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Stalking the Soul: Emotional Abuse and the Erosion of Identity (Anglais) Broché – 3 janvier 2005

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Book by Hirigoyen MarieFrance

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Détails sur le produit

  • Broché: 211 pages
  • Editeur : Helen Marx; Édition : Tra (3 janvier 2005)
  • Langue : Anglais
  • ISBN-10: 188558699X
  • ISBN-13: 978-1885586995
  • Dimensions du produit: 15,5 x 1,5 x 23,4 cm
  • Moyenne des commentaires client : 3.0 étoiles sur 5  Voir tous les commentaires (1 commentaire client)
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Format: Broché
I ordered this book at the same time I ordered another one which I read first (Why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft). I have to say that I had high expectations for this book which didn’t materialize. The book is a bad translation from the French original and sometimes not easy to follow. I also wondered whether the original is well written because it might not be, I don’t know. As I read French maybe I should have read the original version. It also has a lot of repetitions, something I find quite annoying.

The book gives a more general view of what is abuse while I was looking for information on abuse in a relationship but that was my mistake, I should have researched it better. That said there are good bits which I enjoyed reading and a number of important messages. Although part of the book didn’t apply to my situation I did read the whole book so that I could have a good feel for it and after all, bits about abuse in the workplace apply to abuse in a relationship and vice versa.

I was appalled by one thing: if I understood well the author seems to be a highly qualified victimologist but she has no idea that it is not difficult to prove emotional abuse? It only took me reading the other book to understand that these stories are mostly very similar. Abusers come in all shapes and forms but the way they act is quite similar and therefore a qualified professional will always spot abuse alarm bells in the story of the victim. Now that I know a lot more about abuse it would be easy for me to make it all up but when I first started to suspect that I was a victim of abuse I had no idea about this fact There was no way I could have come up with so many details without being a professional. Still I found out that the victims don’t get the respect and help they so badly need.
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Commentaires client les plus utiles sur (beta) 54 commentaires
150 internautes sur 152 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
Powerful, illuminating, and validating 7 mars 2005
Par Aalea1 - Publié sur
Format: Broché
"Stalking the Soul" will illuminate emotional abuse in a way that will shake you to the core.
Marie-France Hirigoyen has insight that is usually reserved for those who have walked the path. I was impressed with the depth of her knowledge of narcissism and the insidious and covert nature of the disorder.
Emotional abuse is a double-edged sword because it is so hard to prove. You'll go crazy just trying. The abuser is careful to reveal himself only to his victim while showing his false self, the one that hooked you, to everyone else. Manipulation is second nature to the emotional abuser, allowing him to slowly and methodically erode your sense of self and to murder your soul. The latter being their goal. You have become their prey, some'thing' to conquer.
I immensely appreciated and respected Marie-France Hirigoyen careful avoidance and rejection of blaming the victim. She shows in compassionate detail how it is your very strengths and talents that make you perfect prey to a narcissist, not your weakness, as so many other books on the subject will have you believe. Blaming the victim is just another layer of abuse and this author discredits that theory with a few strokes of her mighty pen. She appears to have an intimate understanding of the inner workings of a mental abuser and her knowledge flows freely from the pages directly to you. Where it is the abuser's goal to destabilize, Marie-France Hirigoyen is the friend who lovingly shakes your shoulders and shouts "It's not YOU," leading you back to sanity.
As a reminder, this book was originally written in French and the small translation difficulties should not deter you in any way.
121 internautes sur 122 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
An Unwitting Victim 8 septembre 2005
Par Southern Gal - Publié sur
Format: Broché Achat vérifié
Though I am an avid reader, I have never chosen to write a review before. But this book shook me to my very core. An earlier reviewer said she could only read a certain amount of this book at a time. I had that exact same experience. I felt while reading this book as if I had existed in the middle of a psychological horror movie and was only beginning to understand the real peril in which I had been unknowingly fighting for my very survival. I found out during my marriage that my exhusband had been diagnosed with sociopathic personality traits. He had set out to destroy my reality, which he almost did. I had never had psychological problems of any kind but after months, maybe years of abuse, I contemplated suicide, and I voluntarily signed myself into a hospital for psychiatric help for three days and was diagnosed with reactive depression. After leaving that relationship, within six months I was involved with another cruel, manipulative abuser for over three years. I went to counseling and my counselor told me I was being too hard on myself. I was blaming myself and literally killing myself trying to fix what could never be fixed. I had the physical symptoms: stomach and chest pain, disorientation, self-isolation, and many more. I was holding on by a thread. I never thought it could happen to me...I am fairly bright, I have an advanced degree, and I was very successful in my career. But I so greatly underestimated the capacity for deviousness, duplicity, and intentional cruelty of fellow human beings I so loved and trusted. I see their behaviors and manipulations so clearly in this book. I also learned that some of my own personality traits, so positive in a healthy setting, made me a walking magnet for narcissisitic and passive-aggressive personalities. I now know these abusers had impenetrable anger that had nothing to do with me. But I was there and I was an easy target and, in my ignorance, I allowed them to make my life almost unbearable. I am still trying to work my way back, but now I understand and I am making progress. I have two other books on emotional abuse, and, while they are good, neither comes close to the precise behavioral descriptions contained here. If you are reading this because you suspect there is something wrong in a relationship, you are probably right. I highly recommend this book. You cannot fight your enemy until you know your enemy.
82 internautes sur 84 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
Abusers . . you are soon to be impotent! 7 novembre 2000
Par Un client - Publié sur
Format: Relié Achat vérifié
Finally . . a book that TRULY understands emotional abuse. Why abusers abuse, why victims take it, how outsiders respond, how & why many psychologists deal with it incorrectly, and what victims can do etc. This book should be required reading for all people involved in abuse in any way. It could return the power to the victims and render many abusers impotent(i.e., powerless). I'm going to read it again SLOWLY.
61 internautes sur 63 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
If the other 16 reviews didn't convince you... 17 décembre 2005
Par Denise-Mary - Publié sur
Format: Broché
to buy this book, then don't. Check it out of your local library. I can pretty much guarantee that you will read this book cover-to-cover, non-stop, as I did. And THEN you will buy it! Why? Because you will want your very own copy to highlight, mark up, to put huge exclamation points by certain lines or paragraphs even as your tears are falling on the pages. You will want to keep this volume by your bedside, so that when you wake up in the middle of the night, weeping from dreams you cannot remember, Marie-France Hirigoyen's wisdom will bring you back to a place of safekeeping, of detachment, of rationality.

This is the most healing book I have read in decades. Perhaps I was simply ready for it. Perhaps you are not. That's okay. Read it in small sections, a page, even a paragraph at a time. Astonishingly, there are even mere SENTENCES in this book, mere one-liners, that will arrest your attention, and you'll find yourself saying, "Yes, YES, that's him/her (the emotional abuser) exactly!" As other reviewers have mentioned, one beauty of this book is that it validates YOU (us). We are not crazy for having loved, and loved well. We were not wrong to have entrusted our hearts (and souls) to others, to have shown our vulnerability and expected the same in return. The author emphasizes that it was our very strengths, NOT weaknesses, that attracted the emotional abuser to us in the first place. The abusers then feed off our energy, because they are emotionally incapable of generating such a strong life force themselves. It is our inner light they find attractive and want to appropriate; yet, after finding they cannot, because each of us must generate that inner light on our own, the abuser's only wish is to destroy or discard. No reconciliation is possible, NOR SHOULD WE WANT IT TO BE. It is when we parlay with evil or madness that we begin losing our souls to the other. Parlay, if you must, Marie-France seems to say, but only to extricate yourself from an untenable, destructive relationship.

The author covers an incredible amount of territory without reverting to scholarly language (an extensive bibliography is in the BACK of the book, thank you, no irritating footnotes). It is not that she writes in a condescending fashion. Rather, she is shooting from the proverbial hip. She writes to reach you, to affirm your sanity in the midst of relationship chaos, not to score points with colleagues. She writes as if she's "been there, done that," and lived to tell the tale. And perhaps most importantly, she makes you feel that you can, too.

Read the book. Take your life back. Take your SOUL back.
39 internautes sur 40 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
IT WAS NOT ME!!!! 10 mars 2006
Par Margaret A. Jones - Publié sur
Format: Broché
I found this book after reading a review on another book. I started looking for something to help me to understand co-dependency which I was told I had after a hard melt down and diagnosed with PTSD and major depression. Had someone told me 5 years ago that I was a victem or co-dependant I would have laughed and thought they were crazy. From the very first page, I watched as my life unfolded, wept as I have finally come to understand that IT WAS NOT ME! There was never anything wrong that I did. That in the hands of these type of people, they prey on your very strengths, everything that should be good about yourself they twist and turn to use as there own tool to feed there never ending hunger. For me this book has been the answer to the question I have been asking for the last 45 yrs! Its the answer to how I'm going to live my life for the next 45. A must read!! For me a life raft thrown from the Titanic, I now have a chance.
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