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He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys
 
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He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys [Format Kindle]

Greg Behrendt , Liz Tuccillo
3.5 étoiles sur 5  Voir tous les commentaires (2 commentaires client)

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He’s Just Not That Into You
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he’s just not that into you if he’s not asking you out

Because if he likes you, trust me, he will ask you out


Many women have said to me, “Greg, men run the world.” Wow. That makes us sound pretty capable. So tell me, why would you think we could be incapable of something as simple as picking up the phone and asking you out? You seem to think at times that we’re “too shy” or we “just got out of something.” Let me remind you: Men find it very satisfying to get what they want. (Particularly after a difficult day of running the world.) If we want you, we will find you. If you don’t think you gave him enough time to notice you, take the time it took you to notice him and divide it by half.

Now you begin the life-changing experience of reading our book. We have put the stories we have heard and questions we’ve been asked in a simple question-and-answer format. If you’re lucky, you’ll read the following questions and know what they are: Excuses that women have made for their unsatisfying situations. If you’re not so lucky, we’ve also included handy titles to clue you in.

The “Maybe He Doesn’t Want to Ruin the Friendship” Excuse

Dear Greg,

I’m so disappointed. I have this friend that I’ve known platonically for about ten years. He lives in a different city and recently he was in town for work, so we met for dinner. All of a sudden it felt like we were on a date. He was completely flirting with me. He even said to me, as he was checking me out, “So, what, you’re working the whole ‘model thing’ now?” (That’s flirting, right?) We both agreed that we should get together again soon. Well, Greg, I’m disappointed because it’s been two weeks and he hasn’t called me. Can I call him? He might be nervous about turning the friendship into romance. Can’t I give him a nudge now? Isn’t that what friends are for?

Jodi

FROM THE DESK OF GREG

Dear Friendly Girl,

Two weeks is two weeks, except when it’s ten years and two weeks. That’s how long ago he decided whether or not he could date a model or a girl who looks like one. Can you be a pal and give him a nudge? Nudge away, friendster—but watch how fast that nudge doesn’t get a return phone call. And if your dinner/date did feel different to him, it’s been two weeks and he’s had time to think about it and decide he’s just not that into you. Here’s the truth: Guys don’t mind messing up a friendship if it could lead to sex, whether it be a “fuck buddy” situation or a meaningful romance. Go find someone that lives in your zip code who will be rocked to the core by your deep conversation and model looks.

I hate to tell you, but that whole “I don’t want to ruin the friendship” excuse is a racket. It works so well because it seems so wise. Sex could mess up a friendship. Unfortunately, in the entire history of mankind, that excuse has never ever been used by someone who actually means it. If we’re really excited about someone, we can’t stop ourselves—we want more. If we’re friends with someone and attracted to them, we’re going to want to take it further. And please, don’t tell me he’s just “scared.” The only thing he’s scared of—and I say this with a lot of love—is how not attracted to you he is.

The “Maybe He’s Intimidated by Me” Excuse

Dear Greg,

I have a crush on my gardener. He’s been potting the plants on my patio. It was hot, I saw him without his shirt on, he was hot, and now I’m hot for him. I brought out some beers and we talked. I think he wants to ask me out but is afraid, because he is my hired man. In this situation, can’t I ask him out?

Cherie

FROM THE DESK OF GREG

Dear My Secret Garden,

He’s capable of asking you out. Haven’t you ever seen a porno? Hope he gets there before the pizza guy. But seriously, if he didn’t pick up the vibe after the beer garden, it has nothing to do with you being his big boss lady. Time to stop and smell the bad news: He’s just not that into you.

Let me say it again, sexual harassment rules and workplace memos notwithstanding, a guy will ask out a woman of higher status if he’s into her. He might need a little more encouragement than normal, I’ll give you that. You might have to lead Johnny the Office Boy or Phillipe the Exterminator to water, but you better not help him ask you out. Once again, ladies, a wink and a smile will do it.

By the way, why are you dating the exterminator?

Just kidding, he’s a good guy.

The “Maybe He Wants to Take It Slow” Excuse

Dear Greg,

There’s this guy who calls me all the time. He’s recently divorced, and in AA. We got back in touch recently, had lots of phone calls, and then hung out twice in one week and it was real cool. No flirting or making out or anything, but fun. Since then, he calls me all the time but doesn’t ever suggest we see each other in person again. It’s like he got scared or something. I would understand if because of the divorce/alcoholic/starting-a-whole-new-life stuff he wanted to take things slow. But he still calls me all the time to have long heart-to-heart talks. What the hell should I do with this guy?

Jen

FROM THE DESK OF GREG

Dear Pillow Talk,

Sadly, not wanting to see you in person is massive as far as dating obstacles go. And as far as the recently divorced/newly sober/starting-a-new-life parts, blah blah blah, I’m getting sleepy, it’s hot, I’m going down for a nap. When I wake up from that nap I’ll probably thrill to the news that your friend is taking control of his life. You, however, will still not be going on a date, because despite all your excuses for him, he’s still not asking you out. Now, if you’re a person who enjoys a slightly satisfying phone relationship, talk on! But at this point it seems like he’s just not that into you. Be his friend if you’re at all interested on that level, but move your romantic inclinations onto a more suitable future husband.

If a guy truly likes you, but for personal reasons he needs to take things slow, he will let you know that immediately. He won’t keep you guessing, because he’ll want to make sure you don’t get frustrated and go away.

The “But He Gave Me His Number” Excuse

Dear Greg,

I met a really cute guy at a bar this week. He gave me his number and told me to give him a call sometime. I thought that was kind of cool, that he gave me control of the situation like that. I can call him, right?

Lauren

FROM THE DESK OF GREG

Dear Control Freak,

Did he give you control, or did he just get you to do the heavy lifting? What he just did was a magic trick: It seems like he gave you control, but really he now gets to decide if he wants to go out with you—or even return your call. Why don’t you take Copperfield’s number, roll it in a newspaper, pour milk in it, and make it disappear.

“Give me a call.” “E-mail me.” “Tell Joey we should all hang out sometime.” Don’t let him trick you into asking him out. When men want you, they do the work. I know it sounds old school, but when men like women, they ask them out.

The “Maybe He Forgot to Remember Me” Excuse

Dear Greg,

Okay, Greg. Listen to this one: I was at a conference for work and met a guy from another branch of my company. We hit it off immediately. He was just about to ask for my number, I swear, when the Big Blackout of 2003 happened. In the mayhem, I didn’t get to give him my number. I think the Big Blackout of 2003 is a good enough excuse to call him, don’t you think? It’s only common courtesy for me to check up on him, right? If I don’t call, he’s probably going to be all sad thinking that I’m just not that into him.

Judy

FROM THE DESK OF GREG

Dear Judy Blackout,

The city blacked out. He didn’t. You said you work for different branches of the same company. Certainly he wouldn’t have to break a sweat to scroll through the company staff roster or interoffice e-mail listing to find you. And should he not be as resourceful as you are . . . I imagine that he has a mother, sister, or female friend that could show him how, if he was really interested.

P.S.: Shame on you for using an eastern seaboard disaster as an excuse to call a guy up.

Have faith. You made an impression. Leave it at that. If he likes you, he’ll still remember you after the tsunami, flood, or Red Sox loss. If he doesn’t, he’s not worth your time. Know why? You are great. (Now, don’t get cocky.)

The “Maybe I Don’t Want to Play Games” Excuse

Dear Greg,

This is dumb. I know you’re not supposed to call guys, but I call guys all the time because I don’t care! I don’t want to play games. I do whatever I want! I’ve called guys tons of times. You’re such a square, Greg. Why do you think we can’t call guys and ask them out?

Nikki

FROM THE DESK OF GREG

Dear Nikki,

Because we don’t like it. Okay, some guys might like it, but they’re just lazy. And who wants to go out with Lazy...

From Publishers Weekly

It’s a classic single-woman scenario: you really like this guy, but he’s giving mixed messages. You make excuses, decide he’s confused, afraid of commitment. Behrendt, a former executive story editor for Sex and the City—and a formerly single (now happily married) guy who knows all the excuses—provides a simple answer: he’s just not that into you. Stop kidding yourself, let go and look for someone else who will be. After all, as Behrendt sensibly puts it, "if a (sane) guy really likes you, there ain’t nothing that’s going to get in his way." If you’re not convinced yet, by all means read this smart, funny and surprisingly upbeat little book, full of q’s and a’s covering every excuse woman has ever made to avoid admitting to herself that a man just wasn’t that smitten with her.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Détails sur le produit

  • Format : Format Kindle
  • Taille du fichier : 2712 KB
  • Nombre de pages de l'édition imprimée : 188 pages
  • Pagination - ISBN de l'édition imprimée de référence : 068987474X
  • Editeur : Gallery Books; Édition : Reprint (7 octobre 2004)
  • Vendu par : Amazon Media EU S.à r.l.
  • Langue : Anglais
  • ASIN: B001HC8516
  • Synthèse vocale : Non activée
  • X-Ray :
  • Moyenne des commentaires client : 3.5 étoiles sur 5  Voir tous les commentaires (2 commentaires client)
  • Classement des meilleures ventes d'Amazon: n°108.654 dans la Boutique Kindle (Voir le Top 100 dans la Boutique Kindle)
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Commentaires client les plus utiles
7 internautes sur 7 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
4.0 étoiles sur 5 a la decouverte de l'homme! 24 avril 2005
Format:Relié
dommage qu'il n'existe pas de version pour mes copines qui ne maitrise pas l'anglais! ce livre est un véritable recueil pour nous, les filles : que de découverte sur l'Homme... et non , Il n'est pas doué de raison, Il n'est pas subtil... c'est juste qu'il ne sait pas trop comment nous dire que nous ne sommes pas la Femme de sa vie...
au début, ça fait mal de se dire que l'on est pas la femme de sa vie, the one and only, et puis après on se dit... qu'il n'était pas l'Homme de notre vie.
on reprends vite les rennes de notre vie et on ejecte les mauvais candidats sans perdre de temps ni de plumes. dur mais efficace! merci Greg et Liz!!!!!!! enjoy!
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3.0 étoiles sur 5 Utile 13 décembre 2012
Par karima
Format:Relié|Achat vérifié
Les propos sont claire et direct afin que nous puissions ne pas faire fausse route sur les chemins des rencontres. Gare aux fleures bleu et âme romantique Greg vous ramène les pieds sur terre illico presto si votre flirt ne parait pas intéresser plus que ça grâce à son analyse aiguisé d'homme.
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Commentaires client les plus utiles sur Amazon.com (beta)
Amazon.com: 3.9 étoiles sur 5  1.203 commentaires
872 internautes sur 953 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 Overdue and universally applicable 25 septembre 2004
Par Michael T. Rognlien - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Relié
This book really isn't just for women, and it really isn't just about relationships. True, it focuses on empowering women to say "Hey, I'm worth more than this and I'm not going to settle" which is a wonderful thing to realize, but it really goes beyond relationships. We are conditioned to work hard (and, as an unfortunate side effect, suffer) for everything in life - jobs, material possessions, etc - and when love or money or other things we want don't come to us, it's easier emotionally to justify and/or make excuses as to why we're not getting what we feel we deserve when we want it. Whether it's the attention of a man (or woman) or a promotion at work, the power of this book is that it tells you in no uncertain terms that YOU are the only one who will suffer if you continue to cling to something that wasn't meant to be.

The authors have really stumbled on to something good here - what I took away from this book and will continue to remember is that life is too short to pine for things that aren't meant to happen. Who knows how many great things pass us by because we're too busy worrying about getting something or someone that just wasn't meant to be. Read it and weep, if you must, but then also be glad that - if you apply what you've learned and make it your mantra - it's the last time you will cry over a love or aspiration unrealized.
539 internautes sur 615 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
2.0 étoiles sur 5 This is so WRONG -- what about shy guys?!? 15 décembre 2005
Par Burton Kent - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Relié
Disclaimer - I've only looked at the first third of this book. What I did look at was ALL WRONG.

The author breezily explains to women that if a guy was interested in you, he would make a move. That's it. Every single time.

I'll let you in on a secret. Most guys are actually terrified of women... or more specifically, terrified of rejection. This is especially true if you have an ongoing relationship (whether a business relationship, same circle of friends, etc.) where he will have to "revisit" his rejection repeatedly.

For some men, asking a woman out is tantamount to a MARRIAGE PROPOSAL. It makes them THAT nervous, or even MORE nervous. At least with a proposal, the guy has some idea of what answer to expect.

I used to be like this. Women would literally pull me aside and tell me what a great guy I am. I didn't have confidence in my attractiveness, so I didn't realize they were actually telling me they LIKED me. A LOT. I really did think they were telling me they really dig me as a friend.

As a result -- I never did anything.

(AAAAAAUGGGGHHHHH!!!!)

I don't have this problem anymore. But... I definitely do see this in a lot of guys. Perhaps the world the author lives in is full of confident guys. That's why I give this 2 stars instead of 1... I'm giving him a slight benefit of the doubt.

I'm not done yet though ... here's an added twist...

The more a guy likes you (I'm talking to the women reading this), in some cases he may actually be less likely to ask you out. He values you too much to risk messing things up.

So... this book is WRONG in the majority of cases, in my experience. Buy a flirting book instead, to give him signals so he'll have some degree of confidence he won't be rejected. That's what flirting is for.

My advice -- find out a little bit about his dating experience. If he hasn't had many girlfriends, he's shy. If he HAS had many girlfriends, then MAYBE this book will apply.

---
Followup:
To all those people who disagree with me, I have two things to say. First. I agree with you. Being shy is worthless. I'm very forthright now if I'm into a woman, and it works well for me. If not, moving on.

Second, seems like most people who disagree in comments (and are probably clicking "No" to if this review is helpful) don't like that some guys are shy. Well, no s***, Sherlock. Really, did you read the review? I'm not endorsing being shy or taking a woman too seriously. I'm saying it happens. Big difference, but apparently it's lost on quite a few people.
373 internautes sur 428 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
1.0 étoiles sur 5 Don't bother 19 novembre 2004
Par South Asian Book Worm - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Relié
Most of what the male author of this book states is common sense. E.g. "a cheating man is bad", "If he doesn't call you, ask you out, sleep with you, he isn't into you". However--I hold great contention in how absolute the author in his assessment of men. He presumes all men work the same, and that's just not true.

In the book he gives an example of a girl dating a man who's just come out of a divorce. He's told her that he's not ready to get into a serious relationship right now because he just got out of one--makes complete sense. The author's assessment? "He's just not that into you". Are you kidding me? He says that if a man likes you, he will do what it takes to keep you in his life--he's knows a jewel when he sees one. So are you saying that the fact that he just came out of a broken wedlock couldn't possibly have left him with hesitations about entering into another long term relationship so soon regardless of the girl? Give me a break.

The author also says that if a man wants you, he'll do whatever it takes to get you. I strongly disagree. Take a look at the (male) author of this book, he's a self-proclaimed "bad boy", who we may deduce was probably pretty cocky when it came to dating. I'm guessing (as per the "bad boy stereotypical formula") that he had no problems approaching and pursuing women. The thing is though Mr. Author-man, not all men are created the same.

Some men are shy.

Some men genuinely have baggage.

Some men need a little encouragement because their last few attempts have falled flat.

I agree that the male should do a lot of the pursuing, but I don't think the girl needs to sit back and allow herself to be led at the will of the guy. That's simply ridiculous.

The black and white "If he doesn't do 'x', then he's not into you" is way too simplistic, and it's a mindset that could potential ruin a perfectly good relationship if followed.

I do feel that some women make too many excuses for the way men treat them--and this book should shed light on them. However, I caution them to read with a grain of salt because not all men are of the type the author write about.

I'm suspect when a non-expert writes so-called "expert" books. There's definitely something to be said having formal education training --you understand that humans are complex beings composed of many different experiences, emotions, and opinions that form the way they react in a relationship setting.

My advice (and this is free!): Be yourself, relax, and don't try too hard to get someone to like you. Recognize the common sense warning signs, and never stay in a relationship that doesn't make you happy 95% of the time.
103 internautes sur 115 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
2.0 étoiles sur 5 This book has a FATAL FLAW 17 décembre 2004
Par Dean - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Relié
The author's of this book arrogantly proclaim that men who are interested in you will do all sorts of creative things to initiate dating, ask a girl out, and come up with all sorts of wonderful, clever romantic things to build your relationship upon - IF they're interested of course.

However, the reality is that this doesn't hold true for a large % of men. Many of us are shy and avoid the bar/club games, slick come-on lines and all the other things that these authors so steadfastly proclaim that all of us men will do.

It could VERY WELL be that the man is absolutely interested in you, however, he is too shy to ask you out, he is uncomfortable to walk across the room while you are surrounded with your friends to initiate a conversation, he is perhaps a great guy, however, he isn't Mr. Smooth on how to wine, dine, romance and seduce a woman.

According the authors, these men must instantly be dismissed forever because "he just isn't that into you". Ridiculous. In fact, I would also argue that a large % of the time, it isn't so clear as to whether or not the women is into HIM for the exact same reasons - SHE is shy, she isn't making her feelings known, she isn't the clever player who does the dating thing just right, etc.

I'm sure this book has some helpful advice for women who desperately cling to failed partners, however, without question it should be taken with a grain of salt.
105 internautes sur 119 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
2.0 étoiles sur 5 Some guys are just not that macho 21 octobre 2004
Par Jimbo - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Relié
Some guys are shy and get an attack of nerves when confronted by women.

Some guys have spent the major part of their lives in studies and are inexperienced in matters life, love and women.

Some guys have spent the major part of their lives in studies and have discoved TO THEIR COST that they are inexperienced in matters life, love and women.

Some guys are looking for an equal partnership and are not interested in playing by "the rules".

Some guys have developed a life of their own and dedicating effort to "the hunt" has drifted off their radar. Is there space for you in his life? Who knows if you don't make an effort!

Some guys really HAVE been hurt bad and prefer clear signals from a woman before trying again.

Some guys have learnt getting familiar with someone in non-dating frameworks is a better way of REALLY getting to know you. Dating is almost a waste of time. Everyone's on their best behavior!

Some guys have a huge workload, just started a company, just had a disappointment, lost someone important... and find it's too early/are too proud/whatever - to involve you in their problems. And perhaps a relationship is too much for him right now. Later?

Some guys may have low self-esteem, erectile difficulties, goodness knows what else - sure, that's a turnoff. But it's not that they're "just not that into you"!

Some guys don't believe you are interested in them for themselves. Can he offer a comfortable life? Is that why you want him? Does he sense that - but still likes you? Complicated, isn't it?!

Some guys may not share this vision of standard New York dating. Not into alternatives? Fine, but again, it's not because he's "just not that into you"! - By the way, many non-starter romantic relationships blossom into beautiful friendships.

Some guys haven't seen SATC and cannot smell what you expect of them!

Obviously, if the guy's a no-hoper, not for you, or REALLY not responding, don't waste your time. Maybe he doesn't want to hurt you? Ideally, both should declare their intentions. But few can handle that, esp. so soon. And besides, how many guys are communicative?!

Also, realise women are now independent and responsible for themselves. Both parties must bring something to the relationship. Build yourself and your life up. Love yourself first. Waiting is death.

So?
Men are complicated.
Women are complicated.
Relationships are even more complicated.
Deal with it.

Oh, and maybe he IS "just not that into you"!
Add that to the book's list of excuses.
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