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Men Who Can't Love (Anglais) Poche – 1 juin 1988

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Book by Carter Steven Julia Sokol

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HERE'S THE PROBLEM: Many men have an exaggerated fear of commitment. Lire la première page
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Couverture | Copyright | Table des matières | Extrait | Quatrième de couverture
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Commentaires client les plus utiles sur (beta) 253 commentaires
100 internautes sur 104 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
after the fairy tale beginning........ 22 mars 2000
Par Un client - Publié sur
Format: Poche
This is an important book for anyone who is suffering the fallout of a fairy tale beginning of a relationship. I recently found myself engaged after only 4 months of dating (and I am someone that ALL my friends call overly-cautious where men are concerned). He was everything I ever wanted in a man....or so I thought. Things were great until a ring was purchased. All of a sudden, nothing I wanted or needed in life mattered to this man, nothing I did was right and I began to feel like I had no business breathing. It was like being hit by a bus head on. I walked around shell-shocked for days..pleading with him to please talk to me....what happened? Thank goodness for this book. I started reading this book with the hope that things would work out between us but by the end I no longer WANTED things to 'work out' with this man. When I read the line "would you let a friend treat you like this?" I thought....NO WAY. If a friend did to me what he's done, that person would be written off my list. I do think that one should not read this book and believe that all the commitment problems are his. NOTHING happens in our lives by accident. If you are in a world of hurt because of a relationship THIS IS THE BOOK TO READ!
109 internautes sur 114 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
Helps Heal and Keeps You Strong 31 janvier 2000
Par SMB - Publié sur
Format: Poche
I have read this book three times. Each time I find more information and it further explains my ex-boyfriend as he has through the years let out more of his Commitmentphobic tendencies. This book really hits the nail on the head with this problem. It's like the authors monitored your whole relationship and are now writing about your whole crazy situation! Which helps because reading this lets you know you aren't crazy and to stop beating yourself up over all of the issues the Commitmentphobic person has created. Depending on where you are in your life these relationships could destroy you and everything you have worked for personally and this book could be your saving grace. It doesn't place a lot of nasty blame or finger pointing on the man, it explains Commitmentphobia; it is a real problem! Believe me after he promised counseling and made super romantic attempts to be with me I went back to him each time, after two years we are apart again. Hence this is the third time I have read this book and hopefully the last. It all takes time to sink in I think, no matter how strong you are. Read it whenever you need it to keep your head out of the haze they create and to keep your self-esteem in tact. While reading through the book you will find yourself highlighting nearly the whole book, checking off every sign in the different stages as they are explained. The best money you will ever spend if this is your situation!
100 internautes sur 105 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
Read this book immediately if you can't figure him out. 7 novembre 2001
Par Un client - Publié sur
Format: Poche
I sat in tears at the library reading this book because it was like reading my life. It was so reassuring to know that there are other women who have suffered as much just because we give our love so freely and unconditionally. It was a review of this book that made me go out and read it immediately. She had written about exactly what I was going through. Age seems not to make a difference. Once a commitmentphobe, always one it appears. My "soul-mate" was 20 years older than me, in his late fifties. An interesting twist on my story, is that although he had plenty of money, he never bought me a birthday, Valetine's or Christmas gift. I don't think it was so much the money, as it was his feeling that a gift would indicate commitment. He would never spend the night with me, and seemed content to talk romantically about what the future would hold - how wonderful it would be to snuggle together, couldn't wait to be together all the time, etc. He was just living in a fantasy world of no commitment, while I was seeing a rosy future, completely unaware that he was about to yank the rug out from under me. After never having a fight, always laughing, and romantic walks on the beach, he one night (after a date), announced he didn't see us with a future together. Thankfully, I had the common sense to calmly say that was all I needed to hear, and gave him his things. If you think that not crowding these men will do the trick, forget it. I never once called him, (always waited for him to call me), never asked him to meet my family, never asked to meet his children, never mentioned marriage, continued having an active social life with my friends (he never asked me out for Saturday night dates - just assumed he could call Saturday afternoon, and I'd be sitting there), never went to his place, and also attended school while working full-time. I just assumed that once he realized I had my own active life, and wasn't trying to change his life that he would feel comfortable with marriage. Just as the book says, the very fact that the relationship is so good is what sends them into a tailspin, and makes them ruin it. We went through two breakups, with almost a year apart in between. When we got back together, he was even more romantic, and willing to do anything for us to be together. I was so thrilled, and then just as devastated six months later when he did the same thing again, and ended it. I still miss talking to him and being with him. I will never call him, but when I feel especially down, I read the reviews for the book. Therapy has helped, and it's good to know that it takes on average, two years to get over such a traumatic breakup. For most of us, we see a wonderful future, and then it disappears in an instant. I'm determined not to give him such power over me that he makes my life miserable. What I'm thankful for, is that I saw it before we might have married. The book also says that marriage doesn't change them. They are just as distant and emotionally abusive. I can't imagine the horror of giving up my own place, and one day waking up to hear the words, "I don't love you the way I thought I did". For all of you going through this misery, hang on to that thought. I was also helped a great deal by reading books by Wayne Dyer, and Deepak Chopra. Reading their books will make you stronger, and better able to find a wonderful man who is deserving of you.
50 internautes sur 52 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
Words cannot describe what this book has done 21 août 2000
Par Un client - Publié sur
Format: Poche
It seems like a giant weight has been lifted. I bought and read this book in one day, and it simply turned me around. Like everyone else -- I wish I bought it sooner, because I could have bailed before letting my commitmentphobic jerk me around. Same story -- I wasn't too interested, he pursued like a dog, had to see me, made plans for our future (including taking me to see his parents in his home in the middle east). Then, BOOM -- all of a sudden he wanted nothing to do with me. Of course, I spent weeks wondering how I could have lost Mr. Wonderful -- what did I do wrong? Then I read that Mars/Venus stuff, which "showed how I contributed to the problem". Not a real self-esteem booster, nor is it really based in reality. Then quite by chance I met one of his ex's (small world), who told me he did the same thing when they were together. I then found this book, and can't express how validating it was -- my confidence is fully restored. I really have only one thing to add to the reviews here -- notice that in no case has anyone written "yes, I found this book, and we were able to resolve his issues and are happy". In each case, the commitmentphobic runs like the wind. Let him.
60 internautes sur 64 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
I wish I had read this remarkably healing treatise years ago 23 janvier 2001
Par Un client - Publié sur
Format: Poche
This book was entirely responsible for turning me from a tormented soul trying to save a lost cause into a human being confident that she IS worthy of being loved--by someone else.
This amazing book accurately chronicled, word for word, detail by detail, phase by phase, every particular of my man's behavior in our nine-year relationship. I had always dismissed any possibility that his behavior could be caused by fear of commitment, because I never asked him for any commitment. So imagine my surprise to discover that he is a walking cliché of the phenomenon, and how enlightening it was to understand that I didn't have to press him for commitment in order to trigger the panic; he could do it to himself.
I found it funny, curiously refreshing, and amazingly healing, to be given a logical explanation for all his illogical behavior, and to be finally freed from the "why me" and "what did I do" torment.
The book uncovered *dozens* of things he has done and provided explanations for all of it: why he fled whenever the relationship was really GOOD and we were really having fun together... why he denigrated me for things he had previously admired... why he sabotaged the good times... why he perceived me to be unfaithful... why he proposed marriage, unsolicited, then immediately started pursuing another woman, and flaunted it... why he was so mean-spirited, yet still claimed to love me and want the relationship to continue forever... why he dumped me, then reeled me in, again and again... why he specified conditions that I needed to meet for the relationship, yet it was never good enough... why he kept promising to give or return things of value to me, but never actually delivered... why playing the role of the steadfast, understanding partner only make things worse.
He and I went through the Four-Phase cycle twice, and the book was uncannily on target--not only describing how the phases would progress, but that they would progress more rapidly and intensely with each trip through the cycle.
While the book probably doesn't offer the final answers that any woman involved with a CommitmentPhobe wants to hear--at least initially-- the book gave me the strength I needed but had been unable to find on my own. And it freed me from all those feelings of "what did I do wrong," "where did I fail in the relationship," "what could/should I have done to set things right," and--the most difficult part for me to understand--"Why was he so awful to me when we got along so great and things between us were SO good? Why, why? "
The book explained it all to my satisfaction, allowing me to cleanse my mind of it and move on, for good this time--and enabled me to remember him with a sense of quizzical pity rather than hostility or resentment. In short, this one little book helped me shed years of pain and emotional abuse, and face the future with optimism and a clear mind. What price can you put on that kind of medicine?
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