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Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder par [Mason, Paul, Kreger, Randi]
Publicité sur l'appli Kindle

Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder Format Kindle

5.0 étoiles sur 5 1 commentaire client

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Longueur : 283 pages Word Wise: Activé Composition améliorée: Activé
Page Flip: Activé Langue : Anglais

Description du produit

Présentation de l'éditeur

Do you feel manipulated, controlled, or lied to? Are you the focus of intense, violent, and irrational rages? Do you feel as though you are constantly trying to avoid confrontation?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you should remember this: It’s not your fault. And you’re not alone. In fact, the person you care about may have traits associated with borderline personality disorder (BPD), such as emotion dysregulation, impulsive behavior, unstable sense of self, and difficulty with interpersonal relationships. No matter how much you want to be there for your loved one, at times it can feel like you are walking on eggshells.

This compassionate guide will enable you to:

  • Make sense out of the chaos

  • Stand up for yourself and assert your needs

  • Defuse arguments and conflicts

  • Protect yourself and others from violent behavior

Stop Walking on Eggshells has already helped nearly half a million people with friends and family members suffering from BPD understand this destructive disorder, set boundaries, and help their loved ones stop relying on dangerous BPD behaviors. This fully revised edition has been updated with the very latest BPD research and includes coping and communication skills you can use to stabilize your relationship with the BPD sufferer in your life.

Détails sur le produit

  • Format : Format Kindle
  • Taille du fichier : 1314 KB
  • Nombre de pages de l'édition imprimée : 283 pages
  • Editeur : New Harbinger Publications; Édition : 2 (1 janvier 2010)
  • Vendu par : Amazon Media EU S.à r.l.
  • Langue : Anglais
  • Synthèse vocale : Activée
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  • Word Wise: Activé
  • Lecteur d’écran : Pris en charge
  • Composition améliorée: Activé
  • Moyenne des commentaires client : 5.0 étoiles sur 5 1 commentaire client
  • Classement des meilleures ventes d'Amazon: n°115.074 dans la Boutique Kindle (Voir le Top 100 dans la Boutique Kindle)
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Format: Broché Achat vérifié
Well written, clear and concise. Easy to find and reread items that are pertinent to the situation. A worthwhile read if you have concerns regarding this problem.
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Commentaires client les plus utiles sur (beta) (Peut contenir des commentaires issus du programme Early Reviewer Rewards) 4.5 étoiles sur 5 744 commentaires
13 internautes sur 13 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 It helped me to realize its not me, not ... 2 février 2017
Par Zeke009 - Publié sur
Format: Broché Achat vérifié
It helped me to realize its not me, not my fault, not going crazy and I can start moving on with my life.
356 internautes sur 383 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 Mandatory Reading for Anyone Suffering from a BPD In Their Life 7 janvier 2014
Par R. L. H. - Publié sur
Format: Broché Achat vérifié
There are plenty of books written about navigating the lowest levels of hell to get the borderline personality disorder sufferers in their lives the help they need - and how to attempt to cope with them if they can't. This is one of them, but written in a less of a "sucks to be you" format and more of a "you can actually do something about this" format. There are those of us who might not be "stuck" with a borderline family member and have a little more freedom in deciding if we want this in our lives or not after we come to a full understanding of what Borderline Personality Disorder really, what drives it, and what it can take to get it under control - if ever.

I read a single-star review here on Amazon about this book before buying it. It stated that this book is all about "tough love", which doesn't work for BPs. Actually, it's also the ONLY love that works, or the BP will continue to mow your life down like a monster truck and demand you lay in front of the tires again and again and again, making the situation worse until someone is locked up, homeless, divorced, or dead. This book is about humane, thoughtful, methodical INTERVENTION that at least will get your own life back on its feet even if the PB can't or won't. Just because the BP is in hell doesn't mean they get to take you with them. This book is written for those who are determined to not be the next domino that falls in the borderline's life. This book is about TAKING CHARGE of the situation so you get your life back. It is NOT written to get the BP the help they need, though it does offer critical information on the subject if the BP is agreeable to it. It is written to show you how to get your life back and what choices you can make and how to properly make them for you and/or your children. This includes making the right choices, including determining if the BP is beyond your resources/capabilities to cope and if it's just time to clean them out of your life and move on. In this proper context, this book is worth pure gold and comes from the experiences of a BPD support community that has MANY thousands who have contributed not only from their own experiences in hardship, but their experiences in WHAT WORKS.

To the Non-BP who is desperately seeking validation, confirmation, help, etc: Buy this book and go straight to pages 45-47. You will weep for joy as you read that the BP in your life has been concisely mapped out and handed to you on only 3 pages of silver platter. If treatment for your BP is the goal, then you now know what you're dealing with, and if I may be so bold, don't waste any time - get him/her right into DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) if at all possible. It's the only one that gets it all right, gets nothing wrong, actually works, and produces by far more permanently cured ex-BPs than any other therapy or program. Everything else is just trying to copy it and usually getting major aspects of the therapy wrong as it pertains to a BP. That's if you can get your BP to willingly acknowledge and commit. If not, this book helps you with the necessary alternatives, since so many BPs refuse therapy and/or the caretakers of the BP do not have the resources to make use of this expensive, elite, long-term treatment program.

This book is pretty much the bible for anyone who lives with a BP but isn't one themselves, but has decided to take a proactive approach of getting their lives back on track. Not only does this book teach you all about the disorder, but also how to handle both the good and the bad. It also exposes the horrors that the BP in your life can unleash upon you and your family if you fail to act. This is the first book I have ever read in my life that had me taking 4 different colored highlighter pens to it - yellow for highlighting things that I had experienced or found relevant to my BP's symptoms, bright pink for critical information I needed to know/remember, green for highlighting all the things I had done right, and regular blank ink ballpoint to write notes in the margins and underline certain things.

PBD topics covered in this book that had me practically weeping for joy after seeing it was actually in print: The spending sprees, drug addictions, rages/rampages, totally illogical reasoning, false accusations/retaliations, explosive rage from out of nowhere, jeckyl/hyde "behind closed doors" Godzilla that nobody believes you about, public lies and accusations against you ("distortion campaigns"), verbal, emotional, and physical abuse ("rage is abuse"), sexual recklessness/affairs/risk-taking/dysfunctions, and the illogical thought processes of the BP that have them driving away the people they want to be closest to the most because of a rage-driven fear of abandonment that often turns out to be self-fulfilling.

Pros of this book:
Dead-on accuracy
Proven techniques
Real-world examples
Proven advice
Authoritative sources
Non-Clinical/easy to read

I have only two - but HUGE - con/disagreements:
1. The book states that BPD is not necessarily caused by environment or childhood trauma, and that it can be hereditary/developmental. Though there are cases where both a biological and environmental cause is the determination, in nearly every BPD case I have come across (witnessed or even heard of), childhood trauma in some form of individual or combined abandonment and/or abuse was ALWAYS present, regardless of any physical or hereditary suppositions the book briefly attempts to "stay safe" on. In actuality, the entire book is very adamant on stressing the common environmental triggers that cause BPD, which it continually states are the numerous/combined forms of abandonment and abuse that children are increasingly experiencing. Many BPs exist who were not known as "emotionally sensitive" children but became borderline because of severe environmental factors alone. Most all books on this subject ignore this fact, including this one. Again: two or three sentences in the book state that BPD is not necessarily environmental - but then the entire rest of the book stresses how environmental factors are indeed what most all PBs state caused and repetitively trigger their nuclear detonations. Evidence shows that BPD can be caused by a combination of physical and environmental factors and can also be caused in completely normal children by nothing more than severely invalidating environments alone.

2. The way BP parents try to make up for their shortcomings as parents by controlling every aspect of their children's lives until it is a nightmarish hell of blame, abuse, control, deceit, and manipulation - and what this does to children right under the clueless BP's nose. The book touches on a few topics, such as how the children of BPs often wind up suffering NPD (narcissistic personality disorder). But well-known BPD parental behaviors are not found in this book, such as how the BP will enroll their children in every program they can think of, from school music to sports to scouts to anything else to convince themselves - and others - that they are good parents. This is an attempt at "damage control", to convince themselves that if they have ensured that someone else is raising their children, they THEY have properly raised their children. Worse, will have slaved out their children so badly that the kids suffer burnout, exhaustion, and dread on top of the horrors they secretly endure in the home. Additionally, it is very common that the BP parent, especially mothers, will latch onto the youngest child and will protect/control their lives down to the most minute detail in the attempt to ensure they never leave home, even at the expense of alienating and practically abandoning all of the older children in the process. No hobby, job, boyfriend/girlfriend the youngest child will have will be good enough and will be slandered and attacked ("distortion campaign"). Fear of abandonment is what drives the BP, and there is a whole different set of behaviors BP parents unleash on helpless children that should have been covered much more thoroughly in this book.

Regardless, this book is a valuable resource as one of two go-to books for Non-BPs who are struggling with BPs in their homes or relationships and what to do about it. The other book is "Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder", by Shari Y. Manning. That book is for the truly committed individual who is willing to carefully and methodically wade through all the fiery rings of hell to save their loved ones, the category in which I am continually doing my best to keep myself in. Make sure you read that book.
1 internautes sur 1 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 Excellent! 6 juillet 2017
Par TAW - Publié sur
Format: Broché Achat vérifié
This book was recommended to me by a member of a Reactive Attachment Disorder group. My family member's therapist agreed that this family member probably has RAD although never officially diagnosed. This group member thought there was a potential that this family member may have Borderline Personality Disorder. Both disorders stem from an intense fear of abandonment. I have read a lot on RAD and BPD is very similar. Now the reason I love this book is because it's for the people dealing with the person with the mental illness. Although if a person with RAD or BPD is open to changing themselves then this book may help in that it gives them information on how others should deal with them therefore showing how they could make changes in themselves. This book gives information on BPD, symptoms, behaviors of the BPD person and how to handle those issues and much more. It explains how the person with BPD may feel in different situations and how they may react. All good information but the main point of the book is taking care of oneself first (the caregiver, partner, spouce) by dealing with your own feelings and using techniques to help the person with BPD take responsibility for their own lives. Even though it's written about Borderline Personality Disorder the techniques can be used for people with Reactive Attachment Disorder also.
1 internautes sur 1 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 Comprehensive and readable 10 juillet 2017
Par Lookingforfreedom - Publié sur
Format: Format Kindle Achat vérifié
The mindfulness techniques in the appendix were great. Understanding what
It is, was an eye opener for me in the context of behavior. It was an honest
And realistic description of a horrific mental illness, while offering hope that recovery is possible. I recommend it for BPD and non BPD, especially for those who have relationships with the BPD.
4 internautes sur 5 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
5.0 étoiles sur 5 A Codependency Masterpiece! 4 mai 2017
Par Joseph M. Cross - Publié sur
Format: Format Kindle Achat vérifié
Borderline...according to some, the seemingly narrow, chaotic and impulsive border between more treatable forms of depression and anxiety, on the one hand, and more serious conditions, such as bipolar disorder and paranoia schizophrenia, on the other hand. The irony? Imagine a world in which for some there is no no man's land, no middle ground, no passing through GO--just extremes. Extremes easily ignited by the desperate fear of being alone or abandoned, or just as easily calmed by even a false sense of immediate, but at times, just as dangerous seeming safety. So how does one cope with, love, support or have boundaries with someone who is almost always in or is easily agitated into a state of perceived crisis or impulse? Mason and Kreiger put forth a most elegant argument and template--Both! Validation WITH boundaries! Genius! For the borderline what they experience, feel or perceive is real for them, whether or not the rest of the world sees it their way or not. "Eggshells," as I refer to it, has morphed into a codependency primer that has stood the test of time and is loaded with seemingly countless practical examples and illustrations derived from those having fought the real battles in the real trenches with borderlines--their families and friends. I cannot recommend this book enough. Everyone has or will painfully deal with a borderline sometime in their life, if not more than one, and certainly, more borderline-types. Master this book and save yourself tons of pain, disappointment and heartache, as well as, regaining much peace.
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