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Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers [Format Kindle]

Karyl McBride

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Descriptions du produit

Revue de presse

"Will I Ever Be Good Enough? illuminates a very common and unnamed wound -- the wound that results from growing up with a narcissistic mother. In this engaging book, Karyl McBride provides a clear, honest, and effective way to heal this wound and live life fully and joyfully." -- Christiane Northrup, M.D., author of Mother-Daughter Wisdom, The Wisdom of Menopause, and Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom

"Dr. Karyl McBride has convened a fellowship of female voices to describe every flavor of experience with maternal narcissism. However marginalized from the mainstream of mother-daughter relationships you may have felt before this, you are no longer alone on the road to recovery." -- Sandy Hotchkiss, Psy.D., L.C.S.W., author of Why Is It Always About You?

"Narcissistic mothers are always there when they need you. They expect to be the center of attention, and they can be cruel if they don't get what they want. Learning how to set boundaries with narcissistic mothers is a complex challenge. Dr. McBride offers a step-by-step approach to understanding narcissism, setting limits on the abuse, and recovering from the psychological damage. This book is a must read for every woman living in the shadow of a domineering, self-focused parent." -- Nanette Gartrell, M.D., author of My Answer Is NO...If That's Okay with You

"The long-term destructive consequences that narcissistic parents have for their children are well known. Until now, however, there has been little in the way of helpful advice for those who were raised by these parents. In this insightful new book, Dr. McBride presents a detailed examination of narcissistic mothers and the harmful effects on their daughters. She also offers practical, step-by-step guidance for working through these issues. This book is a terrific resource for those women raised by narcissistic mothers and looking for strategies for change." -- W. Keith Campbell, Ph.D., author of When You Love a Man Who Loves Himself

"Will I Ever Be Good Enough? is an amazing journey out of pain. Providing true professional guidance and clarity, Dr. Karyl McBride heaps in genuine love and kindness. This book is like having an ideal therapist at your convenience, who really helps you heal self-doubt and self-rejection. Every page is milk and honey to your soul." -- Tama J. Kieves, author of This Time I Dance! Creating the Work You Love (How One Harvard Lawyer Left It All to Have It All!)

Présentation de l'éditeur

The first book specifically for daughters suffering from the emotional abuse of selfish, self-involved mothers, Will I Ever Be Good Enough? provides the expert assistance you need in order to overcome this debilitating history and reclaim your life for yourself. Drawing on over two decades of experience as a therapist specializing in women's psychology and health, psychotherapist Dr. Karyl McBride helpsyou recognize the widespread effects of this maternal emotional abuse and guides you as you create an individualized program for self-protection, resolution, and complete recovery.

An estimated 1.5 million American women have narcissistic personality disorder, which makes them so insecure and overbearing, insensitive and domineering that they can psychologically damage their daughters for life. Daughters of narcissistic mothers learn that maternal love is not unconditional, and that it is given only when they behave in accordance with their mothers' often unreasonable expectations and whims. As adults, these daughters consequently have difficulty overcoming their insecurities and feelings of inadequacy, disappointment, sadness, and emotional emptiness. They may also have a terrible fear of abandonment that leads them to form unhealthy love relationships, as well as a tendency to perfectionism and unrelenting self-criticism, or to self-sabotage and frustration.

Herself the recovering daughter of a narcissistic mother, Dr. McBride includes her personal struggle, which adds a profound level of authority to her work, along with the perspectives of the hundreds of suffering daughters she's interviewed over the years. Their stories of how maternal abuse has manifested in their lives -- as well as how they have successfully overcome its effects -- show you that you're not alone and that you can take back your life and have the control you want.

Dr. McBride's step-by-step program will enable you to:

(1) Recognize your own experience with maternal narcissism and its effects on all aspects of your life
(2) Discover how you have internalized verbal and nonverbal messages from your mother and how these have translated into a strong desire to overachieve or a tendency to self-sabotage
(3) Construct a step-by-step program to reclaim your life and enhance your sense of self, a process that includes creating a psychological separation from your mother and breaking the legacy of abuse. You will also learn how not to repeat your mother's mistakes with your own daughter.

Warm and sympathetic, filled with the examples of women who have established healthy boundaries with their hurtful mothers, Will I Ever Be Good Enough? encourages and inspires you as it aids your recovery.

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Amazon.com: 4.7 étoiles sur 5  601 commentaires
858 internautes sur 863 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 Oh My God was this worthwhile 20 novembre 2008
Par D. E. Quigley - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Relié
Reading this book was an incredibly validating experience. I have never written a book review in my life but I believe that this work is essential for daughters of narcissistic mothers. I am 45 years old and have been in counseling for 4 years with a great counselor to address my mom's Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I have had difficulties in the denial and acceptance department; it seems that cognitively I know that my mother doesn't have the capacity to ever be warm, loving, or empathetic. However,I have had many instances where I just thought well maybe I am just the nutty girl and go back into denial. My counselor has spent hours upon hours discussing the harm that comes from being raised by a narcissistic mother. And, yes, I have read many books on narcissism. The difference with this book is that it is written from a first hand experience and includes very specific exchanged between the narcissistic mother and the "still" seeking daughter. In reading this book I must have said oh my God hundreds of times. I made margin notes where I wrote "yep" next to so many scenarios, feelings, yearnings, lowered self esteem, being self critical, the workaholism (I am a practicing trial attorney), and the issues with respect to brothers being treated differently. I am the only daughter and I have 3 brothers who had vastly different experiences with my mother. They are all perfect princes and I am the one that is constantly criticized and judged. For many years I have grappled with my brothers' experience versus mine and it was crazy-making. This book explains that daughters of narcissistic mothers may be subject to projection, jealousy, and envy because you are viewed as her extension (or shadow). It finally made sense. IF YOU ARE A DAUGHTER OF A NARCISSIST MOTHER THIS IS THE MOST HONEST AND FORTHRIGHT BOOK THAT I HAVE COME ACROSS AND IT IS ONE THAT I WILL USE AS A REFERENCE GUIDE FOR GROUNDING AND VALIDATION ON A REGULAR BASIS.
285 internautes sur 289 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 Finally! 16 octobre 2008
Par Aurora - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Relié
Finally a book about narcissistic mothers that describes the subtle nature of emotional neglect and abuse and kills the myth that all mothers are benevolent! It's hard to heal the narcissitic wound when it is a result of emotional neglect and put downs and there is no physical bruise or easy explanation like "my mother is an alcoholic". I've been in therapy for approx. 18 years and still struggle with a lifetime of never being good enough and still being placed in competition with my mother by her (even though she is 80). I was glad to hear that it's okay to have little or no contact with a narcissitic mother, since I've struggled with the guilt about having a mother like her and feel that her distancing herself from me is my fault and I am responsible for the relationship and for fixing it.

One section in the book that I did not agree with was the author's comments that the daughter should not show any anger or frustration toward the narcissitic mother. One important aspect of my healing was to stand up to my mother and demonstrate my separateness and that I too am accomplished. (I had never rebelled as a teenager, since it was essentially forbidden with the unspoken threat love would be withheld.) Even though this turned out to be a threat to her it was important for me to see that I have my own sense of power apart from her. I've also tried to reach out in ways trying to build bridges that would put as on equal footing. This was to no avail but these steps have been important in my trying to build the communication with her and determine I'd done everything in my power to try and make a relationship work. It's even harder to be the daughter of a narcissistic mother when the theological messages coming from her were that disobedient children are evil and she was picked out as special by God from the time she was 8.

This book offers hope and resonated so much with my experience. Those childhood abandonment fears and post-traumatic stress reactions still happen to me but I know where they are coming from and I continue to fight through them with hope.
133 internautes sur 137 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 Finally Validation 30 mars 2009
Par Mary - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Relié|Achat vérifié
I just received this book and I'm almost finished. A lot of it reads true to my own life. Although I don't think my mother was exceptionally cruel she was heavy with the hand and put a great deal of responsibility on me as a child. The criticism never ends. I am an overachiever but can't manage to take a compliment. My self esteem on the outside seems high but in all actuality it's in the toilet. My mother was very jealous of my relationship with my father and has never seemed to be able to be happy about any of my successes. My brother on the other hand was a prince to her and we were treated very differently and still are. I've beaten myself up until reading this book. Finally the validation I needed to deal with the pain of not being able to truly bond with my mother. My ex-boyfriend who is Borderline kept insisting that my mother was Borderline also but the more research I did I realized she was Narcissistic and this book confirmed it. It has helped me to heal, to forgive her, to stop blaming myself and to take a good look at my own behavior towards my children. I can see some of the cycle continuing and I'm working on being less critical and demanding of my own children. This book was an absolute God send and I highly recommend it. There has been an incredible weight lifted knowing that I am not unlovable but had a mother who was incapable of loving. I want to ensure that my children never have to feel that way. It's a lot of work but I catch myself now and I'm able to correct my own behavior.

I also want to say that my mother saw this book sitting on my nightstand and lost her mind, told me I was a terrible daughter, that she was not narcissistic, she was very angry with me. My boyfriend died and I was going through grief counseling and she and my father (who is usually subjected to her opinions) insisted that I stop seeing the therapist. Honestly I wouldn't have made it through the grief without therapy, but they didn't like therapy because it was unearthing the family dynamics.

She also told me that my problem was I was too smart and if I ever wanted to meet someone and settle down I would need to get rid of my books and stop reading. Keep in mind my mother dropped out of school at the age of 15. So just a recap, this book allows me to take these comments for what they are - her own low self esteem. Before reading this book, I would actually believe the things she was saying and internalize them, not anymore.
214 internautes sur 224 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 Ground Breaking Book 27 septembre 2008
Par B. Waugh - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Relié
Rather than an esoteric view of maternal narcissism, this author has kept it simple, concise, and very easy to read. The point-by-point outline, stringers and explanations were to put it simply, brilliant. She interjected explanations to the descriptions of what a narcissist is, and thereby gave it a more feeling touch.

I was to discover ah-ha's on each and every page, to see how the behavior of my parent impacted on my life in more ways than I would have believed possible. The pain of never feeling good enough, to beginnings of understanding that I am more than good enough has been an incredible journey. Though often fraught with potholes, backtracking and questioning my own sanity, the good doctor has brought it all around full circle via her book. Suddenly and joyously, someone finally understood! I felt validated and no longer alone on this journey.

To my mind, the chapters on healing were rich with ideas that have ripened into workable solutions that I have been applying successfully to my life; I am looking forward to the future through very different eyes.

While not a full out answer to many of the problems associated with this devastating blow to the ego of a small child, it surpasses my expectations and excites me with the possibilities. This is a book well worth reading for layman and therapists alike. For me, this was a deeply satisfying read.

D.E. Waugh
120 internautes sur 127 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 A son of a narcissistic mother highly recommends this book 29 janvier 2010
Par Clay Konnor - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format:Broché
My sister is a psychologist and recommended this book to me. Despite its title, believe me, this book is for any child raised by a narcissistic mother. I have read other books about narcissistic personality disorder and because of my sister am very familiar with the DSM and in particular Axis II, cluster B personality disorders - but the beauty of this book is that it really centers on the legacy effect of the disorder rather than being just another descriptive analysis of the disorder. It explains and demonstrates through actual patient testimonials the negative effects of being raised by a narcissistic mother, then goes on to a recovery process.

If you're reading this you probably know a little bit about this disorder. People with the disorder are extremely self-centered and lack what is perhaps the most important quality of a parent - the ability to be empathic. As a child of a mother who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder you are constantly being given the message that your value is what you do, not who you are. Your only value is your accomplishments that reflect well on the narcissistic parent. Ultimately this message becomes hard-wired in your formative years; a message that you will never be good enough. The book identifies the two most common responses of children - either they become tireless over-achievers who frequently forget to take care of themselves mentally or they give up completely in a "what's the point" fashion. In either route the child caries with them deep dysfunctional scars (narcissistic injury) into adulthood that impair them in many ways.

For many it will reveal the whys behind so many familiar feelings and behaviors. When I read books of this type I underline as I go. I intend to keep this book nearby as a sort of reference book and "gut check" as recovery from this kind of injury and the inevitability of involuntary adaptation of some of the narcissistic traits of your mother is of course a life-long process. This book, however, will get you well along the right road - and if you are a parent it will show you how to stop the legacy. The final few chapters of the book are nothing short of inspiring.

Thirteen years ago I spent more than a year and a half in therapy twice a week for two hours each session struggling with the issues attendant to being the child of a narcissistic mother (mine had the added bonus of being an abusive alcoholic). It is not hyperbole to say that for about 1/10th the cost of one session with a psychologist this book could have taken six months off of that time. Don't get me wrong there is no substitute for a good therapist - but this book will literally jump start you into recovery.
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