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Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children [Anglais] [Broché]

Dr. Shefali Tsabary

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Commentaires client les plus utiles sur (beta) 4.6 étoiles sur 5  174 commentaires
99 internautes sur 101 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 Parenting Guide for Functional Families 8 novembre 2010
Par Cynthia Sue Larson - Publié sur
If you're seeking quick and easy ways to change your children's behavior, or get them to do what you say, this book is not for you. Becoming a conscious parent requires looking deeply and honestly within oneself, delving into one's own fears and shortcomings.

The Conscious Parent invites parents to become more mindful of their daily interactions with their children so that rather than seeing children's actions as "misbehavior," parents can recognize an opportunity to be kinder and more open themselves. The central premise of The Conscious Parent is that children provide parents with mirrors of their own subconscious issues, and parents who understand this can enter into a state of heart-to-heart communion with their children, learning and growing alongside their children, rather than continuing habitual reactive patterns that tend to perpetuate family cycles of power, control and dominance. As author Shefali Tsabary points out, this shift from an egoic state of mind to one of authentic being "... isn't an easy one for a parent to make."

While much of the Conscious Parent contains the kinds of tips and pointers Tsabary provides for her clients, this book really shines when Tsabary shares her first-hand experiences as a mother. Parents seeking ways to bridge the gap from parenting similarly to how they've been raised and achieving a Zen-like state of mindfulness in parenting will delight in the examples and suggestions Tsabary shares for how they might actually manage to incorporate some of the lofty ideals of mindfulness to parenting, and how it feels as a parent to deal with one's own internal doubt, fear, and resistance.

Tsabary discourages parents from using praise and scolding to mold children into doing and being what most pleases the parents, and recommends that parents grant their children the freedom to become the best they can be at who they truly are. Tsabary suggests that parents can set high standards in some areas, such as for: speaking from their authentic voice, being kind, expressing feelings directly, helping others, and engaging in daily dialogue and conversation with them.

The Conscious Parent is highly recommended for readers dedicated to living their lives mindfully who are eager to have functional, rather than dysfunctional families. This book inspires parents to set examples for children by embracing imperfections, and staying open-hearted, open-minded, and truly present and engaged. If all families adopted just some of the ideas from this book, it seems clear that the world would be a much better place.
82 internautes sur 86 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 A New Paradigm of Parenting 5 juillet 2011
Par My Child's Gardener - Publié sur
Format:Broché|Achat vérifié
Dr. Shefali offers a new paradigm of parenting in The Conscious Parent. If you are ready to step aside from power struggles and the antiquated days of a hierarchical parent-child relationship, this book is for you. If you are ready to experience your children as special agents on your spiritual journey, this book is your gospel.

Becoming a conscious parent is all about the becoming. It is the transformation from our unconscious habits and patterns, inherited by our families of origin and embedded from our cultural norms. Becoming is an act of awareness, an intention, and a conscious choice to mindful living and raising our children.

The greatest concept of the book is that through transforming ourselves, we empower our children. As counter-intuitive as it may seem, the real focus of conscious parenting is on the parents, not the children. When parents are able to accept their emotions and live authentically, it is natural for the children to do the same. Conscious parenting is raising ourselves so we are better able to help raise our children.

The intention of conscious parenting is to accept full responsibility for ourselves and eliminate the need to control the outcome of our children. It is a conscious choice to replace shame and blame with understanding. Through understanding, we free ourselves and our children to live authentically.

Through a combination of personal experiences, client stories, and clinical research, Dr. Shefali shares the human component and natural tendencies of parenting. The book is easy to read and relate to. The Consciousness Compass is a series of questions to guide us along the path of consciousness. This excerpt is a summary of the book and the shift in consciousness.

*It is we who teach our children how to be greedy by giving them diamonds instead of sticks and stones
*It is we who teach our children how to fear adventure by rewarding their successes and reprimanding their failures
*It is we who teach our children how to lie to us by getting angry with them when they tell us the truth
*It is we who teach our children how to be mean and violent to others by disregarding their emotions and denying them unconditional acceptance
*It is we who teach our children to lose their motivation and zeal by pressuring them to excel and "be something"
*It is we who teach our children to dishonor us by pushing them to be who they are not
*It is we who teach our children to be bullies by dominating their spirit and silencing their voice
*It is we who teach our children to be confused and overwhelmed by giving them all things external, but few tools to look internally
*It is we who teach our children to be inattentive and distracted by inundating their lives with busy activities, leaving no space for stillness
*It is we who teach our children to live their life looking outward by spending our time and energy on our own looks and acquisitions
*It is we who teach our children to disrespect us by not stopping them the first time they are disrespectful and every time after
*It is we who teach our children to be defiant by not knowing how to lay down the rules and mean business when we do
*It is we who teach our children to know shame by shaming their spirits and judging them constantly
*It is we who teach our children to become anxious by denying the celebration of our own present as we constantly focus on tomorrow
*It is we who teach our children not to like themselves by constantly categorizing their emotions as those we approve of and those we don't
*It is we who teach our children not to trust the world by betraying them every time we don't see who they are in their essence
*It is we who teach our children how to love or not love by the extent to which we love or don't love ourselves.

We are on this journey together, as parents and in relation to our children. Mindful living and conscious parenting is a means to transform ourselves and empower our children. This book is a great parenting tool to raise our awareness above that which keeps us from loving unconditionally and living whole-heartedly.
68 internautes sur 78 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 The most different parenting book I have ever read 20 juillet 2013
Par Stone Mayven - Publié sur
Most parenting books are very ho-hum for me and they seem to be mostly about quick fixes for the children as though they are mini broken machinery rather than human beings. They also seem to just deepen many of the power struggles between parent and child and target the child's behavior. The more you create an obedient child that is a slave to everything you say - that child will grow up to be a slave to someone else and blindly obedient to all the rules society doles out. This book is for parents who want children to always be free, think freely and grow spiritually, not just physically.

The moment I picked up this book, it SPOKE TO MY HEART. I actually cried reading this book in several chapters and really felt as though she was in the room talking to ME. Addressing the many reasons why I react the way I do to my child and what I can do about it.

THIS IS A BOOK THAT CHANGES THE PARENT. And not just changes you, but alters your perceptions so that you can understand why you are reacting the way you are to your kids. Why one parent reacts one way while another reacts a completely different way. It helps you let go of fears of being too passive so you can actually ENJOY your child and their development. Many of their behaviors are completely developmentally appropriate and most parents take them very personally as a personal attack (myself included) when really the behavior has nothing to do with you.

I am looking for this book in audio CD for my husband. It is absolutely wonderful for Dads as well as Moms.
41 internautes sur 47 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
1.0 étoiles sur 5 Great Title 22 juin 2014
Par Sam_2997 - Publié sur
Format:Format Kindle|Achat vérifié
To be fair, I have read “The Conscious Parent” twice. Perhaps the best thing going for it is the title. The material is superficial and disjointed. It’s like a series of Facebook posts.

When I told a friend I was reading it, their immediate comment was, "Good book!" So I asked, "Have you read it?" "No," she replied, "It just sounds like a book every parent should have." Hmmm. In other conversations, the title seems to resonate with many people because heaven-forbid, one should be classified an unconscious parent. Many unconsciously echo the meme of “conscious parent” but you know what happens in an echo chamber, right? This book is written for people who are too busy to do the work of being conscious.

Among books on parenting, Tsabary's is uniquely bad; but I don't want to belabor the point. And, I say this from the perspective of having read her other book, "Out of Control."
1) In a fast-paced writing style, she manages to mention many issues that resonate with parents. But she remains superficial. This is the great deception of the book. She writes in the style that is very common in the age of Social Media; a style that confuses sound bites for knowledge.
2) She piles on one-liners and zingers as matters of fact, but none of her advice is corroborated. There is no bibliography or reference to the work of others. That's really bad because it implies that all the other scholarship and alternative parenting wisdom are somewhat weaker than her simplistic views. From her perspective, it seems that raising children is settled science; fix the lack of consciousness in the parent and awesome children spring forth.
3) She glosses over examples from her private practice; the circumstances of the examples she uses are poorly developed. Each case is offered in validation of her thesis that the parents need to sort out their inner control monsters from their childhoods as predicates for relating consciously to their children.

I bought Tsabary’s book because we have a 5-yo boy who is, to use another tired meme, spirited. Consciously, or not, I find myself pondering deeply the lessons learned from different aspects of minding his behaviors; neutral, positive and negative. So I genuinely wanted to see whether this book had any insights that could be useful in relating to our son who is developing executive function and other cognitive/emotional capacities. Our son is an only-child so we have an experiment of one. Our parenting reality is not dissimilar from Tsabary’s; she mentions one daughter (she mentions her daughter many times in the book). The general fault is that Tsabary does not seem to recognize that parenting experiences with her one child offer little room for generalization.

One thing that makes Tsabary's book painful is a type of tonal shift. These tonal shifts pop up with regularity in the second half of the book. Lest the reader conclude that the theme of the book is all "lovey-dovey and touchy-feely" (these are her words), Tsabary changes tone by referencing the language of so-called “traditional” parenting. In one frame, she writes: "We cannot be a ‘pleaser’ and ‘pleader,’ then expect to have any power with our children." But earlier in the book, she all but says power is bad. It’s ego! It’s control! In another breath she writes: “To foster the ability to surrender to one’s own will and to that of another when appropriate is a key element of discipline. This is very different from just getting children to ‘behave.’” She all but slams so-called parental guidance and boundaries in the first half of the book and then attempts to play both sides of the parenting argument; the result is a feeling that the reader should be getting something profound but not really getting anything. So as not to belabor the point, she offers mountains of advice, but her treatment is superficial.

Tsabary thinks children are our little “spiritual gurus;” she leads the reader to believe that children are emotionally fully-formed; that they are little adults. “Our children,” she writes, “can lead us into authenticity because they instinctively know how to be. They intuitively know how to live within their body and respond to their spirit.” One is unsure whether references to guru are part of her supposed blending of Eastern philosophy with general psychoanalysis. As a student of Zen, I don’t see a connection. And in this regard, I see only a vague connection between His Holiness The Dalai Lama’s forward and the actual content of the book. Yes, as an example, Buddhism does celebrate the free will and self-determination of each individual, but the point that Tsabary seems to miss is that Buddhism says that repetition of good choices creates good character. Of course, one does not know which Eastern philosophy she is referencing.

When your child receives a C grade or isn’t potty-trained by age two, Tsabary writes: “The conscious parent sees the divine in all of these things.” If you want to encourage your child to do better, don’t read this book because she finds every way to encourage parents to accept the children’s states of being as they are.

Maybe we need a conscious therapist.
13 internautes sur 15 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
4.0 étoiles sur 5 Helpful read 11 février 2013
Par Amazon Customer - Publié sur
Format:Format Kindle|Achat vérifié
I got a lot out of this book. The way it's written is a little hippy dippy but the message is still good and is relayed effectively. I think I will be re reading this book several times in the future.
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