Lost and Found: One Woman's Story of Losing Her Money and Finding Her Life (Anglais) Broché – 3 avril 2012
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Présentation de l'éditeur
When Geneen Roth and her husband lost their life savings in the Bernard Madoff debacle, Roth joined the millions of Americans dealing with financial turbulence, uncertainty, and abrupt reversals in their expectations. The resulting shock was the catalyst for her to explore how women's habits and behaviors around money-as with food-can lead to exactly the situations they most want to avoid. Roth identified her own unconscious choices: binge shopping followed by periods of budgetary self-deprivation, "treating" herself in ways that ultimately failed to sustain, and using money as a substitute for love, among others. As she examined the deep sources of these habits, she faced the hard truth about where her "self-protective" financial decisions had led. With irreverent humor and hard-won wisdom, she offers provocative and radical strategies for transforming how we feel and behave about the resources that should, and can, sustain and support our lives.
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Commentaires client les plus utiles sur Amazon.com (beta)
I found so many connections to what she wrote about money and my own relationship...with dating and relationships. It was almost eerie, and I think anyone who's felt that they should look to an authority figure who "knows better," whether about money or another topic, who has purposefully avoided looking at the hard things, thinking they'd either go away or magically take care of themselves, who's used money to soothe themselves, will get something out of this book.
At first, especially if you're someone who lives paycheck to paycheck, the idea that someone with such a nest egg could feel worried about money seems a bit audacious, over-the-top, but it's a very clear line from those who are thin but feel fat, and what Roth does best here is describe that feeling, and how the extreme nature of what happened with her savings forced her to reckon with her previous thinking. The stories about her father's treatment of money (tossing it onto the floor and making everyone else literally scramble on the ground to pick it up) are eerie and disturbing, but Roth never asks us to feel sorry for her. She isn't looking at what made Madoff do what he did but rather how her own attitude fosters her ignorance and allowed her to continue to put money into a category outside of her own mind. This is a powerful book that I will certainly be rereading, and Roth masterfully looks deep inside as well as outside, amongst her peers who lost money to Madoff and their varying reactions as well as in a broader sense, to what money does and doesn't signify in our culture.
<> When money (food) becomes simply money (food) - a means of exchange that allows us food, shelter, clothing, and comfort (nourishment, energy, stamina, strength, health) - instead of the antidote to our low opinions of ourselves, we can begin using it in ways that generate well-being rather than exacerbate insanity. But we cannot have a sane relationship with money (food) until we have a sane relationship with ourselves.
<> Obsession with shopping is a form of autism. But is it the thing/food I want or is it the aliveness, no matter how temporary? If I've convinced myself I need to buy something I can't afford (or to eat huge amounts of highly-caloric food), I need to remember that when my psychological survival is at stake, survival trumps good intentions every time. But if I allow the lack to be there - then there is no shame, no fight, no desperate need to fill it. As soon as I stop fighting the deprivation, I see that it's in the past and what I really wanted THEN was a feeling, not a thing.
<> Sufficiency is an experience, not a given amount. "Enough" is a relationship to what you already have.
That's what was useful for ME to read - but it took slogging through a couple hundred pages to glean that. Now that I think about it, I've had the same problem with virtually all of Geneen's other writings - there's too much hypothesizing "filler" and not enough substance! Still, if you've got the time and inclination, this book is not without insights.
Geneen pulls no punches in the book. From "grovelling for dollars" to "Madoff rage" to the "specter of homelessness," Lost and Found is a candid revelation about what Geneen learned by losing her life's savings in Bernie Madoff's Ponzi Scheme. The book gives us insight into Geneen Roth's open-ended inquiry into her relationship with money, her unconscious attitudes toward money, her life habits around money, and how she has begun to free herself from it all through awareness & inquiry.
It takes a lot of courage to reveal so many personal and intimate details as Geneen has in her book. The gift of it for the reader is that we can connect with her and her experience in a real way. Lost and Found isn't a dispassionate treatise on the effects and insights of falling victim to one of the greatest con men of all time, nor is it a tale of "woe is me." Lost and Found is more a journey of revelation from a person responding to a "wake up call" from reality.
We are fortunate to have a person like Geneen Roth who can show us the beauty and power of bringing awareness and inquiry into all of our life.
Writers write what they know, and just as her years of suffering with disordered eating allowed Geneen to write life-changing books on the subject, the loss of her life savings in the Madoff scandal resulted in the profound discoveries she is able to share with us in _Lost and Found_.
When I read _Women Food and God_, I found myself having so many aha!-moments and writing down pages of notes to capture points that I wanted to be sure to remember. Similarly, while absorbing every word of _Lost and Found_ , my wow-this-is-a-fascinating-idea-I-want-to-revisit pages of notes started to become a book of their own.
Here's just a sampling of some of the insights she stumbles upon in her lost-and-found journey:
Seeing what you don't have:
"When you believe in accumulating, you see what you don't have, not what you do have." (p. 8)
Obsessions as a way to change your mind's channel:
"When we are obsessed with anything--food, drugs, alcohol, making or spending money--the obsession takes on a life of its own--and then defines how we spend our time, our energy, our resources. Obsession is a form of autism, a way to cover our ears and block out the background noise, a way to protect ourselves when the situation feels vulnerable or dangerous or anxiety producing. Obsession is a way to change the channel when you don't like what's barreling across the screen of your mind." (pp. 48-49)
Survival instincts hijack long-range perspectives:
"When the imperative to shop (or eat or drink or take drugs) takes over, nothing else exists. It's why diets don't work, budgets get thrown out, credit-card debt keeps accumulating. The momentary imperative of survival will always, in every situation, hijack long-range perspective." (pp. 50-51)
Decoupling associations through awareness:
"When we associate love with shopping for twenty or thirty years, or when we pair any kind of discomfort--anxiety, boredom, fear, loneliness, sadness--with danger (fragmenting, collapsing, falling apart), neural pathways get established in the brain; our responses to situations will endlessly follow those same pathways until we establish new ones. Until we uncouple shopping from connectedness or anxiety from danger, we will repeat the same behaviors again and again." (p. 51)
The courage to change:
"It takes motivation to see through the patterns. It takes the courage to actually see that we don't want to see. It also takes confidence that it is possible to get to that other side. That there is something better than an immediate fix: knowing your own mind, contacting your own heart. Tell the truth. Understanding that feelings won't kill you." (p. 52)
It's not about the food or money:
"Since both food and money--nourishment and worth--are inextricably woven into the fabric of love and lack of love, they trigger feelings of deprivation, abundance, sufficiency, giving, receiving, entitlement, needs, wants, pleasure, suffering--and survival itself."(pp. 65-66).... "Our relationships to food and money are reactive and unconscious. They are ways we express ancient, outdated beliefs about meaning and loving and living. About wanting and giving and receiving." (p. 73)
"The impact and meaning of a catastrophe are not in the event itself. The ability to tolerate it is a function not of what happens but of our relationship to ourselves and our own minds. In that simple realization is absolute freedom." (p 94)
The true disaster:
"The big horrible thing isn't about the plane crash or the earthquake or the diagnosis. When those things occur, we act, we know what to do. We live or we die. Hell is what we do in the meantime. It is the ways we starve our souls as we prepare for the future that never comes as planned. The true disaster is living the life in your mind and missing the one in front of you." (pp. 95-96)
The cost of being loyal to the unconscious:
"If you are not willing to face that which will destroy you, you will never discover that who you truly are can never be destroyed." (p. 119)
Addictions--trying to fill an emptiness that can't be filled:
"The nub of any addiction is the belief in your own deficiency and the assumption that it can be fixed by a tangible substance...If you're trying to fill something that can't be filled with what you're using, the emptiness never goes away and you keep wanting more." (p. 143)
Questioning your beliefs:
"Whether it's the relationship with food or money or drugs or alcohol or shopping, the main factor in any kind of change is whether or not you are willing to truly question your beliefs about yourself and the world. Whether or not you are wiling to listen to yourself in a way you've probably never done." (p. 195)
OK, I'll stop the review here before I give away too much more of the book. But, I'll close by saying that if you're ready to find answers by uncovering, questioning, and revising your deep-seated beliefs (whether it be about food, money, or other tangible stand-ins that may have put you in a trance), then you'll likely find _Lost and Found_ to be the perfect find.
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