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Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life (Anglais) Broché – 23 décembre 2003

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Descriptions du produit



The more clearly you understand yourself and your emotions, the more you become a lover of what is. --
Baruch Spinoza

The first time I watched The Work, I realized that I was witnessing something truly remarkable. What I saw was a succession of people, young and old, educated and uneducated, who were learning to question their own thoughts, the thoughts that were most painful to them. With the lovingly incisive help of Byron Katie (everyone calls her Katie), these people were finding their way not only toward the resolution of their immediate problems, but also toward a state of mind in which the deepest questions are resolved. I have spent a good part of my life studying and translating the classic texts of the great spiritual traditions, and I recognized something very similar in process here. At the core of these traditions -- in works such as the Book of Job, the Tao Te Ching, and the Bhagavad Gita -- there is an intense questioning about life and death, and a profound, joyful wisdom that emerges as an answer. That wisdom, it seemed to me, was the place Katie was standing in, and the direction where these people were headed.

As I watched from my seat in a crowded community center, five men and women, one after another, were learning freedom through the very thoughts that had caused their suffering, thoughts such as "My husband betrayed me" or "My mother doesn't love me enough." Simply by asking four questions and listening to the answers they found inside themselves, these people were opening their minds to profound, spacious, and life-transforming insights. I saw a man who had been suffering for decades from anger and resentment toward his alcoholic father light up before my eyes within forty-five minutes. I saw a woman who had been almost too frightened to speak, because she had just found out that her cancer was spreading, end the session in a glow of understanding and acceptance. Three out of the five people had never done The Work before, yet the process didn't seem to be more difficult for them than it was for the other two, nor were their realizations any less profound. They all began by realizing a truth so basic that it is usually invisible: the fact that (in the words of the Greek philosopher Epictetus) "we are disturbed not by what happens to us, but by our thoughts about what happens." As soon as they grasped that truth, their whole understanding changed.

Before people have experienced The Work of Byron Katie for themselves, they often think that it is too simple to be effective. But its simplicity is precisely what makes it so effective. Over the past two years, since first encountering it and meeting Katie, I have done The Work many times, on thoughts I hadn't even been aware of. And I've watched more than a thousand people do it in public events across the United States and Europe, on the whole gamut of human problems: from major illnesses, the deaths of parents and children, sexual and psychological abuse, addictions, financial insecurity, professional problems, and social issues to the usual frustrations of daily life. (Having a reserved seat at all Katie's events is one of the privileges of being married to her.) Again and again, I have seen The Work quickly and radically transform the way people think about their problems. And as the thinking changes, the problems disappear.

"Suffering is optional," Katie says. Whenever we experience a stressful feeling -- anything from mild discomfort to intense sorrow, rage, or despair -- we can be certain that there is a specific thought causing our reaction, whether or not we are conscious of it. The way to end our stress is to investigate the thinking that lies behind it, and anyone can do this by himself with a piece of paper and a pen. The Work's four questions, which you will see in context later in this introduction, reveal where our thinking isn't true for us. Through this process -- Katie also calls it "inquiry" -- we discover that all the concepts and judgments that we believe or take for granted are distortions of things as they really are. When we believe our thoughts instead of what is really true for us, we experience the kinds of emotional distress that we call suffering. Suffering is a natural alarm, warning us that we're attaching to a thought; when we don't listen, we come to accept this suffering as an inevitable part of life. It's not.

The Work has striking similarities with the Zen koan and the Socratic dialogue. But it doesn't stem from any tradition, Eastern or Western. It is American, homegrown, and mainstream, having originated in the mind of an ordinary woman who had no intention of originating anything.


To realize your true nature, you must wait for the right moment and the right conditions. When the time comes, you are awakened as if from a dream. You understand that what you have found is your own and doesn't come from anywhere outside.

Buddhist Sutra

The Work was born on a February morning in 1986 when Byron Kathleen Reid, a forty-three-year-old woman from a small town in the high desert of southern California, woke up on the floor of a halfway house.

In the midst of an ordinary life -- two marriages, three children, a successful career -- Katie had entered a ten-year-long downward spiral into rage, paranoia, and despair. For two years she was so depressed that she could seldom manage to leave her house; she stayed in bed for weeks at a time, doing business by telephone from her bedroom, unable even to bathe or brush her teeth. Her children would tiptoe past her door to avoid her outbursts of rage. Finally, she checked in to a halfway house for women with eating disorders, the only facility that her insurance company would pay for. The other residents were so frightened of her that she was placed alone in an attic room.

One morning, a week or so later, as she lay on the floor (she had been feeling too unworthy to sleep in a bed), Katie woke up without any concepts of who or what she was. "There was no me," she says.

All my rage, all the thoughts that had been troubling me, my whole world, the whole world, was gone. At the same time, laughter welled up from the depths and just poured out. Everything was unrecognizable. It was as if something else had woken up. It opened its eyes. It was looking through Katie's eyes. And it was so delighted! It was intoxicated with joy. There was nothing separate, nothing unacceptable to it; everything was its very own self.

When Katie returned home, her family and friends felt that she was a different person. Her daughter, Roxann, who was sixteen at the time, says,

We knew that the constant storm was over. She had always yelled at me and my brothers and criticized us; I used to be scared to be in the same room with her. Now she seemed completely peaceful. She would sit still for hours on the window seat or out in the desert. She was joyful and innocent, like a child, and she seemed to be filled with love. People in trouble started knocking on our door, asking her for help. She'd sit with them and ask them questions -- mainly, "Is that true?" When I'd come home miserable, with a problem like "My boyfriend doesn't love me anymore," Mom would look at me as if she knew that wasn't possible, and she'd ask me, "Honey, how could that be true?" as if I had just told her that we were living in China.

Once people understood that the old Katie wasn't coming back, they began to speculate about what had happened to her. Had some miracle occurred? She wasn't much help to them: It was a long time before she could describe her experience intelligibly. She would talk about a freedom that had woken up inside her. She also said that, through an inner questioning, she had realized that all her old thoughts were untrue.

Shortly after Katie got back from the halfway house, her home began to fill with people who had heard about her and had come to learn. She was able to communicate her inner inquiry in the form of specific questions that anyone who wanted freedom could apply on his own, without her. Soon she began to be invited to meet with small gatherings in people's living rooms. Her hosts often asked her if she was "enlightened." She would answer, "I'm just someone who knows the difference between what hurts and what doesn't."

In 1992 she was invited to northern California, and The Work spread very fast from there. Katie accepted every invitation. She has been on the road almost constantly since 1993, demonstrating The Work in church basements, community centers, and hotel meeting rooms, in front of small and large audiences (admission is always free). And The Work has found its way into all kinds of organizations, from corporations, law firms, and therapists' offices to hospitals, prisons, churches, and schools. It is now popular in other parts of the world where Katie has traveled. All across America and Europe, there are groups of people who meet regularly to do The Work.

Katie often says that the only way to understand The Work is to experience it. But it's worth noting that inquiry fits precisely with current research into the biology of mind. Contemporary neuroscience identifies a particular part of the brain, sometimes called "the interpreter," as the source of the familiar internal narrative that gives us our sense of self. Two prominent neuroscientists have recently characterized the quirky, undependable quality of the tale told by the interpreter. Antonio Damasio describes it this way: "Perhaps the most important revelation is precisely this: that the left cerebral hemisphere of humans is prone to fabricating verbal narratives that do not necessarily accord with the truth." And Michael Gazzaniga writes: "The left brain weaves its story in order to convince itself and you that it is in full control. . . . What is so adaptive about having what amounts to a spin doctor in the left brain? The interpreter is really trying to keep our personal story together. To do that, we have to learn to lie to ourselves." These insights, based on solid experimental work, show that we tend to believe our own press releases. Often when we think we're being rational, we're being spun by our own thinking. That trait explains how we get ourselves into the painful positions that Katie recognized in her own suffering. The self-questioning she discovered uses a different, less-known capacity of the mind to find a way out of its self-made trap.

After doing The Work, many people report an immediate sense of release and freedom from thoughts that were making them miserable. But if The Work depended on a momentary experience, it would be far less useful than it is. The Work is an ongoing and deepening process of self-realization, not a quick fix. "It's more than a technique," Katie says. "It brings to life, from deep within us, an innate aspect of our being."

The deeper you go into The Work, the more powerful you realize it is.

People who have been practicing inquiry for a while often say, "The Work is no longer something I do. It is doing me." They describe how, without any conscious intention, the mind notices each stressful thought and undoes it before it can cause any suffering. Their internal argument with reality has disappeared, and they find that what remains is love -- love for themselves, for other people, and for whatever life brings. The title of this book describes their experience: Loving what is becomes as easy and natural as breathing.


Considering that, all hatred driven hence,
The [mind] recovers radical innocence
And learns at last that it is self-delighting,
Self-appeasing, self-affrighting,
And that its own sweet will is Heaven's will.

-- William Butler Yeats

I have waited until now to introduce the four questions to you, because they don't make much sense out of context. The best way to meet them is to see how they function in an actual example of The Work. You'll also meet what Katie calls the "turnaround," which is a way of looking at reversed versions of a statement that you believe.

The following dialogue with Katie took place before an audience of about two hundred people. Mary, the woman who is sitting opposite Katie on the stage, has filled out a one-page Worksheet that asked her to write down her thoughts about someone who upsets her. The instructions are: "Allow yourself to be as judgmental and petty as you really feel. Don't try to be 'spiritual' or kind." The pettier we can be when writing, the more likely it is that we'll benefit from The Work. You'll see that Mary hasn't held back at all. She is a forceful woman, perhaps forty years old, slim, attractive, and dressed in expensive-looking exercise clothes. At the beginning of the dialogue, her anger and impatience are palpable.

A first experience of The Work, as a reader or onlooker, can be uncomfortable. It helps to remember that all the participants -- Mary, Katie, and the audience -- are on the same side here; all of them are looking for the truth. If Katie ever seems to be mocking or derisive, you'll notice that she's making fun of the thought that is causing Mary's suffering, never of Mary herself.

Toward the middle of the dialogue, when Katie asks, "Do you really want to know the truth?" she doesn't mean her truth, or any abstract, predetermined truth, but Mary's truth, the truth that is hidden behind her troubling thoughts. Mary has entered the dialogue in the first place because she trusts that Katie can help her discover where she is lying to herself. She welcomes Katie's persistence.

You'll also notice right away that Katie is very free in her use of terms of endearment. One CEO, before a workshop that Katie gave to his top executives, felt that he had to issue a warning: "If she holds your hand and calls you 'sweetheart' or 'honey,' please don't get excited. She does this with everyone."

Mary [reading the statements from her Worksheet]: I hate my husband because he drives me crazy -- everything about him, including the way he breathes. What disappoints me is that I don't love him anymore, and our relationship is a charade. I want him to be more successful, to not want to have sex with me, to get in shape, to get a life outside of me and the children, to not touch me anymore, and to be powerful. My husband shouldn't fool himself that he's good at our business. He should create more success. My husband is a wimp. He's needy and lazy. He's fooling himself. I refuse to keep living a lie. I refuse to keep living my relationship as an imposter.

Katie: Does that pretty well sum it up? [The audience bursts into laughter, and Mary laughs along with them.] By the sound of the laughter, it seems as though you speak for a lot of people in this room. So, let's start at the top and see if we can begin to understand what's going on.

Mary: I hate my husband because he drives me crazy -- everything about him, including the way he breathes.

Katie: "Your husband drives you crazy" -- is it true? [This is the first of the four questions: Is it true?]

Mary: Yes.

Katie: Okay. What's an example of that, sweetheart? He breathes?

Mary: He breathes. When we're doing conference calls for our business, I can hear his breath on the other end of the telephone, and I want to scream.

Katie: So, "His breath drives you crazy" -- is that true?

Mary: Yes.

Katie: Can you absolutely know that that's true? [The second question: Can you absolutely know that it's true?]

Mary: Yes!

Katie: We can all relate to that. I hear that it really is true for you. In my experience, it can't be your husband's breath that's driving you crazy; it has to be your thoughts about his breath that are driving you crazy. So let's take a closer look and see if that's true. What are your thoughts about his breath on the phone?

Mary: That he should be more aware that he's breathing loudly during a conference call.

Katie: How do you react when you think that thought? [The third question: How do you react when you think that thought?]

Mary: I feel like I want to kill him.

Katie: So what's more painful -- the thought you attach to about his breathing or his breathing?

Mary: The breathing is more painful. I'm comfortable with the thought that I want to kill him. [Mary laughs, and so does the audience.]

Katie: You can keep that thought. That's the beautiful thing about The Work. You can keep all your thoughts.

Mary: I've never done The Work before, so I don't know any of the "right" answers.

Katie: Your answers are perfect, sweetheart. Don't rehearse. So he's breathing on the phone and you have the thought that he should be more aware, and he's not. What's the next thought?

Mary: It brings up every terrible thought I have about him.

Katie: Okay, and he's still breathing. "He should stop breathing into the phone on the conference call" -- what's the reality of it? Does he?

Mary: No. I've told him to stop.

Katie: And he still does it. That's reality. What's true is always what's happening, not the story about what should be happening. "He should stop breathing on the phone" -- is it true?

Mary [after a pause]: No. It's not true. He's doing it. That's what's true. That's reality.

Katie: So how do you react when you think the thought that he should stop breathing on the phone, and he doesn't?

Mary: How do I react? I want out. It feels uncomfortable because I know I want out and I know I'm not going anywhere.

Katie: Let's move back to inquiry, honey, rather than moving further into your story, your interpretation of what's happening. Do you really want to know the truth?

Mary: Yes.

Katie: Okay. It helps if we stick to one written statement at a time. Can you see a reason to drop the thought that he should stop breathing on the phone? [This is an additional question that Katie sometimes asks.] For those of you new to The Work, if you hear that I'm asking Mary to drop her story, let me make it very clear: I'm not. This is not about getting rid of thoughts or about overcoming, improving, or surrendering them. None of that. This is about realizing for yourself internal cause and effect. The question is simply "Can you see a reason to drop this thought?"

Mary: Yes, I can. It would be a lot more enjoyable to do conference calls without this thought.

Katie: That's a good reason. Can you find a stress-free reason to keep this thought, this lie, that he should stop breathing on the phone? [A second additional question]

Mary: No.

Katie: Who would you be without that thought? [The fourth question: Who would you be without the thought?] Who would you be, while you're on a conference call with your husband, if you didn't have the ability to think that thought?

Mary: I'd be much happier. I'd be more powerful. I wouldn't be distracted.

Katie: Yes, sweetheart. That's it. It's not his breathing that is causing your problem. It's your thoughts about his breathing, because you haven't investigated them to see that they oppose reality in the moment. Let's look at your next statement.

Mary: I don't love him anymore.

Katie: Is that true?

Mary: Yes.

Katie: Okay. Good. I hear that, and do you really want to know the truth?

Mary: Yes.

: Okay. Be still. There's no right or wrong answer. "You don't love him" -- is that true? [Mary is silent.] If you had to answer honestly either yes or no, right now, and you had to live forever with your answer -- your truth or your lie -- what would your answer be? "You don't love him" -- is that true? [There is a long pause. Then Mary begins to cry.]

Mary: No. It's not true.

Katie: That's a very courageous answer. If we answer it that way, with what's really true for ourselves, we think that there may be no way out. "Is it true?" is just a question! We're terrified to answer the simplest question honestly, because we project what that may mean in the imagined future. We think we have to do something about it. How do you react when you believe the thought that you don't love him?

Mary: It makes my whole life a stupid charade.

Katie: Can you see a reason to drop this thought that you don't love him? And I'm not asking you to drop the thought.

Mary: Yes, I can see a reason to drop it.

Katie: Can you think of one stress-free reason to keep the thought?

Mary [after a long pause]: I think if I keep my story, then I can keep him from wanting to have sex all the time.

Katie: Is that a stress-free reason? It seems stressful to me.

Mary: I guess it is.

Katie: Can you find one stress-free reason to keep that thought?

Mary: Oh, I see. No. There aren't any stress-free reasons to keep the story.

Katie: Fascinating. Who would you be, standing with your husband, without the thought that you don't love him?

Mary: It would be great. It would be fabulous. That's what I want.

Katie: I'm hearing that with the thought, it's stressful. And without the thought, it's fabulous. So what does your husband have to do with your unhappiness? We're just noticing here. So, "I don't love my husband" -- turn it around. [After the four questions comes the turnaround.]

Mary: I do love my husband.

Katie: Feel it. It has nothing to do with him, does it?

Mary: No. It really doesn't. I do love my husband, and you're right, it doesn't have anything to do with him.

Katie: And sometimes you think you hate him, and that doesn't have anything to do with him, either. The man's just breathing. You tell the story that you love him, or you tell the story that you hate him. It doesn't take two people to have a happy marriage. It only takes one: you! There's another turnaround.

Mary: I don't love myself. I can relate to that one.

Katie: And you may think that if you divorce him, then you'll feel good. But if you haven't investigated your thinking, you'll attach these same concepts onto whoever comes into your life next. We don't attach to people or to things; we attach to uninvestigated concepts that we believe to be true in the moment. Let's look at the next statement on your Worksheet.

Mary: I want my husband not to be needy, not to be dependent on me, to be more successful, to not want to have sex with me, to get in shape, to get a life outside of me and the children, and to be more powerful. Those are just a few.

Katie: Let's turn that whole statement around.

Mary: I want me not to be needy. I want me not to be dependent on him. I want me to be more successful. I want me to want to have sex with him. I want me to get in shape. I want me to get a life outside of him and the children. I want me to be more powerful.

Katie: So, "He shouldn't be needy" -- is it true? What's the reality of it? Is he?

Mary: He's needy.

Katie: "He shouldn't be needy" is a lie, because the guy is needy, according to you. So, how do you react when you think the thought "He shouldn't be needy," and in your reality he is needy?

Mary: I just want to run away all the time.

Katie: Who would you be in his presence without the thought "He shouldn't be needy"?

Mary: What I just understood is that I could be with him in a space of love, instead of just having my defenses up. It's like if I notice any bit of neediness, I'm out of there. I've got to run. That's what I do with my life.

Katie: When he's acting needy, in your opinion, you don't say no honestly. You run away or want to run away instead of being honest with yourself and him.

Mary: That's true.

Katie: Well, it would have to be. You have to call him needy until you can get some clarity and honest communication going with yourself. So let's be clear. You be him and be very needy. I'll take the role of clarity.

Mary: Mr. Needy comes in and says, "I just had the best phone call. You've got to hear about it. It was this guy, and he's going to be fabulous in the business. And I had another call. . . ." You know, he just goes on and on. Meanwhile, I'm busy. I've got a deadline.

Katie: "Sweetheart, I hear that you had a wonderful phone call. I love that, and I would also like you to leave the room now. I have a deadline to meet."

Mary: "We have to talk about our plans. When are we going to Hawaii? We have to figure out what airlines . . ."

Katie: "I hear that you want to talk about our plans for Hawaii, so let's discuss this at dinner tonight. I really want you to leave the room now. I have a deadline to meet."

Mary: "If one of your girlfriends called, you would talk to her for an hour. Now you can't listen to me for two minutes?"

Katie: "You could be right, and I want you to leave the room now. It may sound cold, but it's not. I just have a deadline to meet."

Mary: I don't do it like that. Usually I'm mean to him. I just seethe.

Katie: You have to be mean, because you're afraid to tell the truth and say no. You don't say, "Sweetheart, I would like you to leave. I have a deadline," because you want something from him. What scam are you running on yourself and on him? What do you want from him?

Mary: I am never straightforward with anybody.

Katie: Because you want something from us. What is it?

Mary: I can't stand when somebody doesn't like me. I don't want disharmony.

Katie: So you want our approval.

Mary: Yes, and I want to maintain harmony.

Katie: Sweetheart, "If your husband approves of what you say and what you do, then there is harmony in your home" -- is that true? Does it work? Is there harmony in your home?

Mary: No.

: You trade your integrity for harmony in the home. It doesn't work. Spare yourself from seeking love, approval, or appreciation -- from anyone. And watch what happens in reality, just for fun. Read your statement again.

Mary: I want my husband not to be needy.

Katie: All right. Turn it around.

Mary: I want me not to be needy.

Katie: Yes, you need all this harmony. You need his approval. You need his breathing to change. You need his sexuality to change for you. Who's the needy one? Who is dependent on whom? So let's turn the whole list around.

Mary: I want myself not to be needy, not to be dependent . . .

Katie: On your husband, perhaps?

Mary: I want myself to be more successful. I want myself to not want to have sex with me.

Katie: That one could be really legitimate if you sit with it. How many times do you tell the story of how he has sex with you and you hate it?

Mary: Constantly.

Katie: Yes. You're having sex with him in your mind and thinking how terrible that is. You tell the story, over and over, of what it's like having sex with your husband. That story is what's repelling you, not your husband. Sex without a story has never repelled anyone. It just is what it is. You're having sex or you're not. It's our thoughts about sex that repel us. Write that one out too, honey. You could write a whole Worksheet on your husband and sexuality.

Mary: I get it.

Katie: Okay, turn the next statement around.

Mary: I want me to get in shape. But I am in shape.

Katie: Oh, really? How about mentally?

Mary: Oh. I could work on that.

Katie: Are you doing the best you can?

Mary: Yes.

Katie: Well, maybe he is, too. "He's supposed to be in shape" -- is that true?

: No. He's not in shape.

Katie: How do you react when you believe the thought that he should be in shape, and he's not? How do you treat him? What do you say? What do you do?

Mary: Everything is subtle. I show him my muscles. I don't ever look at him with approval. I don't ever admire him. I don't ever do anything kind in that direction.

Katie: Okay, close your eyes. Look at yourself looking at him that way. Now look at his face. [There is a pause. Mary sighs.] Keep your eyes closed. Look at him again. Who would you be, standing there with him, without the thought that he should be in shape?

Mary: I would look at him and see how handsome he is.

Katie: Yes, angel. And you'd see how much you love him. Isn't that fascinating? This is very exciting. So let's just be there a moment. Look at how you treat him, and he still wants to go to Hawaii with you. That's amazing!

Mary: What's amazing about this guy is that I am so horrible and mean, and he loves me without conditions. It drives me nuts.

Katie: "He drives you nuts" -- is that true?

Mary: No. So far, it's been my thinking that drives me nuts.

Katie: So let's go back. "He should get in shape" -- turn it around.

Mary: I should get in shape. I should get my thinking in shape.

Katie: Yes. Every time you look at him and are repulsed, get your thinking in shape. Judge your husband, write it down, ask four questions, and turn it around. But only if you are tired of the pain. Okay, honey, I think you've got it. Just continue through the rest of the statements on your Worksheet in the same manner. I love sitting with you. And welcome to inquiry. Welcome to The Work.


Step aside from all thinking,
and there is nowhere you can't go.

-- Seng-ts'an (the Third Founding Teacher of Zen)

In Loving What Is, Katie has given you everything you need in order to do The Work by yourself or with others. The book will guide you, step by step, through the whole process, and along the way it will show you many people doing The Work directly with Katie. These one-on-one dialogues, in which Katie brings her clarity to the most complicated human problems, are examples -- dramatic examples, some of them -- of how ordinary people can find their own freedom through inquiry.

Stephen Mitchell

Revue de presse

“Good Lord! Where did Byron Katie come from? She’s the real McCoy. Her Work is amazingly effective—a simple, straightforward antidote to the suffering we unnecessarily create for ourselves. She asks us to believe nothing, but provides a surprisingly effective and simple way to cut through the tangle of delusions we wrap ourselves in. Just reading the exchanges in Loving What Is, I can admit things I didn’t want to admit and stop torturing myself in ways I didn’t realize I was doing.” -- David Chadwick, author of Crooked Cucumber: The Life and Zen Teaching of Shunryu Suzuki

“Suppose you could find a simple way to embrace your life with joy, stop arguing with reality, and achieve serenity in the midst of chaos? That is what Loving What Is offers. It is no less than a revolutionary way to live your life. The question is: are we brave enough to accept it?” -- Erica Jong, author of Fear of Flying

“Byron Katie’s Work is a great blessing for our planet. The root cause of suffering is identification with our thoughts, the ‘stories’ that are continuously running through our minds. Byron Katie’s Work acts like a razor-sharp sword that cuts through that illusion and enables you to know for yourself the timeless essence of your being. Joy, peace, and love emanate from it as your natural state. In Loving What Is, you have the key. Now use it.” -- Eckhart Tolle, author of The Power of Now

“Loving What Is is filled with the essence of wisdom. Katie’s Work is a wonderful, transformative practice for anyone interested in spiritual growth.” -- Lama Surya Das, author of Awakening the Buddha Within

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Par Mafalda 54 TOP 1000 COMMENTATEURS le 25 septembre 2015
Format: Broché Achat vérifié
An excellent first step into our unconscious thoughts and hidden behaviors, most of which make us sick. Byron Katie has built up an easy to use questionaire (to be used after reading this book) and her thoughtfulness and generosity are palpable throughout this reading.
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Format: Format Kindle Achat vérifié
Lorsque j'ai passé des moments très difficiles dans ma vie, ce livre a été un rocher. La méthode est gratuite et accessible sur le site de l'auteur, en anglais ou en français. Il y a de nombreuses vidéos sur Youtube. Et je pense que le livre apporte de nombreuses précisions complémentaires pour faire ce qu'elle appelle le "Travail".
Je ne peux que recommander ce livre.
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Par Mag S. le 27 novembre 2010
Format: Broché Achat vérifié
très bon; permet de voir les choses sous un autre angle et de sortir enfin de nos consciences de victimes. à lire par tous ceux qui sont prêts à prendre la responsabilité de leurs vies.
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j'ai dû annuler ma commande, puis ayant reçu le livre tout de suite après répondre à des tas de courriels et annuler mon annulation etc etc de plus le livre n'est pas finalement très interessant. D'habitude je suis satisfaite de mes commandes sur amazon. Cette commande est donc l'exception qui confirme la règle...
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Commentaires client les plus utiles sur Amazon.com (beta)

Amazon.com: HASH(0x8f9bafcc) étoiles sur 5 796 commentaires
337 internautes sur 356 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
HASH(0x8fc947d4) étoiles sur 5 do you want to suffer a lot less? 28 décembre 2003
Par Applying What I Read - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format: Relié Achat vérifié
This book doesn't tell you what's what. It has no real philosophy in it. It simply gives you a simple way to discover your own truth.
I was very skeptical about even reading this book. Somehow I ordered it and it sat around in my collection of thousands of books. I was searching for a "spiritual solution" to my feeling terrible and this was one of many books I ordered.
Then one day, in emotional pain, I picked it up after reading many others. I started reading it.
I read and re-read. I went each chapter again and again and again.
A year and a half later, it is the only self-help book that I really care about. I have done "The Work" many many times and made it a part of me. I have purchased audio tapes of other people doing The Work.
My wife has asked me for help in The Work and my son also.
Here is what has happened to me: I suffer much less. I view every challenge in life as an opportunity for deeper self-realization. I am more comfortable with myself and my life. Things bother me less and less.
Bottom line: I am more in love with the truth than I ever was. I am still less than honest but I am more honest than I was, and loving the truth more and more as time goes on.
The truth does appear to set me free. Reading this book can help you see the truth for you. If you are interested then read this book.
94 internautes sur 96 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
HASH(0x8fc843c0) étoiles sur 5 Loving and Ending Suffering 19 novembre 2014
Par Kyle - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format: Format Kindle
Suffering comes in all shapes and sizes, but one of the key components of suffering is often fear. I have often experienced fear and anxiety in a variety of situations, even though I knew my worries were unfounded and irrational. I often ruminated on my problems to the point where I felt like I was constantly having an anxiety attack. I turned to things like alcohol and other drugs to keep my mind off the problem at hand, but that only delayed the inevitable. When I would sober up, the problem was still there and I would have not made any progress on solving it. This book details a simple, step-by-step guide on how to go through "The Work" toward healing and ending suffering. It has literally been a lifesaver for me. It is practical and actionable, and I use these methods in my everyday life.

I also found 21 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy. It is a book that is just as practical and actionable as Loving What Is, but it takes a slightly different approach. It posits that giving up concepts and ideas is the best way to achieve happiness. Using advice in this book along with "The Work," I have been able to clear my head and focus on my goals. I no longer worry about what other people think, and I've started planning my life more around concrete goals and less around the aimless wander. 21 Thing You Should Give Up To Be Happy talks about the "aimless wander" as one thing you should give up. My anxiety was always on high alert, but it didn't need to be!

I'm glad I found these two books, because I've been to produce much more positive effects throughout my life. I am working toward my goals and my mind is more stress-free than it's ever been. Neither of these books offer new age mumbo jumbo. They are written by real people with real life experience who have been able to construct effective action plans that work for a wide variety of individuals. I am just one success story in a sea of others.
169 internautes sur 178 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
HASH(0x8fc80324) étoiles sur 5 The End of Therapy 14 juin 2003
Par Jan - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format: Relié Achat vérifié
I had a story. It wasn't a happy story. It was about an abusive childhoood. I wore that story like a pair of sunglasses. I saw my world through that story. I kept spoiling my present with those past experiences.
"The Work" a process contained in this book is the only system that allowed me to really get to the truth of my story - ah - the story under such examination just started dropping away.
This book is not in competition with any other. No other book can take its place. The niche is unique. In A Course in Miracles you are told forgiveness is the key but no one gives you a road map for how to do that - Byron Katies does. In The Power of Now Eckhardt Tolle tells us to be fully in the present moment and just be aware of the pain body - Byron Katie tells you to investigate that pain body so that it can drop away.
For me, this was the single best book that I've experienced that genuinely helped me...I went to A Course in Miracles classes for over 7 years - no real change - I read and am doing The Work in Loving What Is - major changes in two weeks....
I'm very thankful for this book, this work.

I'd like to say that now I wear sunglasses so that people won't be blinded by the light coming from my eyes...but that's stretching it a bit - I'm just a lot happier!
502 internautes sur 546 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
HASH(0x8fc80c90) étoiles sur 5 If I could give a book to everyone in the world... 2 juin 2002
Par Janet Boyer - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format: Relié Achat vérifié
this would be it. I'm an ordained Christian minister, and I'd give out *this* book before the Bible itself. That's how powerful her simple approach IS. It is literally the key to end all suffering. Sounds too good to be true? It isn't. I have been a student of psychology, personality and spirituality ever since I was a young girl. I studied theology in college, minored in psychology, have dozens of self-help and self-discovery books on my shelves, been a student of cognitive psychology and Toltec Wisdom (ala "The Toltec Way" by Gregg and "The Four Agreements" by Ruiz)...

From these, I came to believe that my own thoughts create my own suffering. It's never the person or situation that causes me grief; it's the story I *tell* myself *about* the person or situation that is the problem! Yet, although I knew this intellectually, I had a hard time dismantling all my core beliefs and judgments. My intellect likes mind candy and the accumulating of knowledge, but it wasn't enough to put me over the edge to freedom.

But this book did. It is all the above disciplines combined, but MUCH more. I was having anxiety attacks and an irrational fear of death and dying; this book helped snap me out of it immediately (along with the grace of God). Loving What Is is not by a counselor or some New Age guru; it's by a normal woman who was on the floor of a half way house, feeling bitter and angry, who had an epiphany when she asked herself a series of 4 simple questions. Her depression lifted, and she was a new woman in ONE instant. Since then (1986) she has shared her message, and it's changed thousands of lives.

To see what The Work is about, visit her website at TheWork.com. This book is a life changer. The information it contains can replace all self-help books...it's that transformational. It's also an easy read, and very engaging. After all, she's just a "normal" woman like you and I who stumbled on 4 basic questions called Inquiry that will change your life forever.

If you are looking for answers to "why", are tired of feeling tired, angry, depressed, alone, cheated, sad, or confused, please get this book today.
196 internautes sur 216 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
HASH(0x8fc80264) étoiles sur 5 Blaming an adult survivor for their childhood sexual abuse is WRONG! 8 septembre 2007
Par Rivka Edery, M.S.W., L.C.S.W. - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format: CD
Overall, Byron Katie's message and life work is about taking responsibility, beginning with self-inquiry. So I enthusiastically read and listened to her work. However, I was MORTIFIED when in middle of listening to Disk 6, an adult woman was crying so bitterly about her step-father raping her as a little girl, on her birthday. Byron then guides the adult survivor to say/repeat after her, that SHE was the one who did not love her step-father, despite the horrific, heartbreaking details this adult survivor just revealed. She told this young woman who could not stop crying, on stage and in front of a public audience, being recorded, that she was to BLAME for her abuse, because she was not "loving" to her perpetrators when she pushed him away/did not hug or kiss him as he raped her in the car, while on his lap. She was between the ages of 5-7. See for yourself on Disk 6. This made my stomach turn, as this is abhorrent, WRONG, and part of "blame the victim" mentality. The guilt, shame, and responsibility of sexually abusing children is ALWAYS on the shoulders of the perpetrators - never ever should it be on the child. The child is weak. The adult is powerful. EVEN if the child "allowed" themselves to be raped for "love" - this is rape. Children who are in these situations have to comply or risk the unknown consequences. This is not "allowing" anything - it is survival. Sexual perpetrators use the manipulative move of "projecting" their own self-hatred, shame, and blame on the victim, so they themselves don't have to feel it. Anyone that is aware of anything I just mentioned, and is genuinely compassionate, would NEVER blame a child for their own rape.

Byron is not a competent, licensed mental health practitioner, properly trained and qualified to handle sexual trauma as it is awakened in a survivor. She took 4 questions, and made it her mission to spread the word about self-responsibility and self-inquiry. That is fine. Just don't talk about a very delicate subject you are not properly trained and educated to handle. She should do the right thing, and pull this product from the market, since it is painfully misleading. Sexual abuse survivors blame themselves: for what happened, for not being able to stop it, and for all the failures and weakness they feel stems for this. Imagine a survivor who does not have the ego strength, education, or resources to know differently, and they listen to this. Do you think this survivor needs any MORE guilt, blame, or self-rejection?

In my book: "Trauma and Transformation: A 12-Step Guide", I fully explore the spiritual side-effects of trauma, and how the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous is a powerful systematic approach for the trauma survivor seeking a spiritual solution.

-Rivka Edery, L.M.S.W
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