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The Nice Girl Syndrome: Stop Being Manipulated and Abused –– and Start Standing Up for Yourself (Anglais) Relié – 12 août 2008
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Description du produit
Présentation de l'éditeur
Are you too nice for your own good? Do family members manipulate you? Do coworkers take advantage of you? If this sounds familiar, read The Nice Girl Syndrome. In this breakthrough guide, renowned author and therapist Beverly Engel, who has helped thousands of women recognize and leave emotionally abusive relationships, can show you how to take control of your life and take care of yourself.
Engel explains that women today simply cannot afford to be Nice Girls, because women who are too nice send the message that they are easy targets and are much more likely to be victimized emotionally, physically, and sexually. She identifies the seven different types of Nice Girls and helps you understand which type or types might apply to you. Engel helps you determine whether the Nice Girl Syndrome is keeping you in an abusive relationship or in manipulative situations and helps you change Nice Girl beliefs and behaviors that are holding you back.
- Shows you how to confront the beliefs and behaviors that keep you stuck in a Nice Girl act as you replace them with healthier, more empowering ones
- Includes inspiring stories of women Engel has worked with who have found the courage and strength to stop taking abuse and start standing up for themselves
- "This book will challenge, entertain, and empower its readers."––Publishers Weekly (starred review)
- Written by renowned author and therapist Beverly Engel, who has helped thousands of women recognize and leave emotionally abusive relationships
Filled with wise advice, powerful exercises, and practical prescriptions, The Nice Girl Syndrome shows you step by step how to take control of your life and be your own strong woman.
Quatrième de couverture
"Engel, a psychotherapist and domestic violence expert, has sharp words for the ′nice girls′ of the world who care more about being perceived as sweet and pleasant than strong and self–protective. Drop the phoniness and passivity, she exhorts, arguing that while society superficially rewards nice girls, they suffer deeply in their intimate and work relationships by losing personal power and parading inauthentic selves. Avoiding conflict and playing naïve may seem to offer payoffs, Engel notes, but the payoffs aren′t as big as the price women pay for not holding their ground ′They may get taken care of but they aren′t respected. They may get special attention but from the wrong kind of people.′ Readers will find Engel′s elucidation of the four causes of ′Nice Girl Syndrome′ and the ′Seven Types of Nice Girls′ (e.g., Doormat, Pretender, Prude, Enlightened One) deeply funny and familiar. . . . This book will challenge, entertain, and empower its readers."
Publishers Weekly (starred review)
For The Emotionally Abusive Relationship
"A good, solid treatment of an insidious but all–too–common type of relationship in which the weapons are words and moods rather than the fist, but which do just as much damage. Most importantly, Ms. Engel doesn′t just describe she shows us the way out."
Susan Forward, Ph.D., author of Emotional Blackmail and Toxic Parents
For Loving Him without Losing You
"A powerful and practical guide to relationships that every woman should read."
Barbara De Angelis, Ph.D., author of Are You the One for Me? and Secrets about Men Every Woman Should Know
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One of the most important chapters is the chapter on anger. I think that especially women, myself included, have a lot of difficulty expressing anger. We may seem like very well adjusted, forgiving people, to the outside world, but we are not doing ourselves or others a service at all. It is healthy to know how to express your anger in a positive way and to be able to feel it when the situation calls for it. There is much more in this book that can mean a positive start of a happier life, free of abuse and manipulation. Funny enough I have been through different types of therapy but no therapist so far picked up on my inability to feel and express anger.
I am not the typical Nice Girl because I do stand up for myself quite a bit, which angers those who prefer to bully me freely but I now see situations when I should say something and I don’t, even if it is only to stop some bad jokes. But I must be one of those people who sends out a signal that it won’t be too difficult to abuse me in certain situations like in an intimate relationship. I think that I signal what is wrong but I never quite seem to get my point across and when I say that if things don’t change the relationship is over it is never quite so and that is something I need to change. If I give an ultimatum and nothing changes then the relationship should be truly over! It is not as if I can’t stand on my two feet……..
Beverly Engel raises a few important points like the fact that there isn’t goodness in everybody and if there is, with some people, it is very deeply buried. Also the fact that we don’t always need to forgive somebody is something that goes against some doctrines preached nowadays. I myself prefer to forgive, although I don’t forget but to give hurtful times and actions a place where they don’t bother me anymore but I can understand that there are people you can’t forgive because they are not worth forgiving and they will never regret what they did to you anyway. The book is full of exercises not only to enable you to see how much you need to work on yourself in order to become a more assertive, powerful woman but also to understand where this need to be an overly Nice Girl comes from. All in all very much worth reading probably for all women or at least for most of them. Me being a Southern European I need it more than a lot of other women. Funny enough, when I told my now almost ex-husband that I had bought this book he wasn’t happy at all and reacted in a very irritated manner. That should have made me face a few truths about our relationship…… As a matter of fact my husband always tried his best to turn me into an even "nicer" girl, which reaulted me me losing myself during our marriage. One of his tactics was at a certain point in time to do as if I was some kind of narcissist, knowing very well that I would counter that by trying to be even more compliant. That is now over! I am proud of myself, I am aware of my rights and of my talents and I will make sure from now on that I live the best life I possibly can, meaning a lot to others but also to myself!
At the end of the book you find Beverly’s e-mail address in case you wish to contact her!
Commentaires client les plus utiles sur Amazon.com
I remember being so low, trying to please everyone and never being happy. I remember feeling so low and helpless. I honestly thought I was incurable, but I grabbed this book in desperate hope that I could gain some semblance of self-worth and pull myself out of the situation I was in.
Fast forward to now: I have all those things I never thought I could have. I have self-esteem. I can't NOT stand up for myself! I make my own happiness. I treat myself like I do others. I'm no longer depressed. Others don't have control over how I feel, I do.
I can't explain how bad I was or how much life has changed for me; I just hope that this gives someone like me hope. And this book is a good start. It's not magic, you have to work on yourself actively - and it's HARD, especially at first. But it gets easier, and soon enough, you're loving yourself and your new attitude!
- A Changed Woman
In the book the author describes the 7 types of nice girls. I found this to be very interesting and I wish she would have gone into more detail about each of the 7 types. Without going into much depth of the 7 types, I felt that something was lacking from the book. This is why I have given the book 4 stars instead of 5.
Overall it is a very good book. It will help you understand the reasons why so many of us cling to our childhood nice girl image.
I highly reccomend reading the book The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker, his book along with Beverly Engel's book have helped me accept that I don't always have to be "nice" and I don't have to feel guilty about it.