I recently had the privilege of attending a lecture by John Rosemond in Simsbury, Connecticut. His humor and ability to cut right to the heart of teen problems captivated the audience and I walked out with my own signed copy of his latest book, Teenproofing. The beauty of the book is that it contains nothing revolutionary or new, just old fashioned, common sense practices that have been abandoned by most "psychobabble" parenting gurus of today. Clearly outlining the basic points of his theories into clever "c" words such as curfew, cash, car, child's choice of cohorts, conflict and consequences. Rosemond skillfully and humorously walks us through most of the common challenges parents and teenagers face. Above all, Rosemond encourages parents to "PIIP" (Put it in perspective) and reminds us that caring, well-intentioned parents just need a road map to get through their child's teen years. (Amen to that!) In the PIIP (Putting it in perspective) introduction of his book, Rosemond outlines three facts: 1. You are a responsible parent! 2. Your teen can do something really bad and still turn out okay! 3. You are not the only force in your child's life. 4. You can do the right thing, and things may still go wrong. He labels parents either "Micromanagers" or "Macromanagers" and gives valuable examples and strategies to help parents become macromanagers to their teens, thus fostering respect, learning and responsibility. Rosemond teaches parents to calmly establish clear consistent expectations and tangible consequences for misbehavior and to follow through. Sounds simple, doesn't it? An extremely helpful insight is that consequences do not need to follow immediately after the misbehavior to be effective. In fact, says Rosemond, it is beneficial to wait for a "strategic opportunity" to punish the child. This strategic opportunity punishes the child for something that may have happened hours and even days before. The fact remains that eventually, all children have to ask their parents for something: money, a ride, permission to go somewhere, etc. At this point, they are all sweetness and smiles and that is when you can strategically get the point across that their misbehavior has resulted in a consequence that they don't like and will likely learn from. His story about his daughter Amy not vacuuming the house is priceless and really hammers home the value of this important principle. I especially enjoyed the concept of the "Checkmate Move". In his book, Rosemond addresses most of the concerns and questions and frustrations parents face in raising teenagers. The final section of the book is devoted strictly to a question-answer forum where almost every conceivable dilemma is mentioned. With straightforward humor and insight, Rosemond cuts to the heart and core of the issue and doles out suggestions and advice, all designed to empower the parent in becoming a positive mentor to guide their teenager into becoming a responsible adult. Although I don't agree with some of Rosemond's casual advice regarding teenage smoking and drinking, most of his advice is beneficial and insightful. The beauty of John Rosemond's theories is their simplicity. As the parent of four children, two of who are teenagers, I have tried his methods and they work. This book is a must read for anyone with children!
