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Not Your Mother's Rules: The New Secrets for Dating. (Anglais) Broché – 8 janvier 2013

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  • Not Your Mother's Rules: The New Secrets for Dating.
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Descriptions du produit

Revue de presse

"The Rules is a must-read." --People

"The Rules isn't just a book. It's a movement, honey." --Oprah Winfrey

"Even supermodels have to play hard to get... because it works. Not Your Mother's Rules is a smart look at how dating has changed--the Rules still hold true as ever!" --Cheryl Tiegs

Présentation de l'éditeur

How long should I wait to respond to his text message? Can I friend him on Facebook? Why did he ask for my number but never call me?

When The Rules was published in 1995, its message was straightforward: be mysterious. But for women looking for love today, it's not quite so simple. In a world of instant messaging, location check-ins, and status updates, where hook-ups have become the norm and formal one-on-one dates seem a thing of the past, it's difficult to retain the air of mystery that keeps men interested.

Now, with help from their daughters, the original Rules Girls Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider share their thoroughly modern, fresh take on dating that will help women in today's information age create the happy love lives they want and deserve. Whether you're a 20-something dating for the first time, a 30-something tired of being single, a 40-something giving advice to your daughter, or a 50-something getting back in the dating game, this book has the answers you've been waiting for. The Rules include:

  • Stay Away from his Facebook Profile
  • Make Yourself Invisible and Other Ways to Get Out of Instant Messaging
  • Stop Dating a Guy Who Cancels More than Once
  • Text-Back Times Chart
  • Don't Just Hang Out or See Him 24/7
  • TTYL: Always End Everything First-- Get Out of There!
  • And much, much more!

Providing the dos and don'ts you need to stop making mistakes and start finding romance, NOT YOUR MOTHER'S RULES will revolutionize dating today just as The Rules did nearly 20 years ago!

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NIce shipping and goof condition of the book.
Topic is more detailed than the original Rules and for theses like me who follow them, it is a MUST have. So I can only recommend.
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HASH(0x9151b570) étoiles sur 5 The supplement has been published 12 janvier 2013
Par MortensOrchid - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format: Broché Achat vérifié
It has been nearly 20 years since Ellen and Sherrie first published a cultural jugernaut of a book called The Rules, a rather unexpected best seller that has us still talking no matter what we say otherwise. While I still turn to the first book for insights and advice (as many do), they needed to publish a supplement to it because things have changed rather drastically since it's first publication in 1995. The entire world was not carrying cell phones, did not go online for any purposes everyday, and there were no social networks. At last, the supplemental materials have been published on how to be a Rules Girl in the digital age. Like it or not, technology has changed us as a people.

Firstly, this book is addressing both Rules girls of a certain age (from 18 to 80) who are either the dyed in the wool Rules Girls like their example of the fictional Melanie from their first book or Born Again Rules Girls who have tried and failed by being the aggresor. This book also addresses a unique situation that was latent - mothers who are trying to train their daughters to be Rules Girls in the digital age. Even though I am far more mature (at age 38) than when their first book was published, technology did allow some latent problems and affects. Even if Mom is trying to tell her daughter to do and not do this or that, Mom has little to no control over what her daughter is or isn't doing online (and may not know how to use techno toys in order to instruct correctly). What to do? This book supplies you with some excellent pointers on how to deal with remaining a CUAO in the digital age. Second, keep in mind that there are a few (and I do mean a few) among the population who still are not using modern technology for whatever reason. If this is the case, then you can fall back on the older Rules without any problems. However, since we have to assume that a person is plugged in somehow we must learn to deal with it. If you are among the small percentage of the population that is not plugged in, then you better get plugged in or it will come back to bite you somehow. With that being said, here is a review of what they published:

1) Texting - Everyone texts today for a variety of purposes. It is commonplace for people to talk this way about anything and everything. I see this advice as a very good one because we now spend so much time glued to our phones when we are not before the computer. It's hard to not be, to be sure, but if and when a man sends a text for something, wait for a bit. There is a chart in the book depending on your age on how long to wait to respond to a text. And don't let him know that you left the phone at home, that you were busy doing (blank), etc. which is why you didn't text back. Just respond however you were going to respond. Excessive texting by either party says that you are clingy and desperate.

2) IM - While we have to be in front of the computer to do this, make yourself unavailable so that you can't be reached if and when he's there. Admittedly, this is annoying when someone does this constantly. If you are there and someone sends an IM, respond appropos. If it's a man and he asks you out this way, don't accept immediately for that night. Once, a few years ago, I was on Facebook on a Saturday night and some guy sent me an IM. We began to chat, he asked if I wanted to meet him for dinner that night and I said yes. I went to the restaurant, we met, talked, had a nice time. I drove home (alone) and I never heard from him again. He liked a few of my Facebook updates, but he never initiated another conversation or a phone call or anything. I figured that he would initiate something again if he was interested enough. He said he was, but actions speak louder than words. Last year, I updated my relationship status and he unfriended me after literally YEARS of being friends. What happened? He never contacted me again, he was not interested enough, and then he got jealous of my being with someone else. Life goes on, it happens.

3) Social Networks (Facebook) - Facebook has changed our lives, no question about that. Not only are we connected, but we have an unbelievable means of sharing all kinds of information with the world. Friending/unfriending has become almost a cardinal sin among social groups. The ultimate insult is to unfriend/block someone. Follow these rules when it comes to friending/unfriending:

A) Do not friend him unless he wants to friend you.
B) Do not friend his friends/family unless he says it's ok for you to do so.
C) Do not keep being friends with him on Facebook if it comes to an end.

I agree completely with this. My last serious boyfriend broke it off, within 5-6 months he got a new girlfriend. It was far too painful to see all the lovely dovey posts between him and her when he was not doing the same with me (and I wasn't putting posts of any kind on his wall), so I unfriended him. His sister and mother unfriended me over that. Painful? Sure it is, but that was double hurtful. I have since accepted it and have moved on, I had no choice in the matter. I'd also like to add in this situation that he was with me for six months and he never said "I love you". After two months he moved in with the new girlfriend as he was looking to get out of his mom's house, even though she's taking care of him and he seems to now have to do what Mommy tells him, he really had to say "I love you" to her, doesn't he? Don't friend his friends/family unless you somehow knew them already before.

4) Photos/Sexting - Don't do this. I mean really, you never know how what will/won't end up somewhere somehow. A man who does this to you is not serious about you, and neither are you about him. Do you really expect someone who sends you a naked photo of themselves to you (or asks you to do to them) is husband/boyfriend material? If the answer is "I don't know", then you really have to ask yourself why you are even reading this review let alone reading the book to begin with. A few years ago, I was on an online dating site and made a connection with a man who asked me to send another photo of myself. He badgered me via text for a day or two, and finally I sent him one of me. It was not sexy in any way, it was a headshot of me in the mirror after a haircut. He texted back "THanks". And then nothing else. I just assumed Next! and moved on. Months later I get a call on my cell from a number I didn't recognize and it was him asking if I still wanted to meet. I said "No thank you", he seemed surprised/angry and asked "Why not?". I said "You'll understand" and hung up.

5) Moving - NEVER MOVE unless you have been specifically asked to do so, whether it's for educational or work means. If and when he breaks it off if he tells you all the signs that were given in this chapter, you will be stuck living in a city where you don't know anyone and probably unhappy that you have uprooted. I had a former friend who moved to another city in pursuit of her boyfriend of many years, and sure enough he broke it off when she moved. She still moved because of the job opportunity, until she met this other guy who lived in another state as well. Six months later, she quit her job, moved to the other city/state, and then she all out demanded they get married. Granted, she was an extreme example of a demanding, self centered princess and so Not Rules you would scream. They are divorced today. Imagine that?

6) "I want us to be friends" - This is hardly a new expression, to be sure, but I think we have to clarify a few things about this. If a man tells you that he doesn't want to be in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with you anymore but from now on he just wants to be friends, so be it. Tell him "if that's the way you feel then there's nothing I can do about that", then walk away. If he wants to be friends, then let him contact you to go on your first "friend" outing, which you will do in maybe 1% of all cases. 99% of the time, you will never hear from him again. ALL of my and friends' previous boyfriends said this at some point, NO ONE is original no matter how unique you think you are (once again, human nature being universal). I am happy to say that I have one of my former boyfriends still today as a friend, it would have been two but one, unfortunately, died of a heart attack last year. As for the 99% who said that or will say that someday? They're with other women now, and they can be with those other women. You will have no relationship with that man in six weeks' time after he ends it. You might see him once or twice again, but the reason you do is because loneliness propels us to do things we wouldn't otherwise. Quite honestly, who cares? He doesn't deserve you or your friendship and he would rather have a trash.

There is an intro that says more or less that if you are not interested in having a serious relationship with someone due to your age or circumstances, then you are not ready to take these Rules seriously. Good advice, and ones you should follow. If you are not looking for Mr. Right then you shouldn't do these updated or older Rules. Go out and have a good time and break every Rule in the book.

The rest of the Rules are ones that were covered in the previous books. That is, don't get fall down, stupid drunk at parties, don't sleep with a guy ASAP, and don't act all crazy. Why? If you don't care about your street cred then have a good time. It's really best to get all that rowdiness out of your system if you need it to be out of you. Because people talk and that talk will get back to whoever you're with or your general social scene. They made mention of dressing to show a little skin. Do I agree? Well if it's 10 degrees out or 100 you are taking a certain weather risk, but keep it classy not trashy. If you dress like trash, people treat you like trash. There is something to be said about being a mystery, either in your social circle but ESPECIALLY at work. Don't friend coworkers (only former ones) so they will take information about you and use it against you or share it with someone else. Protect your privacy in any way you can. You would be surprised at what information that people will take and use against you, even trivial things.

Some have argued that the writers of this book assume one thing : that human nature is universal. And know what? With only a few variations, they are right. We all think that we are unique or we are the only ones who go through certain things in life, but we're really not. Then when we are faced with certain things, we think that we can somehow make it better or change it, or change ourselves to be better somehow. You must accept certain things about yourself and others, and they are not always pleasant things either. I have said this before and will say it again, whether or not we are talking about The Rules or some other dating guide : if you have not heard from him within the first 24 - 48 hours after the first get together, you will not hear from him again. Years ago I had a get together with a guy I know from a source which I will not name. We had an afternoon of TV watching, then I did not hear from him after that. I still see him today at said source, he and I are friendly towards one another (there is no reason we have to go through life hating one another). He is my friend. He was, is and will remain my friend, but he will never be my lover. End of story. Maybe 10% of the time, the man may call you a week or so later and check up if you were waiting by the phone or he kind of liked you, you may even have a second get together with him, but he's not that serious about you. After that second get together, you will not hear from him again. Disappointed? Sure, we all are. No one likes to have their ego blown or self esteem chipped away at or treated badly, but that's life. Remember, the key to any good relationship is communication. He might argue with you that he was waiting for you (the woman) to call him for another get together, but he really isn't that serious about you if he said that. He's just looking for his own ego to be stroked by having some woman chase him. As for the no contact game if he has not called or is giving you a hard time about something, that works wonders. If he thinks that he can find someone better than you, then he's welcome to it, because that means he doesn't deserve you and he can find some trashy girl who does. Move on from someone who doesn't deserve you, and there are A LOT out there who do not.

This book does not, however, cover one of the biggest things out there that we all need to address, which is the phrase "I love you" and biofeedback. I am not criticizing this book nor any other, but like I said, facts are facts here. If he has not said "I love you" by a certain point, he's not going to say it. EVER. Why? Because he doesn't want to say it to you. This may sound bitter, but I have been in the game long enough now to know many things, and if one party (be it the man or the woman) has not said "I love you" by a certain point, it will not be said. And God forbid, if one person says it and the other person does not respond with an "I love you too", then it's over with. A harsh blow, to be sure, but that's how it is. The "I love you" could come within the first six weeks or so, but if he hasn't said it by the six month marker, that's when it's done. There is also a certain something called biofeedback between two people. Once you have reached the six month marker with someone, they start to get strange thinking "I am in this for the long haul". If they decide to be with you after that, so be it. The next will come at the year and a half / two year marker. I have had three serious relationships in my adult life (not counting my high school sweetheart), and with all of them, once you reach the year and a half / two year marker, have bailed. Why? That's when you are truly committed, and they don't want to commit. All with the exception of one (as far as I know) met and married the next one barely a year later after breaking it off, and two of the three are divorced from the women they left me for today. Are they original? Of course not.

So the ulitmate question, as always, is, do they work? And the answer, of course, is YES they work. This will help you weed out the desirable from the undesirable aka a man who is interested in you verses a man who is not interested / not that into you. The first person who shows interest is not always the one you want to be with for a variety of reasons. But proceed with some caution and good judgement. These rules are good if you are in the initial stages of dating, not for someone you have been with for the long term. There are so many times you can say you are busy when you are actually not. You can't stay busy and unavailable forever. There are some exceptions like contacting in case of an emergency. If he cancels on you without a very good excuse, then he's not worth your time. And if he cancels, he has to rearrange for a make up time. These Rules apply to things very much at the beginning of every relationship. Further down the road? Yes, in a case by case basis. Just recently, I was with someone for about six months, at some point he and I just stopped communicating. Move on. These books are about happiness - because in the end all you have is you. Why would you want to whine about a man who is so mean or disrespectful towards you that he treats you like garbage rather than his lover? The ultimate goal, I think we all agree, is to be happy with yourself. Unfortunately, this means remaining single forever and becoming more bitter as time goes on, but that's better than the alternative of unhappiness with someone who doesn't care for you. And keep that glimmer of hope alive within you that maybe someday, somehow there will be someone out there who is, after all, for you rather than trash.

The basic message is "ignore him and he'll like you, act like you like him and he'll be turned off." And the answer, after much trial and error, is yes. Strange but true, this is how people operate.
77 internautes sur 85 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
HASH(0x9151b7bc) étoiles sur 5 The Rules Have Returned! A Must-Read for All! 8 janvier 2013
Par Amazon Customer - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format: Broché Achat vérifié
In their first Rules book, dating experts Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider discuss the existence of two kinds of Rules girls: natural, innate Rules girls (the Melanies), and born-again Rules girls who needed a little help but eventually came around. Of the two types of women, my mother was the first and I was the second. She introduced me to The Rules at 15, right around when I was starting to date in high school.

The first time I read The Rules, I completely blew them off ("What if I want to make the first move?" "Am I supposed to sit around waiting for someone to contact me?"). But a couple of years (and a few heartbreaks) later, I'm now a by-the-book, die-hard Rules girl. Lucky for me, I'm still only 18, and by introducing me to The Rules, my mother saved me from years of emotional damage by starting me off early.

The 1995 version of The Rules, while still conceptually relevant, doesn't have all the details that girls today need. Hey, in 1995, there was no Facebook, Twitter, or Skype. But lucky for girls like me who had tons of questions on today's dating scene, Fein and Schneider wrote Not Your Mother's Rules! This book, in a clear, concise way, explains everything from:

--How long to wait to respond to a text (with a timetable based on age)
--Whether or not it's okay to add the man you like on Facebook
--How often we can post status updates and tweets without giving up our air of mystery
--How to handle video chatting and long-distance, study abroad relationships
--The use of emoticons in online convos with men
--For the gay and lesbian community, how to handle same-sex relationships
--How to maintain your balance in a relationship (and not give up your friends for any man!), and more!

But the cool part of The Rules is that it's not just a dating strategy, it's a successful way of life. This book includes ADVICE for moms and dads on being there for their children when it comes to dating, FANTASTIC TIPS on fashion, food, and exercise, and COACHING on developing a healthy sense of confidence and self-esteem. Not Your Mother's Rules reminds us to love only those who love us and not waste our time on people who don't. We save our time, our hearts, and our happiness by treating ourselves with love, respect, and dignity.

Needless to say, this book is 5 stars. Thanks to The Rules movement and its amazing team, I'm in a successful relationship with someone who is absolutely crazy about me; I am constantly pursued and treated like a princess. This book is for any woman, regardless of relationship status, because at its core, this book is all about self-respect, confidence, and treating yourself with the love you deserve.
52 internautes sur 58 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
HASH(0x9151b780) étoiles sur 5 Great read for women all ages 27 janvier 2013
Par AmazonShopper - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format: Format Kindle Achat vérifié
I bought this last night and finished it this morning. This book has brought me so much insight. It's scary that I've gone this long and not really realized how many things I was doing wrong. Dating and relationships during my 20's and 30's have been such a wreck and I never changed my bad habits because I just didn't think I was doing anything wrong. I related to every story in this book it's really sad. Even now after my last breakup of 3 weeks up until yesterday I kept thinking if I just did things differently (not by going by the rules because I didn't have any idea this was even out there) we would still be together. I keep blaming myself instead of just taking it for what it is, he wasn't the one for me. I broke every rule with him and all the others. Yesterday I was still crying on my couch hoping for a text or a call letting me know he was an idiot and he was wrong for breaking things off. Today, I'm more empowered to believe that the relationship we had does not define me. I am more than I believe I am. This book, as crazy as it sounds, really woke me up. Even for those women who already know or think they know they are doing all the right things, this book is still a good read. Even if it's just to confirm you are heading down the right path or have been down that path this whole time, or even better to share with a friend that needs this. No more broken hearts, no more sadness (at least not as long as I thought it was going to be), no more questioning "what is wrong with me?". When I start to remember the good times with my ex, I will make myself remember the times that should have been my red flags. He wasn't the bad guy, he is actually a great catch, but he isn't my catch. The one I thought was my soul mate could not accept me for who I am because I wasn't what he wanted me to be. We broke up over a serious matter, but we couldn't make it work. If someone really loves you, nothing will keep him from you. I had to see this in black and white to believe it. Thank you to Ellen and Sherrie and their daughters for writing this up to date version of your original (which I will read next just because this one was so good).
14 internautes sur 14 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
HASH(0x9151ba74) étoiles sur 5 Definitely Works...Would have saved me so much time in college... 25 juin 2015
Par Lynne Wilder - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format: Format Kindle
I have read a lot of reviews of The Rules that say, “It’s manipulating men,” or “You want a man to fall in love with you, and how can he do that if he doesn’t know who you really are.” Really? Please.

I discovered the rules after doing it my way through out college and after a 4 year relationship ended with a guy telling me, “There’s nothing wrong with you, I just don’t love you.” After that relationship ended I went through a series of bad relationships where I was as open and honest as I could be with them and myself and I kept hearing the same thing, “You’re great, you’re just not the one.” I’d meet a guy, spend some time with them --- and just as I start to let my guard down and trust them I’d get basically the same line, sometimes just after a month—most of the time I was sort of like, “um, I don’t think you’re the one either…we’ve only known each other for a month!”

So here I was at my wits end, trying to figure out why, if I was so great, why no guy wanted to commit to me. I’ve read a lot of articles about the hook up culture, and that was the world I guess I lived in. Short relationships where the pinnacle of romance is a text instead of a love letter. That is when I discovered the rules.

I wish I would have discovered the rules years and years ago. For one thing, I would have kicked the aforementioned 4 year time-waster to the curb years ago for being an absolute ass. For another thing: the majority of my 20’s would have been a lot more fun. Days and months of worrying about the one guy I was seeing – wondering if he “really” liked me, even after we slept together…and of course they would dump me, calling me “clingy” for wanting to see them on Friday or Saturday nights…you know…date nights.

The rules are not about finding “the one.” With the right guy, the rules don’t really matter – the rules are more about weeding out time wasters or as Bridget Jones would say “emotional F&*!k wits.”

Some of the “rules” they prescribe – like straightening your hair if it’s curly (mine is) or wearing short skirts or big hoopy earings and high heels are a little bit excessive. The most I can say is they can’t really hurt. The idea is to allow you to feel your most beautiful and confident. If you’re getting male attention with curly hair, studs and flats, I don’t particularly think you need to change, but dressing sexy and grooming well says “I take care of myself.” The idea of being a “creature unlike any other” means you value yourself, and a man should value you if he is going to be worth your time.

By the time I had fully embraced the rules, I realized that there was no manipulation involved. How can you be manipulating someone if you’re not really standing around waiting for him to call you? I found I didn’t like online dating (the guys expected too much too soon), and started making myself go out Thursday nights and weekends (if I didn’t have a date) to meet new people. I would go out by myself if necessary just to be around people. I ended up making a lot of friends that way. I also got quite a few dates this way. 3 was the magic number for the amount of men I would date at once. 2 didn’t guarantee I would have a date on the weekends and 5 was less like dating and more like crowd control. If a guy asked for my number, I would give it to him. If he didn’t call, what did I care? If he asked me out too late in the week, very politely, I would decline. If the guy really liked me after all, he would either ask me out for the next week or call again. I didn’t have to feel guilty about dating 3 men at once. Why would I? One of the rules: Don’t sleep with him you’re in a committed monogamous relationship.

I found whenever I broke or tried to bend the rules, the guy whoever he was, quickly lost interest. The guys I followed to the rules with either fell away because they were time wasters anyway (stopped calling, couldn’t be bothered to ask me out before the weekend, wouldn’t commit after a set period of time), or I lost interest in them for the normal reasons.

By 2013 (Age 29), I was happily enjoying following the rules. Single life as a rules girl is fun after all. I was out on New Year’s Eve, I went out to a bar simply to be social. A very good looking man spied me across the bar and smiled while I was chatting away with friends I had made that night. I did not approach him, though I kept my face happy and open. Eventually he came up to me introduced himself and we had a brief conversation. Before the night was over, he did not ask for my number, and I did not offer it (if a guy likes you enough, he’ll ask for your number). The conversation ended and I went home. I didn’t really think about it again. But apparently he did.

3 months later, I was coincidentally at the same bar meeting a friend of mine. He and I made eye contact once more. We chatted and this time, knowing I wasn’t going to make it easy for him, he made sure to get my number. I didn’t hear from him until Friday the following week. He sent me a very funny flirtatious text message asking if I wanted to I wanted to go out that same weekend. It would have been so easy to say yes, but years of trial and error with the rules had finally taught me my lesson. A few hours later, I very politely and flirtatiously told him, that as much as I’d like to, sorry, I was fully booked. Well, guess what? He called me the following Wednesday to ask me out for that weekend. And after our date that weekend, I gave him a kiss as thank you for the dinner and great conversation—but left him outside my door.

Later in our relationship, he admitted to me that the fact that I didn’t make it easy for him made a huge impression. He said he thought it meant that I didn’t have self esteem issues. He also thought it meant that I wasn’t the type of girl who slept around, which when a guy is looking for a girl he wants to commit to means a lot.

By all definitions, we had a rules relationship. I continued to date (but never be intimate) with others until he told me in no uncertain terms that he wanted a monogamous relationship with me, which really only took a few weeks. I never called him. He always called me. He took me on dates that he planned ahead, bought me flowers and on holidays and bought me thoughtful gifts. He didn’t have a lot of money, so nothing was too expensive—and that was fine by me. He told me he loved me first – of course, by this time, I was far gone. I simply let him pursue me. I didn’t pressure him one iota. I gave him what he needed to fall in love – In a world of easy hook ups, if he wanted to be with me, he had to make some effort…and I gave him space. No manipulation needed. He told me how he felt when he felt it, and I responded in turn.

So was it really that surprising that on my 30th birthday, 7 months into our relationship, he got down on one knee and proposed? When we got married a year and a half later(long engagement was intentional) , how surprising was it that in the wedding vows he read to me that it was the best day of his life when I “Finally agreed to go out” with him.

And guess what? I don’t worry one bit if my husband is out this second looking for the next girl. I may not be beautiful, but I don’t worry, because to him, I am a “creature unlike any other.”

To this day, I’m not sure what would have happened with my husband if I didn’t learn to follow the rules. What would have happened if I had gone up to the attractive guy who had smiled at me at the bar? Because I went up to him, he might of thought I must have really liked him, and maybe we would have hooked up that night…and why would he want to see that girl again (except for easy sex), because who knows who else she picked up at a bar? Or what if I had simply asked him for his number on New Year’s Eve? I would have called him and asked him out! Sure we probably would have ended up going to Starbucks for our first date and I would have missed out on him putting all that effort into planning our first date at the little Italian bistro, and he would have missed that opportunity to feel so proud of himself, and we would have instead pleasantly chitchatted. Or what if I had invited him in after our first date? Actually, this one, I do know. My husband admitted to me that he probably would have taken full advantage of the opportunity, but he wouldn’t have thought very highly of me for it. He said he would have assumed that I did that with all of my dates. What would have happened if I called or texted him regularly instead of waiting for him to make the first move? He might have felt pressured and it probably would have ended. What would have happened if I didn’t continue to date after I met my husband? Well, I probably would have started to go out of my mind waiting for him to call or text or set up the next date, because I didn’t have much else going on…and I would have done what so many other girls do, which is put so much pressure on a relationship (in their heads) and then be devastated when it doesn’t work out the way it went in their minds. What if I had said “I love you” first? Maybe he would have reciprocated, but what if he was building up to it – (which is what happened, he brought me flowers), and I had just taken away his opportunity to make a romantic gesture…or what if he hadn’t quite been there yet – he might have gotten there eventually, but I just made him have to confront his feelings of where he was at the time I said I love you…and it probably would have broken us up.

While the “wear sexy clothes and straighten your hair” parts are a little demeaning, the rest is pretty damn accurate. And honestly, do you really not dress up for a date? That’s just sad.

The rules remind me of the way my parents used to make me act when I was a teenager living under their roof. When a boy would come to pick me up, my parents would bodily block the door to prevent me from responding to a honked horn. My mom would take all the money in my wallet so that I absolutely could not offer to pay for whatever the evening’s entertainments were. I had a curfew so I couldn’t get up to too much trouble. My parents said it had nothing to do with male chauvinism or old fashioned behavior; it was simply about making sure the guy had respect for me. Even though he and I now have a joint account, my husband still uses his debit card to pay for our dinner when we go out –it’s a guy pride thing, apparently. He likes the idea of “providing” for me, even though I out earn him.

The truth is, if a guy likes you, he is going to call. He is going to want to book your time before anyone else can monopolize you. He is going to want to treat you like your special, because a girl with self respect isn’t afraid to leave a guy who isn’t treating her well. He is going to want you to only go out with him, and yes, he is going to want to marry you to make sure that you will spend the rest of your life with him and him alone…because you’re not about to live with or play house with anyone who isn’t your husband.

The rules are dating rules – they are time tested traditions that let men follow their instincts. Because frankly, if he doesn’t follow the rules on his own, the chances are he’s not that into you anyway…and why would you want to waste your time with a guy who you have to call if you want to spend time with him? Why would you want to be with a guy who treats you poorly, neglects you or thinks you’re too clingy because you want to go out on date night…and then makes you pay?

It took me so many years to figure out that it was OK, to let my feminist ideals slide a little bit for dating. I owe my happiness to this book. Following the rules is a little bit like dieting. It’s a lifestyle adjustment – and if you slip up, you definitely feel it. Any time I met a guy and didn’t follow the rules, I knew I probably wouldn’t see him again. It was true time after time. But it’s easy to get back on course and when you start strictly adhering, you start to see some results, and start having quite a bit of fun. I only wish I hadn’t wasted so much time. But in the end, I’m glad I got out of my own way. This book is definitely worth a read. Like I said, they work.
23 internautes sur 25 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
Par Tennisgurlie - Publié sur Amazon.com
Format: Broché
Allow me to summarize this book for you to save you the time of reading it. Lose weight, play hard to get, wear three inch hoop earrings. I'm serious. This book actually told me to specifically wear three inch hoop earrings, have long hair, wear skirts, high heels and use an up-to-date hand bag. A lot of this book is common sense as well. Such as don't get drunk with a new date, don't act desperate, don't have intimate relations right away. Anyway, don't waste your time and money.
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