The Introvert's Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World (Anglais) Broché – 4 décembre 2012
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“Unlike Quiet, it not only provides scientific and cultural background but also practical tips and a thorough-note of complete understanding of the introvert’s nature. An introvert myself, I have never read a book that I have so truly felt myself in.”
“Dembling urges introverts to embrace their need for solitude, reflection, and regeneration with no apologies. It's what makes us who we are.”
-Cleveland Plain Dealer
Présentation de l'éditeur
This clever and pithy book challenges introverts to take ownership of their personalities...with quiet strength. Sophia Dembling asserts that the introvert’s lifestyle is not “wrong” or lacking, as society or extroverts would have us believe. Through a combination of personal insights and psychology, The Introvert’s Way helps and encourages introverts to embrace their nature, to respect traits they may have been ashamed of and reframe them as assets.
You’re not shy; rather, you appreciate the joys of quiet. You’re not antisocial; instead, you enjoy recharging through time alone. You’re not unfriendly, but you do find more meaning in one-on-one connections than large gatherings.
By honoring what makes them unique, this astute and inspiring book challenges introverts to “own” their introversion, igniting a quiet revolution that will change how they see themselves and how they engage with the world.
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Upon discovering Sophia Dembling's new book The Introvert's Way, I had the fortunate opportunity to review a copy before it became available (released today - Dec. 4th). While similar to Susan Cain's Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking, Dembling book is quite validating (". . . introverts can perhaps lay claim to high levels of creativity"), but at the same time Dembling, herself an introvert, offers accessible advice on how to interact successfully and create quality relationships with others that may be far more extroverted than we understand.
With chapters titled: What Quiet Says, Introverts are Not Failed Extroverts, Loneliness is a State of Mind and Mistakes Introverts Make, it is authentic based on her own experiences, helpful with its relatable situations that you may have thought you were the only one experiencing and wise on how to deal with those who may not understand. After all, it's okay if you enjoy your own company more often than not (in fact, it's a very good thing), and once you understand that this idea that extroversion is better and the American way is all a myth, you too will hopefully breathe a sigh of relief and go about accepting yourself for exactly who you are, being comfortable living in a way that works for you. Needless to say, I highly recommend this book.
Ms. Dembling immediately dives into shattering the common misconceptions on introverts. Distinguishing shyness from introversion, she states "shy people are scared of socializing. Introverts just aren't always interested in it." She separates introverts into "shy" and "not shy" categories, shredding the common misconception of all introverts being the former. Because of society's preference for extroversion over introversion, a lot of the "not shy" introverts are able to give off the impression of being an extrovert when they really aren't. Ms. Dembling even cites a study that shows it's a lot easier for introverts to act as extroverts than it is for extroverts to act as introverts, perhaps because introverts are more experienced at putting on--as Ms. Dembling refers to it--the "dog-and-pony show."
Moving beyond the comparisons between extroverts and introverts, this book does teach a lot to introverts about their own nature. She spends a bit of time talking about what introverts like to do, such as hiking, biking, kayaking, coffee shops, reading, walking, yoga, one-on-one conversations with good friends, writing, and other activities that encourage concentration and solitude. I'm personally interested in trying out her suggestion on mountain climbing, so perhaps other readers will be encouraged to try some of the other suggestions that Ms. Dembling says introverts like to do.
Most of all, as a self-proclaimed introvert, I was already comfortable with my own nature. However, Ms. Dembling's book made me even more content with myself. She writes that extroverts and introverts are better off letting each other be themselves, since we won't be able to change each others' nature anyway (introversion will probably stick with you throughout your entire life, she writes in the aforementioned Wall Street Journal article). Since nobody can change an introvert's way, we may as well try to understand it. This book is a good place to start.
* Introverts Unite
* What Would Jung Say?
* The Great American Racket
* Science Says We're Not Necessarily Shy
* Born to Be Mild
* Quiet Riot
* Just Intense Enough
* The Slow Train of Thought
* The Internal Flame
* What Quiet Says
* The Fertile Void
* I Like to Watch
* Energy In, Energy Out
* "We Didn't Know You Were an Introvert, We Just Thought You Were a Bitch."
* Magic Words to Plug Energy Drains
* Introverts Are Not Failed Extroverts
* I Like People...Just Not All People All the Time
* Don't Call Us, We'll Call...Well, No, Maybe We Won't
* We Gotta Fight for Our Right Not to Party
* Loneliness Is a State of Mind
* The Happiness Bias
* Who's a Narcissist?
* Turning the Extrovert Advantage Upside Down
* The Party Predicament
* The Bathroom and Other Party Survival Skills
* Hell Is a Cocktail Party
* Fact 1: Some People Are Boring, Fact 2: You Are Not Obligated to Listen to Them
* Saying Yes When You Want to Say No (and Vice Versa)
* Extroversion in a Bottle
* There Must Be Fifty Ways to Leave a Party
* Life Through Introvert Eyes
* "It'll Be Fun!" They Say, But We Beg to Differ
* Fun, Introvert Style
* Friend, "Friends," Acquaintances, and Why Bother?
* The Online Extrovert
* The Happy Noise of Extroversion
* Because They Love You
* Itty-Bitty Introverts
* Love Us, but Leave Us Alone (Sometimes)
* I F#&$ing Hate It When They Say That
* A Team of One
* Introvert Feats of Derring-Do
* First, Leave the House and Other Tips for Making Friends
* Mind Fullness to Mindfulness
* Mistakes Introverts Make
* Affirmations for Introverts
* Middle Ground
* C'mon People Now, Smile on Your Brother
Not surprisingly, the rest of the book is just as insightful, witty, and engaging. In addition to exploring, explaining, and validating the introvert's way (which really is way cool once you can fully appreciate it), it helps introverts "calibrate our need for solitude with our need for human interaction." (p. 70) And, to that end, the author offers some great affirmations (pp. 177-179):
*Staying home is doing something.
*My presence is a gift, not a requirement.
*I like who I like.
*Listening to bores is not my job.
*Managing my energy is a favor to myself and everyone around me.
*Saying no can be a kindness.
*I can love other people and still not be responsible for their good time.
*Just because I'm quiet doesn't mean I have nothing to say.
*Putting on my dog and pony show is optional.
*A ringing phone is not a mandate.
*I know what I need better than anyone else.
*Other people's desire for me to participate is not more important than my desire not to participate.
If you're an introvert, you'll likely feel understood, inspired, and deeply entertained by this book. The book's a breeze to read through--the only challenge might be finding a quiet spot in the noisy world where you can soak it all in. (And, of course, there's no need to answer any phones while doing so.)
It's a light read, but well written and well organized. My favorite chapter, "Don't Call Us, We'll Call... Well, No, Maybe We Won't" describes many Introvert's love/hate relationship with phone calls. We may love the person on the other end of the line (Hi Mom!) but we hate communicating by telephone. (It may not just be Introverts who feel this way. According to Neilsen, in 2008 people were sending or receiving more texts on mobile "phones" than phone calls.)