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le 23 février 2014
I bought this book because all my life I tried my best in relationships and they never quite seem to work. Was I obsessed with the wrong men? Not really and after reading this book I realised that I am not obsessed with men at all! I may have made the wrong choices driven by what happened in my past but I don’t try to change men to suit me. Even in my teens I proved to myself that rather than change a man I would like to find a man who wants to live his life the same way I do as I didn’t think it possible to change anybody to suit me. Every time a man would start promising me that he could change that would be a clue that I had to get out of that relationship. And I have always listened very well to them and tried to ask the right questions but my conclusion is that too many people lie when they want to convince a person they are interested in that they are the right one for them (even nowadays, the era of Internet dating sites, where you can post a very clear profile). I am very sorry about that as it creates huge misery for all concerned. What I have learnt from this book is that no matter what happened in my past I am a person very much worth loving and that the right person for me is out there! I have also learnt that I do want to be in a relationship where people discuss everything, are very open with each other, without fear that the other one will make bad use of what they are told. I also want a relationship based on mutual encouragement. I don’t think that praising each other is as negative as this book would make you believe. Of course there are women who are absolutely obsessed with relationships, often the wrong ones and I have known a few in my lifetime but loving a man even if he is not the perfect human being is not that wrong because no woman is either! I think that it is exactly the fact that you get to love each other’s less good traits that shows how much you love each other. It is very easy to love when everything is well, less easy if things go wrong! Sometimes maybe your partner needs help and it shouldn’t be wrong to tell him that! What I find wrong is abandoning someone just because that person has hit hard times. Of course, if nothing changes then it is maybe time to go at it alone but I would never abandon someone I love just because things have got tough. Yes, I have been known for staying too long in a hopeless relationship but at least I got out knowing that I did everything I could to save it as I wish someone would do for me! Do I have to learn to be more selfish? No doubt about that and I will surely try! So all in all this book was a useful read, even if a quite scary one! For me it would have been more useful if it wasn’t about such extreme cases and children of alchoolics but rather women who put a lot into a relationship and don’t get enough out of it but then maybe I come across some more suitable titles!