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Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall: A Parent's Guide to the New Teenager [Format Kindle]

Anthony E. Wolf Ph.D.
4.0 étoiles sur 5  Voir tous les commentaires (1 commentaire client)

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This is a survival guide for parents who find themselves marooned among volatile and incomprehensible aliens on Planet Teen. Area maps cover the obvious ground--there are chapters on school, sex, suicide, and so on--but it's the title of Chapter 2, "What They Do and Why," that best captures the book's spirit and technique. Anthony Wolf's modus operandi is not so much to make pronouncements about what parents should do, as to explain adolescent behavior in a way that's bound to leave parents with a changed view of the plausible options. Wolf is a clinical psychologist, and his writing is clear--even witty--and he doesn't resort to jargon. The expository text is punctuated with snatches of illustrative dialogue, which serve as concrete examples and help parents learn how to see, anticipate, and avoid "bad strategies." (One key mistake is getting dragged into no-win conflicts instead of having the wisdom to shut up at the moment when shutting up would be most effective--albeit the least satisfying--thing to do.) There are also some nicely tongue-in-cheek samples of "ideal" communication--the stuff we imagine might get said if only we were better parents. After one such rosily cooperative and considerate interchange between a father and his adolescent son, Wolf offers the following two-edged comfort: "The above conversation has never happened. Never. Not in the whole history of the world." Message: Parenting adolescents is inherently difficult. Don't judge your efforts by otherworldly standards. --Richard Farr

From Publishers Weekly

This updated edition (a chapter on gay and lesbian teenagers and the ramifications of the electronic world have been added) will be as useful to parents as the 1992 version. Wolf, a clinical psychologist who works with adolescents (Why Did You Have to Get a Divorce? And When Can I Get a Hamster?), clearly has a feel for both the angst of young people who must deal with an evermore complex world and the difficulties parents face when a cooperative loving child morphs into a teenager who lies, talks back and avoids parental company. Humorous and insightful, Wolf describes what is, rather than what mothers and fathers of rebellious and thoughtless adolescents wish would be. He is forthright in stating that "you do not win the battle for control with teenagers... usually the best you get is imperfect control." Despite the best efforts of parents, today's adolescents frequently drink, experiment with drugs and are sexually active. According to the author, however, it is still important to have rules even though a teenager may break them. If parents clearly state their expectations of behavior and restate them when a teen disobeys, their son or daughter will, to some extent, internalize the rules and abide by them sometimes. In addition to providing excellent advice on particular situations, including divorce, school problems and stepparenting, he makes the often obnoxious manner in which teens communicate with their parents understandable as a rite of passage that they will eventually outgrow.
Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

Détails sur le produit

  • Format : Format Kindle
  • Taille du fichier : 524 KB
  • Nombre de pages de l'édition imprimée : 240 pages
  • Editeur : Farrar, Straus and Giroux; Édition : 2 (21 août 2002)
  • Vendu par : Amazon Media EU S.à r.l.
  • Langue : Anglais
  • ASIN: B008S0JUA0
  • Synthèse vocale : Activée
  • X-Ray :
  • Word Wise: Non activé
  • Composition améliorée: Activé
  • Moyenne des commentaires client : 4.0 étoiles sur 5  Voir tous les commentaires (1 commentaire client)
  • Classement des meilleures ventes d'Amazon: n°312.784 dans la Boutique Kindle (Voir le Top 100 dans la Boutique Kindle)
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Commentaires client les plus utiles
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Recommended by a friend, this book lies now on my bedside table. It gives practical and pragmatic answers to your questions. And makes you feel less lonely because you realize that lots of parents go through the same problems with their teens. Many situations mentioned in the book will appear very familiar to you and will make you smile, or even laugh.
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Amazon.com: 4.5 étoiles sur 5  302 commentaires
158 internautes sur 159 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 Wolf's writing is wonderful and his advice is genuine. 15 novembre 1999
Par Un client - Publié sur Amazon.com
Anthony E. Wolf has added another parenting guide to his list of help books. -Get Out Of My Life, But First Could You Drive Me and Cheryl To The Mall? offers advice and much needed assistance to parents who are raising teenagers. Wolf describes today's adolescents as the "new teenager who are different than teenagers of previous generations and many parents are finding them almost impossible to deal with. They are bolder, less obedient, and their world is much more threatening and complicated. Therefore, the parents of today's "new teenagers" need to alter their parenting skills to be better equipped to handle such matters and Wolf's book can help. Most adults view teenagers as immature robots of disobedience who are merely trying to be difficult and miserable. But Wolf describes adolescents and their behavior in ways which make them seem much more needy of their parents love, guidance, and compassion. Wolf's book does not administer a list of rules of what to do and what not to do when raising a teenager. Instead he offers a variety of real life situations and he suggests methods parents may use to deal with these issues. . And, if there is no solution, as is the case in some of the situations, Wolf is not afraid to say so. Also, Wolf goes beyond just describing these situations. He gets behind the problem and explains why teenagers act the way that they do. His words act as a translator for the very foreign language of teenage behavior and very often his descriptions make their behavior seem much less despicable and much more comprehendible. Wolf covers such areas as parental decision making, lying teenagers, confrontation and how parents should handle it, teenagers who continually break rules, and methods parents should use to make rules. Wolf also addresses more modern issues like divorce, parenting alone, sex, suicide, and alcohol and drug use. Wolf does a wonderful job of assuring the parent that it is o.k. if they make mistakes while raising their teenagers. He is sure to remind his readers that adolescence is a stage and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Most importantly, Wolf offers assurance to parents that their efforts during these teenage years, however fruitless they may seem at the time, are crucial. Through his writing Wolf speaks to the hearts of parents without using a preachy or condescending tone. His advice is genuine and his concern is real. `Get Out Of My Life' is a loving and compassionate guide to understanding today's teenagers. This book helps not only parents, but anyone who is involved with teenagers, truly understand their lives and not feel so angry at them all the time. Wolf offers his advice in a funny, easy to understand, real life, sensitive way, which draws the reader in and makes these difficult years seem much more survivable. He expels the monster image of adolescence that many people carry and replaces it with a much more lovable image that is needy of their parents attention. I applaud Wolf's work and strongly suggest it to anyone dealing with today's youth.
85 internautes sur 85 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 a book that didn't make me feel guilty 2 janvier 1999
Par ldunham123@aol.com - Publié sur Amazon.com
I am an avid reader and get most of my information this way. So, I've read many books to help me get through these teenage years, which stated half way through 6th grade (age 12) and continuing with frightening fury through age 14. Mostly, they have made me feel guilty for things I hadn't done. This books takes you where you're at as ugly as it may be. This is the first time I have been able to feel that my daughter is normal, that is an important first step in dealing with a teenager. Chapter 3 was most meaningful for me. It dealt with letting go and accepting the person you're child has become. We spend our child's lives raising them and protecting them and as if overnight, we are expected to stand back and live with our creation. I also appreciated how he recognizes some parents feelings that although we love them, we at times hate them and want to cause them physical harm. I too, feel like this was written about my child. I also feel that he must have heard some of the conversations we have had and repeated them verbatim. He wrote this book long before I ever dreamed those words could come out of my darling daughters mouth. I feel not so alone.
154 internautes sur 166 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
3.0 étoiles sur 5 Where are the consequences? 22 avril 2008
Par VRhodes - Publié sur Amazon.com
After several recommendations by friends with teens, I've almost finished this book after a couple of days of reading. Helpful points include the reminders to not engage in pointless arguments and to state my position clearly and concisely and not to lecture. My problem with the book is the lack of any apparent consequences for bad behavior. Teen comes in an hour past curfew? Re-state the appropriate curfew time and move on. Teen lies about grades on homework? Overlook the lie and re-state expectations about homework. Teen calls parent a f-ing b*tch? Ignore the name calling and remain silent. While I agree it creates ongoing conflict to call kids out on these behaviors and punish them, I think that is a necessary part of the landscape and to think otherwise is unrealistically permissive.
58 internautes sur 60 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
4.0 étoiles sur 5 Lighthearted Approach to Adolescence 23 novembre 1999
Par ejnagot1@aol.com - Publié sur Amazon.com
Get Out Of My Life is a guidebook written to help parents understand and positively manage the difficult adolescent years. Suggestions on how parents can deal with adolescent turmoil, conflict, and real life issues are made.
The physical and intellectual changes associated with adolescence are discussed. How teenagers respond to these uncontrolled changes is remarkably similar within the individual sexes. On the other hand, they can be quite different between the sexes. For example, for young female teens fitting in is paramount. A young female teen's self esteem can be directly tied to their level of popularity. Friends are also very important to young male teens, but the boys are more accepting and less cruel in the process.
The interaction between parent and teenager is described and analyzed. Because the transition from childhood to adolescence is sporadic and out of character, parents are typically caught off guard and unprepared for hostile parent-adolescent interactions. This discussion is especially valuable in providing the bewildered parents examples of predictable teenage demands and how to handle them. For example, the parent of a new teen will immediately recognize the anecdotal descriptions the author provides like, "I don't care". Here the child threatens disobedience with the famous "I don't care what you say or do to me, I'll do what I want......." The author explains that it is the parent's job to discern actual disobedience from threatened disobedience and to avoid the ensuing fight at all costs.
Finally, the book examines the real world external challenges teenagers face and gives the reader statistics, tips, and advise on: peer pressure, drugs, alcohol, divorce between parents, trouble in school, and sex. Again, the author does a good job of building his points using anecdotal parent/teen dialogue. This provides, on the one hand, a mirror for parent's own behavior; while reinforcing the commonality of the teen behavior they are seeing in their children. Anthony Wolf has 30 years of clinical experience in adolescent psychology as well as experience with two of his own teenagers. His purpose in writing the book is to provide characteristic teenage dialogue, with a quintessential situation, and translate it into the naivete of adolescence that it is.
What I liked most about this book was the author's lighthearted approach to adolescence; as a parent of two adolescents myself, I could finally see the humor. It is much funnier when you come to realize that it is all normal and every family with an adolescent will experience it. Although I did not agree with all of his parenting advise, I agreed with the majority of his advice and found his book extremely insightful. I certainly would recommend this book to anyone who wants a better understanding of adolescence behavior.
76 internautes sur 81 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 Defusing parental anger 26 janvier 2006
Par V Helmbreck Mascitti - Publié sur Amazon.com
After raising two and a half teens (my older kids are in their 20s, my youngest is 13) I have to admit that very few childrearing books prepared me for the insanity of the teenage years. Except this one.

I don't think the book is that magic bullet guide we all thought must exist somewhere. But Wolf's observations and suggestions are among the most realistic and common sense ideas I found. He suggests we learn to live with the ultimate reality of kids: They are individuals who will, in the end, do what they want. This doesn't mean their parents should give up or give in. It also doesn't mean that our standards of behavior can't be high or consistent. We must only be willing to acknowledge that they will not always be met and that this process is crucial to growing up.

I found this approach took much of the anger and frustration out of parenting for me. I stopped seeing my kids' resistance to rules and instruction as a personal rejection of my life, my hard work and my ideas. Rather, I came to see it as their own exploration of the world by testing the limits of behavior. Many of the most valuable lessons they learned came from the mistakes I would have liked to have prevented -- but didn't. Teaching them that just because they broke a rule didn't mean that the rule changed or my love for them was somehow diminished helped us all survive without losing our self esteem or respect.

In the long run, learning how to balance guidelines and freedom is the trick of being a parent. Being a rigid authoritarian may feel like the right thing to do at times, but short-term cooperation is no substitute for longterm responsibility and respect for the individuals our children will be -- no mater how well or how badly we raise them.
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