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Fifty Shades of Chicken: A Parody in a Cookbook (Anglais) Relié – 13 novembre 2012

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Oh, chicken, did you just cluck at me?”
   Crap.
   “No,” I squawk hoarsely.
   “I believe you did. Yes, you did. You remember what I said I’d do to you if you clucked?”
   Aw, jeez. “Yes.” I pause before I add, “Yes, Chef.”
   “My word is my bond,” he crows. “I’m going to spank you. And then I will cook you, very hot and hard.”
   I know what his hard cooking is like.
   “I’m not sure I can take any more quite yet,” I whine.
   “Stamina, Miss Hen,” he says brightly.
   My inner goddess has donned a tiny cheerleader’s uniform and starts to chant.
   Give me a B!
   Whack.
   Give me an L!
   Whack.
   Give me an A!
   Whack.
   Give me a D! E! S! 
   Whack whack whack.
   What does that spell?
   Control freak poultry-beater, that’s what it spells. But I don’t fancy another swat, so I manage to keep the thought to myself for once.
   He roasts me gently until I reach sweet doneness. 
   “You are a most beautiful sight,” he says, pulling me out of the Wolf. “And your smell is intoxicating.”
   Afterward, everywhere he spanked me is stinging and warm. The experience was humiliating and mustardy and unbelievably hot. I definitely don’t want him to do that to me again. But now that it’s over I have this warm, safe, golden brown afterglow. I feel contented, and totally confused.
   I must remember to cluck at him more often.
 
Mustard Spanked Chicken
roasted chicken with mustard, fresh basil, and garlic  
 
Serves 4
1 (3½- to 4-pound) chicken, patted dry with paper towels
1 teaspoon coarse kosher salt, more to taste
½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
2 tablespoons Dijon mustard
2 teaspoons minced fresh basil
2 garlic cloves, minced
3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
 
1. Rub the chicken all over, including the cavity, with the salt and pepper.

2. In a small bowl, stir together the mustard, basil, and garlic and slap it hard onto the bird everywhere you just rubbed the salt and pepper. Refrigerate overnight or for at least 1 hour so it can recover.

3. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F. Place a rack in a roasting pan.

4. Carefully lay the bird on the rack, breast down. Drizzle with 1 tablespoon of the oil. Roast for 30 minutes. Thrust a wooden spoon into the chicken cavity and flip the bird over so the breasts are up; drizzle with remaining oil. Continue to roast until the bird is golden brown and quite done, about 30 to 40 minutes longer. Enjoy.
 
 
 
***
   
   The way his apron hangs from his hips already has me all wobbly. But as he coats my thighs with sticky liquid I can hardly contain myself. Is it the wine, or is my aroma starting to drive him crazy too? 
   He heats me up fast, it won’t take much to finish me off now. His lips quirk up into a smile. My own juices are mixing with the coating and running all over the place. I get the strangest, sweetest, hedonistic feeling up and down. It’s epicureanism run wild!
   He spreads my thighs out on a plate. Sticky hands and at least five wet napkins. What will the housekeeper think? Who cares?
 
Dripping Thighs
roasted chicken thighs with sweet and sour onions  
 
Serves 4
1 pound boneless, skinless chicken thighs, patted dry with paper towels
2 garlic cloves, finely chopped
1 teaspoon plus pinch coarse kosher salt
½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1 sweet onion, thinly sliced
1 cup white wine
1 bay leaf
1 cinnamon stick
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 tablespoon honey
 
1. Preheat the oven to 450° F. In a large bowl, toss the chicken, garlic, 1 teaspoon salt, and pepper together.

2. In a small saucepan, simmer together onion, wine, bay leaf, cinnamon stick, and a pinch of salt until most of the liquid has evaporated, 15 to 20 minutes. Toss in the honey and butter.

3. Spoon the mixture over the chicken and toss well. Spread thighs, onion mixture, and any juices onto a baking sheet. Bake until chicken is no longer pink and onions are meltingly tender and caramelized, about 25 minutes.

Revue de presse

“…it will undoubtedly become one of America's most cherished cookbooks of all time.”
-Eater.com
 
“Like any good parody, this manages to make fun of both the flabby porn of "Fifty Shades" and the gushing language of "food porn…” -BonAppetit.com
 
“…this genius little tidbit that combines the sexual and the culinary…” -Glamour.com
 
“All signs indicate that Fifty Shades of Chicken, a new cookbook parodying erotic novel Fifty Shades of Grey, is the real deal. We can't get over the hilarity of the description on the book's web site.” -Huffington Post

"The book that spawned “mommy porn” has now given a new meaning to playing with your food. . . You’ll never look at chickens the same way again." -Salon.com

"Besides clever writing with laugh-out-loud double entendres, Fifty Shades of Chicken offers 50 (of course) tempting recipes, among them Crunchy Chicken Parmesan Croquettes and Cranberry Baked Chicken With Apple Cider." -The Republic

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Format: Relié Achat vérifié
Des étiquettes partout ! Je ne peux pas les décoller car elles dechireraient les pages ! Il y en a même sur la couverture, j'ai essayé d'en décoller une elle est restée sur la couverture ! C'était censé être un cadeau mais je ne peux pas l'offrir dans cet état. Inadmissible !
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Commentaires client les plus utiles sur Amazon.com (beta)

Amazon.com: HASH(0x9141d204) étoiles sur 5 661 commentaires
112 internautes sur 118 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
HASH(0x933e4258) étoiles sur 5 Nice Breasts 15 novembre 2012
Par John Miller - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format: Relié Achat vérifié
Fifty Shades of Chicken: A Parody in a Cookbook opens with the genius dedication, "For chicken lovers everywhere," and just gets lewder from there. In addition to being a parody of "Fifty Shades of Grey"-style erotica written from the perspective of a young hen, "Fifty Shades of Chicken" is also a lavishly illustrated cookbook in its own right. With titles like "Plain Vanilla Chicken" and "Steamy White Meat," the recipes are what makes this book more than a one-note joke or gag gift (pun intended). If only more cookbooks were this profane.
143 internautes sur 153 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
HASH(0x933e44a4) étoiles sur 5 Dripping Thighs?!? Extra Virgin Breasts?!? Yes Please!!! 14 décembre 2012
Par Brandon Gray - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format: Relié Achat vérifié
What can be said about this book?!? I picked up a copy for my Mother, my sister, and my aunt as a Christmas present. I believe all of them have read 50 Shades of Grey. Regardless if they have or haven't it should be worth a laugh at Christmas time, right?!? When the book arrived I just had to open it. Being a guy, I have not read the original book (not enough pictures for me) but my wife had (thank God) so I knew what the premise was. Boy did it have me rolling on the ground laughing. It is VERY well written. I read it to my wife, out loud, in the best Patrick Stewart voice I could muster. While I might not get all the "inside" jokes that people who followed the original picked up on, I can recognize good writing when I see it. This was VERY well done! The book is beautiful. Nice print, nice pictures, nice feeling to the pages and the binding. Just all around well printed book. I am the cook of our household being a former Sous chef. I have not made anything out if this book yet since the only copies I have are going to other people. But, yes I will admit, I have ordered a copy for myself to read, alone, by the fire for some "inspiration". It truly is food porn in the greatest way! Can I get one in the 50 Shades of Pork?!? This are some bad things that I want to do to some ham hocks!!! (I have seen the 50 shades of bacon but I don't think it is done to the same quality or by the same people based on the amazon preview I can look at)

To the person that gave this book 3 stars because it is gross to think of your food sexually... Lighten up.. No one was implying that you sick a drumstick in your gigi. Although you might want to take the stick out of your... oh never mind!!
59 internautes sur 72 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
HASH(0x933e4468) étoiles sur 5 High quality - and terribly entertaining! 18 novembre 2012
Par Shanababe - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format: Relié Achat vérifié
After reading a couple of excerpts, I decided that I had to get this book - I was hoping it would be the perfect wedding present. I pre-ordered 4 copies, and they arrived yesterday. I am completely impressed with the quality of the book itself, and the pictures are somewhere in between traditional glossy cookbook pictures and tasteful food erotica (male hands, forearms, and abs are pictured - and those are high quality as well!). There are a couple of pages where there is a very minor blurring / shading issue with the text (only noticeable because the rest of the book is so impeccably done), but other than that, I am completely happy. I look forward to giving this at bridal showers, anniversary parties, or any other event I can think of!
** Important disclaimer - I have not tried any of the recipes. However, they look wonderful - and I laughed myself silly reading the cookbook last night! Hurray for FL Fowler!
37 internautes sur 47 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
HASH(0x933e475c) étoiles sur 5 Need a napkin, please.... 28 novembre 2012
Par Kathleen A. Taylor - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format: Format Kindle Achat vérifié
Fifty Shades of Chicken left me hungry and wanting for more. At first blush, I wanted to be that chicken.. to be touched and marinated. Cooked. I wanted Shifty Blades to want me every day.
This book is more than just a parody. It draws the reader in with breathy stories and succulent recipes. Absolutely finger licking delicious. And Julia, she is behind it all. Tsk.Tsk.
9 internautes sur 10 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
HASH(0x933e47bc) étoiles sur 5 Damn! Look at that guy... I mean chicken... Totally meant chicken ;) 4 octobre 2014
Par stephanie - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format: Relié Achat vérifié
This book is HILARIOUS! I gave it to one of my best friends for her birthday and she busted out laughing in the middle of a restaurant for 5 minutes XD I've never been so excited to give somebody a present before and knowing that she is a HUGE 50 shades fan I knew she would love this! Perfect present :)
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