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The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships [Anglais] [Broché]

Patrick Carnes

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129 internautes sur 130 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 Such a Powerful, Eye-Opening Book! 29 février 2000
Par Un client - Publié sur
Have you been exploited by a therapist or minister, yet, inexplicably, keep running back to him? Have you been emotionally or physically abused by a spouse, but find it difficult to get out of the marriage --- or, if divorced, feel so bonded that it feels as if you're still married?

If so, please read this book! The book clearly explains why "the betrayal bond" is so powerful. I myself was sexually abused by two different "authority" figures when I was 4 and then again when I was 16. I carried deep shame about this, feeling I somehow carried a flaw within me that caused this to happen to me. Then, a year ago, I sought healing with a licensed marriage & family therapist who turned out to be completely unethical (kissing clients on the mouth, allowing family members & ex-girlfriends in group, soliciting business from clients for pyramid schemes, having clients working for him, etc.) He seduced me. I immediately cut of ties with the man but could not quit longing for him, all the while enraged at him and knowing how destructively insane this obsessive attachment was. Not until I read this book did I understand WHY I found it difficult to free myself from this therapist. Now I'm healing the original wounds with a trained social worker and am firmly on the road to recovery.

I highly recommend this book to anyone who has experienced trauma bonding: child abuse, emotional abuse, professional exploitation, religious abuse, incest, serial infidelity, sexual harrassment. IT'S A MUST-READ for those in the healing professions, as well.
134 internautes sur 138 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 Subtitle: How To Bypass Repetitive Misery Syndrome 27 juin 2001
Par Un client - Publié sur
A copy of THE BETRAYAL BOND, given to me by who?, I don't recall, had been sitting on my bookshelf unread for at least two years when I finally took serious note of it, last Friday, June 22, 2001, while searching for yet another escapist novel. Actually, I was given no choice in the matter. Like a note to Alice (in Wonderland) the red lettered title suddenly jumped at me, screaming, "READ ME!" A day later, I emerged from reading, and answering the various questionaires, if not a new woman, a profoundly altered one.
Where do I begin? In the beginning I was a severely beaten and incestuously molested girl and teenager. Then I married a man who said I was "nothing" compared to him and abandoned me for months at a time or beat me to make that point even clearer. Then I divorced him and worked my way through a series of disasterous relationships with men who had no intention of remaining faithful. I went to Al-Anon for several years but that only got me over the alcohol-related stuff. Affiliation with a 12 Step group still did not prevent me from entering what proved to be the most devestating relationship of all in which I was sexually exploitated by a Catholic priest who dangled the promise of marriage, only to renig on it after he was ordered by his superior into sex offender treatment.
He is still a priest, who now attends Sex Addicts Anonymous meetings, and I am over the worst of the post-traumatic shock disorder I suffered from after learning about his Mr. Hyde side.
So, I have to assume this was the perfect time for me to finally read this book, because I was really ready for it. I all but inhaled the thing, nodding along rapidly, recognizing myself in so much of it it was painful, but freeing as well. I have tools now. I'm not a lost cause. I don't have to avoid men for the balance of my life; I just have to become a lot more conscious of what I'm doing and why. This is particularly a godsend because the reader can begin to use this, without the help of others, as a way to rebuild the ability to deal with others again.
I particularly like the comprehensiveness of this book. There is not one type of abuse, personal, social or institutional that Carnes doesn't discuss. He hits them all, with bullseye accuracy. There is no where to hide in this book and that's precisely what makes it so great -- a powerful testament to the assertion "the truth shall set you free." Amen!
However, I was disappointed to note that Carnes' support group listing at the back of the book does not include clergy (or religious) abuse support groups. This is a serious omission given the fact he provides so many references to clergy and religious abuse throughout the book. In reprints of this book, I hope he will amend that oversight as there are several such groups in existence throughout the world. I belong to one and know that I would probably be dead of suicide by now if I hadn't been referred to the support group I now belong to, by my therapist. Most people think clergy abuse is only about sexual molestation of children or adolescents by their pastor, but it's not. And people like me, who needlessly suffer alone, in the belief there are not others out there like them need desperately to be told otherwise.
Carnes book represents a remarkable breakthrough in terms of exposing all the insidiously complex and baffling psychological mechanisms that keep abuse and betrayal bonding at the denial level. As with the 12 Steps, this book is only a first step in dismantling the overall problem. But what a powerful Step in the right direction it is. More, more!
39 internautes sur 40 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 A Must Read !!! 24 décembre 2005
Par Stephanie Manley - Publié sur
Format:Broché|Achat authentifié par Amazon
If you are looking for a book about toxic relationships, and healing from them, you have found an excellent choice in reading. Patrick Carnes speaks so plainly, he is easy to unerstand, and will definately assist in your journy in healing from horrible relationships.

Carnes does a wonderful job of describing what trauma bonds are. Trauma bonds are when you become bonded, in an unhealthy way to a person, or a situation. Often these bonds are with people who abuse, or hurt us, hence the term betrayal bond. Carnes will carefully guide you through symptoms that you might have. He will describe many things that you may not have always related as being after shocks of bad bonding.

This bonding can come from a wide variety of things. The negative bonding can include anything from sexual abuse as a child, or even an adult, an abusive spouse, a neglectful spouse, along with a host of other reasons. We may feel shame, anger, hatred, or a variety of other feelings over these past events. Unfortunately, we can develop some responses to these issues that make us do unhealthy things.

Carnes guides you thought looking at your unhealthy patterns, and then askes you to write your life story, and look for patterns of people that you attract, and unhealthy patterns that have developed in those relationships. He feels that through understanding what has happened, your current actions, and making those connections will help you heal those past wounds.

This book is so easy to read. He speaks plainly. You will not be lost in technical words, as everything is explained clearly. I highly recommend this book to others who are looking to heal wounds from the past and present.
42 internautes sur 44 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 Read The Betrayal Bond along with two other books 30 mars 2001
Par Un client - Publié sur
The Betrayal Bond is a superb book. It is research based, concisely written and easy to read. It handles the subject of exploitive relationships in a manner that shows great depth of understanding of how these bonds form in the first place, and great compassion toward those who suffer from betrayal bonds. The main strength of this book is that the author offers concrete advice for how to break free of the betrayal bond and move on to healthier relationships. Note: I read two other books along with The Betrayal Bond, and found the three books together to be highly complementary. The two other books I read are: Emotional Intelligence [Goleman] and The Verbally Abusive Relationship [Evans]. Buy these three books, and share them with a friend when you are done with them!
39 internautes sur 41 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 Excellent layout of complex exploitive relationships 27 avril 1998
Par "fclr" - Publié sur
As we've come to expect from his previous cutting edge books, Dr Carnes integrates a good blend of theory and practicality in his writing. In The Betrayal Bond the author first establishes the basis for seeing how and when relationships become and stay exploitive, and what is required to break the cycle of abuse toward healing. A REFRESHING ADVANTAGE of this book is that nearly half of it is dedicated to sequencing concrete steps for identifying problems and change on a path of awareness, action, recovery, and hope. This book, therefore, stands to be very helpful to the consultant and victim, the practioner and patient in charting a way of understanding, identifying specific goals, and marking progress toward achieving them.
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