Response, including needing to be liked or approved of, feeling responsible for others' well-being, feeling that others are taking advantage of you, sacrificing personal needs for others, being overemotional, being overly critical of yourself and others, etc.
We are taught coping strategies which include developing emotional insulation, avoiding trying to empathize, giving up unrealistic fantasies, and meeting our emotional needs instead of putting them second to everyone else's.
The empowering strategies which are suggested are very interesting. For instance, becoming contrary when a DNP is trying to manipulate us- without explaining or announcing what we are doing, simply doing the opposite of or something entirely different from whatever is wanted or ordered. Other examples include becoming indifferent, avoiding interactions, setting guidelines your parent must follow in order to obtain your cooperation, practicing a blank facial expression and no response when being criticized, acting bored and "drifting" to another subject, asking a series of questions that will point out the absurdity of what they are saying, and declaring independence. It is important not to let them get a rise out of you or appear hurt, angry or defensive.
This book is especially valuable for those with self-centered parents who exploit them, and have probably done so since childhood. Many of us will recognize the narcissist in our own parents.
102 internautes sur 104 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 It's not your fault!! 2 août 2005
Par Aalea1 - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Broché|Achat vérifié
You can't change a narcissist but you can change how you react to them. Nina Brown gives very useful and practical advise on dealing with the aftermath of having a narcissist for a parent and scars they leave on their children. I especially like the lack of blame here, it is what it is and it's time to do something about it. I don't think "Children of the Self-Absorbed" is only for adult children of narcissists, older teens can benefit greatly. Nina brown has written a 'must have' survival guide that will teach them how to avoid the pain that comes from expecting their parent to behave like others around them. The narcissistic parent is the center of his own universe and as such, leaves no room for their children. Learning at an early age "this is not your fault" goes miles in achieving healing for what hurts the most, rejection.

I highly recommend "Children of the Self-Absorbed."
149 internautes sur 155 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 Well-written with a lot of good information 12 mai 2001
Par Un client - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Broché|Achat vérifié
This book is very well-written and does a very good job of addressing the special needs and concerns of adult children of narcissists. I recognized my family and myself in this book, and feel confident that by applying the strategies in this book, I can break the chain of narcissism before damaging my own child. This is NOT a blame-the-parents book. It helps the reader to understand why the parents behaved the way that they did, and that they will not understand that they did anything wrong. The Destructive Narcissist Parent did the best he or she could, and now it is time for the adult child to break free of the destructive pattern.
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