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Descriptions du produit

Revue de presse

“A must-read.”
—Art Markman, PhD, author of Smart Thinking
 
“Kohut and Neffinger will help you to lead—and succeed—in everything from public speaking to love.”
—Joseph S. Nye, Jr., PhD, author of The Powers to Lead
 
“This is not just another pop-psych book: it’s the first book to capture and share the insights from all the recent groundbreaking research on how we judge and persuade each other. And it translates that into simple, practical terms anyone can use to build more effective relationships at the office or home.” 
—Amy Cuddy, PhD, Harvard Business School
 
--Ce texte fait référence à l'édition Relié .

Présentation de l'éditeur

How People Judge You-And How To Come Out Looking Good

You will never look at people the same way again-including yourself-after this lively look at how we make character judgments.

Drawing on cutting-edge social science research as well as their own work with Fortune 500 executives, members of Congress, and Nobel Prize winners, authors Matt Kohut and John Neffinger demystify the process we use to size each other up. It turns out that we judge each other primarily on two critical criteria: strength and warmth. The authors explain the inner workings of each, the tension that makes it so hard to project both at once, and the successful strategies that the most admired among us use to win respect and affection.

Offering practical advice for a range of common and challenging situations, Compelling People shows you not just how people already see you, but how to make sure your best qualities shine through.



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Amazon.com: 56 commentaires
74 internautes sur 77 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
A compelling read and first-rate training manual for increasing your personal power 19 août 2013
Par Dr Ali Binazir - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format: Relié Achat vérifié
Every once in a while, a book comes along that has the power to really change the way I see the world and move in it. In 2012, it was The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business by Charles Duhigg. The year before, it was Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman. Compelling People: The Hidden Qualities That Make Us Influential is that kind of book.

The central premise of the book is that in any encounter, people base how they feel about you on how you project strength and warmth. Once you become aware of what your unconscious strength and warmth signals are, you can learn to modulate them to connect better with people, influence them, and just be a more effective all-around human being. From the worlds of psychology, neuroscience, acting, political science, they've compiled some of the best practices for presenting your best self to the world.

Some things I like about this book:

1) Neffinger and Kohut are seasoned professionals who have coached dozens of world-renowned politicians, businessmen, military leaders and speakers. When they dispense a tip -- like "hold the imaginary ball when you're speaking" -- it's a proven tip that insiders at the top of their game use. I felt like I was getting their probably very expensive one-on-one coaching at a huge discount.

2) The authors draw upon the scientific literature to back up their points - no speculation here. Anecdotes are nice, but when someone cites the hard science of how and why something works, it becomes even more convincing for me. For example, I really appreciated their explanation that strength feeds off the hormone testosterone while warmth is mediated by oxytocin, and that these two hormone systems inhibit one another. So if you sometimes feel as if there's a physical conflict between displaying strength vs. warmth, it's because there is.

3) They've organized the book such that it's easy to follow and implement their tips. They start by explaining what they mean by strength and warmth, and how you're broadcasting them via your gender, age and appearance ("the hand you were dealt"). Then they teach you how to convey strength and warmth more effectively depending on the context and what you'd like to accomplish ("how to play your hand").

4) They illustrate their points with real-world stories - Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Hillary Clinton in the 2008 elections, US Presidents -- that bring the teachings to life, making for gripping reading and ease of implementation.

Some of my favorite bits from the book:
-- For a shot of strength before going into a big meeting, stand "big" for a couple of minutes, taking up a lot of space. This reduces cortisol and increases testosterone.
-- Gender matters. There is a subtle art to women projecting strength and men projecting warmth without alienating their audiences.
-- The five gestures that researchers have found to reduce warmth: leaning away; crossing arms; touching, rubbing or grasping hands together; and touching the face, stomach, or other parts of the body. Stop doing them!
-- The flinty-eyed smile (think Clint Eastwood), or "strong smile", is a great way to project both strength and warmth.
-- When giving a talk, replace fillers like "um" and "uh" with silence. So much more powerful.
-- First connect, THEN lead. Once you "step inside their circle", you have much more persuasive power.

In short, these are essential life skills that no one had bothered to teach us up to now. I hear the book is already mandatory reading at Harvard Business School; it *should* be required reading for all high schoolers. If you're a person at all interested in being more effective in your interactions with other humans in the realm of work, politics, romance, family life and more, then you should be reading this, too. "Compelling People" entertains and instructs in a way that can directly lead to your being a better version of yourself.

-- Ali Binazir, M.D., M.Phil., author of The Tao of Dating: The Smart Woman's Guide to Being Absolutely Irresistible, the highest-rated dating book on Amazon for 157 weeks
29 internautes sur 30 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
A must have for introverts. Or anyone! 24 août 2013
Par Jordannasavvy - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format: Relié
Although I work in an artistic field, the relationship that I have with clients is everything. I have tried to read dozens of books on the topic and 99% of these nearly put me to sleep. If you're looking for a bright, informative, thoughtful book about how to tweak small (and large) aspects of your personal presence in order for the world to see you in the light in which you want to be seen then read this book. My colleagues and clients have seen a noticeable difference in my interactions since I came across Compelling People. And the nice part is that no one can exactly pin point what it is that I have changed. I've been asked if I had just been to a spa or if I am dating someone new, all people really know is that I give off a different vibe. A refreshed and inspired vibe. Even my friends seem to enjoy my company and conversation skills more. As a shy person since birth, employing these tips and tricks has helped me connect more effectively and carry myself with poise. And to the person who thought these glowing reviews were fake, this is no fake review. This is a real manual for real people who may be very bright but unfortunately do not come by people skills naturally. I believe even the 'people persons' can get a lot out of this one.
24 internautes sur 25 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
An engaging and informative business resource 15 août 2013
Par VTreviewer - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format: Relié Achat vérifié
I began reading this book because of the title: as a supervisor of "creative types" who often feel uncomfortable presenting their ideas to others, I thought I might get some insight into how to help them learn to present themselves and their ideas more naturally and compellingly. Happily, the book provided exactly the information I was looking for in that regard: it offers a virtual template for improvement. What surprised me was how applicable I found the information to myself as well. I thought I already presented well in business situations--both formal and informal--but the book opened my eyes to nuances that have improved my performance and interactions. That knowledge has made me more confident, too; again, surprising, because I already was quite confident.

So that's a long way of saying I found the content valuable. The bonus was how well it's written: the authors manage to convey a lot of practical ideas in an engaging, inviting way. As a result, the book is an easy, enjoyable read while being quite informative--a nice plus for a business book.
17 internautes sur 18 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
How and why, only when we cultivate both strength and warmth in our lives are we "worthy of admiration" 16 août 2013
Par Robert Morris - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format: Relié
John Neffinger and Matthew Kohut are convinced that certain people possess both strength and warmth and this combination helps to explain why they are so highly admired and why they have so much influence. Others are attracted to them because they have the ability and determination to get things done but also because they are loving, caring, and empathic. "For our purposes, warmth is what people feel when they recognize they share interests and concerns. It is a sense of being on the same team. If strength is about whether someone can carry out their intentions, warmth is about whether you will be happy with the result. When people project warmth, we like them." We care about them because they care about us.

Readers will appreciate Neffinger and Kohut's use of primary and secondary sources that broaden and deepen the context, the frame-of-reference, for they key ideas. For example, research by psychologists Martin Seligman and Christopher Peterson on how different cultural traditions around the world define character. They found that there are six moral virtues at the core of all of them, six forms of strength and the others of warmth: courage, temperance, wisdom, justice, humanity, and transcendence. (Page 23) Annotated "Notes" are provided on Pages 257-275. These are among the dozens of passages of special interest and value to me, also listed to indicate the scope of Neffinger and Kohut's coverage.

o Strength vs. Warmth (Pages 10-18)
o Strength + Warmth (18-23)
o Quick and Dirty Judgment (27-28)
o Ethnicity (43-52)
o Body Type, and, Sexual Orientation and Identity (66-70)
o Nonverbal Communication (76-111)
o Mirroring, and, Style (120-135)
o Strength + Warmth, Word by Word (160-168)
o Making It Happen (168-181)
o Into the Wild (183-184)
o Leadership (206-209)
o Online (226-230)
o Unspoken Signals (236-238)

As I worked m y way through the book, I began to formulate my own list of the attributes common among all the compelling people I have known. Not the most intelligent, nor the most physically attractive, charming, or generous. Rather, those who have a certain [begin italics] presence [end italics] that can sometimes be initially intimidating but soon becomes endearing. Presumably many of those who read this book will have their own list. That said, strength and warmth (not one but both) only have meaning if (HUGE "if") they are (a) authentic and (b) demonstrated by consistent behavior over time.

When concluding their book, Neffinger and Kohut observe, "The question of how to use strength and warmth in your own life begins with your intentions. Who do you want to be? What are you trying to achieve? Does the strength and warmth expressed through deeds align with what you project in your everyday social interactions? Do you use your strength in the service of others? Do you use your warmth to minimize painful conflicts when you can? Only you can answer for yourself, and there is nothing simple or straightforward about it. It takes courage (strength) to be rigorously honest about your intentions (warmth)."

I responded immediately to the first question, then hesitated and reflected on what I had learned throughout the narrative while correlating key points with my own circumstances. I re-read the five questions and began to jot down words and phrases in response to each. My conclusion is that there is compelling need for me to improve in all areas of my life. That is my goal and I am grateful to John Neffinger and Matthew Kohut for providing the information, insights, and counsel that I will need to achieve that objective.
7 internautes sur 7 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
picks up where Blink leaves off..... 22 août 2013
Par Two-two - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format: Relié
Blink told us how quickly people judge us, but not HOW people judge us. That's what Compelling People does. It walks you through the process and shows you how to be in charge of it. Highly Recommended.
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