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Secrets of the Baby Whisperer for Toddlers [Anglais] [Broché]

Tracy Hogg , Melinda Blau

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Description de l'ouvrage

4 février 2003
Unnerved by the ceaseless demands of your toddler? Concerned that your two-year-old isn’t developing on schedule? You clearly need to spend some time with Tracy Hogg. Nicknamed the “baby whisperer” by grateful parents because of her extraordinary gift for understanding and connecting with children, Tracy became internationally famous after the smashing success of her New York Times bestseller Secrets of the Baby Whisperer. Now Tracy is back with the same winning blend of common sense and uncanny intuition. Starting with the simple but essential premise that there is no such thing as a “typical” child, Tracy guides you through her unique programs, including

H.E.L.P. (Hold back, Explain, Limit, Praise): the mantra that will remind you of the four elements that are critical to fostering your child’s growth and independence, while at the same time keeping him safe.
Using T.L.C. (Talk, Listen, Clarify) to communicate with your toddler, to figure out what she is really thinking, and to best help her express herself.
R&R: Routines and Rituals that give structure and predictability to daily life and a sense of continuity to holidays and special occasions.
Rehearsals for Change: ways of preparing your toddler for new experiences by encouraging her to practice her skills in the safe, controlled setting of your family.
Conscious Discipline: a way of teaching your toddler how to behave and manage his emotions, while being mindful of the lessons you teach with your own behavior.

Practical, reassuring, and written with wit and energy and boundless enthusiasm for real children and their everyday behavior, this book will be your constant companion during the magical, challenging toddler years.

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Secrets of the Baby Whisperer for Toddlers + Secrets of the Baby Whisperer: How to Calm, Connect, and Communicate with Your Baby + The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems: Sleeping, Feeding, and Behavior--Beyond the Basics from Infancy Through Toddlerhood
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Extrait

Chapter One

Loving the Toddler You Have

It is a wise father that knows his own child.

—William Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice Babies Revisited

In the course of writing this second book, my coauthor and I held a class reunion for some of the babies who had attended my groups. Infants between one and four months old when we last saw them, the five alumni were now in the thick of toddlerhood. What a difference a year and a half had made. We recognized their slightly more mature faces, but physically the tiny dynamos who poured into my playroom bore scant resemblance to the babies I had known—sweet helpless things who could do little but stare at the wavy lines on the wallpaper. Where once holding up their heads or “swimming” on their tummies was a feat, these children were into everything. When their mums plopped them down, they crawled, tottered, or walked, sometimes holding on, sometimes on their own, desperate to explore. Eyes aglow, babbling sense and nonsense alike, their hands reached here, there, and everywhere.

Recovering from the shock of seeing this miracle of instant growth—it was like time-lapse photography without the middle stages—I started to remember the babies I once knew.

There was Rachel, sitting in her mum’s lap, cautiously eyeing her playmates, a bit fearful to venture out on her own. It was the same Rachel who cried as a baby when presented with a stranger’s face and who balked during the class on infant massage, letting us know she wasn’t ready for so much stimulation.

Betsy, one of the first of the babies to actually reach out and touch another child, was clearly still the most active and interactive of all the children, curious about every toy, interested in everyone else’s business. She was extremely frisky as an infant, so it didn’t surprise me when she began clambering up the changing table with the skill of a monkey and a nothing-can-stop-me look on her face. (Not to worry: Her mum, obviously used to Betsy’s athletic feats, kept a close eye on her and a ready hand near her tush.)

Tucker, who had reached every baby milestone on cue, was playing near the changing table. Every so often, he’d glance up at Betsy, but the brightly colored forms of the shape box were more intriguing to him. Tucker was still right on track—he knew his colors and was able to figure out which shapes fit into which holes, just like “the books” said a twenty-month-old could.

Allen was in the play garden by himself, set off from the others, which made me think of his serious-looking, three-month-old self. Even as an infant, Allen always seemed to have a lot on his mind, and he had that same concerned expression now as he tried to insert a “letter” into the play mailbox.

Finally, I couldn’t take my eyes off Andrea, one of my favorite babies because she was so friendly and adaptable. Nothing fazed Andrea, even in infancy, and I could see that she was her old unshakable self as I watched her interact with Betsy, now down from her perch and tugging mightily on Andrea’s truck. In turn, this self-possessed toddler looked at Betsy and calmly sized up the situation. Without missing a beat, Andrea let go and began playing contentedly with a dolly that had caught her eye.

Though these children had grown light-years ahead of where they had been—in effect, they were six or seven times older than when I last saw them—each was a reflection of his or her infant self. Temperament had blossomed into personality. Babies no more, they were five distinct little people.

Nature/Nurture: The Delicate Balance

The constancy of personality from infancy through toddlerhood comes as no surprise to me or others who have seen scores of infants and children. As I stressed earlier, babies come into this world with unique personalities. From the day they’re born, some are inherently shy, others stubborn, still others prone to high activity and risk taking. Now, thanks to videotapes, brain scanners, and new information about gene coding, this isn’t just a hunch; scientists have documented the constancy of personality in the lab as well. Particularly in the last decade, research has proven that in every human being, genes and brain chemicals influence temperament, strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes.

One of the most hopeful by-products of this latest research is that it has cut down on parent-blaming—a once-fashionable psychology. But let’s be careful not to swing totally in the other direction. That is, let’s not al- low ourselves to think that parents don’t matter at all. We do. (Otherwise, luv, why would I share my ideas for being the best parent you can be?)

Indeed, the most current thinking about the nature/ nurture debate describes the phenomenon as a dynamic, ongoing process. It’s not nature versus nurture. Rather, it’s “nature through nurture,” accord- ing to a recent review of the research (see sidebar). Scien- tists know this from analyzing countless studies of identical twins as well as research on adopted children, whose biology is different from their parents. Both types of cases demonstrate the complexity of the nature/nurture interplay.

Twins, for example, who have the same chromosomal makeup and the same paren- tal influences, don’t necessarily turn out the same way. And when scientists look at adopted children whose biological parents are alcoholics or have some type of mental illness, they find that in some cases a nurturing environment (created by their adoptive parents) provides immunity from the genetic predisposition. In other cases, though, even the best parenting can’t override heredity.

The bottom line is that no one knows exactly how nature and nurture work, but we do know that they work together, each influencing the other. Hence, we have to respect the child Nature has given us, and at the same time, give that child whatever support he or she needs. Admittedly, this is a delicate balance, especially for parents of toddlers. But following are some important ideas to keep in mind. It’s Nature and Nurture

“The studies [of twins and adopted children] have important practical implications. Since parenting and other environmental influences can moderate the development of inherited tendencies in children, efforts to assist parents and other care givers to sensitively read a child’s behavioral tendencies and to create a supportive context for the child are worthwhile. A good fit between environmental condition and the child’s characteristics is reflected, for example, in family routines that provide many opportunities for rambunctious play for highly active children, or in child care settings with quiet niches for shy children to take a break from intensive peer activity. Thoughtfully designed care giving routines can incorporate helpful buffers against the development of behavior problems among children with inherited vulnerabilities by providing opportunities for choice, relational warmth, structured routine, and other assists.”

—from the National Research Council and Institute of Medicine (2000), From Neurons to Neighborhoods: The Science of Early Childhood Development, Committee on Integrating the Science of Early Childhood Development. Jack P. Shonkoff and Deborah A. Phillips, eds. Board on Children, Youth, and Families, Commission of Behavioral and Social Sciences and Education. Washington, D.C.: National Academy Press.

You first need to understand—and accept—the child you have. The starting point of being a good parent is to know your own child. In my first book, I explained that the infants I meet generally fall into one of five broad temperamental types, which I call Angel, Textbook, Touchy, Spirited, and Grumpy. In the next sections of this chapter, we’ll look at how these types translate into toddlerhood, and you’ll find a questionnaire (see pages 21–24) that will help you figure out the type of child you have. What are her talents? What gives her trouble? Is she a child who needs a little extra encouragement or a little extra self-control? Does she plunge willingly into new situations? Recklessly? Or not at all? You must observe your child impartially and answer such questions honestly.

If you base your replies on the reality of who your child is, not on whom you’d like her to be, you will be giving her what I think every parent owes their child: respect. The idea is to look at your toddler, love her for who she is, and tailor your own ideas and behavior to do what is best for her.

Think of it: You wouldn’t ever dream of asking an adult who hates sports to join you at a rugby game. You probably wouldn’t ask a blind person to join you on a bird-watching expedition. In the same way, if you know your child’s temperament, her strengths, her weaknesses, you’ll be better able to determine not only what’s right for her, but what she enjoys. You’ll be able to guide her, provide an environment suited to her, and give her the strategies she needs to cope with the ever more challenging demands of childhood.

Suomi’s Monkeys: Biology Is Not Destiny

Stephen Suomi and a team of researchers at the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development purposely bred a group of rhesus monkeys to be “impulsive.” In the monkeys, as in humans, a lack of control and high risk taking is associated with low levels of the brain chemical serotonin (which inhibits impulsiveness). It seems that a recently identified serotonin-transporter gene (found in humans as well) prevents serotonin from metabolizing efficiently. Suomi found that when monkeys who lacked this gene were raised by average mothers, they tended to get into trouble and end up at the bottom of the social hierarchy. But when they are assigned to mothers known to be exceptionally nurturing, their futures...

Revue de presse

"Miracles are her business" (Jodie Foster)

"The honest truth is that Tracy Hogg has provided me with more insight into the things that matter than anyone else." (Alain de Botton Observer Review) --Ce texte fait référence à une édition épuisée ou non disponible de ce titre.

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Amazon.com: 4.3 étoiles sur 5  79 commentaires
128 internautes sur 128 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 Toddler Love, Toddler Sleep, Toddler Eat 5 février 2002
Par Jen Brock-Garcia - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Relié
Hogg does an excellent job of calming the frazzled nerves of parents with toddlers. I'm the single mom of a "spirited" toddler. And I thought I was going to lose my mind. I read this book a week ago, and things are already better. She has parents examine their behavior as well as that of the child's. She doesn't present it as if you are an awful parent if your child won't go to sleep or throws fits that are unmanagable. But there is a problem, or you wouldn't be reading this book in the first place. And what I find the most amazing thing about her book is that she offers no quick fixes. In a time when everyone wants to lose 10 lb. in one week, and have their children sleep through the night in the same amount of time, Hogg says it cannot be done. What she suggests is introducing limits and actually *being* the parent. Her method takes time. I am an attachment parent, and I find no conflicts between this style and mine. She does not ever say you should lock your child in a room and walk away or otherwise desert him. She's not a Ferberer. She's also against spanking, yelling, slapping, shaming and teasing. In the past I've become very angry with my child because of his behavior. Now I can understand where his behavior comes from, what I've done to let the situation get out of hand and not only can I deal with him better, I can prevent most of the behaviors that drive me up a wall. A great book for tired parents.
36 internautes sur 37 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 This Book is for everyone 2 février 2002
Par Un client - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Relié
Tracy's blend of humor, common sense and most importantly respect, is excellent reading, not only for dealing with Toddlers but for everyone. Certainly opens your eyes to the way we communicate.
If you followed Tracy's advice in the Baby Whisperer book, this book is for you. If you didn't read the Baby whisperer book and you are a parent or becoming one get both books. They are Totally packed with real life scenarios, common sense, and sound advice. Tracy's wit definately proves to me that she has been in the trenches as she calls it with these Toddlers, and not something she has conjured up from behind a desk.
This book will "and I underline will" guide you through the tantrums of Toddlerhood and will even set the stage for parenting beyond this period. I am totally amazed at the results by just using the H.E.L.P chapter with my 18 month old twins.
The seperation anxiety issues are well worth the read, this seems to be frantic time for all parents who are usually not aware of this.
All in all a superb read from cover to cover. You will have to read it at least twice though because of the quantity of information. Parents around the world will be thanking Ms. Hogg for revealing her secrets. My wife and I will thank her personally when she is in LA. I have already given this book as gifts to both our parents, 18 of our friends, the daycare center.
A Special thanks to Ms. Hogg
Frpm Dianna & Tom ----> Toddler girls Simone & Farah
44 internautes sur 49 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 Great advice, easy to follow 9 mars 2002
Par Shaz - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Relié
Tracy Hogg has given us yet another gem. If you, like myself, have found yourself beating your head against the wall where your toddler is concerned, you should do yourself a favor and splurge on this book. In the first "Baby Whisperer" book, Tracy taught us how to respect our infants without surrendering our parental control, and gave us simple acronyms (E.A.S.Y., S.L.O.W.)to remind us of her helpful advice. In her "toddler" edition, she uses the same method. Is your toddler refusing to potty train or play with other kids? What about dinner time- do you dread the constant fight over getting the kids to eat their veggies? Tracy gives helpful hints to overcome common toddler struggles, all the while encouraging us to praise our kids and give them the structure they need and, oddly enough, desire. Other topics are discussed, such as food allergies, kids who won't seem to talk, air travel do's and don'ts, the 12 ingredients of conscious discipline, typical or chronic sleep problems, and how to help your toddler deal with a new "intruder" in the form of his/her new baby sibling. Never has applying practical advice been presented in such an easy-to-follow fashion.
51 internautes sur 60 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
1.0 étoiles sur 5 Mom of twins 14 février 2002
Par Un client - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Relié
I never read her first book on infants but Hogg's "insights" into toddlers rates no greater than those of the average parent. This book is all over the place and attempts to cover nearly every aspect of a toddler's life, from developmental milestones to switching to solid foods to stopping temper tantrums. Unfortunately, none of the topics are covered completely or affectively. Her tip to help with dressing a toddler ("buy loose clothes with elasticized waists, big buttons and Velcro closures") is an example of the elementary tactics offered.
I was looking for a book to help me understand my toddlers (I have twins) and how to best work with them, especially during the challenging times of disciplining. But even during the rare times that the book delves into helpful topics, such as determining your toddler's temperament/type, the following chapters do not build on the information. So now I know that one of my toddlers is "spirited" and one is an "angel"; so what?
An even greater concern for me is the judgmental and condescending tone of this book. Other books have offered me far better lessons and motivated me to change my behavior without making me feel like a completely incompetent parent.
The few insights that I gleaned from this book are available in much more comprehensive and less patronizing texts, including Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Becky A. Baily; and Your Two-Year-Old, Terrible or Tender and Your Three-Year-Old, Friend or Enemy by Louse Bates Ames. I'm sure may more sources are out there but these have really helped me be a much more understanding, patient and loving parent.
29 internautes sur 33 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
3.0 étoiles sur 5 Not as Good as the Original 27 juin 2004
Par Un client - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Relié
This book is moderately helpful, but not as good as Hogg and Blau's original "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer." While that book was an invaluable asset and demonstrated Hogg's true expertise with babies, this one seems to emulate its predecessor instead of standing on its own. I found the first one much more helpful and practical than "What to Expect the First Year," but now I find "What to Expect the Toddler Years" to be more informative than this toddler book. If you're as big a fan of the first book as I was, you probably are tempted to go right out and buy this one as soon as your baby becomes a toddler. I would encourage you to read it to benefit from some of the more helpful parts (especially good, in my opinion, were the ritual and routine recommendations), but unfortunately, it doesn't pass the test to be your go-to guide to your toddler.
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