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The Long-Distance Relationship Survival Guide [Format Kindle]

Chris Bell , Kate Brauer-Bell
2.0 étoiles sur 5  Voir tous les commentaires (1 commentaire client)

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Présentation de l'éditeur

Skyrocketing phone bills. Layovers and missed flights. Countless hours spent pining, worrying, and wondering, Why do we do this to ourselves? Long-distance love can be one challenge afteranother, but as most committed couples will tell you, the rewards well outweigh the stresses. In this sensitive yet sensible guide, long-distance veterans Chris and Kate provide strategies for making the distance seem shorter and outline eight essential skills for relationship success:
  • Communicating effectively
  • Establishing mutual goals and expectations
  • Dealing with issues of trust, fidelity, and independence
  • Having fun in spite of the distance
  • Managing time, schedules, and stress
  • Keeping the relationship real
  • Balancing sex and emotional intimacy
  • Making the transition to same-city living
Based on interviews with more than 100 couples and packed with knowledgeable tips and honest advice, THE LONG-DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP SURVIVAL GUIDE proves that, with patience and dedication, a loving relationship can not only survive but also thrive across the miles.

From the Trade Paperback edition.

Biographie de l'auteur

Chris Bell and Kate Brauer-Bell fell in love in Cincinnati, a few weeks after Chris had accepted a job 500 miles away, thus beginning 19 months of phone calls, emails, and countless trips by car or plane. Married since 2003, they now live together in Maineville, Ohio, with their son, George.
Chris Bell and Kate Brauer-Bell fell in love in Cincinnati, a few weeks after Chris had accepted a job 500 miles away, thus beginning 19 months of phone calls, emails, and countless trips by car or plane. Married since 2003, they now live together in Maineville, Ohio, with their son, George.

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Commentaires client les plus utiles
1 internautes sur 1 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
2.0 étoiles sur 5 un peu trop puritain 25 mai 2010
C'est un livre intéressant sur les relations à distance, mais les témoignages parfois sont loin de la réalité. Ils n'abordent pas l'aspect de la solitude et de la frustration de ne pas être avec l'être aimé.
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Amazon.com: 3.9 étoiles sur 5  57 commentaires
73 internautes sur 76 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 Best Book Availble On The Subject 5 mai 2006
Par Emily J. - Publié sur Amazon.com
This is the best book on this subject. I've read some of the other books out there, and they were all pretty worthless. Where those other books had silly cartoons and useless trivia, this book actually has real life examples and solid ideas for making a long distance relationship work.

I've dated long-distance for about a year now, and it is getting more difficult with time, but this book gave me renewed hope that I could survive, as well as some good ideas to make it work. One of the best things is that it provides examples of couples who couldn't handle the distance, so you know what to avoid. I found it reassuring to know that I am not the only one suffering through this.

This book outlines key areas of focus for a relationship, and provides examples of what worked and didn't work for other people in the same situation. It is definitely geared towards those who are serious about making the relationship work, and you'd have to be serious about someone to suffer through a relationship like this.

This book is a great asset to anyone struggling through a long distance romance. It will give you renewed hope and courage to make it work.
33 internautes sur 34 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 Going the distance 28 août 2007
Par Rose Keefe - Publié sur Amazon.com
I've been in a long distance relationship with a wonderful man for three years now. It came more easily to me than it did to him, as my father was in the military and constant moving made long distance connections with friends and relatives seem normal to me. It wasn't as smooth a situation for him, as he still lived in the very city where he had been born and never had to deal with absences that exceeded a week or two. We live in the same country, but other than that, our face-to-face encounters were confined to a few times a year. Our relationship has been a learning experience for us both.

Chris Bell's book is filled with practical advice about making the miles appear less formidable. The Internet has made frequent communication less of a costly endeavor than it was in the past, so the separation anxiety can be assuaged without the phone bills forcing you to take a second mortgage on your house. Bell also emphasizes the all-important issue of trust and self-sufficiency. It's true: long distance relationships really work when both partners have their own identities and don't require another person to make them feel whole.

By emphasizing direct advice from long distance couples instead of diving into endless theory about the 'love over the miles' phenomenon, Chris Bell has helped to pave over an admittedly rocky road.
33 internautes sur 37 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
2.0 étoiles sur 5 Somewhat Useful, but Conservative and not Transformational 22 septembre 2012
Par Andrew Mccarthy - Publié sur Amazon.com
Being in a long-distance relationship after being in same-city relationships presented challenges. Not wanting to mess things up, and to actually be a better mate, I ordered this book. It proved to be somewhat useful, and positive, but offered little more than I already knew from hard work in previous relationships. (I do not want to sound like a know-it-all though).

The book attempts to be all-purpose, and is short on depth and specificity I was looking for. Practical tips and conversation-starting questions to ask yourself and your partner about goals, travel, being sure the relationship is worth pursuing, etc., are discussed, but with limitation. If you're older than 30, spent time in therapy, and had previous constructive, long-term romantic relationships, you may not learn much; the authors may articulate approaches to self awareness and basic pragmatic strategies you already practice.

The book was published in 2006, after the couple had been together for a few years, and when one of its authors was 29. About half of the couples profiled in the text were also their age peers, i.e., in their mid-late twenties, and just entering independent adult-hood after college. This is not my demographic, and was hard to relate to since I am entering my forties, am well-established in my profession, had already passed their stages, and was looking for advanced, sage advice, which mostly was absent.

The portrayed relationship partners and the authors do not talk at all about achieving financial balance in long distance relationships: not once do they say "Hey, neither of you are rich, and, maybe, one of you is making less money than the other, thanks to patriarchal wage inequality [which would be especially relevant since it seems only heterosexual couples were portrayed in the book]. Here are aspects to consider so that the costs of travel do not become a strain on the relationship..."

There were a couple of instances of cautioning couples against moving in together for financial convenience while transitioning the relationship to the same location, since it puts strain on the relationship in a number of ways.

This is a major issue, and I was surprised to see an absence of discourse about it. The authors do offer a few tips on how to make inexpensive gifts to mail your partner, but that was about it as far as cost savings. One profiled couple had noted using a web rum for long distance dating as a resource for support. Knowing of one of those sites would have been useful for the reader than the authors' advocacy of a few sites to send flowers through.

Really penetrating issues of emotional, etc. preparedness for committing to a long-term relationship across many miles and even finances were lacking. Buy a book by Alice Miller or Communication Miracles for Couples if you want advanced, introspective discussions about preparing oneself for love and fair, effective interpersonal communication techniques to integrate into your relationship approaches.

Many of the challenges of technology-related tools for communication from afar that the authors consider are not really relevant, since this book was written over six years ago, and cheaper internet-based forms of communication like Skype, Whatsapp, and Google Voice are more available. This would apply to any book covering these topics. I do not even recall one mention of using calling cards or such services for international couples as a way to avert high costs of overseas phone calls. So you'll likely want to find current information elsewhere (online). What was useful, were simple strategies, like establishing the ideal times to make regular phone calls to your partner, and not relying totally on casual chance.

More importantly, as a reader, if you generally are excluded from the target audience of books because you are not heteronormative, of European descent, an average American, etc., then you will need to filter this book's information in order to adapt it to your identities and perspectives. For instance, the authors do not distinguish between emotional fidelity/commitment and sexual monogamy. While there is caution about sexual interaction, and not rushing into it so that you can be sure your relationship is not really a long-distance booty call, there is an absolute equation between love and sex, as if extra-relationship sex, or open relationships, aren't an option to consider.

Not including this vulnerable discussion in the book is a failure that cannot be overlooked. I am not a naive 22-year old who needs to get married and reproduce children right away. The book is abundant with discussions of partners who could not manage their jealousies over social interaction of their mates that stretch late into the night, or on weekends, etc., where the woman, usually, has to cease socializing in order to please her possessive man. This sounds like a Stepford Wife in the making. No more open-minded/well-adjusted couples' approaches are offered in comparison.

At the other end of the spectrum, the undersocial are categorized with negative hopeless categorizations that read [I am paraphrasing] "...not wanting to be alone with nothing to do on Saturday nights, the couple would watch movies together and talk about them afterward over the phone or via instant messaging." That is a cool activity for the partners, but to characterize not being in the same physical space are your partner as leaving you lonely with nothing to do sounds pathetic and damning. Get a hobby, as the authors suggest elsewhere, or engage in a constructive social life.

Also absent from this book is any discussion of, at minimum, being aware of cultural differences between where partners live, and also who they are. This is especially important for international and inter-ethnic relationships, where the places the partners live are not more or less homogenous. It behooves travelers to be aware of social differences, cultural mores, etc., when traveling, even when just traveling outside their immediate home and heads, and entering spaces that are not theirs.

From a reader's perspective, the book is more or less tastefully designed, and small; ideal for slipping into a bag to take with you and read on the go.
9 internautes sur 9 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 SO TRUE! 16 janvier 2007
Par Eva - Publié sur Amazon.com
As someone who has had several long distance relationships, most of which sputtered and failed because of lack of communication and unrealistic expectations of each other, I can assert that this book is right on the money! My husband and I were long distance dating one year and long distance engaged another, and I wish I had read this book WAY before we embarked on such a crazy relationship, because it would have saved us countless hours of uncertainty and arguments, and made our visits together much less stressful and more enjoyable!
23 internautes sur 28 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
1.0 étoiles sur 5 Not at all helpful 1 décembre 2010
Par J. Garza - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Broché|Achat vérifié
I purchased this book to help me cope and survive my long distance relationship. We live in DC and after 3 yrs together, his work/school is making him move to TX. I thought this book would help with issues we would face, but instead it is written more for people who have met online and never actually lived together. I found the advice to be unrealistic and frivolous. I couldn't force myself to read the entire thing - made it only halfway through and regretted the purchase.
This may work for others, but if you are in a situation like mine, this may not be the book for you.
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