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How Can I Get Through to You?: Closing the Intimacy Gap Between Men and Women (Anglais) Broché – 7 janvier 2003

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Descriptions du produit

Revue de presse

Cheryl Richardson author of Take Time for Your Life and Life Makeovers How Can I Get Through to You? is not a Band-Aid, it's a revolution -- a poignant and masterful guide that will heal our loneliness and isolation by empowering us to reawaken the natural state of closeness we all long for....I strongly urge you to read this life-changing book.

Présentation de l'éditeur

"What happened to the passion we started with?
Why aren't we as close as we used to be?"

PROBLEM: If you are a woman who is unfulfilled in your marriage...if you feel unheard or overburdened...if you quietly live in a state of slow-burn resentment...
PROBLEM: If you are a man unhappy that your partner seems so unhappy with you...if you feel bewildered, unappreciated, or betrayed...

This book offers a solution

Bestselling author and nationally renowned therapist Terrence Real unearths the causes of communication blocks between men and women in this groundbreaking work. Relationships are in trouble; the demand for intimacy today must be met with new skills, and Real -- drawing on his pioneering work on male depression -- gives both men and women those skills, empowering women and connecting men, radically reversing the attitudes and emotional stumbling blocks of the patriarchal culture in which we were raised. Filled with powerful stories of the couples Real treats, no other relationship book is as straight talking or compelling in its innovative approach to healing wounds and reconnecting partners with a new strength and understanding.

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Format: Broché
En examinant de près la genèse de certains schémas dans les relations homme-femme, ce livre aide à comprendre le rôle de la honte dans les conflits, l'importance des mentalités -- pas si vieilles -- patriarchales, et la résponsabilité souvent niée des hommes dans la dissolution du couple. Ce livre peut aider les couples à mieux comprendre certains dynamiques stéréotypées, et aider les psychothérapeutes à confronter les hommes en connaissance de cause.
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Commentaires client les plus utiles sur Amazon.com (beta)

Amazon.com: HASH(0x933f28e8) étoiles sur 5 63 commentaires
122 internautes sur 129 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
HASH(0x931fb480) étoiles sur 5 This is work that we all need to do 22 janvier 2002
Par Ed Shea - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format: Relié
After 30 years as a licensed Marriage and Family counselor, I now
make it a point to recommend _How Can I Get Through to You?
(Reconnecting Men and Women)_ to every couple in my practice. As
a man, husband (32 years) and father (of a son and daughter), I
credit this book with changing my life.

Although I have seen these issues play out over three decades of
leading partners through couples therapy, the wisdom and insights
that I've gleaned from this book have offered me a new
perspective from which to help couples help themselves.

Terrence Real speaks of the breakdown of couple relationships as
a mirror of societal gender conflict. We (patriarchal culture)
socialize boys to be competitive and girls to be compliant. When
men and women become joined in marriage, it is a union of two
different species. However Real moves beyond merely describing
the differences between men and women by recommending a radical
course of bringing the genders back into balance - and wholeness.
He refers to this as 1) empowering the woman and 2) reconnecting
the man. This core concept really speaks to me for I find that
the majority of the couples in my practice are living examples of
the corrupted communication patterns that Real describes through
his model and illustrates so well in case studies.

The greatest insight that I received from this material is an
understanding of the profound impact of the early disconnection
of men. As Real explains, both girls and boys are severely
wounded during the socialization process - but the damage to
boys is more significant because their disconnect (from
relationship, from their feelings and from all that is considered
"feminine") occurs at such an early (between 3 and 5 years) age.
I and all men walk around this planet with covert depression
because of the parts of us that got lost.

In my work with couples, I emphasize the skills of healthy
relating with the insights presented in this book as background. I now have a deeper understanding of where each party is coming from and I can better see their gifts, honor their wounds and hold a vision of what may be possible for them. In this way, I seek to empower the couple - by being the orchestrator who holds the sacred space for a more fulfilling relationship.
One of Real's most powerful contributions is his notion of the
five key Relational Skills. As I have seen in my practice, these
skills can be taught to and internalized by both parties in a
relationship." I've seen evidenced, internalized by both parties.
When a couple has the core skills and an intention to replace the
"control, revenge, resignation syndrome" with "harmony,
disharmony, repair", the future is much, much brighter.

This is work we all need to do.
52 internautes sur 54 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
HASH(0x931fb4d4) étoiles sur 5 THIS BOOK MAY HAVE SAVED MY MARRIAGE!! 14 janvier 2002
Par Elizabeth - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format: Relié
I have read everything out there to try and salvage an eighteen year relationship. I saw myself and my husband on every page of this book. It was amazing. For the first time I understood what was going on and why it has been so hard to talk to each other. I gave this book to my husband and insisted that we read it together and we actually talked about it.
This is the smartest book on couples I have ever read. It explains why so many men and women have so much trouble. It's full of ideas about how to make it better. The stories made me laugh and sometimes even cry, like a good novel. I loved every minute of it. And it's just brimming over with casual comments that are so profound. Like this - "The great paradox of intimacy is that in order to sustain closeness we have to be capable of bearing solitude inside the relationship." Or what Terry calls, "normal marital hatred." There are a million of these. I honestly can say I'd like to see everyone who wants their relationship to work to read this. It should be passed out along with marriage licenses. It is far and away the best thing I have ever found. Thank you!
51 internautes sur 55 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
HASH(0x931fb90c) étoiles sur 5 Dont read the book without a highlighter .... 8 novembre 2002
Par Say Grace - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format: Relié
because, Im telling you... you will be sorry like I am now, going through the book the second time with a yellow highlighter (use the color of your choice,blue, pink whatever) On the other hand if you read Real's other book "I Dont want to Talk about It" first (but I'm not talking about it now) and then read this book you will receive an education of a lifetime, especially if your married and would like to stay that way. The part about greiving for what you dont have in your marriage was especially critical to me, but there is SO much! I'm astounded that there are so few reviews here... I can really relate to the parts about Reals own marriage too. Excellent..10 stars!
21 internautes sur 21 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
HASH(0x931fbcd8) étoiles sur 5 Well written and insightful - best purchase I've made in yrs 26 avril 2005
Par Shannon - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format: Broché
I picked up this book right after starting therapy for depression which has plagued me most of my life. I wanted help in finding a way to reconnect to my husband so we could both benefit as much as possible from therapy.

First of all, I was surprised to find this 'self-help book' to be a real page turner. This book isn't only insightful, it's masterfully written with wonderful imagery that pulls you into the stories of Terry's clients and his own life. The book doesn't just tell you how to fix your problems, it provides characters and situations you can relate to.

This book provided so much more than I'd expected. Though it didn't give simple solutions to my particular relationship problems, it opened my mind to HOW relationships and our society work. I don't think you should pick up this book expecting an easy answer to getting through to your man. It simply gives you the tools to look at your relationship differently, and understand how our culture has crippled men's ability to relate to others emotionally.

Unlike some of the reviews I've read, I didn't find this book to be 'man bashing' at all. I wonder if those who thought of it that way even finished the book. Terry simply addresses the fact that men have learned to shut off their emotions as a defence against our culture's expectations while women are expected to learn to deal with emotional situations such as relationships. After reading this book, I immediately felt more forgiving and understanding of the men in my life and the harsh realities they're faced with. I no longer felt the need to blame my husband for the difficulty he often has relating to me emotionally, and that to 'get through' to him, I'm the one who has to change my approach rather than expecting HIM to change.

After finishing this book, I immediately picked up Terry's first book, "I Don't Want to Talk About It" which is just as good, if not better. Even if it's focused on depression in men, I found it to be a very helpful tool in dealing with my emotional problems as well. I highly recommend both.
16 internautes sur 16 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
HASH(0x931fbdbc) étoiles sur 5 Real reads like a great novel - you can't put it down. 12 juin 2002
Par Barbara Brennan - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format: Relié
Where was this book when I was in marriage counseling in the 70's? My husband and I were drinking and never, not once, did our therapist ask us if we had any addictions. Take away the alcohol and you're left with the depressed couple who have no clue how to talk to each other, let alone repair any day-to-day damage they have inflicted on their relationship. I found myself highlighting page after page saying to myself "Oh my God, this is me and my partner. Now I get it." This book is to be read slowly and carefully so you can understand, for the first time in your life, what is going on. Don't get married without it.
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