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Getting Back Together: How To Reconcile with Your Partner-and Make It Last (Anglais) Broché – 15 février 2006

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Book by Youngs Bettie B Goetz Masa

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Amazon.com: 4.1 étoiles sur 5 21 commentaires
38 internautes sur 40 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
3.0 étoiles sur 5 Great book, however it is one sided. 3 novembre 2012
Par Mwani Ngemi - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format: Broché
I got this book after my only long term girlfriend and I had a bad experience and we separated, and she told me she didn't think she could get back together with me. I was dumbfounded, confused, scared and in disbelief. I didn't know what to do. I walked to Barnes and Noble and ended up finding and buying this book. It really helped through a difficult time, and it gave me hope and insight at a time when I felt like I didn't know what was going on around me. It helped to realize things about myself and why our relationship had gotten to that point. It also gave me concrete steps and exercises that gave me hope for putting it back together and attempting to heal our past. There is so much useful advice about communication, values, etc. in this book that for that it is worth the purchase alone. It really helped me out a lot and basically probably saved my life because I don't know what I would have done without it in those first weeks and months. It gave me great hope and some sort of sanity and direction in an overwhelmingly confusing and seemingly hopeless time. It gave me hope for my future, and hopefully a future with that woman.

However here is the rub, even though I tried my best at the time she still didn't want to get back together. I was so hopped up on hope and optimism that I couldn't believe it and I kept trying, because I did believe we could make it if she would try too. But she didn't. She had already apparently moved on, and I was so inspired by the stories of other people overcoming similar situations that I really believed we could do it, and I wanted to. In any case my feelings and effort were not returned, and the relationship was over for good.

The thing I really wish this book paid a little more attention to is recognizing when forming a new relationship with that person is not going to happen, or how to recognize if it's really over. I kept on trying desperately to make it happen and ended up hurting myself a lot worse than I probably needed to. Second I wish they spent a little more time on how to deal with that ending if it does happen, and how to carry your life forward regardless. I personally was lost afterwards and ended up going through a very difficult personal time.

Besides that, this book has a ton of great information that can really help you out in life and relationships anyway. If you're going through a split, and both parties are interested in working things out to some degree, I can't really say enough about how practical and promising these exercises seemed to me. (as you know I didn't really get to try them out with the person I was seeking to, but they helped me a lot to clarify my own position)

So Good Luck in your efforts to create a better and more fulfilling relationship, with yourself, and hopefully with your partner. Just remember that at some point hope can fly against the face of your current reality, and at some point can become delusion. Keep your dreams, but recognize and really make sure you're prepared for an alternative outcome. Try to be flexible and focus on yourself.

No matter what, no matter how lousy you feel, (even if you're consumed with guilt, or despair) DO NOT stop taking care of yourself. That was my mistake and it led me into a deep depression. You have to keep taking care of yourself (like exercising) no matter what others say or decide about you to themselves. This will help you to keep feeling good about yourself and produce the feel-good chemicals in your brain that will counteract what chemicals you may be losing out on from a specific social encounter, and this will help you to view situations clearly and with a balanced perspective.

Do what you need to do for yourself, and hopefully you can share it with another, but you must continue taking care of yourself no matter what. Trust me, you are worth it! :)
19 internautes sur 20 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 EXCELLENT read! 1 juin 2010
Par Stay Hopeful - Publié sur Amazon.com
Although I felt this book started out a little slow, I found this book to be an amazing read. It resonated so well with me between the couples used as examples and the tools/techniques that they suggest.

My husband and I have been seperated for a few months now and we go through peaks and valleys of where our communication stands. It's not easy, but this book always helps you to never waiver hope. They give examples of all different couples who go through various stages in their relationship/marriage and why they seperate or even divorce. Be it from addicition, infidelity to just growing apart. Of course, there are certain situations where the marriage can't be saved but more can be saved then not. It depends on what's most important to you. Since my situation began, I have been reading as many "fix your marriage" books that seem to grab me as I can. I have been very successful with my "library" so far and this book is certainly a must have for the collection. You can never get enough knowledge and it's amazing how a few simple changes in words make a huge impact.

I HIGHLY recommend this book. If you are looking to learn to change your patterned behaviors for yourself and your relationship this book will help you. Your spouse/partener does not have to read it with you. YOU can make significant changes within yourself that will just permeate onto your spouse.

My book is highlighted and dog-eared all over the place...yes...again, it was that good.

Other recommendations I have are John Gottman, Susan Page, Charlotte Kasl, Paul Friedman and Howard Markman.
22 internautes sur 25 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
4.0 étoiles sur 5 Lots of food for thought 27 octobre 2007
Par Denise McGhee - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format: Broché
I was a little discouraged when I started reading "Getting Back Together". In the early chapters, there were frequent references to partners that aren't speaking or won't accept phone calls. Thinking about reconciling when you can't even have a conversation with your partner seemed rather ridiculous.

The other thing I found disconcerting was the implication that when a couple decides to try again, the one that moved out immediately packs their bags and moves home. Don't get me wrong, the book addresses the soul searching and many changes that must take place in each individual prior to even considering a reconciliation, but it is only in the last chapter that a period of "dating" or being a couple without living together is even mentioned. I would have appreciated some practical advice on getting from the point of making the decision to pursue a reconciliation and moving back home.

Youngs uses a variety of couples as examples and they represent a broad spectrum of ages, situations and issues. No book is going to have an example that is exactly like your own situation, but I was able to identify with aspects of many of the relationships, and found something of value in almost all of them.

Even though I think my husband and I are beyond the first steps in her process, I thought the exercises were very helpful in capturing my thoughts, feelings, values and needs. I have a good understanding of my remaining issues and know the things that I need to discuss with my husband.

I'm the type that usually skips the exercises in self-help books, planning to return to them later or figuring that anything of value is gained from just reading the book. Because I have decided to put my marriage first, and I'm committed to making my reconciliation work, I went through each one, even when they began to feel a bit repetitive (probably because I read through it in two days). All in all, I found reading this book and working through the exercises to be well worth the time.
14 internautes sur 16 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 Its AMAZING! 9 décembre 2007
Par Amanda G. Underwood - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format: Broché
As a young, strong and independent woman, this book was perfect for me when I found out about my husbands affair. It didn't make me feel like a victim, and didn't make me feel bad about NOT wanting to get back together. I also bought it for my husband. Since we were not focused on getting back together, rather, bettering ourselves, we were able to decide if we wanted to be together in the long run. It is sooo important to focus on yourself when you are separated. If you focus on "saving" your marriage, you are already doomed. You must start over and if you CHOOSE to be together, you will be successful. If you want a book telling you how to "save" your marriage, look elsewhere. But if you want to regain and redifine who you are, this is the book for you.
5.0 étoiles sur 5 Great 7 février 2014
Par teola - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format: Broché Achat vérifié
I gave these away as a gift after my husband I read it. We were not broken up but just struggling in our marriage. This book really help and it became a project for us to read and understand each other further. It also showed us some mistakes that we made in the past. But it also shows you what to do if you don't get back together. Sometimes at the end of the day it just don't work out. Now what. This book explains what you should do to be able to move one. It should be retitled to read "Broken up What is the next step" (How to reconcile or move on).
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