1 internautes sur 1 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile
- Publié sur Amazon.com
To be fair, I knew this was a mockbuster going into it, and most mockbusters aren't as bad as people make them out to be, because they want to hold it to the standard of the original movie... same with remakes. People expect something and then hate it when what they see isn't a carbon copy of the original. So, when I watched this, I judged it solely on its own merit and story.
With that said, let me say this... this is one of the WORST movies I have seen in recent memory... and that is saying something, because I just watched some really bad recent releases last night!
What made this movie so bad? Let me explain...
We start out with an 18 year old Jack in what looked like maybe 1940's-1950's London... could have been another part of Britain, but let's just go with London. A mysterious dude shows up on Jack's 18th birthday, stating he was a friend of Jack's long missing father, and gives Jack a package, that his parents do not want him to have. So, in typical teenager mode, he storms off with the package in a huff, hops on his moped with his girlfriend and goes out into the middle of nowhere and opens the package to find a couple of fossilized seeds in it. So naturally, Jack throws them into the big empty field, out of anger, and next scene we see Jack getting a phone call and heading out to the field where a big beanstalk has grown. The beanstalk hijacks Jack, and tosses him up into the the big sky cloud world, where Jack wanders around for a few hours...
Enter the bad guy (or in this case, girl) of the movie. A woman sits in a ridiculously ornate room looking into a big black crystal ball, and touches an amulet at her neck and says "bring him to me"... How mysterious...
Cut back to Jack and he hears this rumbling, sees a big triceratops type of creature running toward him, and Jack starts running away in panic. He sees a flying castle and runs toward it... Jumps to catch a trapeze type of swing under the flying castle and is hauled on board by his long lost father, who hasn't aged a day... He's only been in the big sky cloud world for 19 days... which equal 19 years on Earth... Not a new concept in the Jack and the Beanstalk film literature out there... Jack's father takes him back to the beanstalk in time to see it collapse and disappear. He then takes Jack to the bad buy of the movie, the "witch"... she was so memorable, I've already forgotten her name...
Cut back to Jack's girlfriend on Earth planting another seed and being hauled to the sky cloud world... and then cut back to the castle where you see Jack's father and Jack enter the castle and come up on the "witch" while she's in an antique type of bath. She gets up, and you see her from the knees down... No nudity, just Jack's father's funny face as he tries to avoid looking at the woman... The "witch" goes on and on about wanting retribution on the people of Earth, because she was kidnapped by Giants when she was little, and no one came to rescue her. Jack's father sees Jack's girlfriend in the big black crystal ball, and bails out of the "witch's" castle with Jack, and they run to the girl's side.
So, now Jack is reunited with his girlfriend just in time for the "witch" to come out of nowhere, riding on one of her big triceratops type of beasties, and hijack the beanstalk down to Earth. She takes with her three smaller triceratops looking creatures, and one mammoth one that looks like a triceratops on stilts... Really, the legs were so long it was a wonder the thing didn't fall over itself. Anyway, down the "witch" and her beasties go to Earth, while Jack, his girlfriend, and father decide to drop the flying castle over the side of the sky cloud world's cliff edge, and plummet down to stop her.
Cut to the "witch" arriving on Earth, and enter the dumbest and least believable military leader I have ever seen in a movie. The writing for this guy was so bad, I sat here wondering if he was supposed to be a 12 year old playing at being a military leader. His dialogue was such a joke. It was truly painful to watch. In addition, he commands a small troop of maybe 12 soldiers that are as dense and dumb as their commanding officer is. The "witch" makes her demands to rule Earth, and the commanding officer orders his soldiers to fire on her. They pump clip after clip of bullets at her and her beasties, but nothing penetrates the beastie's hides. Those are some tough little beasties.
A cop, I think he was supposed to be, coaxes the not too bright "witch" out of the city, on the premise of speaking with "someone in authority that can give in to her demands"... So she docilely walks her beasties out of town. And we have come to the final location for the movie. In the field, the "witch" meets with the person she believes to be the Prime Minister, but who is in fact, the very same man that gave Jack the beans that started this whole calamity to start with. The cop guy that duped the "witch" out of town does most of the talking, and relays the "witch's" real demands to the military commander, who orders them back and fires on the "witch" and her beasties again, using WWII eraish cannons. And, then he stands in the middle of the field with his 12 little soldiers and fires more bullets at them, like it's going to do any good. Hey, it didn't work the first time, so why not do it again, and maybe it'll work this time, right?
Just as the biggest of the beasties is going to literally stomp on the commander, the flying castle with Jack and party fall right on its head. But, if you feel any sympathy for the death of the beastie, don't. It gets right back up as soon they are off of the castle and on solid ground. Yay! Jack is reunited with his mum and step-dad. Everyone retreats a little bit, and they come up with a plan to try and stop the big bad beasties and the "witch". Jack runs back home to get his Iron Man type of suit, and his dad approaches the "witch" to get her magical amulet that allows her to control the beasties. Jack's father smashes the amulet and the beasties go wild. Like we couldn't see that coming.
So, now the less than puffed up with herself "witch" wants to help kill the beasties she brought down with her. Jack's father tries to kill one of them the same way he killed the Giants. With the use of a Benjamin Franklin kite and key during a thunderstorm to electrocute it. The electrocution doesn't work, and out comes Jack in his big Iron man type of suit. Jack gets eaten by the beastie and then you see the beastie fall down dead and Jack's suit coming out of it's throat. He didn't even make it down to the stomach before he tore his way out.
Then everyone acts like the threat is over, and everything is ok. Jack's girlfriend gives him back his jacket, and he finds another bean in the pocket. Exit stage right...
Ok, so what happened to the other three smaller beasties? In case I missed it, they weren't killed. Just the big one, and yet the threat is over, and life returns to normal...? What?
This movie suffered from bad writing, to a bad director, to really really bad actors. The CGI was the cheapest they could get, and most of the movie was filmed outdoors on location in fields, because the movie clearly lacked the budget to build sets. I think there were three whole sets in the entire movie. The rest was just overgrown dead fields in the middle of nowhere. There was nothing even remotely redeeming about this movie. Save yourself the hour and a half of your life, and just watch the real Jack and the Giant Slayer movie that this was a mock up of... That was at least a good movie.
The Asylum should stick to making their bad syfy B-movies, and leave the mockbusters alone.