Acheter neuf

ou
Identifiez-vous pour activer la commande 1-Click.
Acheter d'occasion
D'occasion - Bon Voir les détails
Prix : EUR 6,48

ou
 
   
Plus de choix
Vous l'avez déjà ? Vendez votre exemplaire ici
Désolé, cet article n'est pas disponible en
Image non disponible pour la
couleur :
Image non disponible

 
Dites-le à l'éditeur :
J'aimerais lire ce livre sur Kindle !

Vous n'avez pas encore de Kindle ? Achetez-le ici ou téléchargez une application de lecture gratuite.

Codependent's Guide to the Twelve Steps: How to Find the Right Programme for You [Anglais] [Broché]

Melody Beattie

Prix : EUR 12,32 Livraison à EUR 0,01 En savoir plus.
  Tous les prix incluent la TVA
o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o
Il ne reste plus que 3 exemplaire(s) en stock (d'autres exemplaires sont en cours d'acheminement).
Expédié et vendu par Amazon. Emballage cadeau disponible.
Voulez-vous le faire livrer le vendredi 3 octobre ? Choisissez la livraison en 1 jour ouvré sur votre bon de commande. En savoir plus.

Formats

Prix Amazon Neuf à partir de Occasion à partir de
Broché EUR 12,32  
Broché --  
Cassette, Livre audio --  

Description de l'ouvrage

17 mai 2004
Melody Beattie helps you discover how recovery programs work and to help you find the right one for you. Interpreting the famous Alcoholics Anonymous Twelve Steps specifically for codependent issues for the very first time, this groundbreaking book combines Melody's expertise with the experience of other people to:
• Explain each step and how you can apply it to your particular issues
• Offer specific exercises and activities to use both in group settings and on your own
• Provide a directory of the wide range of Twelve Step programs -- including Al-Anon, Codependents Anonymous, Codependents of Sex Addicts, Adult Children of Alcoholics, and more
The uniquely warm and compassionate voice of Melody Beattie will inspire you to turn your life around -- one step at a time.

Offres spéciales et liens associés


Descriptions du produit

Extrait

Chapter 1

"Surrender happens of its own accord. It just dawns on me.

Then, peace of mind settles in, and my life starts to get more manageable."


Bob T.

STEP ONE

"WE ADMITTED WE WERE POWERLESS OVER OTHERS-THAT OUR LIVES HAD BECOME UNMANAGEABLE."

Step One of CoDA

The first time I heard this Step, I didn't get it. I didn't understand. It felt dark, scary, and untrue.

Powerless over others? My life -- unmanageable?

I thought I was in complete control of myself and others. I thought there was no circumstance too overwhelming, no feeling so great that I couldn't handle it by sheer force of willpower. I thought being in control was expected of me. It was my job. That's how I got through life!

And I thought my life looked so much more manageable than the lives of those around me -- until I started looking within. That's when I found the undercurrent of fear, anger, pain, loneliness, emptiness, and unmet needs that had controlled me most of my life.

That's when I took my eyes off the other person long enough to take a look at the state of affairs in my life.

That's when I began to find a life and come alive.

"I didn't know about power and powerlessness," said Mary, talking about the First Step. "Being a victim and being in control was how I was in power. If I was powerless, then someone else was in control."

Now we are learning a better way to own our power than being victims and being controlling. It begins by admitting and accepting the truth about ourselves and our relationships.

We are powerless over others. When we try to exert power where we have none, our lives at some level may become unmanageable. Let's take a look at some ways unmanageability can present itself in our lives, and where our ideas about controlling others -- or allowing them to control us -- began.

MY STORY

I can still remember the scene vividly, even though it happened more than a decade ago. Someone I cared about a lot was drinking. He was an alcoholic. And he wouldn't stop. I had done everything I could to make him stop. Nothing worked.

Nothing.

Neither was I able to stop my efforts to control his drinking. After yet another round of promises, forgiveness, then broken promises, I settled on the ultimate plan to make him stop drinking. I would show him how it felt to love someone who was using chemicals. I would make it look like I had returned to drug usage. That would get his attention. That would show him how much I hurt. Then he would stop.

Carefully, I set the stage. Although I had been clean of drugs for years, I laid out the paraphernalia of a user: a small packet with white powder in it (I used sugar); a spoon, burnt on one side; a piece of cotton in the spoon. Then I lay down on the couch to make it look like I was under the influence of narcotics.

A short time later, the person who was the focus (at that time) of my control efforts entered the room. He looked around, saw the spoon, saw me, and started to react. I jumped off the couch and started lecturing.

"See!" I screamed. "See how it feels to love someone and see them using chemicals! See how much it hurts! See what you've been doing to me for these years!"

His reaction was not nearly as important as my neighbor's reaction later that evening. "What you're doing is really crazy," she said, "and you need to go to Al-Anon."

It took me months to learn the truth: I didn't need to prove to the alcoholic how much I hurt. I needed to become aware of how much pain I was in. I needed to take care of myself.

That's only one of many incidents that shows the lengths I went to to control people. I was so good at seeing the behaviors, especially the out-of-control behaviors, of another. Yet I couldn't see unmanageability in my own life. I couldn't see myself. And I was trapped, locked into the victim role. People didn't just do things. They did things to me. No matter what happened, each event felt like a pointed attempt to do me in.

My ability to separate myself from others -- to separate my issues, my business, my affairs, and my responsibilities from the issues, business, affairs, and responsibilities of others -- was nonexistent, I blended into the rest of the world like an amoeba.

If someone needed something, I considered that need my personal and private responsibility, even if I was just guessing about what he or she needed. If someone had a feeling, it was my responsibility to work through it for him or her. If someone had a problem, it was mine to solve.

I didn't know how to say no. I didn't have a life of my own. I had a backlog of feelings from childhood, and chances were great that whatever I was reacting to today was probably a patterned reaction from childhood. Two weeks after I got married, I raced home from work, flung open the closet doors, and checked to see if my husband's clothes were still in the closet. I was certain I was going to be abandoned, left. I felt totally unlovable. And I didn't have the foggiest idea what it meant to own my power.

The base I operated from was fear, coupled with low self-esteem. I spent most of my time reacting to other people, trying to control them, allowing them to control me, and feeling confused by it all.

I thought I was doing everything right. Aren't people supposed to be perfect? Aren't people supposed to be stoic? Shouldn't we keep pushing forward, no matter how much it hurts? Isn't it good to give until it hurts, then keep giving until we're doubled over in pain? And how can we allow others to go about their life course? Isn't it our job to stop them, set them straight? Isn't that the right way, the good way, the Christian way?

The codependent way.

As many others have said about themselves, I wasn't me. I was whoever people wanted me to be, And I felt quite victimized and used up by it all. After years of practicing hard-line codependency, the unmanageability in my life was overwhelming. Some of my codependency I didn't understand until well into recovery.

When I began recovery I was more than $50,000 in debt, as a result of the unmanageability in my financial affairs. No amount was too great to be borrowed if it would help someone else.

My spirituality had been taxed to the limit. How many times had I prayed for God to change other people? How often had God refused? I thought God had abandoned me. I didn't know that I had abandoned myself. I didn't know that now that I was an adult, people couldn't abandon me. All they could do was leave.

In some instances, I may have been better off if they had.

My relationships with my children were chaotic. It's hard to be an effective parent when you're bound up in pain, denial, and repressed feelings and are regularly wishing for death.

My relationships with friends were strained. I had little to offer friends, except my perpetual complaints about the misery in my life. Most of my friendships centered around shared stories of victimization, interspersed with Rabelaisian humor to make it bearable.

"Guess who used me today?"

I had no feelings that I was aware of. I had no needs that I was aware of. I prided myself on my ability to endure needless suffering, deprive myself, and go without.

I neglected my career.

My health was failing. I spent years seeking medical treatment for nonspecific viruses. I had a hysterectomy. I had viral meningitis. I had gastritis. My back hurt. My head ached. Arthritis was beginning to settle in.

And I was only thirty-two years old.

Codependency is a powerful force. So is denial and the ability to ignore what is before our eyes. What's there has the power to hurt, especially when we feel helpless, vulnerable, frightened, and ashamed by it all.

STANLEY'S STORY

Stanley is a successful architect in his fifties. It took him sixteen years to notice the unmanageability and chaos in his life -- sixteen years of denying, putting up with, pretending, and going deeper into hiding within himself before he saw the truth,

Stanley's father is an alcoholic. Stanley's wife's father died of alcoholism. And after sixteen years of trying to control his youngest son, Stanley reached the point of emotional collapse.

"By the time our youngest son, John, was six, I knew we were in trouble," Stanley said. "He constantly fought at school. He was belligerent and refused to do his homework. At home, he caused problems. He hollered at his mother, swore at her, and sometimes hit her.

"My wife and I fought all the time. I tried to be understanding. She had special circumstances. She had been in the camps during World War II, and she believed children should be loved and adored. She didn't want us to discipline John.

"John caused complete chaos at home. He was bright. He knew how to push everyone's buttons. He had my wife and I fighting, his siblings and I fighting. He even had his grandparents going at it."

When John was ten, Stanley gave his wife an ultimatum: Either they sought professional help for John and the family or Stanley was moving out. They went to a psychologist who told them not to worry. John, the psychologist said, was a bright child, a bit precocious, but he'd grow out of this stage.

That session was the beginning of $20,000 (after insurance coverage) of fruitless family counseling.

When John was eleven, Stanley's wife threw up her arms in despair and walked out of a school counseling session. She was tired. She had given all she could to the situation. She vowed never to set foot inside a school again. A short time later she moved out, leaving Stanley to raise the three children alone.

By the time John was twelve, Stanley was spending more time in school than John. Stanley was there three days a week, explaining why John was only there two days a week.

"The only way I could get John graduated from ninth to tenth grade was by promising to leave that school system," Stanley said. "How c...

Biographie de l'auteur

Melody Beattie, one of the seminal figures in the recovery movement, is the author of the international bestseller Codependent No More, which has sold over eight million copies and been translated into more than a dozen languages. An expert on codependency, Beattie has written fifteen books, including include Beyond Codependency, The Language of Letting Go, and The Grief Club, and lectures worldwide. She lives in Southern California. For more information visit her website at www.melodybeattie.com.

Détails sur le produit


En savoir plus sur l'auteur

Découvrez des livres, informez-vous sur les écrivains, lisez des blogs d'auteurs et bien plus encore.

Dans ce livre (En savoir plus)
Première phrase
The first time I heard this Step, I didn't get it. Lire la première page
En découvrir plus
Concordance
Parcourir les pages échantillon
Couverture | Copyright | Table des matières | Extrait | Quatrième de couverture
Rechercher dans ce livre:

Vendre une version numérique de ce livre dans la boutique Kindle.

Si vous êtes un éditeur ou un auteur et que vous disposez des droits numériques sur un livre, vous pouvez vendre la version numérique du livre dans notre boutique Kindle. En savoir plus

Commentaires en ligne 

Il n'y a pas encore de commentaires clients sur Amazon.fr
5 étoiles
4 étoiles
3 étoiles
2 étoiles
1 étoiles
Commentaires client les plus utiles sur Amazon.com (beta)
Amazon.com: 4.6 étoiles sur 5  93 commentaires
95 internautes sur 99 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 The 12 Steps of A.A. adapted for recovery from codependency 29 septembre 2002
Par Andrew Parodi - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Broché
Melody Beattie is the author of CODEPENDENT NO MORE, the book that sold millions of copies the world over and made the word "codependent" a household word. Melody defines codependency as a state where you believe your happiness comes from a specific person, and then you become obsessed with controlling that other person. Very often, but not always, codependents find themselves in relationships with alcoholics, drug addicts, or people with other kinds of self-destructive compulsive habits and addictions. Inevitably, the codependent will become obsessed with trying to get their addicted spouse or "special person" off of that substance. The problem with this, however, is that the codependent does not see that they *themselves* have a problem for being constantly attracted to people who do not want to be helped; also, the codependent often *needs* to be needed and derives their self-esteem from being needed, which would explain the attraction to addicts (never mind the fact that addicts usually give up their addictions only when they themselves want to).
So, since codependents often find themselves involved with addicts, it is rather fitting that Melody Beattie has adapted the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous for aid in recovery from codependency and has written CODEPENDENTS' GUIDE TO THE 12 STEPS. Many of the steps of recovery from codependency are very similar to recovery from any addiction, including alcoholism, so not much has had to be altered in this adaptation. To my recollection, only the wording of the "first step" has been slightly changed, wherein the codependent does not admit to powerlessness over alcohol, but rather powerlessness over other people. Melody highlights each Step with examples and stories from her own experience as a counselor, and her way of telling stories is always very succinct, sincere, and non-condemnatory. Another helplful thing is that this book contains an index of many books and guides that are helpful for the person in recovery, including addresses to the different 12 Step organizations.
57 internautes sur 61 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 The Best! 5 mars 2001
Par AmethystRosee - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Broché
There are many books out there on recovery; and after many yrs in recovery, some of us own most of those books! This is absolutely the best one I have come across as far as the steps go. Its format of explanation and "getting to the heart of the matter" in the steps, can apply to everyones journey, regardless of which program they are in. This book will enhance everyones recovery program as well as their spiritual path, because it hits the basics and gets to the roots of all healing and growth in a way we can all relate to. Thanks Melody!
This book is "Golden". I highly recommend it.
23 internautes sur 23 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 AN ESSENTIAL TOOL!!! 25 mars 2004
Par Un client - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Broché
This book is an essential tool for anyone wanting to work on their codependency, especially those of us who have worked the 12 Steps before. I related greatly to what Melody Beattie states in the introduction: The 12 Steps of AA helped relieve her obsession to drink and use, but her codependency issues remained until she applied the Steps to her codependency issues. That short sentence explained exactly where I was in my life when I came across this book. Now that I'm not just working the 12 Steps around my alcoholism and addiction, but also working the 12 Steps around codependency, I've been given a new freedom that I never knew was possible. Now, I'm not just a grateful alcoholic, I'm a grateful codependent!
36 internautes sur 39 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 One of Melody Beattie's best 24 janvier 2000
Par Joanie McMillan - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Broché
This book has been invaluable to me as a comforting and challenging resource, especially as I worked through a recent, highly painful relationship loss. I began to understand the 12 Steps much more clearly through Melody Beattie's clear and gentle explanations. Many people I know in 12-step programs use this book, finding that it resonates well with many different types of recovery work.
18 internautes sur 19 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 Excellent practical help! 9 octobre 2003
Par Un client - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Broché
This book both inspires us and provides us with direction in our lives. The author writes in such a gentle and inspiring way that you can not help but gather up your courage to break out of the chains that bind you to your past. The book also gives us very useful step by step guidelines about what we should do to grow out of the suffocating psychological walls we have built for ourselves. It is a fantastic book for anyone wanting to free themselves from their internal issues and move on with their lives! If you are interested in the theory of how all of this works, read "The Ever-Transcending Spirit" by Toru Sato! It is an absolutely fantastic book that explains the psychological process that creates these negative states as well as the psychological process that enables us to grow out of them. These are the books that are presently guiding me to more and more freedom and happiness these days! I hope they do the same for you!
Ces commentaires ont-ils été utiles ?   Dites-le-nous

Discussions entre clients

Le forum concernant ce produit
Discussion Réponses Message le plus récent
Pas de discussions pour l'instant

Posez des questions, partagez votre opinion, gagnez en compréhension
Démarrer une nouvelle discussion
Thème:
Première publication:
Aller s'identifier
 

Rechercher parmi les discussions des clients
Rechercher dans toutes les discussions Amazon
   


Rechercher des articles similaires par rubrique


Commentaires

Souhaitez-vous compléter ou améliorer les informations sur ce produit ? Ou faire modifier les images?