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- Publié sur Amazon.com
Format: Format Kindle
Dear Lord, where do I begin?
Okay, everyone knows that my not so secret vice is Pride and Prejudice adaptations. My favorites are ones where Darcy and Elizabeth show their love for each other (umm, get there grove on, have sex, do the nasty). However, nothing prepared me for this.
PRIDE AND PREJUDICE: HIDDEN LUSTS was crazy for coco puffs, completely lacking in reason and common sense. Yet, I was entertained. Granted my entertainment was more along the lines of "Dear Lord, no she didn't. Dear Lord, no this isn't happening. Dear Lord, this is the stupidest, craziest, thing I have ever read. Dear Lord, this is Pride and Prejudice, is nothing scared?" Yet, I couldn't stop reading.
The only way I can make my review coherent, or for you to understand what I mean is to go character by character and give you their sexual vices. This is full of spoilers, because I'm giving you each characters kinks.
BEWARE OF CONTINUING: THIS IS NOT FOR THE FAINT AT HEART. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. LOL.
Mr. Bennet: He loves to enter woman in their 'hind quarters.' Since Mrs. Bennet refused to do this, he has discovered special drawings of woman with things sticking out of their hindquarters. When he is in the library ignoring his family he is getting himself off and bankrupting his family by paying for these pictures. He eventually gets tired of the pictures and carves out a piece of butternut squash to resemble a woman's internal parts (I'm trying to be delicate here, people!) where he sticks his wee wee. Of course, he is so exuberant that the squash is quickly destroyed, so he ends up banging Mrs. Hill.
Mrs. Bennet: Mrs. Bennet's love of officers back in the day resulted in Jane. Horrified by her husband's sexual impulses, she goes and buys potions from the gypsy's which makes her crazy for coco puffs and goggly-eyed.
Caroline Bingley: It was weird because the author had her addressed as Lady Caroline, with no reason why? Caroline loves to take a switch to men's booty's while the man is attending to her vajayjay with his mouth. Her best customer is Mr. Hurst, though she really wants Mr. Darcy but he keeps refusing her, which is driving her crazy.
Charles Bingley: He has a thing for Mr. Darcy. His favorite occupation is getting Darcy drunk and then while Darcy is passed out climbing in Darcy's bed and sucking on Darcy's weewee.
Lady Catherine: She is a Dom. When people don't do what she thinks they should do, she puts them in stockades and whips them while she's wearing some weird black get up.
Mr. Collins: Is gay. His favorite past time is running about sucking on other men's wee wees so vigorously that he knocks out his teeth.
Charlotte Lucas: Is gay. She wants Lizzy, but Lizzy is too clueless to realize it, despite Charlotte constantly feeling her up. She has others who she is involved with but can't get over her craving for Lizzy.
Mr. Wickham: He ended up running off with Georgiana. He used her money to open up several whorehouses and sent Georgiana to go and work in them, where Darcy found out and rescued her. He is in the militia recruiting. He tells Elizabeth that it's Darcy who was the owner and Darcy who sent Georgiana off to work in them.
Lydia Bennet: Likes to get off humping inanimated objects to her family's horror. She also humps officers, two and three at a time. She runs off with Wickham and when they are forced to marry, she has no problem working in Mr. Wickham's place of business.
Mary Bennet: Tries to attract Mr. Collins attention by stuffing apples down her dress. She also goes to the gypsy's for potions that has adverse effects.
Jane Bennet: Is in love with Mr. Bingley and doesn't understand why when she accepts his proposal that Mr. Bingley throws her down and enters her 'hind quarters' and calls out Darcy's name.
Elizabeth Bennet: Once she meets Mr. Wickham she starts finding stuff to insert inside her to get herself off. She doesn't seem to get that Lydia is a hussy despite all the noises she makes in her room and what she does to any piece of furniture she passes.
Fitzwilliam Darcy: When he proposes to Elizabeth the first time he takes out his wee wee and strokes it, which prompts Elizabeth to umm . . . kiss it until the desired result occurs. LOL. I couldn't read that scene without thinking of Colin Firth and Jennifer Ehle doing the same thing.
Okay, can you understand why I thought PRIDE AND PREJUDICE: HIDDEN LUSTS was crazy for coco puffs?
Despite all the erotica (and this is erotica and not an erotic romance), and my horror/fascination at the way such beloved characters were protrayed, it was still flat for me. It's because there was a lack of emotion. It was all about the sex and not about any emotions between Darcy and Elizabeth. I couldn't feel the deep connection that Darcy and Elizabeth have with each other. So despite my google eyed read, I was in the end disappointed.
2 internautes sur 2 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile
Romancing the Book
- Publié sur Amazon.com
Review by Stephanie: I'm amazed how parallel Austen's Pride and Prejudice and Szereto's sexy parody, Hidden Lusts, are. Though I do believe the original is a timeless classic, I can't say I really enjoyed it that much. I remember having to read it in tenth grade English; I made it about three-quarters through, before deciding just to SparkNotes the rest of it. This fiery rewrite however, I had no trouble reading. It may be I just really like sex (most likely), but the drama and mishaps of Hidden Lusts are absolutely entertaining, and best of all, kinky.
You always see hilarious porn parodies, and this book reminds me of one of them, only it's in the form of erotica, rather than porn. Each of the characters' traits are highly exaggerated, which makes for an even funnier storyline, and there of course, is brash, shameless, sex -- lots and lots of it.
My favorite thing about this book is how each of the characters have their own concealed desires, but only the reader knows about them. Szereto's content is sizzling hot, but I often found the sex scenes redundant. For instance, Mr. Wickham and Elizabeth's encounters always are described with "a moving in his breeches", meaning, an uncontrollable boner (LOL, right?), but that happens every time. It's funny at first, but becomes repetitive after a while.
Speaking of Mr. Wickham, we all know from Pride and Prejudice, that he turns out to be the charming, but elusive and judgmental villain. In Hidden Lusts, boy, is he ever! His accusations are atrocious, but his actions, even worse. He screams Victorian naughtiness, and threatens to tear the Bennett family apart.
Mr. Bennett seems to have his perversions as well, but they don't involve his wife. It's difficult to call him a handsome man, but his ways are very, very kinky, and often comical too. Mrs. Bennett's character seems mostly untouched, though her neurotic personality is strongly caricatured. We also discover the reason behind her brazen frenzy. She however, is one of the only characters who isn't sexualized, so her story is a breath of fresh air.
Then we've got the Bennett sisters, who are burlesque within themselves. Lydia -- oh, my precious Lydia. There isn't too much of her in Pride and Prejudice, except that she's the frivolous, foolish one. To call her a brazen whore would be uncouth, but spot-on. She elopes with Wickham in the original novel, as she does in this book, but the method of means isn't revealed until the very end; you'll be surprised! Mary is delightful as ever -- sarcasm, sarcasm. Poor Mary, the only unpleasant and ugly one in her family. Her greed to become physically beautiful eventually take a toll on her in Hidden Lusts, which teaches a lesson to our superficialities. Jane is nothing short of submissive, but her character is, for the most part, left alone. She isn't kinky or rowdy like her sister, Elizabeth (whom I will get back to later), but we do learn that her lusts are carefully hidden -- much so, that we wonder if they exist at all. Kitty plays a minor role in the novel. All she seems to do is chase after handsome militiamen along with Lydia, and her character isn't deeply examined either. But Elizabeth. How shocked I am with Elizabeth! She, soon after meeting Darcy, discovers the powers of self-pleasure, and realizes how much she loves it -- a little too much. She is definitely a likable character though, and the chemistry between her and Darcy is scalding hot.
I won't tell you about the rest of the smaller characters (who all have fervid, carnal intents), but I will say how fun it is to wander in the minds of seemingly proper tea-and-crumpets men and women, set to the tune of Jane Austen's romantic tale. Szereto creates a parody that's full of sex of all kinds (including taboo topics like homosexuality, adultery, and BDSM), but is classy at the same time. Her sophisticated and humorous touch to retelling a well-known story is both absorbing and clear. I still find it impressive how well her rewrite lines up with the original novel, and look forward to her future endeavors.
Quote: "His touches set fire to her flesh, stealing away all sense of propriety as she abandoned herself to his care, heedless to the repercussions."