Commentaires client les plus utiles sur Amazon.com (beta)
992 internautes sur 1.069 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile
A more neutral perspective26 novembre 2005
- Publié sur Amazon.com
I am not interested in Ezzo- or GFI-bashing here in this review.
As a mom of three infant boys, each a little over a year apart with one more on the way, I see nothing wrong with the gist of the Babywise book. The principles for eating and sleeping work rather well if you employ them with some grace and flexibility as tiny ones require. Contrary to what you may have heard, the Ezzo's do not suggest tossing your tenderness, intuition, or creative parenting out the window--they provide some basic eating/sleeping instructions very similar to those sent home with Mom a generation ago from Dr. Spock, the pediatrician, or the hospital nurse (but not highly common nowadays due to the AAP's shift in philosophy). Such advice will not harm your baby unless you employ their methods religiously as if it is the "magic formula" to enjoying newborns. There exists no such formula--not in Ezzo, and not in the Sears or child-centered camp either.
Briefly, the basic principles covered include: 1. Feeding approx every three hours 2. Trying to keep your baby awake during feedings and a little afterwards. 3. Putting your baby down to sleep before the next feeding 4. Keeping your baby on a eat-wake-sleep routine to help their hunger stabilize for faster nighttime sleeping. 5. Trying not to allow babies to become overdependent for sleep on any one prop (rocking, swings, slings, pacifiers, car rides, etc). 6. Generally helping the baby's needs to fit into you and your family's routine, rather than arranging you and your family's needs completely around the baby's routine (or having none at all).
I maintain that these principles, while presented a little briskly, are not damaging to infants. They are in fact very helpful if after a month or two your baby does not naturally seem to eat or sleep with any pattern, or if he/she has the days and nights mixed up. But people take the Ezzo's too far when they pretend that their methods are gospel to tending, pacifying, or loving newborns--or MAKING them do anything. All they can do is provide guidelines for structure. And yet there is a tendency for new parents with a distinctively wailing newborn to be anxious for solutions to stop the crying, and for signs that they are feeding the child enough, doing all the right things. If you follow Ezzo (or Sears) believing that they will keep you safe, your real relationship with your baby may suffer because that is the wrong mentality to approach parenting. It is this formula-seeking, intimidated approach to parenting that is the real danger to a child's health and psychology, not the actual guidelines in the book. I thoroughly believe that any wild incidents you hear about concerning Ezzo-following came from this mentality, at the root.
That said, it is also true that not all methods are created equal. With one preschooler, one two-year old, one baby, and one forthcoming child in the house now, my husband and I have found that a philosophy which leans a little more towards where the Ezzo's are coming from produces better results than the philosophy that the Sears' or even the AAP endorses, especially by late toddlerhood. The tendency for child-centered parenting to go awry by the two-year old stage--for the parent OR the two-year old!--is noticeable. And the time demands on a parent (or two) practicing this way is almost impossible if you work or your children's ages are close together.
I agree that Babywise could use a little more seasoning of flexibility and lovingkindness in its presentation. It seems to assume that you have already heard all the right ways to parent and is therefore coming from a corrective position rather than an objectively inexperienced one. However, the basic principles are presented clearly and that is the purpose of the book. I found that the principles worked especially well with my first son who cried a lot, had reflux, and could have been considered "a difficult baby." The advice was not so necessary for my next two sons who were easier babies in the eating/sleeping area (and had a more experienced mom!). For more warmth and depth, I'd recommend Tracy Hogg's "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer" which combines the best of the Babywise advice along with some humor and nuanced examples of how to apply this stuff.
Or, on the philosophy end, you can try "The Mission of Motherhood" by Sally Clarkson for a vision of motherhood as a whole and then try to apply the Babywise advice in that context. After all, parenting (even infants) is not just about helping them to eat and sleep right... although it certainly feels like that for the first couple months.
226 internautes sur 250 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile
The theory works, but use common sense!25 avril 2001
- Publié sur Amazon.com
There is some valid criticism of this book, which is the reason that I only reluctantly give copies to brand new parents--both singing the praises of the methods and warning not to apply everything Ezzo recommends blindly. The basic premise is that you feed your baby when it first wakes, and wake the baby if it falls asleep before getting a good, complete feeding. Then you try to keep the baby awake--at first this will be only a few minutes, maybe just 2 or 3 minutes in a newborn. Then, while the baby is still awake, lie him or her down to sleep. The main idea is that you don't let the baby depend the breast or nipple to go to sleep--the baby learns to comfort and put herself to sleep. The theory is that babies wake naturally every few hours. With this method they have the skills to get themselves back to sleep without fully waking or waking you once, twice, three times each night. It REALLY works for most babies. I'm sure there are some babies who just don't have the temperment for this, but it worked like a charm for my baby, and for all of my friends whom I've turned on to the book. I have a five month old who sleeps 12 hours at a stretch without waking and has done so since she was 10 weeks old. Not ONCE since she was 10 weeks old has she awoken in the middle of the night, and she wakes up in the morning so happy and calm it's hard to believe. Often, she'll wake about 1/2 an hour before her usual waking time and "sing" and coo to herself in the crib. When she sees me come into the room, she is grinning from ear to ear. And despite the fact that she has just gone over 12 hours since the last feeding, she is not ravenously hungry in the morning--rarely finishes her very first bottle. The one drawback to this method is that it's hard for the baby to sleep anywhere but her own crib. We don't go out much, but find that when we do, we can't stay out too long past the baby's bedtime because she won't just fall asleep in the car seat or our arms for more than a few minutes as our older daughter did. She gets very cranky and tired, and seems so releived when we finally get home to her own crib. She's also comfortable in her portacrib, so that she won't go bezerk when we travel--don't forget to factor this in!!! That said, the critics are right when they say some of Ezzo's advice is stupid and dangerous. Even though he claims his recommendations for a feeding schedule are flexible, they are actually very rigid, and an inexperienced parent who tries to rigidly adhere to them can end up causing dehydration in the baby. I tell people I give the book to that they should try everything they can to make sure the baby takes as much as she can with each feeding, but if she can't go as long as Ezzo recommends between feedings just go ahead and feed sooner. It still works fine. Also, it's ridiculous to let a newborn "cry it out" for more than just a few minutes. My children have the uncanny knack of just escalating and escalating when any attempts are made in that direction. So just be consistent. If the baby seems to be getting more upset, go in and give comfort, and then start the routine to get the baby to sleep again. I only had to do this for about 2 days to get my newborn to settle down for naps. Sometimes during the day, my newborn would cry for no apparent reason and be very upset. My attempts to comfort her didn't work, so I'd put her in the crib to give myself a moment to calm down. And the minute she'd hit the crib she'd smile and go right to sleep. She was trying to tell me that she was tired and wanted to be in the place where she sleeps. Ezzo's idea to place the baby in the playpen or a baby seat in front of a window to amuse herself is pretty ridiculous for a young baby. Baboes aren't awake that much to begin with. PLAY with him or her!!!! As your baby gets older, you can leave her in a safe position to play for a little while--but don't expect 45 minutes as Ezzo recommends. When you're baby starts to express frustration, it's time to give your baby some attention. However, I don't agree with critics who say this method is incompatible with "attachment parenting". Nothing says you can't be very attached to your baby while letting her sleep in her own space--at least for naps and for most Americans at night too. This baby sleeps so well and seems very secure and serene. She is cuddly and happy to be in our arms, but just as happy to be put in her crib when she's tired. When she's had enough rest, she is positively joyful (and so am I!!!). When she's awake, I am with her, carrying her in a sling or front pack, playing with her on the floor, tickling her on the changing table--everything an "attached" parent would do. But with this method the baby takes great naps so I get things done or a chance to rest myself, and we both have wonderful, restful nights. If you overlook some of the advice Ezzo gives, I think the basic premise is very good.
203 internautes sur 240 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile
Very misunderstood, but wonderful book22 février 2006
- Publié sur Amazon.com
A friend recommended this book to me before my first daughter was born, and after reading the reviews on Amazon, I was certain that I wanted no part of it. After my friend assured me that the things I had read were in no way true, I bought the book and have used it with both my girls, and recommended it to everyone I know expecting babies.
First of all, this book NEVER says not to feed your baby if he/she is hungry. In fact, it states in bold, in several places, that you absolutely need to feed your baby if he/she is hungry, regardless of whether they last ate 3 hours ago or 1 hour ago. One of the main points of the book is to try and figure out why your baby is crying or upset. If he/she is hungry, feed the baby. However, your baby may cry for many reasons, and not all of them are because the baby is hungry. Feeding your baby everytime he/she cries leads the baby to snacking, which isn't good for you, and is especially bad for the baby if you are breastfeeding. The richest, most calorie dense milk (hind milk) is found toward the end of the feeding cycle, and doesn't come the first few minutes of nursing. If your baby is snacking, he/she is never getting that rich hind milk.
The second main point of the book is to change the cycle that most parents employ with their babies. Instead of putting the baby to bed right after feeding, feed the baby after he/she wakes up from naps. This way, the baby will stop eating when he/she is full, not when he/she is tired, which is a huge problem, especially with very little babies.
I don't believe there is one single right way to raise children, so if you've read the book and don't think that their methods fit with your lifestyle or goals, that's one thing. But I can't see how anyone who has actually read the book can dismiss it as dangerous. Again, the book tells you in several place, in big, bold letters, that if your baby is hungry, FEED YOUR BABY!
82 internautes sur 95 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile
Balanced View22 décembre 2010
- Publié sur Amazon.com
If you are looking for a book filled with the latest scientific research on children and sleep, go and read Sleeping Through the Night by Jodi Mindell, PhD, associate director of the Sleep Disorders Center at Children's Hospital in Philadelphia. That book is based on science and explains why training your child to have good sleep habits (i.e., training your child to fall asleep on his own without your intervention) is important for their future as children and adults. Her book also lays out a method for sleep-training. Basically, once your baby reaches 12 lb., she has you put them to bed awake every night at the same time until they have learned to fall asleep on their own. (Obviously this is not the totality of the system. I'm summing up.) It works great. But it's really, really difficult on mother and child, and only a minority of people are willing to really go through with it because it means a week or two of nightly crying. Ugh.
So then there is On Becoming Baby Wise. The book isn't written by a scientist. And it isn't perfect in that the layout is not as direct as it could be, while meanwhile there are a lot of editorial asides you may or may not agree with. HOWEVER, Ezzo* has basically devised (stumbled upon?) an approach that is very similar to Mindell's except a lot gentler on mother and child. Instead of waiting until the baby is physically capable of sleeping through the night (when he's reached about 12 lb.), he has you start setting the stage for good sleep right away by getting them used to a flexible schedule** of feedings and naps and by putting them down for their naps while they are still awake. Since newborns are so sleepy all the time, and especially after feedings, Ezzo's big contribution was the discovery that if you fed the baby, then interacted with the baby for a while, then put the baby to nap instead of the more natural tendency to nurse the baby to sleep for naps, it becomes actually possible to put a newborn to nap awake. Then, of course, since newborns will fall asleep quickly and easily (i.e. 5-20 minutes of crying max) even if they are put down awake (as opposed to the 3 or 4 month old you are trying to sleep train with Mindell's method who will cry for an hour), they learn really quickly the habit of falling asleep by themselves. By the time they are 12 lb., they are already sleeping through the night without any brutal sleep training. And voila! Ezzo has discovered (stumbled upon?) a better way of doing what the sleep scientists recommend.
We used Mindell's method for our first three children. Then we used the Baby Wise method for our next three children. (Yes, we have six.) All six of them have slept twelve hours every night starting by about 4 months of age. All of them have continued to go to bed early, happily, and in their own beds. They all wake up happily 12 hours later, usually singing. We get told constantly that are kids are so content and well-behaved. Honestly, the only thing we are doing as parents differently than other people is training them to sleep. Both methods work, but Baby Wise is easier, so I continue to give it as a gift to new mothers.
*I don't know anything about Ezzo except that he's controversial as a person. Maybe I wouldn't like him if I met him. I'd like to point out, though, that the how well his method works has nothing to do with how nice of a personality he has. Saying otherwise is a classic ad hominem attack. Like saying you don't believe in Einstein's theory of relativity because Einstein was unfaithful to his wife.
** For those who are against scheduling all together, I get it. I think that since attachment parenting/anti-scheduling is such a class marker (i.e. all upper class/respectable women cary their baby in a Moby wrap and feed on demand) and so strongly pushed by the la leche league-trained lactation consultant at the hospital, it can be hard to go against the grain and adopt a schedule. I would urge people to consider two things:
1) most (all?) NICU's will immediately put 4 lb. babies on a rigid (down to the minute) 3-hour feeding schedule. Ask your lactation consultant/well-meaning friend why it will hurt your 8 lb. newborn to be on a 3-hour feeding schedule but not a 4 lb. preemie.
2) If you take your baby to bed with you there is a good chance he will never leave. I know so many women who are chronically sleep-deprived because they have their five-year-old and their two-year old still in bed with them. At least one man told my husband, "My wife wants another baby, but the other two kids are in our bed half the night. I'm never going to agree to have another one." Yikes.
68 internautes sur 79 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile
Excellent tool but parental discretion is advised14 mai 2000
- Publié sur Amazon.com
This book is an excellent tool. The advice offered is not thebe all and end all in infant feeding, but it is basically sound. Asnew parents, we were introduced to this book by our Pediatrician who was a devotee. We had heard it had a Christian agenda, but we bought it in spite of that to make our own decision about the advice as to its practicality. After reading it, it seemed sensible so we went with the plan starting with our son's very first feeding. We continued with the plan and with ADAPTATIONS AND MODIFICATIONS it worked well. Our son was above birthweight after 2 days. He slept through the night in 7 weeks and maintained above the 50th percentile in weight throughout infancy. He napped readily with little fuss in most cases. He is two now and he is well behaved, sleeps like a log at night and naps without any problems. That being said I want to go back to ADAPTATIONS AND MODIFICATIONS. Any success plan requires situation specific adjustments. You need to look at this book as a guideline, not a gospel. In almost every horror story I've read about this plan I have found a statement like, "I followed the plan to the letter." Therein lies the problem. Anyone who sits there and listens to her baby cry for an hour because she is following some plan out of a book needs a mental exam. My spouse and I have noticed among our friends that on-demand feeding tends to produce on-demand parents and unruly children. I believe that babies (as well as children and adults) need structure, but it needs to be FLEXIBLE STRUCTURE. It needs to be situation specific, child specific and even mood specific. You need to set your boundaries with bungee cord, not with barbed wire. Stay on the feeding schedule as much as possible, but for heaven's sake be alert to what your baby is telling you. You may have to deviate for a few feedings or even days and then ease the baby back into the schedule. Flex, then bounce back. If you apply the advice in the book in this way and give your baby lots of love, hugs and affection, you will probably find that the plan has a lot of benefits.