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Troll 2, 1 DVD
Les gobelins voraces sont de retour, plus affamés que jamais. Déguisés en paysans aimables, des trolls cannibales attirent les visiteurs vers leur village. Une famille de quatre personnes va découvrir que cet endroit est un véritable piège à touristes et qu'ils sont devenus des proies...
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Before I get into the meat of the story or as I like to call it a double decker bologna sandwich...Troll 2 has nothing to do with trolls (just goblins), Troll 2 also has absolutely nothing to do with Troll 1. AHA but that's not all!!!! The guy who made the cover for Troll 2 didn't see Troll 1 or Troll 2!!!! The original cover of Troll 2 has a werewolf (Not in Troll 1 or Troll 2) chasing a little boy who doesn't even appear in either of the Troll movies! If that doesn't make you want to take your head and smash it against concrete, I don't know what does.
I will now begin with the double decker bologna sandwich part of my analysis. The film begins with Grandpa Seth talking to his grandson Joshua. Joshua is constipated throughout the film and grandpa is dead. You know the kind of dead where you say you will be gone forever and then you come back and then you say you will be gone forever and then you come back and then you give your 12 year old grandson a Molotov cocktail and then you say you will be gone forever and then you come back...that kind of dead. He tells that old story of how Peter Pan ran through the woods one day, ate green goup, and turned into a MLANT. The mother, played by Margo Prey (AKA greatest actress ever) assures Joshua that it was just a dream and goes onto explain that Grandpa's death was, "Very difficult for your father, for Holly, and for me his daughter." You may want to give that quote a second reading... The daughter is also brilliant in this picture. The chemistry between her and her boyfriend Elliott is sizzling!!! Ouch very hot! So sizzling that Elliott and his friends couldn't be more gay! Holly explains, "You take them to bed with you too (referring to Elliott's guy friends that are hanging out the window) and I don't believe in group sex". What??? Holly then explains that her parents don't like Elliott (that he is a good for nothing) and that they are going on vacation for a month. Ellliott then asks, "Is it true you're going on vacation tomorrow?" "Yes!" "I'll come with you?" "OK I'll tell my father that you're coming with us tomorrow" Believe me the movie keeps going...Joshua must do it he must do it! He must pee on everyone's food before they eat corn with green paste on it. Oh my god! Or how about "You're a genius big Sister!" Watch for the mother staring directly into the camera and yelling, "Oh dear god what can we do!" So they have this family exchange and they go to Nilbog and oh my god!
This movie is a pure masterpiece. It's so bad it's fantastic! I recommend everyone to give it one viewing just so you can say you've survived it's stupidity. Make sure you watch it with friends though...DO NOT watch this movie alone or you will try to figure it out. This movie cannot be understood! If you think this movie is good in the way that "Braveheart" or "Pulp Fiction" is good you should seriously get your head examined. I will leave you with this: Mother says "Elliott what are you doing here?" Daughter says "Elliott is part of the family now!" Mom puts her hand on Elliott's face, "Oh Elliott!"
Confused? Good, then you are ready to watch this film. The acting is awful. The costumes came straight from a feed barn and K-Mart. The effects can be found in any quarter-taking, green slime-dispensing gumball machine. And the plot is non-existant. You will sit through this film torn between - scratching your head in confusion, laughing at the absurdity of it all, and wanting to claw your own eyes out of your head.
However, if you are in the mood for one of those movies that has nothing whatsoever to do with the title it carries, then boooooy, are you in luck! There are no trolls in this film at all ... I mean none! So all you troll's rights activists can rest easy, watch away! (All you goblin fans however, prepare to heave your guts out at the horrible portrayal of your beloved little imps.) The film basically revolves around a young boy, his braindead family, his sister's heterosexually dead boyfriend, and his actually dead (but persistantly present) grandpa. They play "trading houses" with complete strangers who just happen to be goblins in disguise, who just happen live in a goblin-infested town called (wait for it .....) NILBOG! Yeah ... I know, it's not all that challenging for you "New York Times" crossword solving types ... it's "GOBLIN" spelled backwards. GENIUS!! If you didn't figure that out immediately, don't feel to bad, the characters in the movie won't figure it out until 3/4 of the movie has past (and your medication will probably kick in very shortly).
But hey, what's to worry? The Goblins are vegetarians! Oh ... wait, they all want to turn you into plants first, and theeeen eat you. Of course! Why didn't I think of that sooner?! Worry not though, intrepid watchers of this piece of Oscar caliber cinematic gold, one good Mickey D's cheeseburger will solve everything! (Well ... that, and a molitav cocktail, lovingly supplied to a young boy by his "dead only when it's convenient" grandpa.)
In short, this is one for the ages! If you are a fan of Spielberg, Lucas, or Capolla, skip this at all costs! If, however you are a great fan of B movies ... skip this at all costs! If though, you don't mind the occasional Z movie, then hallelujah! you have arrived!!