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Secrets of the Baby Whisperer: How to Calm, Connect, and Communicate with Your Baby [Anglais] [Poche]

Tracy Hogg , Melinda Blau
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Produits fréquemment achetés ensemble

Secrets of the Baby Whisperer: How to Calm, Connect, and Communicate with Your Baby + The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems: Sleeping, Feeding, and Behavior--Beyond the Basics from Infancy Through Toddlerhood + The Happiest Baby on the Block
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Descriptions du produit

Extrait

Chapter One

Loving the Baby You Gave Birth To

I just can't get over how much babies cry. I really had no idea what I was
getting into. To tell you the truth, I thought it would be more like
getting a cat.

--Anne Lamott in
Operating Instructions

Oh My God, We Have a Baby!

No event in an adult's life equals both the joy and the terror of becoming
a parent for the first time. Fortunately, it's the joy that carries on.
But in the beginning, insecurity and fear often take over. Alan, for
example, a thirty-three-year-old graphic designer, vividly remembers the
day he picked up his wife, Susan, from the hospital. Coincidentally, it
was their fourth anniversary. Susan, a writer, age twenty-seven, had had a
fairly easy labor and birth, and their beautiful blue-eyed baby, Aaron,
nursed easily and rarely cried. By day two, Mum and Dad were eager to
leave the hubbub of the hospital to start life as a family.

"I whistled as I walked down the hall toward her room," Alan recalls.
"Everything seemed perfect. Aaron had nursed right before I got there, and
now he was sleeping in Susan's arms. It was just as I imagined it would
be. We went down in the elevator, and the nurse let me wheel Susan out
into the sunlight. When I ran for the car door, I realized I'd forgotten
to set up the infant seat. I swear it took me half an hour to get it in
right. Finally, I gently slid Aaron in. He was such an angel. I helped
Susan into the car, thanked the nurse for her patience, and then climbed
into the driver's seat.

"Suddenly, Aaron started making little noises from the backseat--not really
crying, but sounds I didn't recall hearing in the hospital or maybe hadn't
noticed. Susan looked at me, and I looked at her. 'Oh, Jesus!' I
exclaimed. 'What do we do now?' "

Every parent I know has a what-now moment like Alan's. For some it comes
in the hospital; for others it arrives on the trip home, or even on the
second or third day. There's so much going on--the physical recovery, the
emotional impact, the reality of caring for a helpless infant. Few are
prepared for the shock. Some new mothers admit, "I read all the books, but
nothing prepared me." Others recall, "There was so much to think about. I
cried a lot."

The first three to five days are often the most difficult because
everything is new and daunting. Typically, I'm bombarded by queries from
anxious parents: "How long should a feeding take?" "Why does she pull her
legs up like that?" "Is this the right way to change him?" "Why is her
poop that color?" And, of course, the most persistent question of all
time: "Why is he crying?" Parents, particularly mums, often feel guilty
because they think they're supposed to know everything. The mother of a
one-month-old said to me, "I was so afraid I'd do something wrong, but at
the same time, I didn't want anyone to help me or tell me what to do."

The first thing I tell parents--and keep telling them--is to slooooooow
down. It takes time to get to know your baby. It takes patience and a calm
environment. It takes strength and stamina. It takes respect and kindness.
It takes responsibility and discipline. It takes attention and keen
observation. It takes time and practice--a lot of doing it wrong before you
get it right. And it takes listening to your own intuition.

Notice how often I repeat "it takes." In the beginning, there's a lot of
"take" and very little "give" on your baby's part. The rewards and joys of
parenting will be endless, I promise. But they won't happen in a day,
darlings; rather, you'll see them over months and years. What's more,
everyone's experience is different. As a mother in one of my groups,
looking back on her first few days home, observed, "I didn't know if I was
doing things right--and, besides, everyone defines 'right' differently."

Also, every baby is different, which is why I tell my mums that their
first job is to understand the baby they have, not the one they dreamed
about during the past nine months. In this chapter, I'll help you figure
out what you can expect from your baby. But first, a quick primer on your
first few days at home.


Coming Home

Because I see myself as an advocate for the whole family, not just the new
baby, part of my job is to help parents gain perspective. I tell mums and
dads right from the start: This won't last forever. You will calm down.
You will become more confident. You will be the best parent you can be.
And at some point, believe it or not, your baby will sleep through the
night. For now, though, you must lower your expectations. You'll have good
days and not-so-good days; be prepared for both. Don't strive for
perfection.

Homecoming Checklist

One of the reasons my babies do well is that everything is ready for them
a month before the due date. The more prepared you are and the quieter it
is in the beginning, the more time you'll have to observe your baby and to
get to know him as the individual he is.

* Put sheets on the crib or bassinet.

* Set up the changing table. Have everything you need--wipes, diapers,
cotton swabs, alcohol--in easy reach.

* Have baby's first wardrobe ready. Take everything out of the packages,
remove any tags, and wash in a mild detergent that has no bleach.

* Stock your refrigerator and freezer. A week or two before you're due,
make a lasagna, a shepherd's pie, soups, and other dishes that freeze
well. Make sure you have all the staples on hand--milk, butter, eggs,
cereal, pet food. You'll eat better and cheaper and avoid frantic trips to
the store.

* Don't take too much to the hospital. Remember, you'll have several extra
bags--and the baby--to bring home.

TIP: The more organized you are before you come home, the happier everyone
will be afterward. And if you loosen the tops of bottles and tubes, open
boxes, and take all new items out of their packages, you won't have to
fiddle with such things with your new baby in hand! (See "Homecoming
Checklist" at left.)


I usually need to remind mothers, "It's your first day home--the first
you're away from the security of the hospital, where you get help,
answers, and relief at the push of a button. Now you're on your own."
Of course, a mother is often happy to leave the hospital. The nurses may
have been brusque or given her conflicting advice. And the frequent
interruptions from hospital personnel and visitors probably made it
impossible for her to rest. In any case, by the time most mums come
home, they are usually either scared, confused, exhausted, or in
pain--or maybe all of the above.

Therefore I advise a slow reentry. When you walk through the door, take a
deep, centering breath. Keep it simple. (You'll be hearing that a lot from
me.) Think of this as the beginning of a new adventure, and you and your
partner as explorers. And by all means, be realistic: The postpartum
period is difficult--a rocky terrain. All but a rare few stumble along the
way. (More about Mum recuperating during the postpartum period in Chapter
7.)

Believe me, I know that the moment you get home, you'll probably feel
overwhelmed. But if you follow my simple homecoming ritual, you're less
likely to feel frantic. (Remember, though, this is just a quick
orientation. Later on, as indicated, I go into greater detail.)

Start the dialogue by giving your baby a tour of the house. That's right,
luv, a tour, as if you're the curator of a museum and she's a
distinguished visitor. Remember what I told you about respect: You need to
treat your little darling like a human being, as someone who can
understand and feel. Granted, she speaks a language you may not yet
understand, but it's nevertheless important to call her by name and to
make every interaction a dialogue, not a lecture.

So walk around with her in your arms and show her where she's going to
live. Talk with her. In a soft, gentle voice, explain each room: "Here's
the kitchen. It's where Dad and I cook. This is the bathroom, where we
take showers." And so on. You might feel silly. Many new parents are shy
when they first start to have a dialogue with their baby. That's okay.
Practice, and you'll be amazed at how easy it becomes. Just try to
remember that this is a little human being in your arms, a person whose
senses are alive, a tiny being who already knows your voice and even what
you smell like.

While you're walking around, have Dad or Grandma make chamomile tea or
another calming beverage.
Tea, naturally, is my favorite. Where I come
from, the moment a mum gets home, Nelly from next door nips over and puts
on a kettle. It's a very English, very civilized tradition, which I've
introduced to all my families here. After a nice cuppa, as we call it,
you'll want to really explore this glorious creature you've given birth to.

Limit Visitors
Convince all but a few very close relatives and friends to stay away for
the first few days. If parents are in from out of town, the greatest thing
they can do for you is cook, clean, and run errands. Let them know in a
kind way that you'll ask for their help with the baby if you need it, but
that you'd like to use this time to get to know your little one on your
own.

Give your baby a sponge bath and a feed. (Information and advice about
feeding is in Chapter 4, sponge bathing on pages 156-157.) Keep in mind
that you're not the only one in shock. Your baby has had quite a journey
himself. Imagine, if you will, a t...

Revue de presse

"Miracles are her business" (Jodie Foster)

"The honest truth is that Tracy Hogg has provided me with more insight into the things that matter than anyone else." (Alain de Botton Observer Review)

"She achieves what, to hard-pressed parents, seem like miracles." (Mail on Sunday)

"...in a different league than all other 'how to manage as a parent' books." (Daily Mail) --Ce texte fait référence à une édition épuisée ou non disponible de ce titre.

Détails sur le produit

  • Poche: 352 pages
  • Editeur : Ballantine Books; Édition : Reprint (26 juillet 2005)
  • Langue : Anglais
  • ISBN-10: 0345479092
  • ISBN-13: 978-0345479099
  • Dimensions du produit: 17,6 x 10,8 x 2 cm
  • Moyenne des commentaires client : 4.5 étoiles sur 5  Voir tous les commentaires (2 commentaires client)
  • Classement des meilleures ventes d'Amazon: 8.161 en Livres anglais et étrangers (Voir les 100 premiers en Livres anglais et étrangers)
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1 internautes sur 1 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
Par delphine
Format:Broché
De par son professionnalisme et son don pour parler aux futurs parents, Tracy Hogg rassure et donne l'assurance que le rôle de parents peut être abordé de manière paisible et joyeuse.
Elle dédramatise l'éducation, montre que le bébé est un être à part entière ... et les parents aussi. Inutile de lire d'autres livres, elle parle de tout ce qu'il faut savoir pour aborder la maternité et la paternité avec l'esprit tranquille et beaucoup de joies en perspective. Ce livre devrait être remboursé par la Sécurité Sociale!
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1 internautes sur 1 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
4.0 étoiles sur 5 Des idées intéressantes 21 avril 2010
Par katka1221
Format:Poche|Achat vérifié
Dans ce livre très 'american style' (bcp d'exemples et histoires vrais, répétition des principes) vous pouvez trouver une méthode intéressante pour s'occuper des nouveaux-nés - E.A.S.Y. - eat/activity/sleep/you. L'auteur part de principe que chaque enfant a besoin un rythme prédéfini pour se sentir en sécurité, et ça dès la naissance. Je recommande de lire ce livre avant l'accouchement pour pouvoir appliquer la méthode dès le début. Parfois c'est difficile d'y tenir, mais j'ai trouvé ce rythme logique dans le plupart de cas (peut-être parce que j'ai un Textbook baby?).
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Amazon.com: 3.7 étoiles sur 5  883 commentaires
293 internautes sur 319 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 A Breath of Fresh Air 14 février 2002
Par NotBobVila - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Broché
As first time parents, my wife and I were both frustrated and overwhelmed by the conflicting advice that we received even before our daughter was released from the hospital.
In between the feedings and diaper changes during the first few days at home, I read Secrets of the Baby Whisperer, which was given to us by a family friend. Finally, there was a sane voice of experience that helped us to find our own way.
Some of the important points of this book:
1. It is normal to feel overwhelmed.

2. Every baby has a unique personality. While Tracy Hogg's categories may be somewhat oversimplified, she does offer a means of identifying your baby's personality so that you may better handle certain situations. No single approach will work with every baby, because they are all different.
3. You are not evil if you choose not to breast feed. This seems to be the subject of most of the negative reviews on this site, which is unfortunate. However, the author does not advocate either breast or formula feeding, she merely presents the pros and cons of each in a balanced manner, and provides reassurance that whatever method you choose, it is your choice to make, and there is no wrong decision.
4. One of the best pieces of advice: follow a structured routine. "EASY": Eat, Activity, Sleep, time for Yourself. This is another area that seems to have drawn criticism from fellow ... reviewers. "EASY" is presented as an alternative to feeding on demand and scheduled feeding. Actually, it is not as much an alternative as it is a combination of the two.
--> Following a set schedule is often impractical, as we found out ourselves while our daughter was still in the hospital. There, feeding took place every three hours, and at the same times. Most of the feedings went well, but at times, it seemed as though we were were force-feeding the poor kid, and it was implied that we were somehow bad parents if she did not finish the prescribed amount. Once we got home, we were able to be more flexible with the feeding times, which is exactly what EASY suggests.
--> What EASY suggests is following a prescribed routine. Eating is followed by activity, and the activity is followed by sleep. And while the baby sleeps, you have time for yourself. The structure is etched in stone, but the times are not. Who will not agree that flexibility is good? And having the structure will help you interpret your baby's cries and decrease the miscues (for example, trying to feed the baby when the baby is actually overstimulated, or over-tired).
5. The author provides guidelines for interpreting your baby's crying.
6. The author also explains how bad habits start and suggests methods for undoing bad habits. For example: allowing the baby to fall asleep on your chest may lead to the baby needing your chest to fall asleep....
7. Babies need to become independent. This means not rushing to the crib everytime they start to fuss. Babies need to learn to self-soothe and often will go back to sleep.
As with any book of this type, Secrets of the Baby Whisperer is not perfect, and there is some content that I do not necessarily agree with. But that's okay. The author is writing from personal experience, of which she has a lot. You will not find a whole lot of her advice to be in the vein of "studies have shown..." but rather "what I have learned...."
The style in which the book is written is also refreshingly down-to-earth. She speaks to the reader in a friendly voice that is neither condescending nor inaccessible.
Is this book worthy of addition to your bookshelf? Absolutely. I highly recommend it. Read it once, and you'll refer to it again and again.
The best advice that I can personally give anyone who is a new parent is this: TRUST YOUR OWN INSTINCTS. You will hear and read a lot of conflicting advice, none of which is perfect. You will have to find out what works best for you and your baby. No book can do that for you. Where Secrets of the Baby Whisperer succeeded the most for me was giving me the level of confidence to trust my own instincts, while providing some useful guidelines and advice.
1.031 internautes sur 1.187 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
2.0 étoiles sur 5 Bad breastfeeding advice 3 février 2001
Par Un client - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Relié
There is a lot to like about this book (even though constantly being called "luv" did get old by about page 3)... in many parts there *is* very good advice. Tracy Hogg claims a middle-of-the-road approach to parenting a newborn and I agree with many of her ideas. She does not advocate letting babies cry and communicates overall the belief that parents should respect their babies as the tiny people they are. Overall, there is a lot of comforting stuff in here.
But I have issues with some of her specific advice. First, I find that she's judgmental about attachment parenting in general. I'm no die-hard attachment parent, but I'm no rigid-scheduler either and I totally disagree with her belief that demand feeding, cosleeping and the like teaches a baby bad habits or does not effectively meet their needs. She presumes that if AP doesn't work for some, then it will not work for all and is therefore not even worth trying because you'll end up with a baby with bad habits to break down the road. My experiences with flexibility vs. scheduled routine have been quite different. Gentle transitions from three completely attached newborns to independent individuals without parent-imposed schedules (it's been much more symbiotic than the method Hogg proposes) have worked quite well in our household. While my style may not be right for everyone, it certainly *can* work, something that Hogg fails to recognize. (She believes the "family bed gives parents short-shrift" without acknowledging that it actually *works* for many.)
Then there is the breastfeeding advice. I am disappointed to see someone who calls herself a lactation consultant try to make such a strong case for formula feeding over breastfeeding. As a mom who has both bottlefed and breastfed (and is still breastfeeding), I agree with Hogg that guilt or judgment has NO place in this decision, but I also feel that she has done a great disservice to moms and babies by understating some very important advantages and benefits of breastfeeding. She explains that "one can make a good case for either formula-feeding or breastfeeding." Unfortunately, she never does get around to making the case for breastfeeding.
In this same section, entitled "Making the Choice," Hogg has a sidebar on Feeding Fashions. In this small box, where I presume she's trying to show that while breastfeeding is currently "all the rage," the tide may turn out of its favor in later years as has happened in the past. (It's not clear here whether she's saying therefore don't choose breastfeeding just because it's a modern day "fad" or that if you decide to formula feed against popular opinion, know that 25 years from now it will probably be "the thing to do" just like it was 25 years ago? I don't get it.) She also says here, "As this book is being written, scientists are experimenting with the notion of genetically altering cows to produce human breast milk [yuk]. If that happens, perhaps in the future everyone will tout cow's milk. In fact, a 1999 article in the Journal of Nutrition suggests 'that it may ultimately be possible to design formulas better able to meet the needs of individual infants than the milk available from the mother's breast.'"
Okay, that is fascinating information, but how should it impact any mother's decision *today*? Feed your baby formula now because in the future it might actually be the best choice!? (A statement in itself which is worthy of an opposing dissertation - there are more advantages to breastfeeding than the mere composition of the fluid.)
Later, in the breastfeeding section, she specifically discourages demand feeding - advice which is direct opposition to breastfeeding recommendations endorsed by the majority of professional lactation consultants and the American Academy of Pediatrics. Hogg has a schedule all charted out for new parents, beginning with day one, which becomes increasing less flexible over a three day period, until you're stuck on that infamous three hour schedule by day FOUR and beyond. She promotes pacifier use (she believes in fostering independence from the very beginning), and "dispels the myth" of nipple confusion. And she seems to favor weaning within the first year, which is again not the recommendation of the AAP. Let me say that I actually agreed with some of her breastfeeding advice (don't watch the clock, don't switch sides, find a mentor), but you need to have a pretty discerning eye to know what is the good stuff and what is er, codswallop. Not good for first-time parents or those learning to breastfeed for the first time.
I'm a little surprised that Hogg is an LC at all, because she really doesn't come across as much of a breastfeeding advocate. In the feeding chapter, she puts LLLI and the US Public Health Service (neither seeking profit) in the same category as formula companies, accusing them all of "huge propaganda campaigns." Then she assures moms that SHE, on the other hand, is going to "help you become clearer about your choice, [providing] empowering information - without the rocket science or statistical numwhack that conventional breastfeeding books tend to bombard you with." Ugh.
93 internautes sur 105 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
1.0 étoiles sur 5 Read all reviews and gain knowledge 21 mai 2003
Par zoomer - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Broché
As a pediatrician, mother and former nanny myself I write this review. I had heard about this book from a mother who's child was having trouble thriving because she only nursed him on a schedule. After I read this book I see why. This book is based mostly on opinion and not on facts which is very sad, it has alot if mis-information! Some advice is helpful, like reading your babies cries. (though this information can be found in various other places as well.) However the majority of the book is litteraly useless! The section on breastfeeding is the worst!!!! The facts are nursing is BEST for your baby, the vitamins in human milk have a much higher absorbtion rate then the formula she inadvertently pushes, the AAP says it is important to nurse your child for at least 1 YEAR, longer if you choose. Many benifits have been proven from nursing. You also don't need 16 glasses of water a day or to wipe yourself clean afterwards to avoid bacteria! The nursing section aside, babies need to be held, rocked, ect. A proven fact, babies who are held/picked up when crying cry less and are more trusting, have better bonds with their parents and are more self confident when older! Also, though not everyones choice, co-sleeping can be a safe alternative if you are careful. (Have a firm matress, keep pillows and blankets away from the child, don't drink/smoke, don't go to bed overly tired.) A recent study showed that 50% of babies sleep with their parents for at least some time during their first year. Everyones parenting style is different, and it can get hectic at times but a baby needs comfort and contact! Even if you like this book please do your reaserch! As with any baby book I hear reviews on (whether good or bad.) the best adivce I can give is READ OTHER BOOKS TOO! Lots of books have good information PICK AND CHOOSE AND LEARN FROM MANY DIFFERNET PARENTING BOOKS, NOT JUST ONE!
237 internautes sur 278 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
1.0 étoiles sur 5 Not what it seems 12 juillet 2004
Par Un client - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Broché
Tracy Hogg claims this is a middle of the road approach. It isn't. As a parent and as a licensed marriage and family therapist, I have read most of the parenting books on the market. This book isn't much different from all of the other sleep training books out there.

It is obvious it is written from the perspective of a babysitter rather than a medical doctor, psychologist, or experienced parent. Her change a "bad" habit in three days is ridiculous and oversimplified. Yes, you can change a behavior if you are ruthless enough about it, but that doesn't mean you should. Picking up the baby and putting them back down repeatedly as she recommends might make you feel like you are doing something rather than just leaving them there to cry, but you aren't meeting the babies need for closeness. In one example she explains that in one night she picked up and put a baby down 172 times (when he cried, she picked him up and as soon as he stopped she put him down), how frustrating for this poor baby who was trying to communicate a need that went unmet. After several days, the baby gave up and didn't cry in his crib anymore. She cites this as an example of how great her training program is. Babies are people with needs.

I met a family recently who used this approach and their baby responded to this program like a trained pup. She was complacent and passive. She slept through the night without a peep and from 8:00 p.m. to 7:00 a.m. Her daily routines involved videos, bottles, and crib-time with a bunch of pacifiers. No rocking, no lullabyes, definitely no nursing. It definitely was easy as her "E.A.S.Y." program implies. But, this kind of approach has negative long term effects. The mother said that the approach is great because her child doesn't have to "waste energy communicating her needs" because they tell her what she needs. This is a big premise of this book. I found this very sad.

Children need to learn to identify their needs, communicate their needs, and have those needs met. In this process they learn to communicate and have healthy trusting relationships with others. These sleep training programs are based on behavioral psychological theories. The problem with this is that these approaches are more appropriate for animals, which is how these theories developed. But it is completely developmentally inappropriate to use these behavior modification approaches with human infants. The first 12 to 18 months of life the primary task of a human infant is to learn to trust.

This author really does not understand child development at all, one of her main points is "start as you mean to go on" and she explains how you shouldn't start doing something that you don't want to continue. It doesn't work like this. Young children are needy and as those needs are met, they become less needy. There is a classic study by Ainsworth that showed that young infants whose cries were responded to promptly cried less as older infants, whereas young infants whose cries were ignored or responded to inappropriately or wiht delay cried more when they were older. Books like this make the routine more important than the relationship. This causes significant long term relationship problems that the child will struggle with in the years to come. I see this every day in my practice-problems with intimacy and materialism, attaching and finding comfort in objects continuing later in life- the bottle, pacifier, and blankie become the cigarette, the alcoholic drink, the compulsive shopping, the compulsive eating, etc tomorrow. Of course the occasional use of a pacifier or bottle when mom isn't available is handy, but overrelying on mother substitutes as Tracy recommends is not good for your child.

One of the best pieces of advice I can give is teach your child to love people and use things, and not the other way around. This book promotes loving things and using people. The approach is very manipulative. If you want to learn more about child development, go right to the source and study Winnicott, Kohut and Bowlby. Or if you want to read a book marketed to parents read "The Baby Book" or "No Cry Sleep Solution" or "Good Nights".
51 internautes sur 58 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
1.0 étoiles sur 5 worse than cry-it-out method 30 octobre 2005
Par Un client - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Broché
I would not recommend this book. Her "sensible sleep" philosophy claims to be a gentler approach to the cry-it-out method of teaching your baby to fall asleep on her own. You are allowed to comfort your baby when she cries but only to the point of comfort and must place her back in her crib to work it out on her own. If she cries again you pick her up again. The author claims to have had to do this picking up and putting down over a hundred times in one night with some babies.

I was desperate for a solution to my daughter's sleep issues and tried this method. Besides nearly breaking my back with all the picking up and putting down it taught my daughter that to stay in my arms all she had to do was to non-stop cry! She was inconsolible b/c she knew if she stopped she would end up in her crib.

I would have preferred to just let her cry it out if it was going to strip my ability to soothe her. It would have been less traumatic. Plus when she finally fell asleep she would wake every hour to find herself in her crib and do guess what?...That's right...cry! A total nightmare.

Also her views on breastfeeding are a bit uninformed (she claims it's just a trend on pg. 96) and a lot of her advice is common sense. Don't bother. Your instincts are a better guide.
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