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The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter--And How to Make the Most of Them Now (Anglais) Broché – 2 avril 2013

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Descriptions du produit

Revue de presse

"Any recent college grad mired in a quarter-life crisis or merely dazed by the freedom of post-collegiate existence should consider it required reading."—, Staff Pick

"Meg Jay takes the specific complaints of twenty something life and puts them to diagnostic use."—New Yorker

"The professional and personal angst of directionless twentysomethings is given a voice and some sober counsel in this engaging guide. While Jay maintains that facing difficulties in one's 20s 'is a jarring--but efficient and often necessary--way to grow,' the author is sincere and sympathetic, making this well-researched mix of generational sociology, psychotherapy, career counseling, and relationship advice a practical treatise for a much-maligned demographic."—Publishers Weekly

"A clinical psychologist issues a four-alarm call for the 50 million 20-somethings in America.... A cogent argument for growing up and a handy guidebook on how to get there."—Kirkus Reviews

"Excellently written, this book is sensitive to the emotional life of twentysomethings."—Library Journal

"THE DEFINING DECADE [is] just the wake up call many twentysomethings need."—The Coffin Factory

"I strongly recommend THE DEFINING DECADE for anyone in their 20s trying to figure out their life's direction. You'll learn how to search productively, how to avoid being indulgent, and how to turn good opportunities into great ones."—Po Bronson, author of What Should I Do With My Life?, co-author of Nurtureshock

"Before reading THE DEFINING DECADE I didn't know enough about the importance of our twenties to be concerned that I could mess it all up. Now that I do, I could worry myself into paralysis, or, as Meg Jay suggests, grab life by the helm--even if I still have no idea in hell where I'm going. Without a doubt, The Defining Decade will leave you eager to embark on what I now see can be the most exciting odyssey of one's life."—Rachel Kauder Nalebuff, editor of My Little Red Book

"THE DEFINING DECADE is the book twentysomethings have been waiting for. It will not tell you what you should do with your life, but it will inspire, motivate, and educate you to figure it out."—Rachel Simmons, author of The Good Girl

"THE DEFINING DECADE is eye-opening, important, and a pleasure to read. I highly recommend it."—Wendy Mogel, author of The Blessing of a Skinned Knee and The Blessing of a B Minus

"Meg Jay brings a sharp intellect, expertise on the life cycle, and extensive clinical experience to this powerful book. Age and time, she argues, are not malleable, even if people live longer and our culture believes that everything is possible. Reading this book will benefit clinicians, cultural commentators, and twentysomethings themselves."—Nancy Chodorow, author of Individualizing Gender and Sexuality: Theory and Practice

"This fascinating, engaging book makes a convincing case that the twenties are the most transformative period of people's lives, and even better, shows readers how to get off the couch and live that decade well. It should be read by all young adults, their friends, their parents, their grandparents, their bosses, their siblings . . . really, by just about everyone!"—Timothy D. Wilson, author of Redirect: The Surprising New Science of Psychological Change

"Expecting to experience the joy of freedom and self-discovery, many young men and women find instead confusion, loneliness, and anomie. Jay is just the sort of guide that these twentysomethings and their parents need: sensitive, thoughtful, and wise."—Kay Hymowitz, author of Manning Up: How the Rise of Women Has Turned Men into Boys

"THE DEFINING DECADE is a rare gem: a fresh, original contribution to the study of adult development that's also a pleasurable, almost effortless read."—Daphne de Marneffe, PhD, author of Maternal Desire: On Children, Love, and the Inner Life

"Blending the latest social science research with real life accounts of twentysomething clients and students, Jay provides valuable and compelling insights and direction for twentysomethings, their parents, and parents of future twentysomethings."—Leslie C. Bell, PhD, author of Hard to Get: 20-Something Women and the Paradox of Sexual Freedom.

"THE DEFINING DECADE is a must read for the twentysomething who is looking to build a meaningful, fulfilling, and rich life. Dr. Jay clearly illustrates some of the biggest mistakes we can make in our twenties. But more important she gives advice about how to make decisions that will set twentysomethings up for success in the workplace and intimate relationships in their thirties and beyond."—C. J. Pascoe, author of Dude, You're a Fag: Masculinity and Sexuality in High School

"THE DEFINING DECADE does an excellent job of conveying the latest social science on twentysomething relationships and helping young adults to understand why these relationships can be so confusing and challenging...Young adults looking for insights about love, life, and marriage should turn to Dr. Meg Jay's engaging and insightful new book."—W. Bradford Wilcox, director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia

"Meg Jay masterfully blends cutting-edge research and life stories of psychotherapy clients to make a compelling case that this age period is crucial for launching love and work. You will learn a lot from this book and it will spur you to seize control of your future now."—Avril Thorne, University of California, Santa Cruz

"Listen to me closely. If you know someone already in or entering the third decade of life, or their parents, or their therapist, you must give them this book. Meg Jay slams a cultural corrective on our desk. Pay attention. The twenties are the defining decade of human life where the foundation of every future is laid...No one should turn thirty without having read this book."—J. Anderson Thomson Jr., MD; staff psychiatrist, University of Virginia, department of Student Health; co-author, Facing Bipolar: The Young Adult's Guide to Facing Bipolar Disorder

Présentation de l'éditeur

Our "thirty-is-the-new-twenty" culture tells us the twentysomething years don't matter. Some say they are a second adolescence. Others call them an emerging adulthood. Dr. Meg Jay, a clinical psychologist, argues that twentysomethings have been caught in a swirl of hype and misinformation, much of which has trivialized what is actually the most defining decade of adulthood.

Drawing from a decade of work with hundreds of twentysomething clients and students, THE DEFINING DECADE weaves the latest science of the twentysomething years with behind-closed-doors stories from twentysomethings themselves. The result is a provocative read that provides the tools necessary to make the most of your twenties, and shows us how work, relationships, personality, social networks, identity, and even the brain can change more during this decade than at any other time in adulthood-if we use the time wisely.

THE DEFINING DECADE is a smart, compassionate and constructive book about the years we cannot afford to miss.

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Détails sur le produit

  • Broché: 272 pages
  • Editeur : Twelve; Édition : Reprint (2 avril 2013)
  • Langue : Anglais
  • ISBN-10: 0446561754
  • ISBN-13: 978-0446561754
  • Dimensions du produit: 14 x 1,9 x 21,6 cm
  • Moyenne des commentaires client : 4.7 étoiles sur 5  Voir tous les commentaires (3 commentaires client)
  • Classement des meilleures ventes d'Amazon: 6.873 en Livres anglais et étrangers (Voir les 100 premiers en Livres anglais et étrangers)
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Commentaires client les plus utiles

Par v t sur 9 juillet 2014
Format: Format Kindle Achat vérifié
It is a very good book for any twenty somethings. I think I m gonna read it one more time
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Par syed yasin sur 11 janvier 2014
Format: Broché Achat vérifié
Même si on n'a plus 20ans, on peut toujours garder ce livre auprès de soi. Parfois les conseils ont l'air difficile à suivre mais l'auteur explique bien le raisonnement derrière son conseil. Très bon livre
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Par Nagato sur 30 septembre 2013
Format: Broché Achat vérifié
Je remercie Forbes de m'avoir fait découvrir ce livre.

J'ai 20 ans et ce livre m'a ouvert les yeux sur certains aspects de la vie.

Si vous êtes jeune et que vous vous souciez de votre avenir, achetez ce livre sans hésiter.
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Commentaires client les plus utiles sur (beta) 447 commentaires
238 internautes sur 246 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
A 25 year old's Review: This is a Paradigm Shifting Book Anyone 17+ Should Read 18 avril 2012
Par Peter Park - Publié sur
Format: Format Kindle Achat vérifié
I read Dr. Meg Jay's NY Times piece on co-habituation (...) which lead me to ordering her book. I received it yesterday and read it in one sitting. So, I think it's pretty good.

As a twenty something, I would recommend this book to my friends and even those still in high school. Dr. Jay teaches lessons about how to ideally approach one's twenties and why it really matters. She interweaves research, stories, and counseling sessions with her patients to make a thought provoking but easy book to read. In many of those patients, I saw my friends or myself. There was the twenty something coffee barista still waiting for the right opportunity to come by. There was the beautiful and successful, girl chronically hooking up and never dating because she's still plagued with teenager, self-image problems. There was the bicycle shop guy wanting to be original and afraid of settling down. What they all have in common is this intense desire to know, "Am I going to make it? And what the hell should I be doing in my twenties? School was so easy, but life is so hard."

This book isn't a step by step guide. It won't go into how to systematically meet guys/girls, get over depression, or how to do well on an interview. There are plenty of books on getting into the details. Instead, this is a thought provoking book aimed against the popular twenty something zeitgeist today that, "we can do anything", "there's always time", and "I have until 30 to get my life together." Not to mention the million other stories we tell ourselves like, "I'm never going to get good at this", "It's better to wait rather than choose", or "Everyone on Facebook is doing better than me." In a sense, this book is like "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" to personal finance. They are paradigm shifting books that sweep away the false assumptions and beliefs we acquired from our childhood and culture and replace them with solid, real principles on how reality works. This book isn't going to do the heavy lifting for you, only you can do that. This book is the starting point to begin living one's twenties with drive, clarity, and purpose.

The book itself is divided into three sections: Work, Love, and The Brain and the Body.
Work talks about increasing your identity capital, the value of "weak ties", that you know what you want even though you think you don't, the unhelpful prevalence of Facebook comparisons, and seeing a career as the first step in a unique, customized life versus settling down.
Love goes into the importance of taking dating seriously in your 20s, compatibility with possible in-laws, how to make sure "living together" isn't harmful, and choosing the right partner.
The Brain and Body is sort of a misc. collection of pieces centered on how your brain, body, and mind works.

The Brain and Body section also covered a lot of neuroscience research I wasn't aware of. For example, your brain undergoes a radical period of reconfiguration in your 20s which means now is the best opportunity for learning skills. Or, the frontal cortex that controls a lot of our mature responses such as regulating emotions is still developing for most people in their 20s. Besides the physical brain, Dr. Jay also talks about the mind such as learning how to calm yourself down, how to develop confidence (rather than believing it's fixed), and that you can radically alter how you feel by changing parts of your life.

It also has a very frank chapter on fertility and that ladies don't have as much time as they think to have children. The final chapter before the epilogue talks about mapping your years to see how limited your time truly is. It seems common for many young people to talk about getting their career in order or going to graduate school eventually, getting married, and having kids but not all at the same time. Except, when you're 25 or 27 saying this, you're quickly running out of time.

It's hard to convey in a review how good the book is. This is the book I wish I could have written in ten years. Not just because of the advice, but because of the patient interviews. I found myself agreeing and sharing the same POV as the patient many times but through the counseling session, it was almost like I was sitting there and seeing my own assumptions fall apart and seeing the truth for what it really is. This book doesn't knock you over the head with what Dr. Jay thinks is right but begins from where you already are and lets you see for yourself the problems in your logic. Just as any good psychologist does.

This isn't your run of the mill advice book. There's a lot of popular myths and assumptions that this book dispels with cold, hard truth. I'm a self-help addict, and there was plenty of new information I never heard or thought of before.

The underlying message in all the stories and chapters is start living your life now. Take responsibility. Don't believe the lies that your twenties don't matter or that confidence is only innate. For most people, the late night parties, pointless jobs, and random hookups won't be what build your identity, what you care about or remember in the future. If anything, as Billy in the book says, you will probably feel betrayed that you wasted the best years of your life doing all the meaningless things that culture and others mislead you to believe most important. So, start preparing now because the investments (or lack thereof) that you do in your twenties will have the greatest impact in your career, marriage, and overall happiness. As she ends the book, "The future isn't written in the stars. There are no guarantees. So claim your adulthood. Be intentional. Get to work. Pick your family. Do the math. Make your own certainty. Don't be defined by what you didn't know or didn't do. You are deciding your life right now."
62 internautes sur 66 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
Roadmap to a happier life --must read for 20-somethings 16 avril 2012
Par Joanna Daneman - Publié sur
Format: Relié
After I read this, I was surprised no one had discussed making the most of the twenties decade before. With the job market slow for college grads, and a seeming extension of the teen years into the entire twenties decade, this book is a huge wake up call and an excellent roadmap out of youth and into what should be the most exciting time of your life. This book covers two basic and profound aspects of life; choosing a mate and having children and choosing a path that leads, step by step, to a career that is fulfilling and rewarding.

The author makes a point about dating: are you goofing around or really trying to sort out whom you want to spend time with? After all that is sorted out and you eventually find the right person, you could be a lot older and suffering from infertility. That's a great point; we spend a leisurely youth and then when we get serious, it may be difficult or impossible to conceive (I didn't get married seriously until I was forty, so I can totally support this advice. I have no children.) Here is a case for being serious about whom you choose and deciding to have children before the mid-thirties, when it starts getting a lot more problematical. (And you are at the peak of strength, less likely to be fatigued by the task.)

The second very important point of this book is that frittering time away in jobs that don't lead to a career will cause you to be "damaged and different." In other words, one really doesn't have the time to take any old job and the more time you spend on what you think you want to do for the majority of your work life, the better off you will be. According the author, the string of random, low paying and dull work can lead to depression and drinking. So finding what you love, whether it's taking internships or whatever it takes to get a foot in the door, is a good plan compared to goofing around thinking "there is time" because the gap for earning becomes unbridgeable if you wait too long to get onto your chosen path.

This is strong, and even possibly unpopular advice for a time when choices seem limited, actions seem to be disconnected from future consequences, and there is little direction for people in their twenties. Yet, the advice is good and can be the difference between a great, productive life and waking up at 39 and wondering why it all seems to have gone pear-shaped. If you are just finishing university, or if you have a college-aged child, I'd hand him or her a copy of this book and really discuss it with friends and family. Everything from partying to dating to working is covered here, not in a judgmental fashion but with careful thought, backed up by psychological references. This could be a defining moment, reading this book. I can tell you from watching the children of friends of mine, that choosing carefully in the twenties IS vital to happiness and choosing unwisely can lead to huge misfortune in your forties.

This book should be on everyone's list, from high school through college and it's about time someone wrote it.
69 internautes sur 85 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
Meg Jay's advice to 20-somethings: "Mountains Don't Care" 11 juillet 2012
Par A fellow with a keyboard - Publié sur
Format: Relié
This book provides tough love that many of us 20-somethings need, which is best-summarized with the last sentences of the book:

"As I gathered up my maps and turned to go, I hesitated and asked the ranger, 'Am I going to make it?'
He looked at me and said, 'You haven't decided yet.'
He was telling me what this book has been all about. The future isn't written in the stars. There are no guarantees. So claim your adulthood. Be intentional. Get to work. Pick your family. Do the math. Make your own certainty. Don't be defined by what you didn't know or didn't do.
You are deciding your life right now."

Reading this book, you get the sense that Meg Jay was gritting her teeth as she wrote it. She does her best to be sympathetic to the 20-something psyche, writing with all the delicacy she can muster, but you can still sense an underlying current of, "COME ON, PEOPLE, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!" That's good. We need that. We've been coddled for too long.

If you are thinking of working at a coffee shop because that seems non-corporate, or going backpacking in Europe in order to "find yourself," or putting off marriage or children until you've finished grad school, then Meg Jay is talking to you, and you should listen.

But there's one thing about this book that I found troubling: It has a rather Me-Against-the-World sentiment. In the epilogue, Meg Jay writes about her favorite sign, one posted at Rocky Mountain National Park that says MOUNTAINS DON'T CARE, meant to encourage preparedness against an uncaring wilderness. She views the world as out-to-get-you unless you are tenacious and strategic and forward-thinking. You've got to acquire all the resources you can as quickly as you can to ensure your safety before the world GETS YOU.

She even views marriages and families this way, as resources, something to be acquired for safety's sake. She even suggests that we be "ambitious" in picking a good partner, and she advocates having classes and guidance counselors to help us pick a spouse much as we have them to pick a career.

This book would have been more convincing if instead of emphasizing the importance of accruing-resources-before-it's-too-late, it emphasized that certain things are too important to be treated as "resources."
8 internautes sur 9 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
Your 20s are too precious to read hackneyed self-help literature 18 mars 2014
Par Alexander G. Good - Publié sur
Format: Format Kindle Achat vérifié
The funny thing about the title is that nobody will remember this book 10 years from now because books just like it get published 5x per year.

I had to put this book down 3/4 in simply due to the author's obnoxious tone. I encourage you to watch her TED talk before buying the book - it seems to accurately represent an 'attempt to be simultaneously equitable but subtly superior and wise in the way only age can bring'.

The author's message is 'don't waste a decade of your life'. The advice she gives is not to have bad relationships and do stupid things. She thinks she has stumbled upon something because the vast majority of society has bad relationships and does stupid things. She spends large sections of the book highlighting these stupid things and how they permeate society and very little suggesting well tested or viable alternatives. She does a poor job addressing generational reasons that 20-somethings are not excited about economic enfranchisement in a 'growth model' that has yielded widespread obesity and depression.

It's not that what she's saying is wrong. It's that it wastes your time and fills you with negative perceptions while being crap literature. As an alternative, I recommend reading Springboard by Professor Richard Shell to get credible advice on shaping your destiny, sampled from many well tested and profound sources.

Ps my mom had me when she was 38 and had an awesome time traveling Europe in her 20s which I am 100% sure she doesn't regret.
33 internautes sur 43 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
I'd recommend this book to anyone who is clearly wasting away their 20s. 7 novembre 2012
Par mm - Publié sur
Format: Relié
The thing is, I don't know too many people who are, unless the have a trust fund.

I found some of the advice to be good, but this book is definitely for a certain demographic; mid to upper middle class, college educated, predominantly white, with a touch of naïveté. Not quite me (thank god).

Good book if you want to do the corporate thing until you retire. This book is not great if you want to lead an inspired life, or want to become an entrepreneur, or want to challenge the world and make it a better place. The author seems all about stepping up to the plate... to slave away in the corporate system, get a mortgage you can barely afford, and have your 2.15 kids.

The author mentions a few older clients who wish they'd done more in their twenties, and has many clients in their twenties. The main reason this book felt off for me was because it seemed to come from a work ethic and mindset of previous generations; nose to the grindstone and when you're 40-50 you'll finally reap the rewards and be able to enjoy life. Millennials don't want that though, we want to work to live, not live to work. Sure, everyone wants nice things and comfortable place to live eventually, but I think the author is flawed in suggesting that the best way to move into the future career-wise is to do what everyone has always done.

This book is a nice wake up call for the basics, ie you won't live forever. But in terms of thriving in life, as opposed to just surviving, I was disappointed. There are plenty of other inspirational books out there for my generation.
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