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The Longest Date: Life As a Wife [Livre audio] [Anglais] [CD]

Cindy Chupack , Ian Wallach

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Descriptions du produit

Extrait

Introduction


I’ve always been a romantic. When I was single, I slept only with men I believed I could marry.

That would be admirable except for one detail: I slept with a lot of men.

A lot a lot.

I’m not going to tell you the exact number because my parents might read this book, and they certainly don’t need to know the tally.

And also, I don’t know it. Don’t judge me.

I was single for a long time. Alcohol was often involved.

I didn’t keep a guest book by my bed, so, yes, some names were lost along the way.

The point is not my incomplete sexual history, okay? It’s the more troublesome issue that every time there was a man inside of me, there was also a voice inside of me saying This might be the man I marry!


Clearly, I knew nothing about the reality of marriage. Or hormones.

I’m not sure which was more dangerous—my casual atti- tude toward sex or my delusions of love—but one led to the other in a decade-long binge of salty and sweet, horny and hopeful.

Finally, after enough relationship wreckage to fill a book (The Between Boyfriends Book), two magazine columns, and five seasons of Sex and the City, at the age of thirty-eight I found a guy I absolutely did not want to marry, and, of course, he’s the guy I wound up marrying.

I’m not saying I settled. I’m saying I met a wildly attrac- tive, interesting, smart, funny guy who had so many red flags—many of which he voluntarily and repeatedly waved in my face—that I told my coworkers at Sex and the City, “Do not let me fall for this one,” and that’s when, they say, they knew that I would do precisely that.

We’d all seen the romantic comedies; we drank the Kool- Aid. Hell, we were making the Kool-Aid. So it was hilariously predicatable that, like every other rom-com heroine, I found my happy ending when I least expected it, music up, wedding montage, cue credits!

Or not.

Turns out “happily ever after” is the epitome of lazy writing. Maybe fictional characters live happily ever after, but for the nonfictional rest of us, the story continues with a lot more complexity, and in a way, marriage winds up being the longest date ever.


And however much we think we know how to do dating, on this date, you can’t decide not to see him again because you’re tired of hearing him talk about cheese. For example.

You have to try to work things out, or at least appear to try, and as it turns out, I was completely unprepared for this job.

I got married at forty (despite my lobbying efforts to move the wedding up a month so I would still be thirty-nine). I re- member complaining to friends that, because of my age, my husband and I would have to start trying to have kids right away. I sincerely wished we were younger—that we had five years to be just a couple.

And I got my wish. We didn’t become magically younger, but we did get five years to ourselves, thanks to the myriad problems we encountered trying to have a child.

So what did I learn in those five years? And how can I help you prepare for that thing about your spouse that you must somehow embrace because he’s your spouse? (Wanna hear about cheese?) The fertility problems you might face because it took two decades to find a guy to face them with? Disagree- ments about pets, space, houseguests (I think I’m adverse to them because I still secretly feel my husband is one), couples therapy, entertaining together, cleanliness, vows (every anni- versary we rewrite ours and have the option to sign up for another year— so far so good), and sex? W hat about married sex?

Oh yes, I am an authority on sex. In fact, I was a sex col- umnist for O, The Oprah Magazine while we were going through IVF treatments, and I finally gave up my column because sex had become so fraught for me, so synonymous with failure, that I could no longer in good conscience advise women on how to “spice up their sex lives” with porn and lingerie. I felt like a fucking fraud, literally and figuratively.

So, in this book, I wanted to tell the honest, horrible, hys- terical truth about the early years of marriage. I certainly could have used some preparation, or at least some commis- eration.

I also noticed a lack of humor and hope in most of what’s been written about infertility. Women I know— and even women I don’t know—encouraged me to fill this void when they responded so enthusiastically to the first piece I ever pub- lished about the trying nature of trying: “We’re Having a Maybe!” (which is now a chapter of this book).

The one thing my husband, Ian, and I learned from this experience is, never say never. In fact, as I began writing this book, we found ourselves in a craft store buying construction paper for the scrapbook we’d been advised to make for pro- spective birth mothers. Yes, we now had to market ourselves as parents.

I never thought I would be in that position—not the adopt- ing part (we’d always been open to adoption) but construction paper? Really? But our adoption lawyer said our scrapbook should look homemade, so we spent a weekend gluing photos of ourselves (with friends, with family, on holidays, on vaca- tion) onto Easter egg–colored construction paper, which we hole punched and bound with ribbons.


And as we were doing this, as we were making this little Book of Us, I realized we had, somehow, amid the chaos and confusion of cohabitation, built a lovely life together. There we were, page after pastel page, two people (and one St. Ber- nard I didn’t think I wanted) who had shared five years of adventures (good and bad, large and small) that had strength- ened our bond as a couple.

So I’m grateful for those five years, hard earned as they were, and although “happily ever after” still strikes me as the romantic equivalent of the Rapture (sure, it might happen, but let’s not spend our lives waiting for it), I am writing this book for every woman who ever was or will be blindsided by the reality of marriage: to validate and celebrate life as a wife.

--Ce texte fait référence à l'édition Relié .

Revue de presse

"Laugh-out-funny and surprisingly poignant."
~Booklist
 
"A straight-talking, funny and poignant memoir."
~Kirkus Reviews
 
“The characters on ‘Sex and the City’ (for which Cindy Chupack wrote) could never wait to get together and share the most scintillating details of their romantic triumphs and tribulations. Opening Cindy's book is like getting invited to lunch with those women—the details are keenly observed, laugh-out-loud funny and you never want the meal to end.”
~Cynthia Nixon
 
“If you need a new best friend—look no further! Cindy Chupack’s wonderful book will make you laugh, cry, and feel less alone.”
~Winnie Holzman
 
“Cindy's essays are dizzyingly good.  They're funny, they're meticulously crafted, and you hardly notice she's doing a comedic equivalent of a ballerina's masterful pirouette. I laughed, I commiserated, I wanted more and more.  Marriage is laid bare, negotiations, passion, uncertain leveraging, children, dogs and even boob-jobs are all covered with affection and brutal honesty.”
~Julia Sweeney
--Ce texte fait référence à l'édition Relié .

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Commentaires client les plus utiles sur Amazon.com (beta)
Amazon.com: 4.3 étoiles sur 5  41 commentaires
9 internautes sur 9 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 This book itself is like a great date! You'll be reluctant for it to end and yearning for more! 15 janvier 2014
Par Colby Devitt - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Relié
I never thought I’d meet another woman who admitted to being bored at the Olympics of sexual gymnastics – a Ping-Pong sex show in Thailand. (I refer you to her hilarious chapter “I Find My Husband Rappelling.”) The genius of Cindy Chupack is that she makes you feel like she’s your best and funniest friend. She takes you through the highs and lows of her early married life – the initial romance, the adventure travel, health scares, money issues and the aching pain of infertility (and the “trying nature of trying”).

But in the end, where I most want to be with my new authorial friend is accompanying her on her most mundane activities – walking her oversized dog around her neighborhood; sitting on her couch sipping pumpkin-infused vodkas; and binging on Reality TV. This is because her writing makes me feel that she can find the humor in anything. It doesn’t matter where she finds it, I just want to be there when it happens. This to me, is a little like what the holy grail of seeing marriage as a long date is about. Because, as a long-term couple, if you can’t make sitting on your couch feel as exciting as watching a ping-pong show in Thailand, then it’s not going to be a longest date for very long. If Cindy’s relationship with her husband is as fun, considered and artfully-crafted as her writing, then who doesn’t want to go over to their “house of sand and fur” for dinner?

Her book itself is like a great date. Chupack presents her marriage in its best light (every chapter is impeccably humorous and spiffily written), while still making it seem totally heartfelt, honest and real. She addresses ordinary concerns that appeal to many people, yet infuses them with enough specificity that she feels at once entirely accessible (thus the desire to be her friend) and unique enough for you to marvel at her specialness (thus the desire to be her best friend.) The good news for Cindy is that now that her book is done, she can turn her attentions back to her husband. Unfortunately, for the rest of us, our date with Cindy and Ian lasts only the length of a fast-paced book. And, as after any great date, I am left reluctant for it to end and yearning for another.
5 internautes sur 5 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 These funny vignettes resonate with every couple while also capturing the charm, love, and goofiness of Cindy's own marriage 5 janvier 2014
Par Karen Goldstein - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Relié
Cindy has an amazing way of striking the perfect balance between making an earnest point about relationships, that resonates for every couple, while also capturing the charm, love, and goofiness of her individual marriage. The stories are consistently "laugh out loud" funny and really paint a vivid picture of her marriage "for better or for worse."
5 internautes sur 5 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 Gobbled it up in one sitting. Worth a re-read in small bites. 4 janvier 2014
Par Mary Romeyn, M.D. - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Relié|Achat vérifié
Extraordinary book. Offers a surprisingly open and revealing view of the author's first years of life-after-marriage in her late thirties, which keeps the polished writing fresh. Sex and the City fans will relate to Chupack's curiosity, capacity for self-observation and eye for the absurd. But this book does more, moving beyond issues of how to get together and be together to address some of the most difficult parts of making a life and a family for the long haul. In the strongest part of the book, Chupack and her husband each reflect on their long and arduous effort to have a child. This and other issues are addressed with honesty and rigor, but also humor, humanity and acceptance.They offer hope to all of us that sometimes, just sometimes, relationships can survive and strengthen and just get better and better.
4 internautes sur 4 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 Something for everyone 2 avril 2014
Par Sam - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Relié
Full disclosure: I'm a dude. I read this book to see what it might be like from my wife's perspective. I was surprised to find I was relating more to Cindy's point-of-view than her husband's, which leads me to believe men and women are just as similar as they are different. Maybe I'm totally wrong. But one of the stories in this book features a pack of monkeys and that's fantastic. The stories also feature a lot of heart, honesty, vulnerability and a married couple's journey that goes from heartwrenching to heartwarming. Whether you're married, single or dating - whether you're a dude or not - this book is moving, engaging and hilarious on a number of levels.
4 internautes sur 4 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 The Perfect Bride-to-Be Gift! 8 janvier 2014
Par JessieJ - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Relié
As a slightly terrified soon-to-be-bride I cannot recommend this book highly enough. Cindy's honesty about the truths of marriage and partnership made me feel like my own nerves were OK, but more importantly, that "happily ever after" can be full of tricky issues and still just as magical. Her humor – especially in the toughest times - served as the marriage marketing campaign I’ve been missing. Just what I needed to get me through these last four months of wedding planning with more excitement than nerves aka a perfect buy for any newly-engaged lady.
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