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The Happiest Toddler on the Block: How to Eliminate Tantrums and Raise a Patient, Respectful and Cooperative One- to Four-Year-Old: Revised Edition
 
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The Happiest Toddler on the Block: How to Eliminate Tantrums and Raise a Patient, Respectful and Cooperative One- to Four-Year-Old: Revised Edition [Format Kindle]

Harvey Karp Md
5.0 étoiles sur 5  Voir tous les commentaires (1 commentaire client)

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Descriptions du produit

Extrait

Chapter One


"Help! There's a Neanderthal in My Kitchen!"

"A first step is like watching the history of human civilization from small fishy things to Neanderthals unravel in one instant before your eyes."

-Anna Quindlen and Nick Kelsh, Naked BabiesMain Points:


All parents find toddlerhood challenging.

Parenting tips that work with older children often fail miserably with toddlers.

As your toddler grows, you are watching five million years of humanity unfold before your very eyes.

Toddlers pass through four stages of development that echo the evolution of our ancient ancestors.

Prehistoric Parenting: How to become the perfect ambassador to your little Stone Ager.


In the Beginning . . .

Tara, 14 months old, is proud of her newfound ability to walk. She tries to practice it every chance she gets. But right now she's confined to an exam room with me and her mom, Simone. Tara toddles over to the door. "Unghh!" She grunts reaching for the door-knob. "Unghh! Unghh!" She pushes against the closed door. Now she turns a pleading eye to me and starts slapping the door. She wants out!

Simone responds, "No, sweetheart. I know you want to leave, but we have to stay here a little longer. Let's look at this pretty book."

Tara's mom has lovingly acknowledged her daughter's feelings (a common parenting tip) and tried a favorite distraction (another good idea). This time, however, her efforts are rewarded with a crumpled red face, an open mouth . . . and . . . a long shrill scream that could shatter glass!

Taken aback by the tantrum's ferocity, her mom tries to engage her by heartily singing "The Itsy Bitsy Spider." Tara screams louder. So Simone decides to set a limit. "Tara! No screaming! Shhh. Stop or we'll have to leave, okay?" But by now Tara is in a full-scale meltdown. Embarrassed-and annoyed-Simone offers me an apology and hoists her little volcano over her shoulder; avoiding the stares of the other parents in the waiting room, she hurries to the exit.

Have you experienced your toddler's first temper tantrum yet?

Has your child discovered the word "No!"?

Do you get ambushed by fights that rise out of nowhere?

Are you mentally exhausted from shouting "Don't pull that!" and "Stop, now!"?

Parenting a toddler is filled with thrills and simple joys, but for most of us, it's also filled with the most difficult challenges we will encounter until the teen years. (No wonder it's often called "the first adolescence.")

Loving parents just like you have been scratching their heads for generations, wondering (and asking their pediatricians): What makes toddlers act the way they do? Why are they so unreasonable and tough to discipline?

I'm going to answer those questions for you. Better yet, I'll show you the way to a calmer toddler and a less-stressed household. But first it helps to see . . . the big picture.

Ah-ha! A New View of Toddlers

"A mind once stretched to a new idea never returns to its original size."

-Oliver Wendell Holmes

Until recently people mistakenly thought that babies cried because of terrible stomach pain. Then my book The Happiest Baby on the Block came along and revealed that newborns really cry because they need help turning on their "calming reflex." (Ah-ha!)

With toddlers, the "ah-ha" realization that perfectly explains their perplexing behavior is that these sweet kids, the apples of our eyes, are actually little Neanderthals!

Okay, okay. I've had more than one parent look at me strangely when I've said that. Please don't take the comparison as an insult. Allow me to explain how this new way of thinking will become your magic window for understanding what goes on in your toddler's mind-and help you turn conflict into cooperation in minutes-or less!

"The Little Adult Assumption": A Common Mistake

Recently John, a dad in my practice, said to me jokingly, "My toddler is a completely different animal than she was as a baby!" John was more on target than he knew!

Parenting a newborn involves overcoming some initial potholes (like colic and lack of sleep). But after a few months, life proceeds in a sunny way as your baby grows ever cuter and more fun. Then with her first lurching steps toddlerhood is off and running (and so are you)! Within months or even days, your waddling wonder will start developing a new sense of power and defiance. And suddenly you may feel the need to learn how to discipline your little one without squashing her spirit-or losing your mind.

Toddlers make the job of parenting a notch more complicated. During your baby's first year you happily gave her whatever she wanted (milk, a pacifier, a fresh diaper, a change of scenery). Now, however, you can only give her 90 to 95 percent of what she wants. The rest of the time you'll have to say no to her desire because

it is dangerous, or aggressive, or not what you want to do at that

moment.

And guess what? She's not going to like that!

So what do you do?

You try to lovingly "acknowledge her feelings." ("I see you're mad about leaving, but we really have to go. Okay?") You get a fit.

You try to reason. You get a fit.

You distract. You get a fit.

You give a warning. You get a fit.

You do a time-out. You get a fit.

Pretty soon you're having a fit too!

What happened?

Too often we make the mistake of speaking to toddlers as though they're small adults. They understand so much of what we say, it's sometimes hard to remember their limits. Psychologist Thomas Phelan calls this "the little adult assumption." He's right. Toddlers aren't small adults. Toddlers are unique-no longer babies, but not quite "kids." That's why hand-me-down discipline ideas designed for older kids don't work for them. They require a special approach all their own.

People will tell you you need to be more strict or more lenient. But what you really need are skills designed specifically for impulsive, distractible, inarticulate, self-absorbed, primitive toddlers.

First Let's Back Up-Way Back

"The child is nearer to the savage than to the angel."

-C. Gasquoine Hartley, "Mother and Son," 1923

Usually when people say, "It's ancient history," they mean, "Forget about it. It's not worth thinking about." But with toddlers, knowing a little ancient history is exactly what will help you be a terrific parent.

The starting place is your child's level of evolution. If that word makes you think about dinosaurs and fossils, you're on the right track! In dozens of key measures of brain maturity, toddlers are really pint-size Stone Agers! I know that sounds odd. But the language and problem-solving skills of a 12-month-old have more in common with a chimpanzee than a Girl Scout. Two-year-olds use mental processes very similar to those of cavemen. And three-year-olds think more like the first villagers, thousands of years before biblical times, than like your neighborhood Little Leaguers.

At birth your child begins a dramatic journey to adulthood. Starting from total helplessness, she will end up with the ability to recite Shakespeare, create paintings, and offer compassion and care to those in need-things no other animal has ever achieved. And the turning point for this major transition from brutes to humanity

occurs during the toddler years.

In fact, all five of the major feats that make human beings so

extraordinary blossom during the three incredible toddler years:

Walking on two legs

Manipulating things with our hands

Expressing words with our mouths

Combining ideas with our minds

Forming complicated social relationships

You knew your toddler was a busy bug, but that's really accomplishing things!

Mastering all those milestones requires a rapidly evolving brain-which is just what your toddler is blessed with. As the human race evolved, from knuckle-walking to using tools and words, brains got bigger and bigger. Up to a point.

Eventually the heads encasing our fetuses' big brains started becoming too large to slip through the birth canal. In order to get out our newborns had to develop smaller "no frills" brains equipped only to manage the bare necessities such as sucking, peeing, and keeping the heart beating. To make up for this "no frills" nervous system, Nature designed our children's brains to grow dramatically over the first year. By the time your baby's chubby legs take their first steps into toddlerhood, her big brain is off and running too!

A great way to understand this explosion of ability is to understand the biology behind it.

From Monkey Business to . . . Monkey Business?

Introducing "ORP": Sounds like something a baby would do, and it is!

"Our soul is full in all its parts of faint hints . . . flitting for an instant . . . and then gone forever, dim and scarcely audible murmurs of a great and prolonged life . . . of many generations."

-G. Stanley Hall, 1904

What comes out of a frog egg when it hatches? A little froggie? No! Out pops a little tadpole, more fish than amphibian, a small echo of the frog's evolutionary ancestry.

It's the same with humans. The entire history of humanity is encapsulated inside each developing fetus. How is that possible? Back in 1971, when I was a college student in Buffalo, New York, my embryology professor, Gordon Swartz, exposed me to a fascinating law of biology that has since become central to my understanding of toddlers.

This law states: Ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny. (Or ORP!)

Wait, don't run! I know this law sounds weird, but it's actually simple and very fun!

Let me translate ORP into plain English:
...

Revue de presse

"Karp offers a unique approach to the tantrums, melt-downs and overriding challenges that often accompany the demanding years from one to four.... Soothing and offers new hope and strategies to those who may have given up on making sense of the toddler years."—Publishers Weekly

“You want help? This is r-e-a-l help! The Happiest Toddler on the Block is one of the smartest parenting books of the past decade.  Over and over, parents will find themselves proclaiming, "Thanks, Dr. Karp…Now I get it! “—Kyle Pruett, MD, Professor of Child Psychiatry, Yale University School of Medicine and author of Fatherneed: Why Fathercare is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child

"Dr. Karp's approach is terrific...and fun! His book will help parents, grandparents and everyone who cares for toddlers be more effective."—Martin Stein, MD, Professor of Pediatrics, University of California San Diego, Children's Hospital San Diego

"Dr. Karp helps parents turn the "terrible" twos into "terrific" twos. His work will revolutionize the way our culture understands toddlers!"—Roni Cohen Leiderman, PhD, Associate Dean, Mailman Segal Institute for Early Childhood Studies, Nova Southeastern University

“Dr. Karp has done it again! Parents will find reading The Happiest Toddler on the Block a joyous adventure…with pearls of wisdom waiting for them on every page.”—Morris Green, MD, Director, Behavioral Pediatrics, Indiana University, Riley Hospital for Children, editor, Pediatric Diagnosis

“Dr. Karp's excellent approach gives parents the tools they need. His simple methods make raising rambunctious toddlers a whole lot easier.”—Steven Shelov, MD, Editor in chief of American Academy of Pediatrics’ Caring for Your Baby and Young Child

“Dr. Karp’s new book is an innovative, unique and thoroughly enjoyable guide to toddler behavior!” —Donald Middleton, MD, Professor of Family Medicine, University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine.

"Parents will be delighted by this clever approach to communicating with toddlers. It allows us to see the world from our children's unique point of view."—Janet Serwint, Professor of Pediatrics, Director of the Harriet Lane Children’s Clinic, Johns Hopkins School of Medicine

"It really works! With great humor and a gentle touch, Dr. Karp shows how to raise happy, well-behaved toddlers. His book is invaluable.—Gabrielle Redford, Senior Editor, AARP The Magazine (and mother of 17-month-old twins)

Détails sur le produit

  • Format : Format Kindle
  • Taille du fichier : 3653 KB
  • Nombre de pages de l'édition imprimée : 336 pages
  • Editeur : Bantam; Édition : Revised (26 août 2008)
  • Vendu par : Amazon Media EU S.à r.l.
  • Langue : Anglais
  • ASIN: B0015DROVY
  • Synthèse vocale : Activée
  • X-Ray :
  • Moyenne des commentaires client : 5.0 étoiles sur 5  Voir tous les commentaires (1 commentaire client)
  • Classement des meilleures ventes d'Amazon: n°56.872 dans la Boutique Kindle (Voir le Top 100 dans la Boutique Kindle)
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Commentaires client les plus utiles
5.0 étoiles sur 5 je le conseille vraiment 20 décembre 2012
Par zzluzz
Format:Broché|Achat vérifié
Jaime beaucoup ce livre. Si vous avez qu'un livre à choisir pour mieux gérer les tantrums de vos bébés, prenez celuis-ci sans hésitations.
J'ai déjà apprecié le livre Happiest baby on the block. Happiest toddler est aussi bien. L'auteur parte d'une manière simple et sans prétentions, mais fait vraiment comprendre la logique d'un bébé, et apporte de vraies conseils pratiques au quotidien.
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Commentaires client les plus utiles sur Amazon.com (beta)
Amazon.com: 3.9 étoiles sur 5  379 commentaires
483 internautes sur 496 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
4.0 étoiles sur 5 Many Techniques Really Work...although awkward at first 18 mars 2004
Par Un client - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Relié
Although the analogy to prehistoric man is overdone a bit, there are so many sensible, clear strategies to try with 1-4 year olds that really are working for us. Talking toddler-ese has really made a difference in the cooperation we are now getting from our 2 and 3 year olds. Mirroring their feelings and "wants" with short, repeated phrases that reflect the child's words, tone and body lauguage has quickly and almost magically stopped much of my toddlers' defiant, annoying behaviors. Karp emphasizes that what you say to someone who is really upset is less important than HOW YOU SAY IT. And his theory has proven itself to be correct in our home.
The only suggestion in the book that I have a problem with is using a hook and eye latch to lock a child in his room even for a very short time-out. I feel this can be scary for the child and although it may get the child to know that you do mean business, I prefer not to get compliance from my children with fear, guilt or humiliation. Karp does suggest that you explain to the child in "toddler-ese" how the locking mechanism works so that he will know the door will not open when mom uses it.
I also recommend another one of my favorite parenting reference books as a compliment to Karp's hardcover book called "The Pocket Parent". This is a very practical, quick read, little paperback book loaded with many positive discipline and communications tips written exclusively for parents of 2-5 year olds. Peppered with humor and organized alphabetically by behaviors such as: Anger, Bad Words, Biting, Bedtime and Mealtime Refusals, the "Gimmees", Interrrupting, Morning "Crazies", and Whining...Pocket Parent is a real sanity saver. Both books will lift your spirits with specific ideas to try as well as loads of compassionte support from authors that have been there, too... especially when you feel you are just about at your wits' end with the little ones.
232 internautes sur 242 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
4.0 étoiles sur 5 Very good ideas from the man who saved my sanity during the newborn phase 14 novembre 2008
Par Megan - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Broché
Dr. Karp's "Happiest Baby on the Block" book got me through the newborn phase, so this was the first toddler book I went to. It was a very interesting read. His basic premise is that toddlers are little cavepeople: the right side of their brain, which deals with language and logic, is not very developed, while the left side, which is very emotional, calls most of the shots. He talks a lot about how parents have to be an ambassador: keep relations happy, while putting their foot down when it really matters. He divides toddler behavior into three categories: "green light" behaviors, which are positive and should be encouraged; "yellow light" behaviors, which are the annoying but not completely unacceptable things toddlers do (whining, for example); and "red light" behaviors which are unacceptable because they are either dangerous or they disobey a key family rule. He gives a great deal of advice on how to deal with each of these three types.

I thought that this was a very honest book about parenting a toddler, despite the fact that some of the things that he said were rather jarring. Some of his advice is very much in opposite to other books, and what I think most parents think is the "right" way to parent. For example, he really emphasizes making compromises, and in at least one example encourages some white lies. Not exactly the type of advice I expect from a parenting book. But this also made it more realistic than other suggestions I've read about raising a toddler. Toddlers don't have the logic skills of an adult, and realistically you have to pick your battles.

The most interesting part of the book to me, and the main reason I think that this book is worth reading, is about talking at your toddler's level when he or she is upset. Karp points out that parents are usually very comfortable talking in toddler-ese when their child is happy, but when their child is upset they try to talk in a calming voice. This backfires, because they are using complex sentences, long words, and a monotonous voice that can be hard for a toddler to understand. So the toddler gets even MORE frustrated and upset. I thought that his solutions for dealing with this problem were well worth reading.

I haven't read the old edition, so I can't comment on what changes were made.
219 internautes sur 233 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 Humor and Help for Frazzled Toddler Parents 22 janvier 2009
Par L. P. Arias - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Broché
The basic gist of the book is that in order to get through to our toddlers' still-developing "cave kid" brains, we need to, first, mirror what they are saying so that they know their feelings and communications have been heard and are acknowledged, and, second, use a particular way of talking that relies on short, repetitive phrases. Sounds simple in a way, but the truth is that this is not a very intuitive way to communicate -- particularly when you're dealing with a child who is very upset. The author points out that our typical response to an upset child is to talk quietly, trying to dissuade or distract the child from the situation -- and that's definitely true as far as my usual strategy . . . until I read this book. I first put the book's technique into action actually when I was still just halfway through the book. My 2 1/2 year old daughter woke up in hysterics at about 2 AM. When I went to her room half-dazed and desperate to calm her, I just reflexively resorted to the technique because I'd been reading about it the prior evening. I started mirroring her emotions with words such as, "You're crying! You say, Mommy hold me! You say, Mommy I'm scared!" As per the book's instructions, I also tried to capture at least some of my daughter's distraught emotional state in my tone of voice and with my gestures. I kept repeating the technique as she progressed through a few demands over the course of 5 - 10 minutes. But, the point is that the situation ended in JUST 5 or 10 minutes (not an hour or more as it has sometimes been in the past). I also remember clearly at one point, as I was mirroring my daughter's woes, she looked me in the eye and said, "Yeah!" She knew that she was being heard! For me, that moment showed me the validity of this technique. Toddler's are pretty smart, but they are emotionally immature ("cave kids") and their language skills are not that well developed. So, when a young child is upset and trying to get her point across, and then the parent responds with soft words that try to diminish the upset rather than acknowledge it . . . of course the kid gets even madder and more frustrated. Here she is screaming her little lungs out trying to get her point across and all Mommy does is try to hush her up. When my daughter responded "Yeah!" to my mirroring statements what I really saw in her eyes was relief: Mommy gets it! Mommy understands what I'm saying! Soon after that point, she let me calm her and put her back in her crib. And as I lay nearby until she fell back asleep, all I could think to myself was, "Oh my gosh -- this stuff works!!" I also want to mention that the rest of the book has a lot of great reminders about how to best communicate with our toddlers so that they feel respected and loved, while we get the essential outcomes we need and want to keep our kids safe and our homes sane. Reading these tips has reminded me that we can get a lot more out of our kids (and really out of life in general) with honey than with vinegar. Our toddlers want to have fun and feel empowered and the path of least resistance is often to let them do both, while still ensuring that essential rules are respected in the household. I appreciate the author's candor in saying that with toddlers a "fair" outcome may be the toddler having it her way 90% of the time, with the parent winning 10% of the time (at least, if we're smart, that's how the toddler will perceive things). So, it's not a 50-50 deal, but I'm okay with that because at the end of the day I know that the 10% stuff is what is really essential for me and my family and the 90% is mostly what being a parent should be about -- spending time playing with and enjoying our kids.
149 internautes sur 164 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
3.0 étoiles sur 5 Good ideas, food for thought 3 août 2009
Par M. Hunsley - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Broché
If you are turning towards parenting books, I've found you need a variety of them in order to find some approaches that may work with your child. This one is good to have in your library, even if everything in the book doesn't work with you. For instance, I think his Fast Food Rule and Toddlerese concepts are good, but I just couldn't get them to work with my two year old. But, there's more to the book than that, it has some great ideas on little things to do to help the day to day life with a toddler. I use a lot of the ideas in the "reward green-light behaviors" chapter, like the star charts, hand checks, and "time-ins". One thing that is good about this book is that he does emphasize positive reinforcement, which I've found does help shape behavior of a willful toddler.
One thing that is annoying is his constant "this book is so great it will help you do this..." and "if you follow my advice, everything will be perfect!" The pages of quotes from parents who used his techniques and had them work "right away" can be frustrating if you've tried the same thing on your kid and it doesn't work. But, like I said, it does contain a lot of different techniques and ideas to try, so it's still worth a read.
83 internautes sur 91 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 No more dreading temper tantrums 9 mai 2004
Par Tamar Meer - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Relié
After having so much success with the Happiest Baby on the Block calming
techniques, I could not wait to watch The Happiest Toddler on the Block
by Harvey Karp,M.D.

My 22 month old grandson began to scream when I told him it was time to
go inside. I spoke "toddlerese" with much expression as suggested by Dr.
Karp.
I said, " No No No" you do not want to go inside.
He looked at me very surprised.
I said, "No No No" you do not want to go inside.
He looked at me again with his mouth wide open.
I said again, "No No No you do not want to go
inside, but we must take sister to potty."

---------he came with me without protest. In the past he
would have continued screaming for about 5 minutes and
I would have picked him up kicking and screaming.

Now I can't wait to read the book The Happiest Toddler on the Block Book to get
more helpful suggestions for the children in my family and in my
practice.

Phyllis Meer,RN, BSN,CPNP
and proud grandmother of 4.
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&quote;
In a nutshell, the Fast-Food Rule says: Whenever you talk to someone whos upset, always repeat his feelings first . . . before offering your own comments or advice. &quote;
Marqué par 311 utilisateurs Kindle
&quote;
Talking directly to the right brain when your child is upset, by using your tone of voice, gestures, and body language to mirror a bit of her emotion, is the key to helping her calm back down. &quote;
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&quote;
As parental ambassadors we do the exact same thing. We build good relations with our kids by giving, giving, giving. We give food, love, toys, backrubswere forever giving. But from time to time we also need to put our foot down, set a firm limit and enforce it. &quote;
Marqué par 210 utilisateurs Kindle

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