Pure Desire: Helping People Break Free from Sexual Struggles [Anglais] [Broché]

Sexual addiction is an out-of-control, ingrained pattern of behavior that is not broken by making promises of abstinence to oneself or by trying harder. Pastor Ted Roberts refers to sexual addiction as a noose because making promises to oneself, or getting prayer for lust to be removed, only makes the guilt stronger, which makes the behavior worse, just as a noose can be tightened by pulling against it. Roberts counsels addicts to seek help so that someone else can cut the noose. The one who cuts the noose is Jesus, but let us be careful not to oversimplify. Because Jesus does not want to remove the humanity inherent in our capacity for intimacy, he does not remove lust. Instead He gives love and forgiveness that heal the root of addiction so that body, soul, and spirit can be aligned under Him. A single person's body must experience three months of chastity, without the flush of chemicals associated with orgasm. His mind must be renewed by learning about how God views him and his problems. His spirit must be washed in the word of God by reading and memorization. The whole person must be healed. Practical, transparent accountability relationships must be established and adhered to, preferably in a small group bible study focussed on sexual addiction. Demonic strongholds must be supernaturally destroyed by spiritual warfare. The reason prayer does not usually solve sexual addiction is because demonic bondage is not the only problem- the other, time-consuming steps listed above must be taken. If we pray for demon influence over a person to be removed, the person can still invite the demon back if he has not learned to stop using sexuality to cope with life.

Roberts describes the "addictive mind set" as being unrenewed in the areas of self-esteem, believing one is unlovable and alone, and searching for sexual highs. He describes the "sexual lifestyle" as a cycle of: fantasy, followed by a ritual of behavior, followed by an attempt to muster more will power to avoid another sin, later followed by more shame and guilt, leading to more fantasy. Pastor Roberts' successful deliverance ministry has shown empirically that this noose is only cut by doing the opposite of what people expect: by removing the shame. This is accomplished by accepting Christ's forgiveness, by gaining pride that the Christian addict cares enough to confront his own behavior, by putting faith in the work that Christ is doing in His bride to make her without spot or wrinkle. Roberts describes the "addictive cloak" as the isolation resulting from denial, delusion, and blame. Accountability relationships remove the addictive cloak. Roberts describes the root of addiction as family dysfunction (especially lack of a healthy, strong, relationship between child and father), personal trauma (notably sexual abuse), and exposure to an addicting society.

I hope it is clear that this approach to deliverance is not a modern fad. One hundred years ago, what Roberts calls "cutting the noose," Hudson Taylor's daughter called "Hudson Taylor's spiritual secret."

In addition to reading the book, I attended Dr. Roberts' three-day Pure Desire Seminar, which is intended for pastors who want to start a ministry for sexual addicts in their own churches. During the seminar, I (and others) directly questioned Dr. Roberts and his staff about their methods, theology, etc. Their answers backed up what I read in the book, and my interaction with them showed me their genuine desire to see people healed from the bondage of sexual addiction. Finally, I visited one of their For Men Only (FMO) sexual addiction healing groups as part of my seminary internship, and I found it so helpful for my own struggles that I have stayed with it for almost nine months and counting.

Basically, I have found the methods and ideas presented in the book to actually work in real life. For example, one of the main healing strategies Dr. Roberts advocates is to become part of a small group where men can "confess [their] trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that [they] may be healed (James 4:7)." I have seen a number of men go through the FMO group I attend, and there seem to be two types. First, there are the ones who know they have a problem (usually because they have gotten into trouble due to their addiction), but are not really ready to deal with it. These men tend to stay for awhile, and then leave the group to go back to their addiction. Second, there are the ones who have truly hit bottom and are willing to persevere on the long road to healing. It is these men who are honest with their struggles, and therefore they avoid such traps as rationalizing and compartmentalizing their addiction. Sure, we all take turns with discouragement and despair, and lapses do occur. But when others are there to lovingly bear the burden and provide accountability, it helps us get through the valley and go back up the mountainside. Of all the small groups I've been in over the years, this one has by far been the best for my own personal healing. Therefore, I can vouch firsthand for Dr. Roberts' exhortation to avoid the trap of isolation (which makes it easy to act out) by becoming part of a healthy group situation.

I believe that the central theme of Pure Desire is the restoration of healthy, loving, and holy relationships with God, self, and others. Sexual addiction is a symptom of a deeper relational problem. It is a sinful solution to a real desire for intimacy on the part of the addict. Pure Desire presents a way out of this trap that works if you really want to follow it. No, its not easy or quick, because true healing in this area takes time. And to be honest, it can be difficult to find help for this issue due to the closed-minded attitude of some churches toward sexual issues and problems. But it is possible, because I have found Christians willing to help, and over time I have observed healing gradually taking place in myself and others. If you are struggling with sexual addiction, you need to read this book (and others like it) and get help. You can pay now by owing up to your problem and getting on the road to healing, or you can pay later with your marriage, your reputation, or even your life. It's up to you, man.