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Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion par [Thompson PhD, George]
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Descriptions du produit

Présentation de l'éditeur

Improve communication, resolve conflicts, and avoid the most common conversational disasters through simple, easily remembered strategies that deflect and redirect negative behaviour.

Verbal Judo is the martial art of the mind and mouth that can show you how to be better prepared in every verbal encounter. Listen and speak more effectively, engage people through empathy (the most powerful word in the English language), avoid the most common conversational disasters, and use proven strategies that allow you to successfully communicate your point of view and take the upper hand in most disputes.

Book Description

How often do you flnd yourself on the losing end of an argument? What percentage of your success in life depends on your success in conversation? Believe it or not, if you are like most people, your answer would be 98 percent or more.

Do you have a plan ready when you find yourself confronting an adversary at work? At home? On a dark street at night? Or do you just react from habit or emotion? As George Thompson says, "When you react, the event controls you. When you respond, you're in control."

Verbal Judo is a philosophy that can show you how to be better prepared in every verbal encounter: How to listen and speak more effectively; how to engage people through empathy (the most powerful word in the English language); how to avoid the most common conversational disasters; how, instead, to have a proven, easily remembered strategy that will allow you to successfully communicate your point of view and take the upper hand in most disputes.

Détails sur le produit

  • Format : Format Kindle
  • Taille du fichier : 1105 KB
  • Nombre de pages de l'édition imprimée : 228 pages
  • Editeur : HarperCollins e-books; Édition : Reprint (12 octobre 2010)
  • Vendu par : Amazon Media EU S.à r.l.
  • Langue : Anglais
  • Synthèse vocale : Activée
  • X-Ray :
  • Word Wise: Activé
  • Composition améliorée: Non activé
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  • Classement des meilleures ventes d'Amazon: n°204.977 dans la Boutique Kindle (Voir le Top 100 dans la Boutique Kindle)
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Commentaires client les plus utiles sur (beta) HASH(0x976a5504) étoiles sur 5 373 commentaires
105 internautes sur 111 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
HASH(0x97ad5684) étoiles sur 5 Formulaic and oversimplified, but... it works!! 10 janvier 2005
Par Jay - Publié sur
Format: Broché
I first read this book about ten years ago. I then took a course by the same title at the police academy. Essentially, Dr. Thompson tries to take a few simple concepts and by simplifying them further, give police officers a way to de-escalate conflict. My first thought as a negotiator was that these concepts had been dumbed down too much, but I decided to give it a chance in the real world. For the most part, it works. Every time I used his techniques on a police scene, the situation was settled without force.

I believe that this book is a good starting point into the arena of active listening. The area that should be expanded on is the response... i.e. situational response based on more factors than a book can cover (personal experience, perception, urgency, etc...) vs. the patterned responses suggested in the book.

I recommend the book, but I would consider twice before taking the expensive follow-up seminars (unless of course - your department is paying for them :))
52 internautes sur 55 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
HASH(0x97705480) étoiles sur 5 Down-to-earth practical and interesting to read 6 février 2013
Par Laura De Giorgio - Publié sur
Format: Format Kindle Achat vérifié
The author compares effective communication with martial arts, particularly judo, and illustrates his points through police stories, which makes the book both useful and interesting to read.

Throughout the book are interspersed quotes from Sun-tzu, like "To win one hundred victories in one hundred battles is not the highest skill. To subdue the enemy without fighting is the highest skill."

He distinguishes between 3 kinds of people: the nice, the difficult and the wimp. The nice people will do what you ask them the first time you ask them. They like to cooperate. Difficult people will not do what you tell them the first time you ask. It is their nature that makes them say "Why? What for?"

He adds that the 4 most popular questions Americans would ask are "Why?", "Who do you think you are to tell me what to do?", "Where do you get your authority?", and "What's in it for me?"

And wimps are the ones who sound like nice people, but are closet difficult people. To your face they say "Oh yes," "I agree," "You're right", but later they get you in the back. Wimps hate authority, but they don't have the guts to challenge you. They want revenge because they feel the need to even the score.

The first principle of physical judo is to not resist your opponent. Instead, move with him and redirect his energy - and the communication skills presented in the book follow the same pattern.

The author mentions 11 things never to say to anyone (some of these statements may be more applicable to policemen on duty): "Come here!", "You wouldn't understand", "Because those are the rules", "It's none of your business", "What do you want me to do about it?", "Calm down!", "What's your problem?" "You never ..." or "You always ...", "Im not going to say thing again", "I'm doing this for your own good", "Why don't you be reasonable?" He does clearly suggest what you may want to say or do instead, and also what you may want to say or do when someone else says those things to you.

The bottom line of communication that reduces conflict and tension is empathy - as in standing in another's shoes and understanding where he's coming from - and communicating with the person in a way that he can relate to. The communication warrior's real service is staying calm in the midst of conflict, deflecting verbal abuse, and offering empathy in the face of antagonism. If you cannot empathize with people, you don't stand a chance of getting them to listen to you.

The author points out that we deal with people "under the influence" nearly everyday. If it's not alcohol or drugs, it's frustration, fear, impatience, lack of self-worth, defensiveness, and a host of other influences - and that when we react instead of respond to the challenge, we run the risk of giving the greatest speech we'll ever live to regret, by saying the first thing that naturally comes to our lips.

Instead, like a samurai, we must first center ourselves - because if we cannot keep a still center, we cannot stay in control of ourselves or the situation. In this centered state we remain open, flexible, impartial, not biased.

To deflect antagonistic behavior, the author shares a selection of "strip phrases", where you let the other person verbally vent, followed by requesting what you need the person to do, as in "'Preciate that, sir, but let me see your license, please."

The next technique is "paraphrasing" by saying "Let me be sure I understand you. Let me be sure we're on the same wavelength." and then stating back what the person said, using his key words - as different words have different meaning to different people.

The goal of persuasion and the essence of Verbal Judo is to generate voluntary compliance. To execute it, the author suggests a 5 step process:
1. Ask the person what you want him to do
If he doesn't comply
2. Set Context by explaining why do you want him to do what you ask of him
If he doesn't comply
3. Present Options and point out the consequences of each option, then let him choose
If he doesn't comply
4. Confirm their choice by asking "Is there anything I can say or do at this time to earn your cooperation? I'd sure like to think there is."
And if he still doesn't comply
5. Act out the consequences of the choice the person made

The rest of the book teaches specific skills that help you to improve your ability to communicate and persuade. They begin with knowing yourself and the person you're talking to, using the language and the model of the world of the person you're talking to.

The author then shares five basic tools to generate voluntary compliance - listen, empathize, ask, paraphrase, and summarize.

You will also find examples of steps to solve domestic disputes, how to effectively criticize, how to obtain compliance through praise.
The author has provided examples both from police stories and those related to civilian issues.
52 internautes sur 55 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
HASH(0x976f2888) étoiles sur 5 Correction Sgt. Review 18 décembre 2005
Par T. Short - Publié sur
Format: Broché
I am a Sgt. with A State Corrections Agency and have used the technique(before I even finished the book) in the steps so clearly stated: 1)Act,2)Set it in Context,3)Present Options,4)Confirm,5)Act(last resort force). Staff even were suprised how I diffused a few intense situations. You do have to work at it and I would suggest making a list of situations or conversations you have been in, then follow the book. Eventually I think it will become second nature. I attended a 2 hour free seminar, posed a question and received a 100% clear answer to the situation. After the session the book was much clearer. I have since read the book and ordering copies for some of my staff. A must read for any law enforcement. The way the information is organized in the book I rate about a 4, but content (The 5 steps) gets a 5. Overall rating is closest to a 5. You must apply the information. The book is one of my top 10 keepers.
28 internautes sur 29 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
HASH(0x976a89a8) étoiles sur 5 Useful principles for dealing with difficult people 16 décembre 2005
Par Sun Tzu - Publié sur
Format: Broché
I couldn't describe this book as a complete system of communication, but it definitely does have some useful things to say about dealing with difficult people.

It puts the subject in good perspective and gives the reader some tools to deal with the inevitable aggression that everyone has to deal with in day-to-day transactions.

What I like about this book is that gives guidelines so that the reader can create a convincing illusion of, or even a genuine episode of empathy with the person they are dealing with.

But what I really like is the author's emphasis on the fact that he doesn't really have to care about the difficult people he deals with, he just has to pretend he does.

In that way, we put on a suit of professionalism when we go to work and we leave our personal selves at home.

The professional self never loses their cool, never lets insults get to them and does what they need to do in order to successfully complete their daily transactions.

The verbal judo ideas are not exactly a scientifically-proven system. They are what the author has picked up from his and other police personnel's experience.

This minor point aside, this is a book worth reading by anyone who has to deal with difficult people and wants to know how to keep their cool and not feel they are giving in to the enemy.

If you are one of these people, I'd recommend you check it out.
44 internautes sur 51 ont trouvé ce commentaire utile 
HASH(0x97be6108) étoiles sur 5 Entertaining Book, But Lacks Step-By-Step Strategies 19 juillet 2005
Par T. Loo - Publié sur
Format: Broché
Dr. Thompson's now widely taught system of conflict resolution, called Verbal Judo, does have some merit. It is taught at many police academies, law enforcement agencies, and civilan companies as a way of deescalating anger through empathetic speech. His book is a collection of techniques mixed in with some entertaining police stories.

The first problem I had with Dr. Thompson's book was that the techniques on Verbal Judo were hidden among all the police stories and it became unclear what the actual steps to Verbal Judo was. Granted, the book was entertaining to read, but if you wanted to cut right down to the step-by-step guide on how to resolve conflict with verbal judo, then good luck finding it because it is hard to find.

The second problem I had with the material in the book was that the principles Dr. Thompson teaches to resolve conflict are a bit oversimplified. Essentially, Dr. Thompson is preaching active listening skills to address the concerns of the other party, but this is only one small portion of the bigger picture--and that is reaching an agreement through negotiation. Dr. Thompson touches on a few aspects of negotiation, but not enough for any rookie police officer to gain a firm understanding in. I would have liked to have read more about how to deal with verbal attacks, which was not very clear in the book.
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