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This Year I Will...: How to Finally Change a Habit, Keep a Resolution, or Make a Dream Come True
 
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This Year I Will...: How to Finally Change a Habit, Keep a Resolution, or Make a Dream Come True [Format Kindle]

M.J. Ryan

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Descriptions du produit

Extrait

THE ADVENTURE OF LIVING
YOUR DREAMS



We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.
—ARISTOTLE


“This year, I'm going to stop worrying so much.”
“I will get in shape, once and for all.”
“I'll stop spending beyond my means.”
“I'll get along better with my family.”
“I'll start that business I've always dreamed about.”
“I'll begin volunteering in my community.”
“I'll finally learn Spanish.”


How many of us have made a resolution similar to one of these? We all have something we want to change about ourselves or learn to do. Some of us want to lose weight, become more organized, or quit smoking. Others want to tackle the more existential longings: a sense of purpose, more work/life balance, the courage to leave an unfulfilling career and start over. Whether it's New Year’s Day, an important birthday, after a divorce, or just because we're fed up, at some point we vow to do that one thing we’ve always wanted—make that one leap we are afraid of or give up the thing that plagues us. But by the time the rosy blush of good intentions wears off, the resolution gets pushed aside. Not because we don’t still long to have what it is we really want; but because we just don’t know how to change.

I believe that people can change. Not just superficially, or temporarily. I believe that we have the ability within us to truly rearrange our inner landscape and make changes happen within ourselves and our lives. This is the cornerstone of all the books I have written and all the work I do with my clients: the awareness that we can stop doing the things that hold us back or cause us suffering and create a life filled with meaning, peace, and ultimately, happiness. We can make a dream come true or bring something new into being. Big or small, grandiose or humble, we can have the things we want in life.

But it’s not easy, as anyone who has tried to change a habit or do something new knows. Our brains create strong tendencies to do the same thing over and over. We say we're going to change, we may even do it for a little while, but soon we find ourselves back to our old habits.

To bring new behavior into being takes work. Our brains have enormous “plasticity,” meaning they can create new cells and pathways. But it takes certain mental preparation, particular awarenesses and attitudes, and lots of practice to create a pathway to the new options (six to nine months, say many brain scientists—so much for those seven-day wonder programs).

Change requires that we stretch not only mentally, but emotionally and spiritually. It takes energy, determination, and aspiration, the ability to intentionally bring into being something we want. It requires starting over when we blow it or get discouraged. We may be forced to question our assumptions about what we’re capable of, or confront our deepest fears. An acquaintance starting his own Internet business once told me, “My whole life I've been afraid of looking like a fool, afraid I've got a sign on my back reading ‘Idiot.’ But to get my business going, I’ll have to keep talking to people who say my idea will never work and believe enough in myself and my concept to keep moving forward.” When you go toward what you want in your life, you may find yourself in similarly challenging places.

To top it all off, what works for one person doesn’t necessarily apply to another, so the advice you get from magazines, books, and the Internet may not be particularly useful for you. The good news, however, is that once you learn your particular success formula, once you’ve cultivated new inner and outer emotional, mental, and spiritual resources, you can apply those to anything you want to cultivate in yourself.

Do you keep hoping that a magic fairy will appear to make your dreams come true? That if you just read enough issues of Shape those thunder thighs will disappear? You’re not alone. Most of us are not concrete enough about what we want, are unrealistic about what we can reasonably ask ourselves to learn, and don't know how to track our progress.

Here’s what a new client of mine said he wanted to learn in three months: “to be less nitpicky and fearful; to be more optimistic, to be more responsible and empathetic; to be more creative; to be more productive; to live a healthier life and to take better care of myself.” “How about create world peace while you're at it?” I replied. “And what does 'more' mean anyway? Even if it were possible to focus on all of this in that time frame, how will you know if you are more of any of these things?”
As this client so touchingly demonstrated, we expect too much of ourselves and we expect to change overnight. When that doesn’t happen, we resign ourselves to staying the same, convinced that we are hopeless, weak, or unmotivated—which makes us even more stuck. As another of my client, eager to lose weight, puts it, “Once I eat the first cookie, I figure I might as well go through the whole box.”

Social scientists tell us that when we change a habit or follow a dream we go through five stages: precontemplation, when we don't even know we need or want to change; contemplation, when we say to ourselves, “someday I'll do that”; preparation, when we are getting ready to do it “soon”; action, as in “I’m starting right now”; and maintenance, which means we keep going until we get where we want and stay there.

I’ve structured the book around these stages, beginning with preparing to change. I’m not here to convince you that you should overcome a bad habit or learn something new. I’m assuming you’ve already figured that out or else you wouldn’t be picking up this book. (Although at the beginning of Preparing to Change, I do offer a couple ways to choose which goal to focus on now.) This Year I Will … is meant to be a companion after you’ve made the leap to the contemplation stage and are looking for a hand to hold on to as you move forward. Perhaps you’ve attempted this resolution before and are worried about getting stuck again. Or maybe this is a change you have no idea how to bring into being. In either case, I want to help you increase the possibility of success.

Depending on what survey you're paying attention to, approximately 45 percent of us make New Year’s resolutions, but only 8 percent succeed. Armed with the information and suggestions in this book, I know you can beat those odds. I've sifted through psychology, religion, philosophy, and brain science, as well as my experience with clients, to give you the very best advice on what actually works to get from point A to point B, no matter what your issue is. Rather than focusing on one resolution—stopping procrastination, controlling anger, finding a mate, losing weight, or getting out of debt, for instance—I will take you through the process of making whatever it is you want happen.
For the past fifteen years, as a writer and a thinking partner to executives, as a mother and a daughter, a sister, a friend, a wife, I have been consumed with understanding how and why people change. I’ve wanted to learn for myself so that I can be as effective as possible with the people whom I work with every day. What did I do to grow new habits of mind and body in myself? Where and when do I screw up? Why do some folks I talk to make significant leaps while others stay stuck? My thinking about this was intensified recently when I read that 90 percent of heart patients don't stick to the lifestyle changes they need to make in order to live longer and healthier lives. Even faced with the dramatic choice to change or die, they can't do it. I don't believe they want to die. They just don't know how to make the choice for life.

I’m also motivated by the flood of bad advice I've seen out there. As I write, I’m staring at the cover of a women’s magazine. It’s the November 28 issue and the headline blares: you, 43 lbs slimmer by Christmas! I’m sorry but you, no matter who you are, are not going to be 43 pounds slimmer in 28 days using their diet or anyone else's. Such irresponsible “advice” does a great deal of harm. Because it creates unrealistic expectations, it increases the probability we'll give up before we get where we want to go.

What I’ve come to understand is that there are three things needed to make any change, mental, emotional, or physical: desire, intent, and persistence. Each and every one of the ideas in this book strengthens one of those three elements. You will learn how to identify what you really desire; make specific, measurable, achievable goals to focus your intention; avoid common pitfalls that sap your desire and intent; and persist in the face of inevitable setbacks.

You’ll learn that the process is not about getting rid of bad habits—the pathway to your current behavior is there for life, baby—but building new, more positive ones. Even stopping a bad habit, like smoking, is really about creating a good new habit, nonsmoking. And you’ll discover that, because of the way our brains are structured, the most powerful thing you can do is to engage your emotional brain in a way that makes it easy, fun, new, and different.

Some of what you’ll read will be familiar. It’s included here because it works. Other ideas, particularly the cutting–edge brain science, will hopefully give you new perspectives and practices to try. And you won’t find some usual advice, such as to reward yourself along the way. What’s important is to find out what helps you keep momentum. For some folks that turns out to be rewards, for others it’s something totally different. You will also encounter a bit of ...

Revue de presse

Advance Praise for This Year I Will . . .


"If you're struggling and think that one more book can't possibly make a difference, think again. MJ Ryan has the rare gift of breaking things down into clear pieces that can be tackled."
—Laura Berman Fortgang, author of Now What? 90 Days to a New Life Direction


"This Year I Will . . . is the go-to book to learn how to start that self improvement journey---and maintain it for life!"
 
—Pamela Peeke MD, MPH, FACP, author of Body for Life for Women
 

Détails sur le produit

  • Format : Format Kindle
  • Taille du fichier : 181 KB
  • Nombre de pages de l'édition imprimée : 240 pages
  • Pagination - ISBN de l'édition imprimée de référence : 0767920082
  • Editeur : Harmony (26 décembre 2006)
  • Vendu par : Amazon Media EU S.à r.l.
  • Langue : Anglais
  • ASIN: B000MAHBZK
  • Synthèse vocale : Non activée
  • X-Ray :
  • Word Wise: Activé
  • Classement des meilleures ventes d'Amazon: n°164.604 dans la Boutique Kindle (Voir le Top 100 dans la Boutique Kindle)
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Amazon.com: 4.7 étoiles sur 5  86 commentaires
246 internautes sur 252 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 Inspiration, encouragement and advice for change 29 janvier 2007
Par C. S. Clarke - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Relié
What I like best about M.J. Ryan is that she is a compassionate writer. She is writing about something that is very difficult to do: change. It is clear that she understands that change is hard; nobody is perfect, and people will slip. Her acceptance inspires your own acceptance of the perils of change and your personal foibles. She encourages you to take the leap into change despite your doubts. She makes you believe that change may be hard but with her advice it is possible and even probable.

Her advice is clear and precise; the book is jam-packed with information but without an excess of words. She looks at all the essential issues involved in making changes. She begins with the basics, the things that you must do to make a change and make it last: You must be specific. You must plan. You must prepare. You must really want it. You must make a commitment. You must take action. You must re-evaluate when things aren't working. You must get back on track when you slip up.

Yes, all of that sounds very familiar. What isn't so familiar is her analysis of exactly how all that works, why it works the way it does, and precisely what to do to assure that it works the way it should. She also tells you the probable reasons for your efforts going awry, as well as what to do when you do run into trouble.

Like any good writer who compels your attention, she illustrates her points with apt examples and anecdotes. As with the rest of her writing, the stories are made most effective by their brevity. I am reminded of a textbook I was once assigned in college. It was called "The Force of Few Words" and was about how poetry achieves its powerful effects. M.J. Ryan is not writing poetry, but her words are full of "rhyme and reason" and her advice together with her stories will make you believe in your power to change.
321 internautes sur 333 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 Very precise 26 janvier 2007
Par Atheen - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Relié
Last year was a duzzy. So many things went wrong in my life, that I wondered if I'd get through the year intact. Feeling as down as I did, I'd been looking for books that might give me some help with restructuring my life and my attitude. This one is the best of those that I've read so far.

M. J. Ryan's book "This Year I Will..." is considerably more helpful than any other self-help book primarily because she is far more precise in her approach to change. She's also very up front with the fact that change is not going to come instantaneously or easily. Whether it's as simple as putting the laundry detergent in before the wash or after it (her own experience) or trying to lose weight or quit smoking, it will take time and hard work, and there are no handy short cuts about it.

This may be disappointing to those of us who would like a quick fix to our problems and who find dealing with them frustrating, time consuming, and sometimes expensive--remember all those health clubs, weight loss programs, clinics, and magic potions that purport to make weight loss "easy" but at great cost? Don't get discouraged; read on. The author gives points for past "failures" and looks at them as, more-or-less, "first attempts" rather than as a sign of our inability to make changes in our lives. Furthermore, she also tells you why this is so.

Unlike many of the self-help books out there, Ryan's gives you an explanation of why you have a hard time changing, and why it's important to get back on that "bicycle" and try again. It's quite obvious that she is an extensively read professional. Using very up to date information from the recent discoveries in mind-brain research, she describes the neurological processes that go into making our bad habits so difficult to eradicate.

Without going into endless, unintelligible detail, she describes the processes by which our bodies make responses that have been found "successful" more permanent and automatic. She describes the various parts of the brain, their origin, and how they work together--or sometimes don't--so that it is clear why we sometimes resist making those changes we should or even must to survive. Without getting down to the circuitry or the chemistry, she points out that the higher levels of brain function, which can make executive decisions regarding the wisdom of change, may be subverted by the more basic levels of automatic behavior. Responsible for the flight-fight response and for the safety and wellbeing of the organism this more emotional brain may not be willing to help. Might in fact even work at cross purposes.

Ms Ryan explains that neuropathways become hardwired in our brains to the point where they are virtually ineradicatable . It is often said in books on mind-brain research, "nerves that fire together wire together," and as the author says, you're stuck with them.

What she proposes is not brain surgery to remove the troublesome pathway but developing a new pathway that competes with the old one. She points out that it takes a lot of time and work to create such a competitive behavior, but that with each successful effort to do so, the nerves responsible for the behavior become more habituated to the activity, making it easier with time.

Ryan also notes that we WILL have lapses as we go, because those old pathways are pretty powerful. Just having given it a try, though, has already started to initiate the changes desired--at least we now have a wagon to fall off of. She has several good recommendations on how to gradually bypass that old pathway and even several alternative approaches for some tasks.

The book is arranged in a graduated format of chapters, each one giving in a short few pages the information you need at each point in your effort to change. I read the book cover to cover first in about two hours, then I began at the beginning and started following some of her suggestions. Each chapter becomes sort of a "workbook" of things to do at each level of the change process.

The author also makes reference to other writers on the subject of personal change that have interesting things to add, and it is obvious that she does not work in a vacuum but in collaboration with others in the field; in short she's open minded. So there are other resources to which you may turn as need arises.

Probably one of the most important points she makes is that one needs to be definite about which change you're willing to make the effort to undertake. Global responses make taking action on anything impossible, so you have to select your changes with care. She also suggests that the problem be specific, with clearly defined behaviors needed to accomplish your goal and a clear means of evaluating the change. She makes a point of noting that monitoring the progress of your change is important, partially because it gives a clear measure of success and partially because it provides the satisfaction of actually seeing your efforts worth their expense. Ryan even sees back sliding as a means of assessing your progress and as an opportunity to evaluate what works and what doesn't, and thereby to make appropriate changes in your plan.

An excellent book, very precise in its recommendations.
106 internautes sur 112 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 Want to Keep a Resolution? Try This Book... 3 janvier 2007
Par merlot - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Relié
I ran across this book by accident but I'm glad I did. It is very interesting. The book focuses on 3 of the 5 stages of change - preparation, action/implementation and maintenance. The author utilizes wonderful examples and real life mini case studies to illustrate her points. I find that I enjoy the book more when I read a few passages, put the book aside, then go back to it. It gives me time to digest it. The author does make lots of references to other authors works and quotes famous people (i.e. Naomi Judd) in the passages which makes reading sound a little like an advertisement for other authors work but it's not so annoying that the book isn't still worth having.

If you're like me, I make solid resolutions but then I sometimes have a hard time following through. This book will help you think of resolutions in a new way and consider some things you may not have thought of before. Your success in achieving your resolutions is worth the price of this book. I think this would be a nice Christmas or Birthday gift as well.
51 internautes sur 51 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 Not your ordinary motivational guide... 30 août 2007
Par TJP - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Relié
I'm almost finished with this book and when I do, I plan to start it over again! Absolutely the best book of it's kind that I've ever read. Thank you, MJ Ryan. PS- I lost 27#, work at the gym now and quit smoking...all in the last 4 months. Her book has been instrumental in helping me to make these 'dreams' a reality.
42 internautes sur 42 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 I great read and a fantastic gift. 5 juillet 2008
Par David K. Hanley - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Relié
I'm someone who spent years stuck in a rut. I spent a lot of time wondering why I never got anything done but never did anything beyond wondering. I've spent the last few years turning my entire life around. I quit drinking, quit smoking, started working out, started taking my job seriously (which has garnered me two promotions in three years), and generally started taking charge of my life and I've found that I love getting up and getting to it every day. Something I never could have claimed before in my 30+ years. A lot of these changes have been hard work. I've read a LOT of self help material and found hidden gems here and there. I only wish I had found THIS book years earlier. Everything I've learned. Everything I've known. It's help me put all of that into action. Have you ever run across a situation where you KNOW you could teach the world how to do something but you just CAN'T do it yourself? Well, this is the book for you. I'm on my second time reading it and I just bought three more copies, bringing my total purchased to eight. I've given them away to a lot of the people I kind of left behind when I started changing my old life. Even the ones who don't read are reading it. I've seen weight loss, better jobs, less stress, less anger, reduced drinking, happier relationships... all as a result of things myself and these people have learned through the steps in this book.

If you find yourself in a rut and just can't seem to move forward. Or even if you're doing fine and think you might just need a little push. This book is a priceless work.

Thanks to the author and good luck to everyone else who reads it!
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