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The Highly Sensitive Person in Love: Understanding and Managing Relationships When the World Overwhelms You (Anglais) Broché – 9 janvier 2001

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Description du produit

Extrait

Are You an HSP? Temperament, Love, and Sensitivity

"I fall in love so damn hard."

"I feel like an alien sometimes. Everyone else seems to be in a relationship. But what they call love just doesn't appeal to me."

"Investments, cars, sports, getting ahead at work—I don't say it, but I've zero interest in those things compared to my love for my wife."

When highly sensitive people (HSPs) confide about love, there is notable depth and intensity. They fall in love hard and they work hard on their close relationships. Yes, sometimes non-HSPs sound similarly enthralled and confused by love, but on the average, HSPs have a more soul-shaking underlying experience.

None of this is too surprising. As I said in the introduction, HSPs are that 15 to 20 percent of the population born with nervous systems that pick up on subtleties, reflect deeply, and therefore are easily overwhelmed. So of course an HSP in love notices every nuance of another, reflects deeply on the other's charms, and is overwhelmed by the whole experience.

Even if it's not surprising that HSPs have these reactions, how little has been said about it. People are reading about psychology more than ever—I think we are awakening to the fact that our happiness and the world's survival depend on a deeper knowledge of the psyche and of love in particular. And this very basic trait of sensitivity, along with the entire neglected topic of inherited temperament, are absolutely essential for that deeper knowledge. Yet the topic is largely ignored, as if it is undemocratic to say we are born different.

In this chapter we will thoroughly explore sensitivity as well as another inherited temperament trait, sensation seeking. At the end we will return to you as an HSP and what you need for yourself before we take up the concern of the rest of the book, your relationships with others.

WHAT TEMPERAMENT ARE YOU? TIME TO FIND OUT

If you haven't already, take the HSP Self-Test on page 11 and score it. Then take the Sensation Seeker Self-Test here and score that as well—I will explain more about what it measures later in the chapter. (Taking these tests before you read further means your answers will be less influenced.) By the way, HSPs can score high on both tests.

If you are in a relationship and your partner is willing to take the same tests, now would be a good time for your partner to take the second copy of each test, which I've provided for that purpose.

If your partner is not going to take the tests for some reason, you can fill them out, answering the questions as you think your partner would.

If you do not have a partner, you can fill them out as you imagine a past partner would have—someone you were once close to and want to think about as you read this book.

Are You a Sensation Seeker?

A Self-Test


Answer each question according to the way you feel. Answer true if it is at least somewhat true for you. Answer false if it is not very true or not at all true for you.

T F         If it were safe, I would like to take a drug that would cause me to have strange new experiences.

T F         I can become almost painfully bored in some conversations.

T F         I would rather go to a new place I may not like than go back again to a place I know I like.

T F         I would like to try a sport that creates a physical thrill, like skiing, rock climbing, or surfing.

T F         I get restless if I stay home for long.

T F         I don't like waiting with nothing to do.

T F         I rarely watch a movie more than once.

T F         I enjoy the unfamiliar.

T F         If I see something unusual, I will go out of my way to check it out.

T F         I get bored spending time with the same people everyday.

T F         My friends say it is hard to predict what I will want to do.

T F         I like to explore a new area.

T F         I avoid having a daily routine.

T F         I am drawn to art that gives me an intense experience.

T F         I like substances that make me feel "high."

T F         I prefer friends who are unpredictable.

T F         I look forward to being in a place that is new and strange to me.

T F         To me, if I am spending the money to travel, the more foreign the country the better.

T F         I would like to be an explorer.

T F         I enjoy it when someone makes an unexpected sexual joke or comment that starts everyone laughing a little nervously.

To score, see the box after the Partner Test.

Is Your Partner a Sensation Seeker?

A Self-Test to Be Completed by Your Partner


(If you are not in a relationship or your partner does not want to take this test, you can fill it out yourself, answering the questions as you would imagine your partner would, or as someone would whom you have been close to in the past and want to think about as you read this book.)

Answer each question according to the way you feel. Answer true if it is at least somewhat true for you. Answer false if it is not very true or not at all true for you.

T F         If it were safe, I would like to take a drug that would cause me to have strange new experiences.

T F         I can become almost painfully bored in some conversations.

T F         I would rather go to a new place I may not like than go back again to a place I know I like.

T F         I would like to try a sport that creates a physical thrill, like skiing, rock climbing, or surfing.

T F         I get restless if I stay home for long.

T F         I don't like waiting with nothing to do.

T F         I rarely watch a movie more than once.

T F         I enjoy the unfamiliar.

T F         If I see something unusual, I will go out of my way to check it out.

T F         I get bored spending time with the same people everyday.

T F         My friends say it is hard to predict what I will want to do.

T F         I like to explore a new area.

T F         I avoid having a daily routine.

T F         I am drawn to art that gives me an intense experience.

T F         I like substances that make me feel "high."

T F         I prefer friends who are unpredictable.

T F         I look forward to being in a place that is new and strange to me.

T F         To me, if I am spending the money to travel, the more foreign the country the better.

T F         I would like to be an explorer.

T F         I enjoy it when someone makes an unexpected sexual joke or comment that starts everyone laughing a little nervously.

Revue de presse

?The Highly Sensitive Person in Love gives relationships their proper basis in the inner life, and honors those who are by nature drawn to that life. This wonderful and important book will help the highly sensitive find peace and fulfillment in their relationships.?
--Robert Johnson, Doc.Hum., author of Inner Work and Balancing Heaven and Earth

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Format: Broché Achat vérifié
J'avais adoré lire la version française de The highly sensitive person (Mieux connaître l'hypersensibilité), et je me suis ensuite attelée à "The highly sensitive person in love", en anglais, vu qu'il n'a pas été traduit en français. J'ai encore une fois pu apprécier la richesse, la profondeur et la subtilité d'écriture d'Elaine Aron, qui connaît et comprend les personnes hypersensibles mieux que personne, après des années passées à les étudier et à s'observer elle-même. Elle donne de pertinents, précis, et précieux conseils pour gérer au mieux sa vie de couple, que la personne en face soit hypersensible ou pas. Elle analyse aussi très bien les difficultés que les HSP ont pu rencontrer dans leur enfance et leur milieu familial, et qui continuent souvent à polluer leurs relations sentimentales. J'ai trouvé particulièrement éclairants les apports sur les différents styles d'attachement créés dans l'enfance (secure, insecure... Cf. la théorie du psychanalyste anglais John Bowlby).

Elle ajoute une autre dimension à l'hypersensibilité: la possibilité d'être HSS, High Sensation Seeker (le besoin fréquent de stimulation, de changement) et le subtil équilibre à trouver quand on est à la fois HSP et HSS.

J'ai moins accroché avec le dernier chapitre sur la spiritualité, la rencontre avec le Soi via l'autre personne; je l'ai trouvé un peu trop abstrait et trop porté sur l'analyse des rêves selon les théories jungiennes.
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Amazon.com: 4.5 étoiles sur 5 106 commentaires
2 internautes sur 2 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
4.0 étoiles sur 5 Great read 23 avril 2017
Par multigrain - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format: Broché Achat vérifié
A great book for the highly sensitive adult or person in a relationship with one. I disagree with reviews that it elevates highly sensitive people over non-HSP, as she repeatedly states in the text that there are positives and negatives to both. She does highlight that the trait is genetically beneficial and not a mental health condition which is the most important message. Anxiety, depression, etc. are all diagnosed when this could be the actual underlying trait. A great read, though less fluid than the highly sensitive child
11 internautes sur 11 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 Better than therapy 14 novembre 2013
Par Mary D - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format: Format Kindle Achat vérifié
This book was better than hours of therapy with someone who doesn't understand the high sensitive nature of the client. It also gives you more resources for the next steps. I wish I had known of this information much earlier in our marriage. Some of the 47 years would have been a lot easier.
6 internautes sur 6 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 A wonderfully helpful book for anyone who is interested in relationship dynamics around the HSP 15 juin 2014
Par L. S. Tollman - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format: Broché Achat vérifié
After having read Dr. Aaron's first book,I wondered what more I could expect from another book on love relationships. I am pleased to say that I learned more about this topic of the highly sensitive person. Being a therapist, I have found her other books very helpful in working with clients. I alsodiscovered that I am a high sensation seeker. And this answered a lot of questions and confusion I have had around other aspects of my temperament. I highly recommend this book in addition to the first.
2 internautes sur 2 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 I finally feel like I'm understood by someone 3 novembre 2014
Par zoe - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format: Broché Achat vérifié
I finally feel like I'm understood by someone. And the best thing of all, is the author has HSP also. So things are not from another person's perspective, but from hers. She explains that I'm not some freak of nature, as a matter of fact, I should be proud of being so sensitive. I explained it to a friend and I think he's going to read the book too! I used it recently when I went for a trip. I didn't get over whelmed like I usually do, I didn't tire to where I couldn't do things the next day. It was great. It's def a different way of looking at things in life, a better way.
3 internautes sur 3 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 A must read for sensitives and those who love them. 5 novembre 2014
Par NDB - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format: Format Kindle Achat vérifié
An excellent sequel to the HSP, which I had read twice over the years. This book really explains the challenges and joys of being an HSP in love, whether or not your partner is an HSP as well. The original self-tests are included, and I loved the inclusion of the spiritual aspects of HSP relationships. Can't recommend it highly enough! Whether or not you are both HSPs, I would recommend that you both STUDY this book. I feel safe in guaranteeing that your relationship will reap the benefits.
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