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I sat in tears at the library reading this book because it was like reading my life. It was so reassuring to know that there are other women who have suffered as much just because we give our love so freely and unconditionally. It was a review of this book that made me go out and read it immediately. She had written about exactly what I was going through. Age seems not to make a difference. Once a commitmentphobe, always one it appears. My "soul-mate" was 20 years older than me, in his late fifties. An interesting twist on my story, is that although he had plenty of money, he never bought me a birthday, Valetine's or Christmas gift. I don't think it was so much the money, as it was his feeling that a gift would indicate commitment. He would never spend the night with me, and seemed content to talk romantically about what the future would hold - how wonderful it would be to snuggle together, couldn't wait to be together all the time, etc. He was just living in a fantasy world of no commitment, while I was seeing a rosy future, completely unaware that he was about to yank the rug out from under me. After never having a fight, always laughing, and romantic walks on the beach, he one night (after a date), announced he didn't see us with a future together. Thankfully, I had the common sense to calmly say that was all I needed to hear, and gave him his things. If you think that not crowding these men will do the trick, forget it. I never once called him, (always waited for him to call me), never asked him to meet my family, never asked to meet his children, never mentioned marriage, continued having an active social life with my friends (he never asked me out for Saturday night dates - just assumed he could call Saturday afternoon, and I'd be sitting there), never went to his place, and also attended school while working full-time. I just assumed that once he realized I had my own active life, and wasn't trying to change his life that he would feel comfortable with marriage. Just as the book says, the very fact that the relationship is so good is what sends them into a tailspin, and makes them ruin it. We went through two breakups, with almost a year apart in between. When we got back together, he was even more romantic, and willing to do anything for us to be together. I was so thrilled, and then just as devastated six months later when he did the same thing again, and ended it. I still miss talking to him and being with him. I will never call him, but when I feel especially down, I read the reviews for the book. Therapy has helped, and it's good to know that it takes on average, two years to get over such a traumatic breakup. For most of us, we see a wonderful future, and then it disappears in an instant. I'm determined not to give him such power over me that he makes my life miserable. What I'm thankful for, is that I saw it before we might have married. The book also says that marriage doesn't change them. They are just as distant and emotionally abusive. I can't imagine the horror of giving up my own place, and one day waking up to hear the words, "I don't love you the way I thought I did". For all of you going through this misery, hang on to that thought. I was also helped a great deal by reading books by Wayne Dyer, and Deepak Chopra. Reading their books will make you stronger, and better able to find a wonderful man who is deserving of you.