Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box [Anglais] [Broché]

Leadership and Self Deception was originally published in 2000 and has become an international bestseller with over 750,000 copies sold & translated into 22 languages. The book tells a story about a senior business executive who is struggling at the office and at home. (He doesn't know he's struggling professionally to optimize results - but he quickly learns this is the case.)

* This is a simple story, with a logical message. Yet, the story nicely explains that we all often fail to see that we have a problem. We do engage in self-deception. We do "unwittingly sabotage relationships at work and at home." And our actions do provoke a response that encourages the opposite of our intention.

* Part I explains "Self-Deception and the Box." Part II explains "How We Get In the Box." Part III explains "How We Get Out of the Box." Being "In the box" is seeing others as objects. "Out of the Box" is seeing yourself and others as people. (They make this come alive in the book.)

* As I was reading the book, particularly Part I and Part II, I was impressed at how they framed the narrative and discussion to make me realize how I've been deceiving myself. Several "AHA" moments here. Rather than give too much of the story line away - they use a simple example of a Business Executive sleeping and then hearing his infant crying - he knows that he should get up to help his spouse - he doesn't - he then justifies not getting up by mentally elevating his importance (he needs to get up early in the morning; he's the main bread winner; he's a good dad; he's the victim) while he mentally frames up his spouse who isn't getting up as being lazy, unappreciative, inconsiderate, etc. He elevates his own importance over his wife; he rationalizes why he is justified in not getting up to help the baby; he gets angry and this ultimately leads to a response which is opposite to what he was looking for. Even though no words are spoken.

* The "answer" will not be found in a new leadership strategy. It will not be found in developing a new communication skill or changing your behavior. It will not be found in trying to change someone to your way of thinking. The answer is changing "your way of being."

* I'm not a fan of parables because I have often found this format either too contrived or generally not relevant to me. Yet, I believe this story, the message and the anecdotes are universally applicable and true and will resonate with many readers.

* The < 200 page book is a quick and easy read. It should take you less than 3 hours.

* While the book is framed in a business context, it will benefit all readers: leaders, non-leaders, professionals and individuals in for-profits and non-for-profits.

* Any cons? I have two "nits." (1) You reach the end of the book to learn that Part II (Accountability Transformation System) and Part III (Monitoring System) are not discussed or included in the book and you would need to enroll in Arbinger's seminars to learn this. This was a bit deceptive and unnecessary in my opinion as the core message in the book remains powerful. They should have stripped these references from the story and included it in the appendix. (2) Later editions of the book were revised to include a section on "How to Use Leadership and Self-Deception" including hiring, team building, conflict resolution, accountability and personal growth and development. This section added very little utility - but again, it does not detract from the value of the book.

* So many self-help books leave no lasting value or impression - you get a quick high (if you are lucky) and the message evaporates. Not this one. This one will stick. Highly recommended.

This was a management book from work so I read it before seeing the reviews here. I was really looking forward to it because introspection and self deception among leaders are concepts I've thought about at work. After reading it however, I can't seem to understand why so many have such high praises for this book, though of course, the book itself has a ready answer for that -- I must be inside the box. The authors have done a good job there at least in setting up a concept where if you disagree with it, you haven't been enlightened yet.

My main comments:
a. Narrative form. While this can be good, it's overdone in this book. The characters are too flat and designed to be exactly what the authors need to make their point. No depth, no constraints on their actions. Just stick figures. Likewise the story is set up in self justifying little snippets.
b. The authors use the story format to set up strawman arguments and proceed to knock them down. No counterpoints or alternatives are allowed to mess up the narrative. Each time they get to a key point, they put it off for later with a "you're not ready for that yet" statement. Later turns out to be seminars your company can purchase.
c. No data or background research is presented. Mostly pop psychology presented in such a way to resonate with people, and like pop corn fills you up with no substance. The closest thing to data are random notes in the back about someone, somewhere, learning something.
d. The book is not complete in itself. It's a teaser for the seminars offered by the authors.
e. While there are some good points in here, they could as easily been covered in a two page white paper (or 862 PowerPoint slides)

Bottom line, if you read the reviews here, you will be given the entire message from the book.

I bought Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting out of the Box and The Anatomy of Peace: Resolving the Heart of Conflict because I'll be starting a program in conflict resolution in a few months and I wanted to become more familiar with some of the basic concepts before I started. So far, I've only read Leadership and Self-Deception. I bought the two books because they are popular and were reviewed by a lot of people, and the majority of reviews were very positive. I have to admit I was in a bit of a rush, so I just read a couple of the very positive reviews as well as a couple of the very negative reviews befor I made my order.

When I received the books I was surprised to find they were written in narrative form. Because the books were written by an "institution" and not a specific author, I wrongly believed the style of the writing would be more scholarly or at a minimum journalistic. That's what I was looking for.

Because it was written as a narrative, I feel it's only fair to briefly review this aspect of the book. I found all of it very contrived, and I felt like I was being pushed along from point to point to point. All fictional narrative is about manipulating the thoughts and feelings of the reader (movie goer) and that's fine because it's a part of the contract between the narrative creator and the viewer. In the case of narrative in Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting out of the Box I felt manipulation because the message (themes) were meant to be so clear. I think with fictional or journalist narratives the themes aren't supposed to be so on the nose or in the case of journalistic writing it's often just descriptive or factual. There is some room for interpretation. Anyway, for me, the narrative structure wasn't effective because I felt manipulated.

At the end of the book, there is a section on how the book changed people's lives but the lack of details about the individuals bothered me. For example, an unnamed police department in an unnamed major city uses the book. An unnamed CEO fired himself but not before hiring his unnamed replacement. For me, the lack of detail undermines the credibility of the message. I would have much preferred a research based approach with analysis of actual events. Generic anecdotes don't do it for me.

As for the message of the book, I thought many of anecdotes were interesting and universally true. I think there is value in becoming aware of how we deceive ourselves at times. And of course, we should see others has people and not as objects. I think if we made an attempt to treat others more genuinely the world would be a better place. Unfortunately, having an intellectual understanding of the concepts isn't enough to put them into practice. I believe this to be true and the authors of the book do mention this in the book. To do that, we'll need to pay for courses provided by the Arbinger Institute (or other organization). I think that's fine. From what I read about the institute, they do seem to have their hearts in the right place and they do seem to want to make people's lives and the world a better place and I don't see any reason why they shouldn't make some money from their efforts.

The bottom line for me was the book cost about $12.00, I read it in an afternoon, I learned a few things, and thought about myself a little bit more deeply. I'll try and keep the concepts in mind when dealing with others. I'll pass the book on to my wife to see what she thinks. It will give us something share (which is good), but I think I'll need to find some other books to read on the subject that better meet my needs. Any suggestions?